Animalia

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(display: "variables")It's late. The animals, bleary and confused, emerge from their respective corners of the forest into the great meeting place. Speculation had been rampant. Why had this emergency summit been called? Hadn't everyone agreed this year's Festival had been a huge success? (click: "Festival")[$t["I don't get it," a vole says. "This year's Festival had the least interspecies predation yet!"]] (click: "vole says")[$t[A confused badger clears their throat. "I don't believe this could be about territory -- I felt as though the excellent presentation on scent marking could have negated any disputes?</q>"]] (click: "confused badger")[$t["And someone would have reported any humans, right?" a sleepy cardinal chimes in from a nearby branch.]] (click: "sleepy cardinal")[(goto: "Intro II")]

{(set: $t to (t8n: "dissolve") + (t8n-time: 1s))}{ (set: $longt to (t8n: "dissolve") + (t8n-time: 3s)) (set: $shud to (t8n: "shudder") + (t8n-time: 1s)) (if: $strikes is 3)[(set: $strikes to 0)(goto: "Principal's Office Cutscene")] (if: (passage:)'s tags contains "wild")[(set: $nosecond to true)(set: $nothird to true)(set: $nofourth to true)] (if: $baseballcalc < 0)[(set: $baseballcalc to 0)](if: $baseballcalc > 100)[(set: $baseballcalc to 100)] (if: $mazecounter is 9)[(set: $mazecounter to 0)(goto: "Maze Fail Cutscene")]}

Everyone falls silent. Crashing through the foliage, the leaders of the Taiga Council -- Hank the bear, Deborah the moose, and Stumpy the wolf -- arrive, calling the delegates to attention. (click: "attention")[$t["Thank you for coming on such late notice," Hank says. Hank speaks as all bears speak: low, smooth, and authoritative, like an arboreal trombone. "And I would like to personally thank you all once more for your //exemplary// contributions to this year's Festival."]] (click: "contributions")[$t["However," Deborah says, "we have a serious problem."]] (click: "problem")[$t[Hank frowns. "Yes. A problem with this year's Offering."]] (click: "Offering")[(goto: "Intro III")]

A furor erupts. Hank raises a paw for silence, but the prospect of a bad omen jolts the animals to their cores. "This year's Offering was easily the best we've ever had!" a gopher says, straining to be heard. "He was plump, vigourous, enthusiastic.. everything the Forest God would want!" (click: "Offering")[$t["The virility of the Offering is not in question!" Deborah says, hoofing the dirt in consternation. "We believe the Forest God was, and is, pleased with our selection. The problem is with this." They turn to Stumpy.]] (click: "Stumpy")[$t[Stumpy has something in their mouth. They toss it without a word into the throng of delegates, who circle around it. It starts vibrating.]] (click: "vibrating")[(goto: "Intro IV")]

The animals jump back. "This device was found in the Offering's clothing," Hank says. "It appears to be some form of communication device." (click: "communication device")[$t["Preliminary research of this device suggests that the Offering's name was Charlie Stewart," Hank says. "When Charlie was chosen, we were unaware that he was carrying this device with him. And now, it seems as though.." Stumpy walks over to the device and begins touching it with their claw.]] (click: "touching it")[$t[A human woman's voice is heard. "Charlie, honey, you forgot your toothbrush again. I know you don't want me to show up at Martin's house to drop it off, so please come home tomorrow morning so you can brush your teeth, okay? Love you, honey!"]] (click: "Love you")[(goto: "Intro V")]

"So what?" says an exasperated lynx from the back of the crowd. "So the Offering's mother is expecting him. Who cares? There's nothing anyone can do about that now." (click: "nothing")[$t["Perhaps not," says Hank, "but listen to this." Stumpy touches the device again with their claw.]] (click: "the device")[$t[The human woman's voice again plays from the device, but this time with an added urgency: "Charlie, honey, it's 11pm and your GPS is telling me you and Martin are in the woods?! Does Martin's parents know you're there? What are you doing out there so late?!" There's a pause, a deep breath. "You must have just lost your phone or something. If you find it, //please// call me, okay?"]] (click: "in the woods")[(goto: "Intro VI")]

The animals panic, almost in unison. They squawk, squeak, chitter, bleat, mewl and growl, casting accusations at each other like stones until Hank stands on their hind legs and roars. (click: "roars")[$t["Silence!" they blurt. "Yes, the humans' suspicions have been raised. Yes, they know where to start looking. And, yes, if they determine that we have chosen young Charlie Stewart as our offering.. they will turn to us as their first suspects."]] (click: "turn to us")[$t["We're doomed!" screams a young robin. Their eyes look skyward, towards their emergency exit.]] (click: "doomed")[$t["We're not doomed," Deborah says. "We still have a chance. It is important to remember that the humans do not know that Charlie Stewart has been Offered to the Forest God. And we do, in fact, have a contingency plan."]] (click: "contingency plan")[(goto: "Intro VII")]

Stumpy walks over to a nearby shrub, grabs something in their jaws, and places it in front of the throng of animals. They jump back. (click: "something")[$t["It's the Offering!" gasps a cougar.]] (click: "Offering")[$t["Close," Deborah says, smiling, with a motherly glint in their eye. "We have constructed an exact replica of the Offering. We think we can use this replica to distract the humans away from the Forest and buy us some time. Fully lifelike and perfectly proportioned, it looks, sounds, and smells the part."]] (click: "smells")[$t[A fox walks to the replica and sniffs it with trepidation. The replica looks exactly like Charlie Stewart, down to the dandruffed scalp, sunburnt ears and grubby hands. His smile is wide, but fixed; his eyes bright, but unblinking. Something's not quite right. The fox, unsettled, takes an instinctive swipe at Charlie's hand. The whole replica collapses into itself, and the animals startle.]] (click: "collapses")[$t["With one catch," says Hank with a sigh. "We will need a crack team of brave, loyal Taiga members to occupy the suit, pose as Charlie, and reintegate into human society until we have time to formulate a new strategy."]] (click: "human society")[(goto: "Intro VIII")]

The animals look at each other as if they've just met their nine-year-old executioner. Deborah steps forward and sets the replica upright. "It may look tight, but for optimal reintegration of the replica, four animals will need to occupy the suit." (click: "four animals")[$t[A porcupine speaks up. "Can we talk about this at all?" they say, aggrieved. "Don't we feel as though with all the advances we've made since we founded the Council that the Offering is an outdated concept? That maybe the cooperation we've fostered and the prosperity we hold so dear comes as a result of our mutual understanding, our mutual goals, our mutual communication, our mutual //care// -- and not some human kid we have to Offer up to our God?"]] (click: "outdated concept")[$t[The delegates are silent.]] (click: "silent")[$t["Death!" bellows Hank. "Instant death." The porcupine is carried away without a second thought.]] (click: "second thought")[(goto: "Selection I")]

(display: "variables")Deborah continues. The bludgeoning of a nearby porcupine is ignored by the delegates. "The Head will be responsible for vocal communication, socialisation, fraternisation, and situational and tactical analysis. They will serve as the commander of the operation, and as such will be most responsible for successful reintegration." "With the gravity and responsibility of such a position in mind, we have chosen.. "Horseradish, an owl with impeccable linguistic and communicative faculties." "Chunks, a magpie who has spent significant time amongst humans, and is known for their forthrightness and cunning." "Sprinkles, a finch known for their affability and friendliness." (click: "Horseradish")[(set: $c to (a: "Horseradish"))(goto: "Selection II")] (click: "Chunks")[(set: $c to (a: "Chunks"))(goto: "Selection II")] (click: "Sprinkles")[(set: $c to (a: "Sprinkles"))(goto: "Selection II")]

(if: $c contains "Horseradish")[Horseradish swoops down with a flourish and stands next to the replica. "Greetings, comrades. I would like to extend my sincerest appreciations for your confidence in my abilities, and I assure you I shall perform my duties with aplomb and gumption."](else-if: $c contains "Chunks")[Chunks lands on the replica's head. "Don't worry about me," they say, eyeing the delegates suspiciously.](else-if: $c contains "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles bounces around the replica. "Oh wow, this is so cool! You know, I've been training for undercover operations for seven seasons now and I feel as though I'm really ready to apply my training into proper field work, y'know? So this is definitely really cool and a great opportunity for me. After all, I was second in my class, just a little weak on the tactical acuity sometimes but I worked on it throughout my entire last semester, and my instructors said--"] "Right, well, moving on," Hank says. "The animal occupying the Torso will be responsible for movement, physicality, gesticulations, and fine motor control. Successfully emulating the movements and gestures of the Offering is pivotal to the success of the mission, and as such we have chosen.." "Slim, a calm, even-tempered beaver with an affinity for water." "Fluffy, a dedicated fox with excellent instincts and agility." "Guillermo, a rabbit known for their grace and care under pressure." (click: "Slim")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Slim"))(goto: "Selection III")] (click: "Fluffy")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Fluffy"))(goto: "Selection III")] (click: "Guillermo")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Guillermo"))(goto: "Selection III")]

(if: $c contains "Slim")[Slim marches proudly next to the replica and faces the delegates. Slim smiles, almost as if they were forced to by gunpoint, and nods their head slightly.] (if: $c contains "Sprinkles" and "Slim")["Wow! Hi, Slim! Great to have a stalwart //Castoridae// on board!" chirps Sprinkles. Slim smiles politely in response. ](if: $c contains "Fluffy")[Fluffy bounds up next to (print: $c's 1st) and wags their tail as if it needed to be flung from their body at a great speed. Fluffy's heart-churning energy (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[seems to bother (print: $c's 1st) as if they're worried some of it will slosh over and splash their feathers.](else-if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[would normally repel Chunks, but they seem to draw nearer to Fluffy, as if there is some ancient, unspoken kinship between magpies and foxes, the kind that only needs a child puppet to awaken it.](else-if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[would, theoretically, prove endearing to someone as perky as Sprinkles, but the two look right through one another. "Interesting choice," Sprinkles says, slightly too loud and slightly too sharp.]](else-if: $c contains "Guillermo")[Guillermo jumps up and sprints next to (print: $c's 1st), bumping into them in the process. Guillermo clears their throat apologetically. "I'm really looking forward to working with everyone," they say, a slight tremor in their voice. (if: $c contains "Chunks")[Chunks squawks under their breath. "Unbelievable," they say, turning away from the delegates.](else-if: $c contains "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles hops around Guillermo. "Oh wow, a //rabbit//!" The two begin chittering and seem to form an instant rapport.](else-if: $c contains "Horseradish")[Horseradish turns to Guillermo. "Salutations!"]] Deborah continues. "The next animal we have selected will be responsible for the Arms of the replica. This means they will work in concert with (print: $c's 2nd) to ensure Charlie will convincingly be able to pick up and use items as a human child would. In addition, they are in control of all communication with Taiga Central Command, so the Council will be speaking directly to them for the duration of the mission. We have chosen..." "Taft, a chipmunk, renowned for their numerous -- and dangerous -- operations into human territory." "Susan, a squirrel whose delegate status we have reinstated, as they possess the fullest understanding of how humans operate." "Xylophone, a brave, stalwart mouse in whom we have the utmost faith and confidence." (click: "Taft")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Taft"))(goto: "Selection IV")] (click: "Susan")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Susan"))(goto: "Selection IV")] (click: "Xylophone")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Xylophone"))(goto: "Selection IV")]

(if: $c contains "Taft")[Taft slinks into view, a cocky gleam in their eye. They wring their paws together in anticipation of all the perfect, dazzling Human Things they will be able to pilfer. They pick up an acorn and clutch it tight, aware that they will soon have access to the most precious and unimaginable Human acorns, the kind a young chipmunk dreams of when the moon is high and the burrow is still.](if: $c contains "Susan")[The delegates are //scandalised//. "Them?!" screams a nuthatch. "They betrayed us! They're in league with the humans! They don't belong here!"](if: $c contains "Xylophone")[A low groan from the delegates. "Them?" an elk calls out. "There's //no// way they're ready for a mission of this magnitude." Sharp nods of approval from the delegates. "The only reason they're going is because their dad used to be a leader of the Council," the elk continues.] (if: $c contains "Chunks" and "Taft")[Chunks gives Taft a nod of solemn respect, which Taft acknowledges with pride. Chunks knows that Taft has seen work in the field(if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[, unlike a mere greenhorn like Guillermo]. And Taft knows what Chunks has been through, what the Humans have put them through. Any animal strong enough to face cruelty like that and venture back into Human territory is worthy of respect.](else-if: $c contains "Horseradish" and "Taft")[Horseradish sidles up to Taft and opens their beak to offer a warm greeting, but Taft violently interjects. "Don't even start with me, owl," they say.](else-if: $c contains "Sprinkles" and "Taft")[Sprinkles hops up to Taft. "Oh, yeah, I know you, I know //aaaall// about you. I know what sort of operations you pull in human territory," they say, adopting their toughest stance. "I bet you think you're gonna try to pull something like that here, well not bloody likely, dewdrop!" They attempt to start another blistering attack when Taft hisses a single hiss and Sprinkles is silenced.](if: $c contains "Susan")[Deborah steps in and slams their hoof, troublingly close to where Susan is standing. "We understand this decision may be distressing for some delegates, but the fact of the matter is they know more about humans than all of us combined, and that knowledge is imperative to the success of this mission." Susan stares a hole into the nuthatch and they take a deep, fluttering breath.](if: $c contains "Xylophone")[Xylophone stands as tall as a mouse can stand and bellows at the elk. "Shut up!" they say. "I am //so// ready! I've been training for this since I was born!" Hank settles the crowd with a single paw. "Xylophone is the most qualified for the job," they say, and the crowd grumbles, defeated.] (if: $c contains "Slim" and "Taft")[Taft sticks their tongue out at Slim. Slim looks away, but thwaps their tail frustratedly against the ground, against his own instincts.](if: $c contains "Fluffy" and "Taft")[Taft bounds up to Fluffy and hops on their back. The two have known each other since their early Academy days, where they bonded over their love of sweet human garbage. They knew, even then, that their shining moment in the human realm would come, it would come to them together, and that, together, glory and garbage would be theirs.] (if: $c contains "Chunks" and "Fluffy" and "Taft")[Chunks, Fluffy and Taft immediately begin formulating strategy.] (if: $c contains "Guillermo" and "Taft")[Guillermo knows how many operations Taft has conducted in Human territory, and this emboldens them somewhat. Guillermo puffs their chest out as Taft walks by, which Taft acknowledges with a slight nod.] (if: $c contains "Susan")[(print: $c's 1st) and (print: $c's 2nd) stand awkwardly next to Susan, as if Susan bears some horrible pestilence.] (if: $c contains "Susan" and "Slim")[Slim recognises the demoralising tableau they find themselves in and strides closer to Susan. "I have the highest confidence in Susan's capabilities, and so should all of you," they say. Susan flashes a slight smile.](if: $c contains "Xylophone" and "Horseradish")[Horseradish swoops next to Xylophone and comforts them with a gentlemanly pat. "Fear not!" Horseradish says. "Ignore their disapprobation! You are a valued member of this squadron, and you have my fullest appreciation and affection!" Xylophone turns to Horseradish and smiles.](if: $c contains "Xylophone" and "Chunks")[Chunks peers down at Xylophone with searing contempt.] (if: $c contains "Fluffy" and "Xylophone")[Fluffy grows still. This is strange, because Fluffy is never still. Their eyes are fixed on Xylophone with frightening intensity. It takes a swat from Stumpy's paw to break their gaze.] (if: $c contains "Xylophone" and "Slim")[Slim looks down at Xylophone. "You're gonna do a great job, don't you fret!"] (if: $c contains "Xylophone" and "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles hops up to Xylophone. "You know, I slaved away at the Academy to be here. //Slaved.// My GPA? Astronomical. You and I have to work together, but I assure you I will not be an easy-going commander." Xylophone is just about the only animal Sprinkles can look down upon, and so they merely puff their chest, salute, and fall in.] "Finally," Deborah says, "we have the Legs of the replica. Not only will this animal be responsible for locomotion and lower body control, they are in charge of maintaining the suit's structural integrity and stability. We have chosen.. "Tabloid, the Taiga's //favourite// weasel, who has been following and studying the replica project with great enthusiasm." "Sorghum, an agile gopher who scored the highest when it came to piloting the Replica." "Paul, a stoat who is renowned as the principal engineer of the Offering replica project." (click: "Tabloid")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Tabloid"))(goto: "Selection V")] (click: "Sorghum")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Sorghum"))(goto: "Selection V")] (click: "Paul")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Paul"))(goto: "Selection V")]

(if: $c contains "Tabloid")[The delegates roar and rise up on their various haunches in rapturous applause. "Tabloid is //here//?!" someone calls above the din. Sure enough, Tabloid swaggers into view, shaking paws and patting animals on the back. "Don't worry, folks," they say, charm oozing from them with every step. "We're gonna take care of this together, won't we?" The show firmly stolen, they turn on their paw and pat (print: $c's 1st), (print: $c's 2nd), and (print: $c's 3rd) on their backs in turn.](if: $c contains "Sorghum")[A pause. "Sorghum?" Hank calls. "Are you there?"](if: $c contains "Paul")[The delegates turn towards Paul. No one really likes Paul. Paul reciprocates this sentiment. They're hunched over, avoiding eye contact, twitching their whiskers at the sudden attention, eager to climb into their suit -- their pet project -- and get to work.] (if: $c contains "Tabloid" and "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles nearly bursts out of their feathers. "I can't even, I mean, holy, this can't be, thank the blessed Forest God, I get to share a child's body with //TABLOID//? Oh my gosh, what did I ever do to deserve this?! It's //SO// great to meet you, Tabloid! I've followed you -- I mean, I've practically //STALKED// you since I saw you in Human II: The Humanisation!" Tabloid smiles. "I thought I'd seen you at the theatre," they say. "We're gonna do great work together. I just //know// it." Sprinkles melts.](if: $c contains "Tabloid" and "Horseradish")[Horseradish bristles at Tabloid's celebrity. "Oh, the things the rabble will say at the sight of a star," they say. Tabloid ignores this.](if: $c contains "Tabloid" and "Chunks")[Tabloid strolls past Chunks. "Hey, sunshine," they say. Chunks contemplates pecking their eyes out, but resists.](if: $c contains "Sorghum")[The delegates look around. Suddenly, their attention is drawn to a previously unnoticed gopher hole. They hear a quiet rumbling, then watch in awe as Sorghum leaps forth, flipping and twisting in the air until they land with a perfect flourish. The delegates applaud vigorously, but it's hard not to noticed the pained look on Sorghum's face as they're welcomed aboard the mission.](if: $c contains "Paul")[Continue..](click: "Continue")[(goto: "Selection VI")] (if: $c contains "Tabloid" and "Slim")[Slim is more silent than usual watching the throng of delegates surround Tabloid. Their brow furrows.] (if: $c contains "Tabloid" and "Fluffy")[Fluffy embraces Tabloid nonchalantly. The two of them clearly know and like one another, but in a manner which suggests they don't want anyone else to know.](if: $c contains "Tabloid" and "Guillermo")[Guillermo shakes slightly as Tabloid makes their way past. "No need, baby," Tabloid says, "everything's gonna be fine!" Guillermo doesn't look convinced.](if: $c contains "Sorghum" and "Horseradish")["An aerialist!" Horseradish says. "How delightful." Sorghum looks down at the dirt, as if they didn't hear.](if: $c contains "Sorghum" and "Chunks")[Chunks, uncharacteristically, hops down and wraps an protective wing around Sorghum. They seem to share a common bond, not through friendship but rather through their mutual hardship.](if: $c contains "Sorghum" and "Sprinkles")["That was really great! You're really quick, you know that? I think we can use someone with your quickness!" Sprinkles says. Sorghum smiles and squeaks out a faint thanks.] (if: $c contains "Sorghum" and "Guillermo")[Guillermo seems to feel at ease in Sorghum's presence. Sorghum gives Guillermo a comforting, friendly nuzzle.] (if: $c contains "Tabloid" and "Taft")["Hey," Tabloid says to Taft. "I like your work." This knocks Taft back a bit, but they play it cool. "Likewise," Taft says.](if: $c contains "Tabloid" and "Susan")[Tabloid strolls past Susan. Neither of them bother to acknowledge one another's existence.](if: $c contains "Tabloid" and "Xylophone")[Tabloid crouches down and gets on Xylophone's level. "You'd better hold up your end of the bargain, and that's all I'm gonna say. You got that?" Xylophone nods nervously as Tabloid stands up and continues.](if: $c contains "Sorghum")[Continue..](click: "Continue")[(goto: "Selection VI")] (if: $c contains "Tabloid")[Continue..](click: "Continue")[(goto: "Selection VI")]

"So, to reiterate," Hank says. "Our heroic squadron consists of.. ''HEAD'': (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish, intelligent and voluble;](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks, fierce and cunning;](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles, affable and enthusiastic;] ''TORSO'': (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim, calm and assertive;](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy, devoted and energetic;](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo, careful and graceful;] ''ARMS'': (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft, experienced and intrepid;](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan, the foremost authority on humans;](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone, courageous and undervalued;] ''LEGS'': (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid, flashy and confident.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum, stalwart and supremely talented.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul, developer of the Replica.] Deborah takes a deep breath as they look at the four up and down. They say.. "Actually, this might warrant further consideration." "I think we're all set." (if: $newgameplus is true)["Oh, this is hopeless! Just pick at random and let's get on with it!"](else:)[] (click: "further consideration")[(set: $c to (a:))(goto: "Selection I")] (click: "all set")[(goto: "Selection VII")] (if: $newgameplus is true)[(click: "at random")[(set: $c's 1st to (either: "Horseradish", "Chunks", "Sprinkles"))(set: $c's 2nd to (either: "Slim", "Fluffy", "Guillermo"))(set: $c's 3rd to (either: "Taft", "Susan", "Xylophone"))(set: $c's 4th to (either: "Tabloid", "Sorghum", "Paul"))(goto: "Selection VI")]]

Dawn breaks. Under normal circumstances, a human child wandering through Taiga territory would be greeted by the squawks and shrieks of sentried birds. But with this particular human child, all is still. The fog rolls out, the dewdrops roll in, and the sentries hold their breath. (print: $c's 1st) is perched in their cranial command centre. The replica is lurching towards Charlie Stewart's home with the four squad members crammed inside, and morale appears low. (print: $c's 1st), bolstered to say something, says.. (if: $c contains "Horseradish") [[["Comrades, I would just like to express my sincerest appreciation and affection for your talents.."->Begin Horseradish Enc]] [["Gee whiz, friends, I've heard of cramped working conditions inside a faux-infant, but this is ridiculous!"->Begin Horseradish Joke]] [["My dearest associates, if we keep the Taiga in our hearts and our minds on the job, we can't fail!"->Begin Horseradish Demand]]](if: $c contains "Chunks") [[["Let's just get this over with as soon as we can."->Begin Chunks Enc]] [["Well, this is a first - stuffed inside a human child."->Begin Chunks Joke]] [["Stay focused. Don't get distracted. I want to come back alive."->Begin Chunks Demand]]](if: $c contains "Sprinkles") [[["We're going to war! We're going to fight the humans! Are you folks as //excited// as I am?!"->Begin Sprinkles Enc]] [["Boy, it's so spacious in here, isn't it?! Well, I suppose it is for finches like me.."->Begin Sprinkles Joke]] [["Hey! We need to make sure the impudence distributors are recalibrated before we reach the humans! Well, are they?!"->Begin Sprinkles Demand]]]

(if: $d < 0)[(set: $d to 0)](if: (passage:)'s name contains "Intro")[[[Skip?|Selection I]]](else-if: (passage:)'s name contains "Selection" or "Cutscene")[](else:)[(if: $nofirst is true)[<s>(print: $c's 1st)</s>](else:)[(print: $c's 1st)] (if: $nosecond is true)[<s>(print: $c's 2nd)</s>](else:)[(print: $c's 2nd)] (if: $nothird is true)[<s>(print: $c's 3rd)</s>](else:)[(print: $c's 3rd)](if: $gotbenji is true and $nothird is true)[<s>/Benji</s>](else-if: $gotbenji is true)[/Benji](else:)[] (if: $nofourth is true)[<s>(print: $c's 4th)</s>](else:)[(print: $c's 4th)] (if: $newgameplus is true)[(set: $goback to (passage:)'s name)[[Status->Status NGP Cutscene]]](else-if: $newgameplus is false)[(set: $goback to (passage:)'s name)[[Status->Status NG Cutscene]]] (link: "Save")[(save-game: "Slot 1")(colour: "lime")[$t[Okay!]]] (link: "Load")[(if: (savedgames:) contains "Slot 1")[(load-game: "Slot 1")](else:)[(colour: "red")[Can't!]]] (if: (passage:)'s tags contains "first")[(print: "Mom is: ")(if: $mom is "Relieved")[(colour: "#1DFFDD")[$mom]](else-if: $mom is "Proud")[(colour: "#F17DFF")[$mom]](else-if: $mom is "Disgusted")[(colour: "#88FF7A")[$mom]](else-if: $mom is "Horrified")[(colour: "#E89749")[$mom]](else-if: $mom is "Infuriated")[(colour: "#FF1100")[$mom]] (print: "Dad is: ")(if: $dad is "Unimpressed")[(colour: "#1DFFDD")[$dad]](else-if: $dad is "Emotional?")[(colour: "#F17DDF")[$dad]](else-if: $dad is "Suspicious")[(colour: "#E89749")[$dad]](else-if: $dad is "Inspired")[(colour: "#FFE54C")[$dad]] (print: "You are: ")(if: $prologuecounter <= 5)[(set: $tardiness to "Punctual")(colour: "#6CFF1D")[$tardiness]](if: $prologuecounter > 5 and <= 9)[(set: $tardiness to "Delayed")(colour: "#E89749")[$tardiness]](else-if: $prologuecounter > 9)[(set: $tardiness to "Tardy")(colour: "#FF1100")[$tardiness]]](if: (passage:)'s tags contains "second")[(print: "Kids are: ")(if: $kids is "Disdainful")[(colour: "#67D5FF")[$kids]](if: $kids is "Annoyed")[(colour: "#FF762D")[$kids]](if: $kids is "Freaked Out")[(colour: "#47FF40")[$kids]](if: $kids is "Worshipful")[(colour: "#FFFB2E")[$kids]](if: $kids is "Shocked")[(colour: "#FFC51C")[$kids]] (if: (passage:)'s tags contains "martin")[(print: "Martin is: ")(if: $martin is "Disappointed")[(colour: "#FF7D8B")[$martin]](if: $martin is "Angered")[(colour: "#B2271F")[$martin]](if: $martin is "Chuffed")[(colour: "#E991E8")[$martin]](if: $martin is "Terrified")[(colour: "#E88818")[$martin]](if: $martin is "Puzzled")[(colour: "#4AFF9F")[$martin]](if: $martin is "Devastated")[(colour: "#A2FF77")[$martin]]](else-if: (passage:)'s tags contains "hanae")[(print: "Hanae is: ")(if: $hanae is "Distrustful")[(colour: "#CF7AFF")[$hanae]](if: $hanae is "Confused")[(colour: "#FF879B")[$hanae]](if: $hanae is "Pleased")[(colour: "#90EBFF")[$hanae]](if: $hanae is "Furious")[(colour: "#FF5400")[$hanae]]]](if: (passage:)'s tags contains "third")[(if: $strikes is 0)[(colour: "#3CFFB7")[No Strikes]](if: $strikes is 1)[(colour: "#F9FF73")[One Strike]](if: $strikes is 2)[(colour: "#FFBB4A")[Two Strikes]]]]

Horseradish / Chunks / Sprinkles Slim / Fluffy / Guillermo Taft / Susan / Xylophone Tabloid / Sorghum / Paul 1st: (if: $c is 0)[](else:)[(print: $c's 1st)] 2nd: (if: $c is 0 or $c's length is 1)[](else:)[(print: $c's 2nd)] 3rd: (if: $c is 0 or $c's length is 1 or 2)[](else:)[(print: $c's 3rd)] 4th: (if: $c is 0 or $c's length is 1 or 2 or 3)[](else:)[(print: $c's 4th)] Random(click: "Random")[(set: $c's 1st to (either: "Horseradish", "Chunks", "Sprinkles"))(set: $c's 2nd to (either: "Slim", "Fluffy", "Guillermo"))(set: $c's 3rd to (either: "Taft", "Susan", "Xylophone"))(set: $c's 4th to (either: "Tabloid", "Sorghum", "Paul")) (goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] Reset(click: "Reset")[(set: $c to (a:))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] Proceed(click: "Proceed")[(goto: "Begin")] Jump(click: "Jump")[(goto: "Susan Tabloid Cutscene Ending")] Set Charlie's cleanliness to: dreadful, shabby, passable, pristine Set Charlie's hygiene to: abysmal, troubling, adequate, sparkling Set: stung by bees, scraped up, damaged hands, lollipopped, grounded, peanut butter, second story window, twirling, bear in yard, skunked (click: "dreadful")[(set: $cleanliness to "Dreadful")(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "shabby")[(set: $cleanliness to "Shabby")(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "passable")[(set: $cleanliness to "Passable")(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "pristine")[(set: $cleanliness to "Pristine")(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "abysmal")[(set: $hygiene to 1)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "troubling")[(set: $hygiene to 2)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "adequate")[(set: $hygiene to 3)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "sparkling")[(set: $hygiene to 4)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "stung by bees")[(set: $beehive to true)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "scraped up")[(set: $scraped to true)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "damaged hands")[(set: $charred to true)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "lollipopped")[(set: $lollipop to true)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "grounded")[(set: $grounded to true)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "peanut butter")[(set: $addicted to true)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "second story window")[(set: $secondstory to true)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "twirling")[(set: $spinning to true)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "bear in yard")[(set: $bearinyard to true)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "skunked")[(set: $skunked to true)(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Horseradish")[(set: $c to (a: "Horseradish"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Chunks")[(set: $c to (a: "Chunks"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Sprinkles")[(set: $c to (a: "Sprinkles"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Slim")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Slim"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Fluffy")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Fluffy"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Guillermo")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Guillermo"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Taft")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Taft"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Susan")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Susan"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Xylophone")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Xylophone"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Tabloid")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Tabloid"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Sorghum")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Sorghum"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (click: "Paul")[(set: $c to it + (a: "Paul"))(goto: "Debug Begin Selection")] (display: "variables")

"Very well," Hank says. "The preparations begin immediately." The squad follows Hank. The delegates begin to dissipate into the forest, worry stitched on their faces, when Stumpy howls at everyone to attention: "You must buy us time," they say. "You must not fail. The Taiga will be watching." (click: "watching")[(goto: "Begin")(set: $st to (a: ""))]

(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim smiles. "Thanks, Horseradish! I'm sure we'll do great." They turn back to their control position, emboldened.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy wriggles in agitation. "Yeah, whatever, //owl//," they say, preoccupied with the limited space in their control position. Comfort will not come easily to young Fluffy.](if: $c contains "Horseradish" and "Guillermo")[Guillermo smiles. They allow this burst of positivity to distract them from their current task -- walking upright, on their two proud legs -- and the Replica stumbles. They turn back to their control position and correct their error with a nervous gulp.] (click: "control position")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Listen, Horsey, I am //not// going to be able to tolerate your pontificatory feel-goodery on this mission," says Taft. "I am a professional, and professionals trust other professionals to let them do professional work. Understood?"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Thanks, Horseradish, I guess," Susan says, with a resigned sigh. "But maybe tone it down a bit when you speak to another human? You know, like the mission parameters say?"](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone squeaks from their control position at the arms of the replica. "Thanks, buddy!" they say. "It's nice to have //someone// have some faith in me on this mission."]]] (click: "mission")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul speaks up from their spot at the base of the replica, stern as a winter gale. "Horseradish, are you aware that I made the child suit you are now controlling? You should be asking: does Paul, stalwart child replica engineer, have faith in //your// abilities? To be honest, I'm not quite sure yet." Paul lowers their voice and addresses the Replica, presumably. "There there, my pet. This will all be over soon."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum sighs. //Just another person to worry about,// they think to themself.](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid hops on the comm line. "Horseradish, baby, I'm //so// glad to hear you say that, and lemme just say--" "That's enough chit-chat, Tabloid. Focus!" Horseradish says. Tabloid glowers for a split-second, then breaks into their traditional feces-eating grin.] [[Continue..->Charlie's House]]]]

The squad is silent. (click: "silent.")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul shudders. "My sweet Charlie, you deserve better than this," they say. "It'll be okay, I promise."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["I was better off back in my hole," Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Hm," Tabloid says. "Maybe that style of slapstickery will play out in the swamps, but not in the Taiga, baby."] (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft snaps. "Sweet Forest God above, will you shut up?! Please?!" Horseradish snaps back. "I will not tolerate such insubordination!" It takes (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 4th)'s best efforts to calm Horseradish and Taft down. Charlie lurches to a halt while the two are desquabbled, but soon he is bumbling forward again.](else:)[(print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 3rd) pretend not to hear and continue with their duties, the implications of that atrocious not-joke stinging like nettle. Horseradish, as a leader? In human territory?] [[Continue..->Charlie's House]]]]

(if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Oh, please. Give it a rest," Susan says. This is clearly too early in the mission for Council boosterism for their taste.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone whoops a celebratory whoop, awkward to all.](if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Pfft, Taiga pride," Taft says. "Only thing I'm proud of is the swag in my den, am I right, (print: $c's 2nd)? High five!" (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim" or "Xylophone")[(print: $c's 2nd) does not oblige this imaginary high five.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy responds heartily. "Forest Hell yeah!" they say.]] (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum speaks up. "'Keep the Taiga in our hearts,' hey?" "That worked out real well for my family." Horseradish gulps. They scramble to try to rephrase, but the damage is already done. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Good Forest God," Taft says, adopting their most outraged tone, "leave the poor gopher alone, will ya?"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Sorghum's saltiness rings true with Susan. "Yeah, no offense, Horseradish, but I doubt I'll be keeping the Taiga in my heart any time soon."]](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid puts their paw over their heart. "Taiga forever," they say. "Where else could a poor, simple country weasel like me catapult to massive fame and success?"](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Don't listen to him, Charlie," Paul says, to their sweet Replica. "You're beyond this bureaucractic faffle."] [[Continue..->Charlie's House]]

(if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Yes, please. The less time around humans the better," Sorghum says. Chunks hears the slightest quiver in Sorghum's voice. Chunks opens their beak to deride Sorghum, but something stops them from proceeding -- a kinship, perhaps?](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Agreed," says Paul. Paul doesn't much care for Chunks, but this presents some common ground between them. "I've done enough research into humans while making this suit to know that we should be extremely wary around them."](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Oh, I'm sure this won't be so bad," Tabloid says, with a wink. "Once you meet a human, ol' Chunksie, we'll just turn on the ol' Tabloid charm." Chunks frowns.] (if: $c's 3rd is "Susan" and $c's 4th is not "Sorghum" and $c's 4th is not "Paul")[Susan raises their voice. "Oh, give me a damn break. Humans are fine once you know what you're dealing with. You'd //know// that if you spent more time understanding them instead of kidnapping them," they snarl. Any semblance of order dissipates. The animals start screaming, mostly at Susan, until Chunks squawks to calm them all down. "Listen up! I don't know about you, but I would much rather be in a tree, or in the sky. Quite frankly, the last place I would like to be is stuffed into the skull of a fake child, so let's do our job and get out. Okay?" Susan, (print: $c's 2nd), and (print: $c's 4th) can agree on this point.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan" and $c's 4th is "Sorghum" or "Paul")["Humans are fine," Susan snaps. "Just mind your own business around them and you'll be perfectly okay. Trust me." (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum swallows their anger and focuses on their gait management protocol.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul rolls their eyes.]](if: $c's 4th is not "Sorghum" and $c's 4th is not "Paul" and $c's 3rd is not "Susan")[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim nods quietly.] (if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy writhes in what has to be viewed as approval.] (if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo twitches nervously.] Everyone is anxious, and some are especially anxious with Chunks at the wheel. But getting home quick and safe is a sentiment everyone can agree on.] [[Continue..->Charlie's House]]

(if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy peers up at Chunks. "Ha, yeah, the only time I wanna see the inside of a kid is if I'm snout-deep in their intestines," they say. Chunks guffaws a hearty guffaw.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo chuckles, which Chunks takes great exception to. "Focus, //rabbit//!" they scream. Guillermo slumps over their viewscreen, defeated.](if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim shrugs. "Such is life," they say.] (if: $c's 3rd is "Susan" and $c's 2nd is not "Fluffy")["Do you mind?" Susan shouts from their position. "I thought you were supposed to be leading this expedition, not complaining about it at every turn." "Mind your manners, squirrel," snarls Chunks.](if: $c's 3rd is "Taft" and $c's 2nd is not "Fluffy")["I dunno, Chunks, I think this is //perfect//. I only wish we had this sort of equipment when I infiltrated that daycare back in '09," says Taft, a wistful gleam in their eye. "Yeah?" says Chunks. "What'd you make off with?" Taft's voice lowers to an impish whisper. "Human drugs," they say, with a grin. "The human world is wild, dude. They make tiny colorful versions of bears, like really tiny Hanks, and when you chew 'em, you get really torqued. The human kids eat them by the handful." A pause. "Huh," Chunks says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy" and $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Shut the hell up, Fluffy," Susan says. "You know one of the more fun activities humans enjoy? //Fox hunting.// So you'd better be quiet before I send you out there to fend for yourself." Fluffy reluctantly shuts up, as ordered."] (if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy" and $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft laughs along. "Oh, you two should //see// some of the juicier children. Almost as good as Original Charlie!"](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy" and $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone squeaks, as if on the edge of the playground circle. "Y-yeah, ha! Humans are so dumb!" Fluffy falls unusually still. All the others can hear is heavy breathing, accompanied by the fevered licking of chops. Chunks breaks the awkward silence. "Stay focused, mouse," they say to Xylo. "You too, Fluffy."](if: $c's 2nd is not "Fluffy" and $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Yeah, really, what's //up// with humans, am I right?" Xylophone says, their hobnobbery at its peak. The other squad members' roll their eyeballs back into their skulls. "You're only here because of your father, and don't you forget it," Chunks says. "Best not disappoint him." Xylophone takes a deep, shuddery breath.] (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum would like to say something about all of this, something to confirm their deep distrust of humans with (print: $c's 1st) and (print: $c's 2nd). But the words never come, only the memories.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Unbeknownst to the rest of the crew, Paul is muttering to themself under their breath. "Stuffed in the human child //I// built," they say.] [[Continue..->Charlie's House]]

(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim sighs. They're more prepared than Chunks ever could be, but they'd never tell them so.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy nods, which appears to be more of a twitch.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[The words "back alive" snap into Guillermo like a paw on a twig. They let out a little yelp. "Is something the //matter//, rabbit?!" Chunks says. Guillermo shakes their head with haste -- though in the confines of the suit, no one else notices.] (if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo" and $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Give them a break, Chunks," Susan says. They turn to Guillermo. "Don't worry, I've been around humans a long time. We'll be okay." This lifts Guillermo's spirits a tad.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo" and $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft laughs at this. "We're all set down here, captain." Chunks, appreciating the title, thanks Taft in a way that rubs it in Guillermo's crestfallen face.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo" and $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone is also distressed at the prospect of not making it back alive, but they mask this with false bravado. "Yeah, we just.. we just need to stick it to the humans.. we .. I can use the arms to fight if we need," they say. Chunks turns to Xylophone with a snap. "Shut up," they say. "You're here because the Council decided it was best. I don't share the same sentiment. So fall in line and do your job or I'll cast you out myself." Guillermo whimpers again.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone" and $c's 2nd is not "Guillermo")[Xylophone jumps to their feet. "We're gonna make it back alive, we've got to make it back alive," they say, their voice on the edge of breaking. "I'll get us back alive, I swear it!" Chunks turns. "We will get us back alive if you all listen to my instruction and //do as I say//. Now fall in, mouse." Xylophone complies. (if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Meanwhile, one can hear Fluffy licking their chops over the communication system. This is disconcerting to all.] (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Get it //together//," Tabloid says to Xylophone.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Geez, leave them alone," Sorghum says, quiet enough so Chunks can't hear.]] (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid" and $c's 3rd is not "Xylophone")["Oh, we'd //better// make it back alive. We've all got families and friends and fanclubs waiting for us back home in the Taiga," Tabloid says, heavy with smarm.] (if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul is silent, which the squad takes as acknowledgement.] (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum speaks up. "We have to make it back alive. I can't die the last of my family line." This surprises everyone, and for the next few moments, all is quiet within the replica.] [[Continue..->Charlie's House]]

(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim frowns. "I know you're excited, but a combat mission of this nature is nothing to be excited about. It requires focus and dedication," Sprinkles nods at this burst of wisdom. "You're right," they say.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy rolls around in their position in agitation, as if Sprinkles' words were fleas. "Pffffffft," they say.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo smiles at Sprinkles. This is the first morsel of positivity Guillermo has felt since they were chosen for the mission. The possibility that this mission could be considered fun instead of grave gives Guillermo the slightest bit of hope. "Yeah!" they call out. Sprinkles jumps down to chat to Guillermo. "It's gonna be so fun! I can't believe we haven't met until now -- isn't that //weird//? Like, I thought you and I would have crossed paths at the Academy at //some// point." Guillermo smiles. "I noticed you, for sure!" they say. "Just didn't feel up to chatting at the time." Sprinkles flaps their wings in excitement. "Well, we have lots to catch up on!"] (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Hey, morons," Taft says, "you've clearly never been in the field, so let me give you a hot tip. Never take your eyes off the mission, or you'll find yourself roasting over a fire on a stick." The squad shuts up, and the Replica continues marching.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan" and $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Excuse me," says Susan, with as much snark as they can muster. "This isn't a game, or some opportunity to catch up. The humans will react fine to us if you //act normally//. If you stop, or lose focus, the humans will notice, and that'll be it for us. Get it?" The squad shuts up, and the Replica continues marching.] (if: $c's 2nd is not "Guillermo" and $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Oh, for goodness sake," Susan says, invoking a Human colloquialism to the dismay of their squadmates. "//Fight// the humans? We're not going to fight the humans, we're going to try to coexist with them and buy the Taiga some time. That is a very clear distinction that you, our commander, should recognise." "I don't need a Human lover to tell me what I should or shouldn't do," says Sprinkles. "Well, once you're actually interacting with a real Human, I bet you'll come crawling back to me," says Susan. The comm system is shut off.](if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft laughs mockingly. "What a joke," they say.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone starts to respond when Sprinkles cuts them off. "I wasn't //talking// to you, mouse."] (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum growls. They know their revenge on the humans is at hand, and they can hardly stand to wait.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Hey, Sprinkles," Paul says, "do you know how hard I worked on this suit? The last thing we're going to do is fight anyone in it. It's designed to blend in, not stand out. Remember that." Sprinkles lets out a little "hmph", but says no more.](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid lays it on. "Darling, we're gonna have the best time," they say, like some hormone-addled serpent. Sprinkles giggles, and then snorts, in that order. "Oh my //forest God//, yes, Tabloid! We're gonna have a great time," they say, placing extra emphasis on the //we//. "Hey, just call me Tab." Sprinkles unconsciously breaks into a little love jig in their control centre. It echoes throughout the replica, and everyone groans to themselves. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Hey, can I call you Tab, lover?" Taft says. "Oh, shut it," Tabloid says, blushing.] (if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["You're all weird," Fluffy says.]] [[Continue..->Charlie's House]]

(if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["The suit was not designed for your //comfort//, Sprinkles. It was designed to emulate the Offering as efficiently and accurately as possible." Spittle flecks from Paul's mouth as they speak. "I know that," Sprinkles says, oozing smarm. "Don't you think I know that? I aced the final on human anatomy. Bet you wouldn't know a coccyx from a cranium." Paul fumes to themself.](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Ha ha ha ha ha!" Tabloid forces out the laughs as if they were indigestion. "You know, Sprinks, that is //seriously// funny. Have you considered comedy?" "I have!" says Sprinkles, flapping their wings in place. "I used to be on the Academy comedy team!" "Well, you can certainly tell!" (if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy" and $c's 3rd is not "Susan")["STOP," Fluffy yells. "We've got business to discuss later, Tabloid." Tabloid falls silent. Sprinkles is a little confused, but is still pleased.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan" and $c's 2nd is not "Fluffy")["Make it stop, please," Susan says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy" and $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Fluffy and Susan don't agree on much, but they both yell "STOP IT" simultaneously. Tab and Sprinkles comply, but not before giggling to themselves.](if: $c's 2nd is not "Fluffy" and $c's 3rd is not "Susan" and $c's 3rd is not "Xylophone")[Sprinkles and Tabloid giggle. "Okay, let's get back to work," says Sprinkles. Tabloid shuts off their comm slightly too quickly, but Sprinkles is too chuffed to notice.]] (if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["I've got lots of room down here," squeaks Xylophone. "//Silence//, mouse! You will do as I say when I say, and right now you will be silent!" says Sprinkles. Everyone is silenced by this strange outburst.] (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[It's hard to be claustrophobic in a gopher hole, so Sorghum shrugs off Sprinkles' attempt at a joke.] (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim wriggles, now conscious of how tight their position is. They think of cozy summer nights with their mate in their lodge, with the buzz of blackflies and burble of water as their lullaby. Is this claustrophobia, or nostalgia? Is there a difference?](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy can barely stand how tight the torso position is, and Sprinkles rubbing it in only makes this worse. They roll around in their spot, as if that would somehow grant more space.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Oh, how Guillermo would love to bound through a nice meadow right about now. They sigh, loud enough that Sprinkles can hear it through the comm system. "Well, the plan to build camaraderie hasn't gone particularly swimmingly so far," Sprinkles notes in their log. (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Except with Tab," she notes, gleaming.]] [[Continue..->Charlie's House]]

(if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone" and $c's 2nd is not "Guillermo")[Before Xylophone has a chance to respond, Sprinkles continues to vomit abuse at them. "Xylophone! Why haven't you checked the impudence distributors?! Is that not //your// responsibility, mouse?" Xylophone twitches. "Uh, I don't think that is my responsibility," they say, their voice rising. Sprinkles, possibly the only animal that can move around in the tight suit, flaps down and gets right in Xylophone's face. "Excuse me?! I'm pretty sure it is," they say. "I //slaved// to get here. You were //handed// this position. You do not get to question my authority on this matter." (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Alright, let's everybody calm down," Slim says, adopting their best voice-of-reason. "We're about to hit a rock." Everyone jumps back to their stations, klaxons blaring in the background. The collison is avoided.] (if: $c's 4th is "Paul" and $c's 2nd is not "Slim")[Paul can feel their blood pressure rising. "Come on, you two, snap out of it right now. You're going to damage the suit." The thought of the mission ending in failure before it begins causes everyone to jump back to their stations.] (if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[It takes Fluffy a moment to snap back to reality, particularly with Sprinkles and Xylophone faffing about near their position.]] (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Uh, they're fine," Taft says. "If this is how worked up you get now, I don't want to see what you're like when there's a real human around." It's hard for Sprinkles to dispute this, so they don't.] (if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Relax," Susan says. "If you're stressed now, just wait until you see your first soccer game." The unfamiliar word "soccer" sticks out to the squad like a bullrush, frightening Sprinkles into silence.] (if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo hums and haws near their control panel. "Uhh, yeah, I think I've got the distributors checked out. Wait, maybe not." They peer closely at a blinking dial. "No, wait! This is good!" "Good! You're doing a great job, Guillermo." Guillermo cracks a smile for perhaps the first time since they were chosen for the job. (if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone peers at one of their displays. "Um, that dial is //not// good. Because if //my// dial is correct..] (click: "my dial")[$t[(set: $beehive to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "3"))our arm is stuck in a beehive." Sprinkles flaps to their display, panicked. "Bees?!" they say. "Guillermo, full reverse! Xylophone, there are protocols for arthropod epidermal penetration and I expect you to follow them!" The replica resumes its path. Sprinkles lowers their voice. "Still doing a great job, Guillermo." [[Continue..->Charlie's House]]]]] (if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone" and $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[](else:)[[[Continue..->Charlie's House]]]

With their attention diverted towards the difficult task of human locomotion, the squad barely notices the forest begin to thin. Soon, to their unease, they notice a proliferation of human signs, each scrawled with insidious human script. The forest trails turn into dirt roads; those dirt roads turn into asphalt roads; the asphalt unsettles (print: $c's 4th), whose fair paws have never encountered such uniformity. The sun peeks over the horizon, painting the sky in watermelon and marigold. And, most alarmingly, the humans begin to emerge from their dwellings, sunken-eyed, clutching cups of steaming liquid. "The humans are watching us," (print: $c's 2nd) says. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["This is a weird time for a Human kid to be out," Taft says. "We should find Charlie's house as soon as possible."](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Human children aren't often in public this early, or without parental supervision. We should seek out Charlie's home right away," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["I've got a bad feeling about this," says Xylophone. "Let's find Charlie's house right now!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["We are proximate," Horseradish says. "Look, here we are. Dundee Road, ho!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks frets to themself for a moment. "Shame I can't fly out and scout. But I think we're close. Charlie's house is on a street called Dundee Road, and it's coming right up."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Don't worry, I have everything under control," Sprinkles says. "Look, we're coming up on Dundee Road -- that's where his house is!"] (click: "Dundee Road")[(goto: "Front of House")]

"301 Dundee Road. This is it," (print: $c's 1st) says. The building located at 301 Dundee Road is what the Humans would describe as "quaint"; older, two-storied, clad in worn stucco and chipped moss green paint. The garden is large and sprawling; the verdant greenery soothes some of the squad members' jangling nerves. There is a small, angular two-wheeled personal transportation device splayed on the lawn. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Curious," Horseradish says. "Should we enter through the front, or the back?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Take the front door or the back door?" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Uh oh," says Sprinkles. "There are two doors! We didn't encounter this in basic! Should we go front or back?"] (click: "front")[(goto: "Front Door")] (click: "back")[(goto: "Back Door")]

(set: $st to (a: "1"))The front door is painted robin's egg blue with two small inlaid stained glass windows. (print: $c's 4th) engages the tippy-toe protocol to peer through them, but nothing can be discerned. A small button is fastened next to the front door. (print: $c's 1st) ponders for a moment. "We're going to.." [[".. push that small, glowing button."->Ring Front Door Cutscene]] [[".. knock on the door."->Knock Front Door Cutscene]] [[".. walk on in."->Walk Front Door Cutscene]]

(set: $st to (a: "2"))The replica moves towards the back door, but is foiled by an obstacle. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["A wooden barrier!" yelps Horseradish. They take a moment to ponder the options, then say.. "(print: $c's 2nd), find an alternate route!" "(print: $c's 3rd), engage the wooden barrier opening mechanism!" "(print: $c's 4th), clamber over the obstruction!" (click: "alternate route")[(goto: "around the gate")] (click: "opening mechanism")[(goto: "work the latch")] (click: "clamber over")[(goto: "climb over")]](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["There's a gate in the way," says Chunks. They think it over for a second, until they say.. "(print: $c's 2nd), any way around?" "(print: $c's 3rd), can you open the latch?" "(print: $c's 4th), can you climb over it?" (click: "around")[(goto: "around the gate")] (click: "open the latch")[(goto: "work the latch")] (click: "climb over")[(goto: "climb over")]](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Whoa," says Sprinkles. "A gate!" They ponder for a split second before blurting.. "(print: $c's 2nd), reconnaissance mission! I need alternatives!" "(print: $c's 3rd), proceed with protocol 341.3b! Open the gate!" "(print: $c's 4th), engage the climbing subroutine! Let's get over it!" (click: "reconnaissance")[(goto: "around the gate")] (click: "Open the gate!")[(goto: "work the latch")] (click: "climbing subroutine")[(goto: "climb over")]]

(set: $d to it + 15)(print: $c's 3rd) raises Charlie's finger and smooshes the button with a mighty poke. (click: "mighty poke")[$t[A loud chime reverberates from within the house. Shortly thereafter, a woman's voice can be heard alongside the stomping of feet and the rustling of paper. "I swear to God, if this is that horrible Girl Scout troop again, I'm going to --"]] (click: "going to")[$t[The door opens. A bathrobed woman flings the door open. "Charlie!!" she screams. "Are you hurt?! Why are you using the doorbell? You've never used the doorbell before! (if: $beehive is true)[Were you //stung// by //bees//?!](else:)[Why are you so filthy?!] Why did Martin's mom let you leave so early?"]] (click: "used the doorbell")[$t[A giant bathrobed man appears next to the bathrobed woman. "Alright, let's take it inside before we wake any of the neighbours up," he says.]] (click: "take it inside")[(goto: "Before Breakfast")]

(set: $d to it + 15)(print: $c's 3rd) raises Charlie's arm and raps his knuckles on the door. (click: "raps his knuckles")[$t[No response.]] (click: "response")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) tries again, slightly louder this time.]] (click: "tries again")[$t[The door remains shut. This time, a man's voice: "Tell that scumbag politician he knows how I feel and that ain't changin'," he says.]] (click: "man's voice")[$t[A bathrobed woman screams as she opens the door. "We've told you a thousand times, we don't believe in your so-called 'solar power', and -- Charlie?!"]] (click: "she opens")[$t[She wraps Charlie in a giant hug. "Are you hurt?! Why didn't you phone?! (if: $beehive is true)[Were you //stung by bees//?!](else:)[Why are you so filthy?!] Here, come inside, okay?"]] (click: "come inside")[(goto: "Before Breakfast")(set: $d to it + 15)]

Charlie strides through the front door like a cowboy. "See?" a bathrobed man says, clutching a cup of steaming liquid. "I told you he'd be fine." (click: "fine")[$t["Charlie!!" yelps a voice, belonging to a bathrobed woman. She puts down her cup of steaming liquid and rushes in to give Charlie a hug. "I was so worried about you! What happened last night?! Why was your phone in the woods? You didn't have the courtesy to contact your own //mother//?!"]] (click: "mother")[$t[The mother conducts herself. "It's okay, it's fine, you're in one piece and -- (if: $beehive is true)[(click: "one piece")[$t[//WERE YOU STUNG BY BEES?!//" She rushes over and immediately conducts a twelve-point inspection.(set: $d to it + 15)]]](else:)[//WHY// are you so filthy?!" Regardless, she rushes over and conducts a twelve-point inspection.(set: $d to it + 5)]]] (click: "inspection")[(goto: "Before Breakfast")]

(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim peers at his viewscreen. "Nope." They pause for a moment, perplexed. "Why don't we just take the front door? It's like my grandpappy used to say: one door to the lodge, all the danger you'll dodge." (print: $c's 1st), (print: $c's 4th), and (print: $c's 3rd) are silent. "Come to think of it, I don't really know what it means either."](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy twitches. "There's nowhere to go! There's nowhere to go!" Fluffy has a terrible aversion to being restrained. Not only are they currently restrained within the replica, but the very sight of a fence, like the one currently before them, dollops a heaping helping of anxiety into Fluffy. "Gottagetouttaheregottagetouttaheregottagetouttahereeeeeaaaaarrrrghhhhhhhhh," Fluffy yelps through the comm system. The replica starts spinning uncontrollably as Fluffy tries to plot an exit. (print: $c's 1st) screams at Fluffy to stop spinning. (print: $c's 3rd) pukes. [[Suddenly..->Dad Outside Cutscene]](set: $spinning to true)](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Yes, there's a hole underneath the gate we can crawl through. See it?" (print: $c's 3rd) shoots Guillermo the dirtiest of looks. "We're not a woodland creature anymore, you idiot. We'll never fit." "Oh, right.. Sorry, this is going to take some getting used to," Guillermo says.] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish" and $c's 2nd is not "Fluffy")[Horseradish says, "A setback! Shall we instead.."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks" and $c's 2nd is not "Fluffy")[Chunks takes a moment. "Change of plans. Let's.."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles" and $c's 2nd is not "Fluffy")[Sprinkles thinks for a second. "Okay, well, let's..] (if: $c's 2nd is not "Fluffy")[[["attempt the front door?"->Front Door]] [["try opening the gate?"->work the latch]] [["climb over it?"->climb over]]](else:)[]

(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft cracks their knuckles. This is what they were born for. They pride themselves on their fiddling ability -- best in the Taiga. Taft snakes Charlie's arm around the fencepost and grasps the latch. It takes a few nervous seconds, but Taft lets out a triumphant "aha!" and the gate swings open. "See? Aren't you glad you have someone on the squad with a little //expertise//?" says Taft. Emboldened, (print: $c's 2nd) steers Charlie through the gate. The replica almost makes it through until it jolts to a halt. Alarms screech throughout the suit. "What's going on?!" screams (print: $c's 1st). "We're [[stuck!->stuck]]" says (print: $c's 2nd).](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan tentatively approaches the latch. They raise Charlie's arm and open the latch with a single flick of Charlie's finger. (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Hey, great job, Susan," Slim says. Susan smiles. The rest of the squad bite their tongues. [[Continue..->Back Entrance]]](else:)[The squad congratulates Susan with stirring silence. "Um, you're welcome, morons," Susan says in response. [[Continue..->Back Entrance]]]](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Okay!" Xylophone psyches themself up. They slap themself in the face, grunt a few times, and spit on their paws. Charlie's arm is raised... torturously slowly. After a significant amount of exertion from Xylophone, the arm reaches the level of the latch. But Xylo is too exhausted to engage the grip servos. Charlie's outstretched palm rests upon the latch as though they were baptising a newborn. "Just.. give me a second, please," Xylophone says, struggling to catch their breath. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Highly unsatisfactory," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Useless," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I should have expected that from a daddy's mouse like you, Xylophone," Sprinkles says.] "I'm trying my //best//, okay?" Xylophone yells. Just then, the front door [[opens->Dad Outside Cutscene]]..(set: $xylostill to true)]

(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid stretches. "All right, sunshine," they say to (print: $c's 1st). "Check this out." Tabloid attempts to hurdle over the gate. They think -- no, they //know// -- that they can accomplish this task with the grace and majesty of a sunset. They can picture the adaptations already: first, the music will swell, something heroic and uplifting. A close-up of Tabloid's face at the controls, stalwart, determined. A voice from somewhere else in the suit, weak and tremulous, screaming "We'll never make it!" A perfect leap, from three different perspectives, maybe in slow-motion. Charlie lands, dusts himself off. Tabloid will look at the others and bust out a hot catchphrase. "Looks like this is my leap year," they think. No, wait, that's dumb. "Always look before you leap." Yeah, that's the one, they think. "Let's do this," they say. (click: "do this")[$t[(set: $scraped to true)Their feet clip the top of the gate and Charlie faceplants into the ground. "Oh Forest God! Oh Forest God!" Tabloid screams. "Is everyone okay?" The replica is pretty scraped up, but every squad member reports in, informing the others that they're okay. However, Tabloid is shaken enough that they struggle to clamber to their feet. Which is when the back door [[opens->Dad Outside Cutscene]]..]]](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["All right," sighs Sorghum. "(print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 3rd), I need you to follow my directions to the letter." Sorghum outlines a brief but detailed plan. (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 3rd) agree without a word. There is a specific gravity to Sorghum's words, which the other squad members can't help but respect. The plan is executed. (print: $c's 3rd) plants Charlie's arms on the top of the gate. Sorghum swings one leg up on the gate for balance. (print: $c's 2nd) shifts their weight. With one leap, Sorghum swings Charlie's other leg over the gate and they land perfectly on the other side with nary a wobble. "Well done," says (print: $c's 1st). Sorghum carries on with their duties without a word. [[Continue..->Back Entrance]]](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["What?!" squawks Paul. "And put my precious replica in potential harm?! What if we fall? What if the suit is cracked?! I won't do it, I say!" (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["How //dare// you," Horseradish says. "Be forewarned, I shall give no quarter with disobedient miscreants such as yourself!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["DO it," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I was told I might have to deal with disobedience at the Academy," Sprinkles says, with a sigh. "Fall in now, Paul! Climb that dang fence!"] An argument ensues. The chastity of certain squad members' mothers are called into question. Some threaten to leave mid-mission. Others question their loyalty to the Taiga. It's a mess. Finally, out of fear of their legacy being tarnished, Paul complies with the order. They climb the fence egregiously slowly. //The suit must never be compromised//, they think. The squad pleads with Paul to hurry up, but Paul refuses to take any unnecessary risk. After an eternity, Paul manages to harpoon Charlie on the back gate, straddling the gate gut-first. (print: $c's 3rd) flails Charlie's arms in order to gain some momentum, but Charlie is well and truly stuck. Which is when the back door [[opens->Dad Outside Cutscene]].. (set: $harpooned to true)]

A giant bathrobed man steps out of the door, clutching a cup of steaming liquid. "What - are - you - //DOING//, Charlie?!" he screams. (click: "DOING")[(if: $stuck is true)[$t[The squad is ready to die. (click: "ready to die")[$t[The bathrobed man comes over and unhooks Charlie's sweater from the post it's snagged on. "How long have you been out here?! God, the whole neighbourhood's probably staring at you. Come on, let's get inside." Another bathrobed man steps out of the neighbouring house, clutching a cup of steaming liquid. "Everything alright, Terry?" "You saw //nothing//, Marvin!" says Terry. Charlie is ushered very quickly into the house.]]]](if: $harpooned is true)[$t[The bathrobed man walks over briskly and picks Charlie up off the gate. (click: "off the gate")[$t["We're being grabbed! Hold on!!" screams (print: $c's 2nd).]] (click: "Hold on")[$t[Thankfully, the man is unable to discern any weight difference between the replica and regular Charlie. He sets Charlie down and crouches to his level. "What are you trying to do?! Could you not open the gate? You were always able to open the gate before - what's the matter with you?"]] (click: "matter")[$t[Another bathrobed man steps out of the neighbouring house, clutching a cup of steaming liquid. "Your boy's been stuck there for some time, Terry," he says.]] (click: "stuck there")[$t["You saw //nothing//, Marvin!" Terry says. "Come on, Charlie, get inside already."(set: $d to it + 20)]]]](if: $spinning is true)[$t[(set: $st to it + (a: "9"))Fluffy snaps out of it at the sound of the bathrobed man's yell. (click: "snaps out of it")[$t["Seriously, Charlie, it's 6:30 in the morning and you're .. in the yard .. twirling?! I didn't teach any of my kids to twirl! And I certainly didn't teach any of my kids to twirl before noon! What is the //matter// with you?!"]] (click: "matter")[$t[Another bathrobed man steps out of the neighbouring house, clutching a cup of steaming liquid. "That's a nice twirl on your boy, Terry," he says.]] (click: "nice twirl")[$t["You saw //nothing//, Marvin!" Terry screams. "Come inside the house now, Charlie!"(set: $d to it + 25)]]]](if: $xylostill is true)[$t[The bathrobed man walks over and opens the gate. "Are you feeling okay, Charlie? Why are you just.. holding the latch like that?"] (click: "holding the latch")[$t[Another bathrobed man steps out of the neighbouring house, clutching a cup of steaming liquid. "Your boy's been holdin' onto that gate for some time now, Terry," he says.]] (click: "some time now")[$t["You saw //nothing//, Marvin!" Terry says. "Come on, Charlie, come inside before you get a cold or something."(set: $d to it + 20)]]](if: $scraped is true)[$t[(set: $st to it + (a: "5"))The bathrobed man peels Charlie off the ground. "What did you do to yourself, Charlie?! Did you try to climb the fence again? At this hour? In this light?"]] (click: "climb the fence")[$t[Another bathrobed man steps out of the neighbouring house, clutching a cup of steaming liquid. "Seems your boy's been pancaked there for some time now, Terry," he says.]] (click: "pancaked")[$t["You saw //nothing//, Marvin!" yells Terry. "Come on, Charlie, let's go inside!"(set: $d to it + 25)]] (click: "inside")[(goto: "Back Entrance")]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "4"))All the childhood warnings of snares and traps, the gravely serious parental talks, the grisly descriptions of dismembered limbs and severed paws -- they rush back to the squad in an instant. Klaxons and alarms screech throughout the suit. (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum" and $c's 2nd is not "Guillermo")[Sorghum is screaming.] (if: $c's 4th is not "Sorghum" and $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo is screaming.] (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum" and $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Sorghum and Guillermo are screaming.] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["But.. But I made all the calculations correctly," Horseradish mutters to themself.] (if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Forestgoddamnit, not this way," Chunks says."] (if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Nononononono," Sprinkles cries.] (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[All optimism has drained from Slim's demeanor, and they appear ready to accept their death.] (if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy is screaming for an eject button.] (if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[How could a Forest God, divine and pure, permit the destruction of such a brilliant creation of one of their creatures, Paul thinks.] (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid can't help but think of how they will be remembered by future generations.] (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft can only hope they've hidden their stash well enough from other scavengers looking to cash in on their hard work.] The back door [[opens->Dad Outside Cutscene]], presumably a hunter come to finish the job.(set: $stuck to true)

"I found Charlie," Charlie's dad calls out. A bathrobed woman, presumably Charlie's mom, slams her newspaper down. (if: $stuck is true)["He snagged his sweater on the back gate."](else-if: $scraped is true)["He fell on his face trying to climb the back gate."](else-if: $harpooned is true)["He was trying to climb the back gate and got stuck."](else-if: $spinning is true)[His face sours. "He was.. //twirling// in the back yard."](else-if: $xylostill is true)["He was just holding on to the latch in the back, as if he were trying to figure it out. Always knew he weren't too bright."](else:)["He's right there." Dad chuckles heartily.] "Oh, Charlie, I was so worried about you!" Mom runs over, crouches down, and gives Charlie a colossal hug. She conducts a full inspection of Charlie, discerning his wellbeing, before looking him square in the eye. "Now, tell me, and be absolutely 100% honest with me: what were you and Martin doing in the woods last night?" (print: $c's 1st) gulps, then says.. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[[["Why, we were collecting florae and faunae for our respective collections!"->HR Flora Fauna]] [["We were engaged in a vigorous game of hopscotch!"->HR Hopscotch]] [["On our way home from the baseball pitch, we became hopelessly lost!"->HR Baseball]]](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[[["Killin' stuff."->CH Killin']] [["Eatin' grubs."->CH Eatin']] [["Climbin' trees."->CH Climbin']]](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[[["Oh, we were just making all sorts of new, wonderful friends!"->SP Friends]] [["We were just having the best time being all young and free and stuff!"->SP Young]] [["Why, we were busy saying no to drugs!"->SP No to Drugs]]]

Mom ushers Charlie inside as if he were allergic to sunlight. She crouches, licks her fingers and begins rubbing dirt off Charlie's face. (if: (history:) contains "Ring Front Door Cutscene")[(click: "rubbing dirt")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid shuffles. "Hey, that feels kind of nice." A contemplative pause. "But.. //should// it?"](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum leans over the leg controls. "Should we be enjoying this or not?"](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Oh no, she's gonna take the finish off!" Paul says.]] (show: ?beforebreakfast)]](if: (history:) contains "Knock Front Door Cutscene")[(click: "rubbing dirt")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Moisture!" Slim says, pleased.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Is, like, Charlie getting a bath? Is this a human bath?" Fluffy asks.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo purrs at this comforting, motherly gesture.]] (show: ?beforebreakfast)]](if: (history:) contains "Walk Front Door Cutscene")[(click: "rubbing dirt")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Ugh! Cleaned by a human?! Disgusting!" Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan giggles at the impromptu cleaning. Are they familiar with this?](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone, as is tradition, puffs their chest like a real tough mouse. "I hate getting licked!"]] (show: ?beforebreakfast)]][$t["Listen," Mom says, "I've been up all night worried about you and I need to drop off your sister at daycare and then go to work, so you need to get ready for school //really// quickly. What do you want for breakfast? Toast, oatmeal, or cereal?" (print: $c's 1st) stops. "Uhhh..." ".. [[toast?->Toast]]" ".. [[oatmeal?->Oatmeal]]" ".. [[cereal?->Cereal]]"]](beforebreakfast|

(set: $d to it + 5)(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Sweet Forest God, Horseradish," Taft says, facepalming.] (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum shakes their head dismissively.]"What the what?" Dad says. "//Flora//? And //fauna//? You're not learnin' anything //funny// in school now, are ya?" "Never mind that," Mom says. "Would you like to tell me what happened to your cell phone?" Horseradish stops and thinks, before saying.. "It was crushed by a mighty, ferocious animal!" "It fell in the creek while I was trying to apprehend a garter snake!" "I forgot it, amidst the sublime awe of participating in nature's great project!" (click: "crushed")[(set: $hrmomquestioning to 1)(set: $mom to "Disgusted")(set: $d to it + 15)(goto: "HR Question 2")] (click: "fell in the creek")[(set: $hrmomquestioning to 2)(set: $dad to "Inspired")(set: $d to it + 5)(goto: "HR Question 2")] (click: "forgot it")[(set: $hrmomquestioning to 3)(set: $dad to "Suspicious")(set: $d to it + 10)(goto: "HR Question 2")]

(set: $d to it + 5)Charlie's dad peers over his newspaper. "You were playing hopscotch.. in the forest?" "Oh dear," Horseradish thinks. A miscalculation? (click: "Oh dear")[$t[The newspaper is raised again. "Kids are weird," he says. "Okay," Mom says, "but then what happened to your cell phone?" "Martin crushed it with a single errant hop!" "It was forgotten amidst the furious excitement of the match!" "I misplaced it after tasting the sweet nectar of victory!"]] (click: "errant hop")[(set: $hrmomquestioning to 4)(set: $mom to "Disgusted")(set: $d to it + 10)(goto: "HR Question 2")] (click: "furious excitement")[(set: $hrmomquestioning to 5)(set: $mom to "Disgusted")(set: $dad to "Suspicious")(set: $d to it + 15)(goto: "HR Question 2")] (click: "sweet nectar")[(set: $hrmomquestioning to 6)(set: $dad to "Emotional?")(set: $d to it + 5)(goto: "HR Question 2")]

(set: $dad to "Emotional?")"Baseball?! That's my boy," Dad says, his voice cracking with paternal sentimentality. "I just.. I just always knew he'd come around. Didja smack a few dingdongs out there, boy?" (click: "smack a few dingdongs")[$t[Horseradish stops. "Quick, (print: $c's 4th), search dingdongs in the Human vocabulary book!" "What happened to your cell phone then, Charlie?" Mom asks. "It broke after.. making one too many dingdongs." "I smacked it by accident in place of the baseball ball." "Martin was attempting to purloin a base, so I threw it at him."]] (click: "one too many dingdongs")[(set: $hrmomquestioning to 7)(set: $mom to "Horrified")(set: $dad to "Suspicious")(goto: "HR Question 2")] (click: "smacked it")[(set: $hrmomquestioning to 8)(set: $dad to "Emotional?")(goto: "HR Question 2")] (click: "purloin a base")[(set: $hrmomquestioning to 9)(set: $dad to "Emotional?")(goto: "HR Question 2")]

(set: $dad to "Emotional?")(set: $d to 2)A single tear rolls down Dad's cheek. "You.. you and Martin were hunting?" He takes a deep, fluttering breath and puts his cup of steaming liquid down. Something has stirred the oatmeal in his heart. "I'm very, //very// proud of you, son." Mom gives Dad a strange look. He clears his throat, takes a hasty sip of steaming liquid, and deepens his voice. "Bag anything good?" "Never mind that," Mom says. "What happened to your cell phone?" (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["I [[missed a chipmunk->CH Missed 3rd]] and hit the phone instead."](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["I [[missed a squirrel->CH Missed 3rd]] and hit the phone instead."](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["I [[missed a mouse->CH Missed 3rd]] and hit the phone instead."] (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["I [[missed a beaver->CH Missed 2nd]] and hit the phone instead."](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["I [[missed a fox->CH Missed 2nd]] and hit the phone instead."](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["I [[missed a rabbit->CH Missed 2nd]] and hit the phone instead."] (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["I [[missed a weasel->CH Missed 4th]] and hit the phone instead."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["I [[missed a gopher->CH Missed 4th]] and hit the phone instead."](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["I [[missed a stoat->CH Missed 4th]] and hit the phone instead."]

(set: $d to it + 5)(if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Chunks, you moron," Susan says. "Children don't eat grubs!"](else:)["Uhhhh.." (print: $c's 3rd) says through the comm system. Chunks shushes them. ] "Grubs?" Mom says. "You mean grub? So you and Martin had a picnic?" "That's right," Chunks says. (if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Chunks shoots Susan a dirty look.] "Okay.." Mom says. "But what happened to your cell phone?" "I ate it by mistake." "Martin ate it by mistake." "A hungry bear ate it by mistake." (click: "I ate it")[(set: $chmomquestioning to 1)(set: $d to it + 10)(goto: "CH Question 2")] (click: "Martin ate it")[(set: $chmomquestioning to 2)(set: $d to it + 10)(goto: "CH Question 2")] (click: "A hungry bear")[(set: $chmomquestioning to 3)(set: $d to it + 10)(goto: "CH Question 2")]

(set: $d to it + 5)"You were climbing trees?" Mom says. (if: $harpooned is true)["Didn't you just get stuck trying to climb the gate?"](else-if: $stuck is true)["Weren't you just stuck outside because your sweater was snagged on the gate?"](else-if: $xylostill is true)["You couldn't figure out how to open the gate, what makes you think you can climb a tree?"](else-if: $scraped is true)["Didn't you just smash your little face trying to jump over the fence?"](else:)["You know you're not the most dexterious little guy, Charlie!"] Dad peeks over his newspaper again, looks at Charlie, and shakes his head sadly. "Okay," Mom continues, somehow willing to let this charade play out further, "regardless of what you were doing, what happened to your cell phone?" "It fell." "I threw it." "A horrible bird took it." (click: "It fell")[(set: $chmomquestioning to 4)(set: $d to it + 5)(goto: "CH Question 2")] (click: "I threw it")[(set: $chmomquestioning to 5)(set: $d to it + 10)(goto: "CH Question 2")] (click: "A horrible bird")[(set: $chmomquestioning to 6)(set: $d to it + 10)(goto: "CH Question 2")]

(set: $d to it + 5)"You were making new and wonderful friends?" Mom says. (if: $stung is true)["With who? A hive of bees?"](else:)["With who? A bunch of forest critters?"] The squad jumps. "Does.. she know?!" (print: $c's 3rd) says. Dad peeks over his newspaper. "No boy of mine is going to make friends with an animal without eating it first," he says. "Okay," Mom says with a wry smile, "while you and Martin were communing with nature, what happened to your cell phone?" "Well, you know, you can't commune with nature with a cell phone!" "We buried it, y'know, to return it back to the earth!" "I got so swept up in nature that I wasn't able to find it!" (click: "can't commune with nature")[(set: $spmomquestioning to 1)(goto: "SP Question 2")] (click: "We buried it")[(set: $spmomquestioning to 2)(goto: "SP Question 2")] (click: "swept up in nature")[(set: $spmomquestioning to 3)(goto: "SP Question 2")]

(set: $d to it + 5)(set: $dad to "Suspicious")Dad slams down his newspaper and stands up. He starts rifling through a drawer, clattering and throwing junk around. "We gotta check his pupils," he commands Mom. "He's on drugs." (click: "on drugs")[$t["He's not on drugs," Mom says, rolling her eyes. "He's nine years old."]] (click: "nine years old")[$t["Ah, they like to get 'em early," Dad says. He finds what he's looking for -- a miniature flashlight -- and shines it into Charlie's eyes, then quickly away. The squad is momentarily blinded.]] (click: "blinded")[$t["Yup, see? Big as dinner plates. He's on drugs," Dad says. (if: $spinning is true)["That, plus the.. the //twirling//," he spits, with evident contempt.]]] (click: "dinner plates")[$t["They're big as dinner plates because you just shined a damn light into it!" Mom says. She turns to Charlie. "Charlie, honey, to be honest, I don't care what you were doing out there -- just tell me what happened to your cell phone? "Well, y'know, when I look back on my life I want to remember things I did, not things I did on my phone!" "Martin took it and destroyed it! What a silly young thing to do!" "What's a cell phone?"]] (click: "not things I did on my phone")[(set: $spmomquestioning to 4)(set: $d to it + 5)(goto: "SP Question 2")] (click: "destroyed it")[(set: $spmomquestioning to 5)(set: $d to it + 5)(goto: "SP Question 2")] (click: "What's a cell phone?")[(set: $d to it + 10)(set: $spmomquestioning to 6)(goto: "SP Question 2")]

(set: $d to 2)(set: $dad to "Emotional?")"That's my BOY!" Dad says, with a triumphant jab of the fist. "You know, already, to stay away from that wretched stuff. I can't tell you how proud I am of you." He gets up from his chair and hands Charlie something. "Have a lollipop," he says, spewing his parental pride. (print: $c's 3rd) accepts, but doesn't know where to put it, so they clutch it like a baton. (set: $st to it + (a: "7")) (click: "lollipop")[$t[(set: $lollipop to true)"Don't eat that before breakfast, please," Mom says. "What happened to your cell phone, then?" "We were trying to avoid drugs so much that it fell out of my pocket!" "Some bully -- who was on drugs, I might add -- //stole// it from me!" "Couldn't one consider smartphones the most addictive drug of all?"]] (click: "trying to avoid drugs")[(set: $spmomquestioning to 7)(goto: "SP Question 2")] (click: "stole it from me")[(set: $spmomquestioning to 8)(goto: "SP Question 2")] (click: "addictive drug of all")[(set: $spmomquestioning to 9)(goto: "SP Question 2")]

(if: $hrmomquestioning is 1)[Dad is not impressed. "You let a giant animal crush your phone? //MY// boy?" "So, wait," Mom says. "You were collecting bugs and flowers or something, and then a giant animal crashed from out of the woods and smashed it." "That's right," Horseradish says. "That wouldn't and didn't happen, Charlie. Even if there were a giant animal, and it were smashed through //other means//," she says, "I was still able to get through to it and leave you a voicemail. So you're lying! And I really wish you wouldn't lie." "You're grounded," Dad says. "Now go and wash up for school, you're already [[running late->Running Late]]."(set: $grounded to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "8"))](if: $hrmomquestioning is 2)["Oh, how fun!" Dad says. "Shush," Mom says. "Well, I suppose it's a good thing we got you that waterproof case. Maybe after school we can check out the forest and see if we can find it!" "Oh, fiddlesticks," Horseradish says to the rest of the squad. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Another screwup," Taft says.] (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum puts their head into their paws in despair.] (if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["The mission has been compromised in record time," Paul notes wryly.] "Now [[go upstairs->On Time]] and brush your teeth, get ready for school!"(set: $visitforestmom to true)](if: $hrmomquestioning is 3)[Dad gets up, quietly, gravely. He walks over to Charlie, as if not trying to startle him, and places the back of his hand on Charlie's forehead. "Are you certain you're feeling okay? You're using words that don't make sense," he says. Mom checks also. "He's fine, except for the fact that //he won't tell me// what happened to his cell phone." Horseradish pulls an audible. "I'll find it!" they say. "I have an inkling as to where it is located. Allow me to search for it this evening!" Mom nods. "Fine." She turns her head and looks at the clock. "Oh, Charlie, look at the time!! You're going to be late! [[Go upstairs and brush your teeth!->Running Late]]"(set: $visitforestsolo to true)](if: $hrmomquestioning is 4)["A single errant hop. So Martin jumped on your phone," Mom says. (click: "errant hop")[$t["Regrettably," Charlie says.]] (click: "Regrettably")[$t["So it's smashed," Dad says.]] (click: "smashed")[$t["Indeed," Charlie says.]] (click: "Indeed")[$t[Mom puts a hand to her brow in exasperation. What //is// it with children and jumping on cell phones? "Just go upstairs and [[get ready for school->Running Late]], okay?!"]]](if: $hrmomquestioning is 5)["Furious excitement? Where did you learn these //words//?" Dad asks. (click: "words")[$t[Horseradish is flustered. "S.. school?"]] (click: "school")[$t[Mom holds up a spelling test, signed "CHARLIE STEWART". The grade gleams in bright red ink: "D-, NEEDS DESPERATE IMPROVEMENT." "You're lying, and something's wrong with you -- I think you should [[stay home from school->HR Sick in Bed]] today until we figure this out," Mom says. Horseradish gulps.]]](if: $hrmomquestioning is 6)["You won?!" screams Dad. "I don't care if it's hopscotch or tiddlywinks or whatever, winning is the most important thing you can do in life. It's what separates you from the losers." (click: "losers")[$t["Assuredly!" Charlie says.]] (click: "Assuredly!")[$t[Mom sighs. Clearly, the cell phone will not be mentioned again. "Okay, go up and [[get ready for school->On Time]], please."]]](if: $hrmomquestioning is 7)["And let me tell you," Charlie says, "you have never //seen// such a dingdong smacking as this one. The dingdongs were smacked, and boy howdy, darn tootin, they just.. (click: "they just")[$t[yes, indeed, sir, hoo, baby! It was.. it was..]] (click: "it was..")[$t[just the bees knees, the apple of our eye, the fourth of July, the hair of the dog! And.. and..]] (click: "and..")[$t[aaaaaaand... I mean, uh.. hmmm... I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. and Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."]] (click: "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy")[$t[Mom and Dad slowly put down their cups of steaming liquid.]] (click: "put down their cups")[$t["Honey," Mom says, in her gentlest voice, "I think you should go upstairs and [[climb into bed->HR Sick in Bed]]. You're staying home today." (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["What the //hell// was that?!" Taft screams.] (if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["You absolute moron," Susan yells.] (if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Idiot," Sorghum says.] (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Nope," Tab says, shaking their head.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Useless," Paul says.] (if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Arrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh," groans Fluffy.] "I'm sorry!" Horseradish says to the squad. "I defaulted to basic training!"(set: $mom to "Horrified")(set: $dad to "Suspicious")]]](if: $hrmomquestioning is 8)["Well, that'll happen," Dad says, forgivingly. "But still - baseball! You're playing it! After years of gentle cajoling!" He sits back in his chair and takes a deep, satisfied breath. (click: "gentle cajoling")[$t["Glad to see you're so happy," Mom says to Dad, "but little Charlie here is now without a cell phone, and you're gonna have to pay to replace it."]] (click: "pay to replace it")[$t["Yeah, that's fine. It's worth the price to have a little //baseballer// under our roof," Dad says.]] (click: "under our roof")[$t[Mom shoots Dad a death glare.]] (click: "death glare")[$t["Go upstairs and [[get ready for school->On Time]] now, Charlie," she says.]]](if: $hrmomquestioning is 9)[Dad jumps to his feet. "I always //knew// my boy would be a catcher! You've always had that tactical brain, that eye for detail, those sharp reflexes." (if: $harpooned is true)[Dad thinks about this for a second. "I suppose you did harpoon yourself on the gate -- but good thing there are no gates in baseball, eh?!"](if: $stuck is true)[Dad thinks about this for a second. "I suppose you did just get stuck on the gate, but good thing there are no gates in baseball, eh?!"](if: $spinning is true)[Dad thinks about this for a second, and his face turns. "There's no //twirling// in baseball, though. Make sure you don't twirl. Unless you're twirling for a double play. Then you may twirl. But only slightly!"] (click: "sharp reflexes")[$t["Please don't throw //expensive// cell phones at your friends, Charlie," Mom says. "Now that your father is done blathering, go [[get ready for school->Running Late]]."]]]

(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[(set: $dad to "Inspired")Tabloid snickers slightly to themself. "Hey, Chunks, you wouldn't shoot a weasel with a face like this, wouldja?" Chunks snickers. "You keep talkin' the way you do and I might have to consider it," they say. The two laugh. Dad chuckles to themself. "The only //weasels// you need to be huntin' are those //weasels// in //government!//" This is particularly funny to Dad, and he needs to take a moment to appreciate the full depth of his humour. (click: "take a moment")[$t["Okay, Charlie, can you go upstairs and--"]] (click: "go upstairs")[$t["Do you //get it//, though?" Dad says, stretching his bathrobed arms wide. "Weasels?! Like the animal? Like our elected officials? Oh maaaaaaaaaaaaaan, that's good."]] (click: "get it")[$t["Terry, Charlie is going to be late," Mom says. "Go upstairs now, dear. [[Get ready->Running Late]] for school!"]]](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[(set: $dad to "Inspired")Sorghum stops, hurt. Sorghum has executed Charlie's fidgeting subroutine perfectly so far, but it grinds to a halt after Chunks' cruel joke. In an unusual gesture, Chunks opens a private channel to Sorghum. "That was out of line," Chunks says. "I'm sorry." (click: "I'm sorry")[$t[Sorghum takes a moment to process this. "You of all people should know," they say. "Just don't do it again."]] (click: "don't do it again")[$t[Dad, unfortunately, rubs salt in the wound. "Oh yeah, those gophers breed like crazy," he says. He digs a spoon into a nearby jar of peanut butter and smacks his lips as he eats it. "Real bad. Real bad for lawns, too. You did good, kid, and who knows - maybe you've got a career as a pest control officer!"]] (click: "pest control officer")[$t[//Pest control officer//. Sorghum chews on those words over and over, but they can't seem to swallow them. //Is that all we were?// they think. //Is that all we are? Pests?//]] (click: "Pests?")[$t[Sorghum's world is fuzzy and distant for a moment, until Chunks' voice slams into focus, sharp and urgent. "Sorghum!! GO, already! Mom's wondering why we're not moving - we need to [[get upstairs!->Running Late]]"(set: $d to it + 15)]]](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul doesn't hear this. Or, if they have indeed heard this, they couldn't care less. (click: "care less")[$t["What's a stoat?" Dad says.]] (click: "stoat")[$t["Never mind," Charlie says. "I'm going upstairs to get [[ready for school->On Time]] now."]]]

(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Ha ha ha!" Taft says. "Good one, Chunks." Chunks winks back. "Almost got a wee chippy, huh?" Dad says. Mom facepalms. No one has ever said those words in that order before, and she hopes never to hear it again. "[[Go upstairs->On Time]] and wash up for school, please? I'll deal with your father," she says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[(set: $d to it + 25)(set: $dad to "Suspicious")(set: $mom to "Horrified")"Oh, you can go straight to Forest Hell," Susan says. In protest, Susan starts flipping random switches at their control panel, some of which are labelled "Forearm Control" and "Elbow Servos" and "Tricep Flanger." (click: "flipping random switches")[$t["What are you doing?!" Chunks says. "Stop that!"]] (click: "doing")[$t[But it's too late. Charlie starts flailing his arms uncontrollably, knocking water glasses and silverware to the floor. Mom screams. "Charlie, are you okay?!" "He's having an episode," Dad says. "Should we call an ambulance?"]] (click: "ambulance")[$t["No!" Charlie screams. Chunks is losing control, and their voice, uncharacteristically, is raising. "I'm okay, look!" Susan, smiling to themself, reestablishes control of the suit. Charlie is still. Mom and Dad look at one another in disbelief, as if their dear boy was possessed by some malevolent spirit. "I'm okay," Charlie says. "I just thought I felt a wasp on me."]] (click: "felt a wasp")[$t["I think we better keep you home from school just in case," Mom says. "Go upstairs and [[get into bed->CH Susan Sick in Bed]], I'll come up in a moment." (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Well done, Susan," Slim says.](else:)[The rest of the squad glowers at Susan, particularly Chunks.] Susan smiles a proud, stubborn smile. "Don't mess with me, Chunks, or I'll mess with you right back."]]](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(set: $dad to "Suspicious")"Hey!" Xylophone yells. "You wanna FIGHT or something, Chunks?" "I could swallow you whole," Chunks says. Xylophone knows this to be true, and is quiet. (click: "swallow you whole")[$t[(set: $d to it + 15)"Wait," Dad says. "You were trying to hunt a mouse? Why would you hunt a mouse? You don't hunt mice, you just.. catch them in traps," he says, using his hands to illustrate the process. "You ain't got the eye to shoot a mouse, not many hunters do. Let's get you started with a nice doe first, okay?" "Sure," Charlie says. Mom looks at the clock. "Look at the time! Terry, can you dispense with the hunting lessons?! Charlie's gonna be late for school! [[Go upstairs->Running Late]] and clean up!"]]]

(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[(set: $dad to "Inspired")Slim sputters. "Excuse me? That was unnecessary. And unbecoming of a commanding officer." Chunks just laughs. "Good for you, son!" Dad says. "You know that beavers are the number one cause of deforestation in our great nation's parks?" (click: "number one")[$t["What? No," Mom says. "Beavers are really important in creating and maintaining wetlands, and--"]] (click: "really important")[$longt["Numb...er... one," he says, a fire lit behind his eyes. "Uh, okay," Mom says. "Hey, go upstairs and brush your teeth! You need to [[get ready for school!->On Time]]"]]](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[(set: $dad to "Inspired")Fluffy jolts. "Hey!" they yell. Then they burst out laughing. "Like a fox would ever be killed by a //human kid//," they say. Chunks joins in the revelry. All is well. "You saw a fox out there?" Dad says. "Was it fluffy?" (click: "Was it fluffy")[$t["Oh, //very//," Charlie says. Fluffy snickers to themself. "Okay, we have school to think about," Mom says. "[[Go upstairs->Running Late]] and wash up, please!"]]](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[(set: $dad to "Suspicious")(set: $mom to "Horrified")Guillermo screams, a horrifying shrill yelp that shatters the squad's fortitude like a stone through an icy pond. Thoguh they don't want to, Chunks realises they have to maintain control. "It was a //joke//," Chunks says. "Can't you take a //joke//?" Guillermo whimpers in response. (if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[ "Hey, ease off a little, alright?" Xylophone says. "Shut up, mouse," Chunks says. They do this.] (if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Good thing this suit is soundproof from the inside," Paul says, with pride.] "Okay, can you go upstairs and get ready for school now, please?" Mom says. (click: "go upstairs")[$t[(set: $d to it + 20)Charlie is unresponsive. Guillermo is still shaking. "Are.. you okay, Charlie?" Mom says.]] (click: "unresponsive")[$t[Chunks flaps at Guillermo. "Alright, Guillermo, time to snap out of it!"]] (click: "snap out of it")[$t[Guillermo reluctantly grabs a lever and puts Charlie into motion. He [[zips upstairs->Running Late]] as if nothing were wrong.]]]

(if: $chmomquestioning is 1)["You ate your cell phone," Mom says. "That is correct," Charlie says. "By mistake. It happens to magpies all the time." (click: "happens to magpies")[(if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[$t[Susan groans. "You've //got// to be kidding me," they say.]] (if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[$t[Paul cackles.]] [The rest of the squad titters nervously.]] (click: "nervously")[$t["So you're a magpie now, are you?" Dad says. "Guess that means we'll feed you garbage for dinner!"]] (click: "garbage for dinner")[$t[Chunks doesn't respond.]] (click: "doesn't respond")[$t["Chunks!" (print: $c's 3rd) says. "That's a //bad// thing!"]] (click: "bad thing")[$t[Chunks clicks into gear. "Oh! Please don't feed me garbage for dinner. I would really hate that," they say, enlivened by the prospect of garbage for dinner.]] (click: "hate that")[$t["Well, go [[get ready for school->Running Late]], and we'll see what we'll cook up for you," Mom says.]]](if: $chmomquestioning is 2)[(set: $mom to "Disgusted")"Martin ate your cell phone," Mom says. "Just like that," Charlie says. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft" or "Susan")[(print: $c's 3rd) snaps Charlie's fingers for emphasis.](else-if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone attempts to snap Charlie's fingers for emphasis, but can't quite do it.] (click: "Just like that")[$t["What'd he eat it with?" Dad asks.]] (click: "eat it with")[$t[Chunks panics, having slept through the exam on Human Sauces back at the Academy. "He.. ate it.. with.." They peer around the room for some sudden inspiration.]] (click: "ate it")[$t[".. rash cream?"]] (click: "rash cream")[$t["Oh, Charlie, that's disgusting," Mom says. "When you [[get home from school->Running Late]], we're heading to the forest first thing to look for that phone of yours."(set: $visitforestmom to true)]]](if: $chmomquestioning is 3)[(set: $mom to "Disgusted")"A mighty bear ate it," Mom says, unimpressed. (click: "mighty bear")[$t["Yes," Charlie says. "A mighty bear named Hank."]] (click: "Hank")[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[$t[Slim is unimpressed.]](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[$t[Fluffy belly-laughs.]](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[$t[Guillermo smiles to themself.]] (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[$t[Taft grins.]](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[$t[Susan rolls their eyes.]](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[$t[Xylophone chuckles nervously.]] (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[$t[Tabloid tries an exaggerated spit take.]](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[$t[Sorghum smiles.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[$t[Paul shrugs.]]] "Sorry, pal," Mom says. "You're not lying your way out of this one. After [[school->On Time]], we're going to the forest to look for it." Chunks grumbles. //Hank's not gonna like this one,// they think.(set: $visitforestmom to true)]](if: $chmomquestioning is 4)["It fell? So you just left it? We can fix these things sometimes, you know," Mom says. Chunks ponders this for a moment. "Okay," Charlie says. "I think I know where it is. We can go find it after school." (click: "go find it")[$t["That's fine," Mom says. "But hurry up and [[get ready for school->On Time]] before you're late. And you'd best hope you find that phone."(set: $visitforestsolo to true)]]](if: $chmomquestioning is 5)[(set: $dad to "Inspired")"You threw it. And why did you throw it?" Mom asks. "I was trying to hit Martin," Charlie says. (click: "hit Martin")[$t["At least he's being honest," Dad says. "Good for you for honesty, boy!"]] (click: "being honest")[$t["Give me a break! You can't just throw your phone -- which is //expensive// -- and try to hurt your //friends//, which are less expensive but more valuable!" She pauses, awed at her own insight. "You're grounded, young man," Mom says, snapping back to reality. Now go [[get ready for school!->Running Late]]"]](set: $grounded to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "8"))](if: $chmomquestioning is 6)["A horrible bird took it," Mom says, unbelievingly. She takes a sip of her steaming liquid. (click: "horrible bird")[$t["Yes," Charlie says. "A horrible magpie named Chunks, with vicious red eyes and a needlesharp beak. Chunks went straight for my eyes and I had to wave my phone back and forth to distract them. I almost lost my //vision// to that courageous bird!"]] (click: "courageous bird")[$t["Oh, well played," (print: $c's 3rd) says over the replica comm system, drenched with sarcasm.]] (click: "well played")[$t["At least the kid's imagination still works," Dad says.]] (click: "imagination")[$t["Whatever," says Mom, exasperated. "Just go [[get ready for school->On Time]], okay?"]]]

(if: $spmomquestioning is 1)[(set: $mom to "Proud")(set: $dad to "Suspicious")"This is true," Mom says. "You really can't! That's very mature of you to recognise. Maybe we made a mistake giving you a cell phone in the first place!" Sprinkles, very pleased with their response, hops excitedly. "Yeah! Huge mistake! Nature should be technology free!" Charlie says. (click: "technology free")[$t[Dad rolls his eyes. "You like cars? And barbeques? And rollerskates? Can't have any of that without //technology!//"]] (click: "rolls his eyes")[$t["Well, I am still very proud of you," Mom says, a big smile on her face. "But you'd better go upstairs and [[get ready->On Time]] before school starts!"]]](if: $spmomquestioning is 2)[(set: $mom to "Disgusted")"You buried your phone." Mom puts her head in her hands. (click: "head in her hands")[$t["Well," Sprinkles stammers, "wouldn't you?! I mean, phones are also known to cause dangerous cancers and cataracts and catamarans!"]] (click: "catamarans")[$t["Catamarans, eh?" Dad says, interest piqued. "Listen, you can't just --" Mom struggles to find the words -- "//bury// your cell phone whenever you feel like it, okay? As soon as you get home from school, you're going to show me exactly in the forest you buried it."]] (click: "exactly in the forest")[$t["Oh damn not good damn damn damn not good damn," Sprinkles says. "Now go upstairs and [[get ready for school->Running Late]], please!"](set: $visitforestmom to true)]](if: $spmomquestioning is 3)[(set: $mom to "Horrified")A single tear lodges itself in Mom's eye. Charlie's words have clearly struck a chord. "Oh, how I miss being outside all day," she says. "Outside.. where?" Charlie asks. "Surely not.. //the forest//?" "You remember this, Charlie. Your mom was trained as a forest biologist," Dad explains. "Then she lost her job back in the Forest Biologist Cull of '11 and had to take her job at the bank." (click: "the bank")[$t["The bank!" Mom calls out, her head in her hands.]] (click: "her head in her hands")[$t["Hey, if it weren't for the bank, we wouldn't have //money//," Dad reminds.]] (click: "money")[$t["Oh thanks a lot, Terry," she says, her day ruined. Sprinkles sees this as a prime opportunity to [[slink away upstairs->Running Late]] to prepare for school.]]](if: $spmomquestioning is 4)[(set: $dad to "Inspired")(set: $mom to "Disgusted")Dad peeks over his newspaper. "That's right! I raise my children to engage in conversation! To be active members of society, not to be isolated from other human beings! (click: "human beings")[$t[Now everyone else be silent while I read my paper."]] (click: "my paper")[$t["Charlie, can you --"]] (click: "can you")[$t["Silence!" Dad calls. He hums an obnoxious tune as he reads.]] (click: "Silence!")[$t[Mom is ready to kill Dad. She gestures with her head for Charlie to [[go upstairs->Running Late]] and get ready for school (or, perhaps, to leave the room while the killing occurs.)]]](if: $spmomquestioning is 5)["Martin destroyed your phone? Why would Martin do such a thing?" Mom asks. "Did you and Martin have a falling out or something?" "Yeah!" Charlie says. "He wasn't appreciating the Taiga enough!" (click: "Taiga")[$t[Sprinkles gasps at their slipup. "OhforestGodIshouldnothavesaidthat," Sprinkles says over and over to theself. A horrible pause. The jig is up. The squad holds their breath. Mom and Dad are silent.]] (click: "Mom and Dad")[$t["I mean.. he wasn't.. appreciating nature.. enough."]] (click: "appreciating nature")[$t[Time resumes. "Oh, well that makes total sense then!" Mom says. Dad carries on with his newspaper, zeroing in on an advertisement for drain cleaner. "Probably was the drugs," he says, disinterested. "Would you like to go upstairs and [[get ready for school->On Time]], Charlie? We'll worry about your phone later."]]](if: $spmomquestioning is 6)[(set: $dad to "Suspicious")"What's a cell phone? Charlie, are you okay?" Mom says. "Yup, it's the drugs," Dad says. "Restrain him while I get the ipecac." (click: "ipecac")[$t["He's not on drugs, and we're not giving him ipecac!" Mom says. She takes a breath, folds her arms. "But he's definitely not well. I think you should [[stay home today->SP Sick in Bed]], Charlie. Go upstairs and go to bed, please."]]](if: $spmomquestioning is 7)[(set: $dad to "Inspired")"Oh yeah, that squares up with me," Dad says. "I mean, you know why they call them drug pushers, right? Because they push 'em in your face so fast that you need to //dodge// quickly or soon you'll be on 'em, just like that." (click: "just like that")[$t[Mom blinks.]] (click: "blinks")[$t["And I would know! I was on the dope for a while. It's hard to dodge the dope. So I get it, I understand, Charlie. Thank you for being honest with us.]] (click: "honest with us")[$t[Have another lollipop."]] (click: "lollipop")[$t[(set: $lollipop to true)"Stop giving him lollipops!" Mom says. "Charlie, go upstairs and [[get ready for school!->Running Late]]]]](if: $spmomquestioning is 8)["Oh no," Mom says, with peak Mom earnestness. "Should we inform the school? Perhaps the police?" (click: "police")[$t["Mounted police?" Dad adds.]] (click: "Mounted")[$t["No, that's okay," Charlie says. "I'll get it back from the bully today at school. I'll work it out." "Okay," Mom says, "I will hold you to that. But you'd better [[go upstairs->On Time]] and get ready before you're late."]]](if: $spmomquestioning is 9)[(set: $dad to "Inspired")This sudden burst of intellectual stimulation strikes Dad like a lightning bolt. He slowly puts down his paper, staring into space with his head tilted, like a dog staring at a rotisserie chicken. "The boy's right," he says, hypnotised. He stands up with purpose, brushes toast crumbs off his bathrobe, and begins gathering all the cell phones he can find. (click: "cell phones")[$t["Quick, Janet!" Dad gestures to Mom. "Give me your cell phone, we have to destroy it! It's a //drug//!"]] (click: "drug")[$t["Get lost, Terry," Mom says. "Charlie, can you go upstairs and [[get ready for school->Running Late]] while I deal with your stupid father?"]]]

(set: $prologuecounter to 1) (goto: "Top of Stairs")

(set: $dad to "Suspicious")(set: $mom to "Horrified")The squad finds themselves alone in Charlie's bedroom. Charlie is stuffed in his bed, blanket tucked up to his chin. Within the replica, Chunks and Susan go to war with one another. (click: "go to war")[$t["Forestgoddammit, Susan, what's the matter with you?! You're going to get us all killed!" Chunks says.]] (click: "all killed")[$t["I just wanted to pad that ego a little bit, Chunks. Y'know, let you know who's really in charge here," Susan says.]] (click: "really in charge")[$t["You wanna talk about ego? You're so in love with humans I bet you're really in league with them! You're here to sabotage this entire mission!"]] (click: "in league")[$t["Oh, right -- and this is coming from the person who tries to get to make their squad members panic at any given moment."]] (click: "panic")[$t["Hey, I'm just trying to keep you wimps on your toes --"]] (click: "on your toes")[$t[Mom screams from downstairs. Charlie goes [[to the window->CH Susan Bear Cutscene]].]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "14"))(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I fear I am not entirely certain what toast is," Horseradish says to the squad, sheepishly.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["What the hell is toast?" Chunks asks the squad.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Toast! Doesn't that sound nice?" Sprinkles asks the squad. "Toast toast toast! .. What is toast?"] (if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["It doesn't matter what it is, necessarily," Paul says, "just as long as it doesn't clog up the food distribution system."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["According to the replica manual, it shouldn't matter too much," Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["I like the sounds of it!" Tabloid says, shining their perfect white teeth. "The replica should be able to handle it!"] The replica, it should be noted, has a system wherein any ingested food is distributed to each squad member via a network of pneumatic tubes. This was designed to feed the squad throughout the mission and to provide a reasonable facsimile of food ingestion. "What do you want on it?" Mom asks. "Peanut butter, jam, or just butter?" (print: $c's 1st) ruminates. ".. [[peanut butter?->Peanut Butter]]" ".. [[jam?->Jam]]" ".. [[just.. butter?->Butter]]"

(set: $st to it + (a: "13"))(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I fear I am not entirely certain what oatmeal is," Horseradish says to the squad, sheepishly.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["What the hell is oatmeal?" Chunks asks the squad.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oatmeal! Doesn't that sound nice?" Sprinkles asks the squad. "Mealy mealy mealy oats oats oats! Okay, seriously though, what is oatmeal?"] (if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["It doesn't matter what it is, necessarily," Paul says, "just as long as it doesn't clog up the food distribution system."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["According to the replica manual, it shouldn't matter too much," Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["I like the sounds of it!" Tabloid says, shining their perfect white teeth. "The replica should be able to handle it!"] The replica, it should be noted, has a system wherein any ingested food is distributed to each squad member via a network of pneumatic tubes. This was designed to feed the squad throughout the mission and to provide a reasonable facsimile of food ingestion. (click: "ingestion")[$t[Mom produces a bowl of beige glop and thunks it down in front of Charlie. "Eat," she says. She attends to a smaller, unbathrobed human, who has their own bowl of beige glop displaced and splattered all over themself. (print: $c's 1st) thinks for a moment. "Should we eat it.." ".. with [[our hands?->Oatmeal with Hands]]" ".. with that [[long, thin metal thing?->Oatmeal with Spoon]]" ".. by [[picking up the bowl?->Oatmeal with Bowl]]"]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "15"))(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I fear I am not entirely certain what cereal is," Horseradish says to the squad, sheepishly.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["What the hell is cereal?" Chunks asks the squad.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Cereal! Doesn't that sound nice?" Sprinkles asks the squad. "Cereal cereal super cereal! What do you guys think cereal is?"] (if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["It doesn't matter what it is, necessarily," Paul says, "just as long as it doesn't clog up the food distribution system."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["According to the replica manual, it shouldn't matter too much," Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["I like the sounds of it!" Tabloid says, shining their perfect white teeth. "The replica should be able to handle it!"] The replica, it should be noted, has a system wherein any ingested food is distributed to each squad member via a network of pneumatic tubes. This was designed to feed the squad throughout the mission and to provide a reasonable facsimile of food ingestion. (click: "ingestion")[$t[Mom presents Charlie with a bowl of tiny crispy morsels. (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Oh, does that ever look //good//," Tabloid says.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["I think that's just about the perfect food we could have chosen in regards to the replica," Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Excellent, //excellent// choice. Very astute. You'll keep my beautiful replica in good shape," Paul says. "Cereal at every meal! Insist upon it!"] Mom is set to douse the morsels in milk.. (click: "in milk")[$t[but it's too late, (print: $c's 3rd) is already smashing the cereal into Charlie's face like their lives depended on it.]] (click: "smashing the cereal")[$t[Inside the replica, the squad happily pecks away at their cereal rations. "You must really have been hungry," Mom says. "Now go upstairs and [[get ready for school->On Time]], please."]]]]

(set: $addicted to true)(print: $c's 3rd) and (print: $c's 2nd) execute the eating protocol to perfection. But as soon as the tantalising scent of the peanut butter reaches the squad, chaos erupts. (click: "chaos erupts")[$t[The squad immediately gobble their portioned morsels of peanut butter toast, but instantly crave more. The animals have never before encountered such a delectable substance in the Taiga, and it has a palpable effect on the mental fortitude of the squad.]] (click: "mental fortitude")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["I MUST HAVE MORE," says Slim. "NOW, PLEASE."](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["GIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEPEANUTBUTTERAAAAAAARGHHHH," Fluffy says, with tact.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Gottahaveitgottahaveitgottahaveitgottahaveitgottahaveit," Guillermo mutters, rocking back and forth in their control position.] (print: $c's 1st) is flapping about from position to position within the suit, searching each nook and cranny for even a microgram more. (print: $c's 3rd) is rubbing their paws raw at the prospect of more. (print: $c's 4th) is catatonic, having come excruciatingly close to a taste of Forest Heaven.]] (click: "the prospect of more")[$t["MORE PEANUT BUTTER," Charlie bellows, a warble in his voice. Mom freezes. "You know, in this household we use a little word called //please//."]] (click: "please")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) can't take the withdrawal. They begin flailing their arms, knocking over cups of water and shakers of salt in their wake. Dad enters the room. "Is he allergic? Is this an anna-full-actic attack?! We gotta take him to the doctor!" "He's had peanut butter before," Mom says, "but this isn't right. We should absolutely call [[the doctor!->Doctor PB Cutscene]]"(set: $d to it + 35)(set: $mom to "Horrified")]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "16"))(print: $c's 2nd) leans Charlie over to the plate of toast and (print: $c's 1st) smashes the sniff button. (click: "sniff button")[$t["Hey!" (print: $c's 1st) says. "This spread is made of gorblesnucks!"]] (click: "gorblesnucks")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["It's a raspberry preserve," Susan says, as know-it-all-y as they can.](else:)[The squad is delighted at the familiar smell, the familiar touch of home. Mom looks on, quizzically. "It's raspberry jam, Charlie. You've had it before," she says.]]] (click: "raspberry")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is not "Susan")["Raspberries?!" scoffs (print: $c's 3rd). "What a //stupid// word!" The entire squad bursts out laughing(if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[, which boosts Xylophone's spirit immensely.](else:)[.]](else-if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Everyone laughs at Susan. Those are gorblesnucks. That's gorblesnuck spread. Duh. What an idiot, they think.]]] (click: "laugh")[$t[The eating protocol is executed. The squad delights in having a taste of home, and delights in making fun of (if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan.](if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[ All except Slim, who frowns sadly at the treatment their squadmate is taking.](else-if: $c's 3rd is not "Susan")[the word "raspberries", which their animal tongues flub as it evacuates their mouths.]] [$t["Can you please [[get ready for school->On Time]] now?" Mom asks.]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "17"))The slime that Mom spreads onto the so-called "toast" has a pleasurable scent. But just to be sure, (print: $c's 4th) runs a quick analysis. (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Ummmm.. seems fine?" Tabloid says. "Like, it's good for us. I mean, the replica. It's good for the replica."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Checks out," Sorghum says. "Might actually be good for the pneumatic tube system."](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Oh, good!" Paul says. "This substance will actually lubricate the pneumatic tubes //and// it's perfectly safe to eat. Our lucky day!"] (click: "says")[$t[The eating protocol is executed, the buttered toast is chomped down by Charlie and then the animals, and it actually seems to help the suit move a little better. "Request we eat more of this.. but-ter to assist with suit maintenance," (print: $c's 4th) asks.]] (click: "eat more")[$t["Granted," (print: $c's 1st) says."]] (click: "Granted")[$t[Charlie grabs the stick of butter on the table and begins forcing it down his gaping maw. He manages to eat a quarter of the stick before Mom turns around. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" she screams. "THAT IS VILE!"]] (click: "VILE")[$t[Mom nearly vomits. She pivots herself over the sink as a precaution. "Go upstairs and [[get ready for school->Running Late]] and get out of my sight," she says.(set: $d to it + 18)(set: $mom to "Disgusted")]]

(set: $charred to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "6"))(set: $mom to "Horrified")Without a second thought, (print: $c's 3rd) reaches Charlie's little fists into the bowl and begins forcing steaming fistfuls of oatmeal goo down Charlie's gullet. (click: "little fists into the bowl")[$t[Mom screams. "Charlie!! You're going to burn yourself!!"]] (click: "burn yourself")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) thinks about this for a second. They recoil, more from shame as opposed to instinct. "Ow?" Charlie says.]] (click: "Ow")[$t[Mom rushes over. She turns both of Charlie's hands over, inspecting them. "Oh God, would you look at what you've done?! You've burnt your palms real bad!" She rushes Charlie over to the sink and runs cold water over them. "Why would you do that?! You're smarter than that, Charlie!"]] (click: "smarter than that")[$t[(if: $beehive is false)[She gathers a bucket of ice water. "We need to call [[the doctor->Doctor Oatmeal Cutscene]] right away," she says.](else-if: $charred is true and $beehive is true)["And these bee stings?! How are you not screaming in pain right now?" Mom asks, puzzled. "We need to call [[the doctor->Doctor Oatmeal Cutscene]] right away!"]]]

(print: $c's 3rd) tentatively wraps Charlie's fingers around the spoon, as if they were avoiding its thorns. "It's okay," Mom says. "I'm //pretty// sure you know how to use a spoon." (click: "how to use a spoon")[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[$t[(display: "Oatmeal Taft")]](else-if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[$t[(display: "Oatmeal Susan")]](else-if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[$t[(display: "Oatmeal Xylophone")]]]

"Okay, everybody ready?" (print: $c's 3rd) asks the squad. "Here goes!" (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[(set: $d to it + 20)Taft clasps Charlie's greasy mitts to either side of the bowl. With a signal from (print: $c's 1st), they tilt the bowl back and chug all of the glop down. (click: "chug all of the glop")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["You're eating it too fast!" Paul says. "You're going to clog the tubes!"](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Hey, slow down!" Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["There's some sort of beeping.. alarm.. here!" Tabloid yells.] Alarm flashes on Mom's face. "Charlie?! Are you okay?"] (click: "Are you okay?")[$t["The tubes are blocked! The oatmeal is too thick!" (print: $c's 4th) yells.]] (click: "thick")[$t["We're going to have an overload!!" (print: $c's 1st) screams.]] (click: "overload")[$t[With nowhere for the oatmeal to go, the replica lurches and heaves for a few tense seconds..]] (click: "tense seconds")[$t[before Charlie regurgitates the excess oatmeal all over the kitchen table. And all over Mom. And all over the tiny human.]] (click: "regurgitates")[$t[(set: $mom to "Disgusted")"Oh, GOD!" Mom screams. She stands agape at the foul grotesquerie she is now tasked with cleaning. "Terry, take him [[upstairs->Bathtub]] and get him into the bathtub, now!!"]]]](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[(set: $d to it + 5)Susan gently grips the sides of the bowl, puts it to Charlie's mouth, and carefully tilts it back. (click: "tilts it back")[$t["Careful, now," (print: $c's 4th) says.]] (click: "Careful")[$t[But Susan is a pro. Though oatmeal is not ideal for the pneumatic tube system, they introduce it to the replica carefully enough so that no blockages are incurred, and each squad member is able to have a snack.]] (click: "have a snack")[$t["I've.. never seen you eat oatmeal like that before, Charlie," Mom says. "But as long as you eat the stuff, I'm happy. Can you go upstairs and [[get ready for school->On Time]] now?]]](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(set: $d to it + 20)Xylophone primes themself for their biggest challenge. They clamp both of Charlie's arms to the sides of the bowl. Xylophone is already sweating profusely. Within the arm control centre, they attempt to engage Charlie's clutch-and-lift program, but are simply too small and underpowered to execute such a maneuver. They struggle for a few moments.] (click: "a few moments")[$t["I.. can.. do it! I'm a .. strong mouse!" Xylophone says. They manage to lift the bowl a few centimetres off the table..]] (click: "off the table")[$t[but are unable to maintain their hold. The bowl slips and is upturned on the table.]] (click: "upturned")[$t[(set: $Mom to "Horrified")"Charlie!!" Mom screams. "What is your //problem?// You can't use a spoon like a normal kid?! Now you're gonna be late! Go upstairs and [[get ready for school!->Running Late]]" (if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Pathetic," says Sprinkles.]]]

{ (set: $goback to "") (set: $backpack to "") (set: $beehive to false) (set: $scraped to false) (set: $lollipop to false) (set: $grounded to false) (set: $charred to false) (set: $addicted to false) (set: $skunked to false) (set: $exhausted to false) (set: $admonish to false) (set: $mom to "Relieved") (set: $dad to "Unimpressed") (set: $dog to "Enemy") (set: $kids to "Disdainful") (set: $martin to "Disappointed") (set: $hanae to "Distrustful") (set: $tardiness to "Punctual") (set: $cleanliness to "Dreadful") (set: $hygiene to 1) (set: $clothing to 0) (set: $mazecounter to 0) (set: $distractteacher to 0) (set: $distractkids to 0) (set: $strikes to 0) (set: $benjiaware to false) (set: $gotbenji to false) (set: $benjicounter to 0) (set: $martincounter to 0) (set: $raisehandcounter to 0) (set: $washroomcounter to 0) (set: $desk to (either: "Plants", "Dogs", "Cats")) (set: $st to (a:)) (set: $story to (a:)) (set: $straighttoschool to false) (set: $nofirst to false) (set: $nosecond to false) (set: $nothird to false) (set: $nofourth to false) (display: "Bike Street Names") }

(set: $tardiness to "Delayed")Dad clutches Charlie by the flanks and hoists him upstairs into the bathroom. "The hell is the matter with you, Charlie? You come home at a ridiculous time, twigs and leaves in your hair, and then you puke your breakfast all over yourself?" (click: "puke your breakfast")[$t[Dad turns a silver handle, and water begins filling into a large basin. He gets awkward. "Just.. get in the bath or whatever. There's some bubbly soap there.. I mean, uh, you know what you're doing. I have to go to work now. Call your mom if you need help." He slams the door.]] (click: "you know what you're doing")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish strains in deep thought. "Oh, fiddlesticks. Let me recall.. It appears as though this is the human scrubbing procedure."](else-if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["So," Chunks says, "now we have to wash ourselves."](else-if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh, how delightful! It's bathtime, my favourite of all the times!" Sprinkles says.] "But which bath? There's two!" (print: $c's 3rd) warns. "It looks like there's one for adult humans, and one for children."]] (click: "warns")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) ponders. "We shall.." "[[leap->Bathtub Jump]] into the adult bathtub." "[[leap->Toilet Jump]] into the child bathtub." "[[avoid->Bathtub Avoid]] the water."]]

(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[(display: "Bathtub Slim")](else-if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[(display: "Bathtub Fluffy")](else-if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[(display: "Bathtub Guillermo")]

(print: $c's 2nd) hesitates. Then, with (print: $c's 4th)'s assistance, they lift Charlie's haunches and climb into the child bathtub. (click: "child bathtub")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish peers at their console. "How quizzical! The water only goes up to Charlie's ankles."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks peers at their console. "Not much of a bath. This just gets our feet wet."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles looks at their console. "It's a little cozy, and there's not that much water, but I kinda like it!"]]] (click: "console")[$t[The squad is confused. (print: $c's 1st) ponders the situation. "Maybe we should.." "push that [[small lever.->Toilet Lever]]" "[[splash the water->Toilet Splash]] on ourselves?" "just [[climb out.->Toilet Climb Out]]"]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "20"))This is a bad omen, the squad decides. A cursory scan reveals the human water is dangerously over-heated and contains minerals one would never find in a crisp Taiga stream. (click: "crisp Taiga stream")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Quick, chums! Let's engage in some skullduggery!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks surveys the landscape. "Let's take advantage of this," they say.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh! Oh!" Sprinkles says. "Let's try to trick Mom!"] Charlie stays out of the bathtub. The squad quickly removes Charlie's soiled clothing and stands facing the door, hands on hips, awaiting Mom's shining approval.]] (click: "shining approval")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Sh.. should we just be waiting for Charlie's mom like this? Shouldn't we hide?" Guillermo says."](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Mom's gonna kill us!!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim frets. "Is Mom going to appreciate this?"] A knock on the door. The squad jumps.]] (click: "knock on the door")[$t[(set: $mom to "Proud")Mom peeks her snout through the door. "Charlie, are you ready to go?" "I'm ready!" Charlie says. Mom comes through and breathes a sigh of relief. "It's so nice to see you taking charge of getting ready for once," she says. "Get dressed, I'll take you to school today. Hurry up!"]] (click: "Hurry up!")[$t[The squad pauses for a millisecond. [[//A lucky break?//->Part I First Choice Cutscene]] they think, in concert.(set: $straighttoschool to true)]]

With Charlie safely on his way to school, the squad enjoys a moment's respite. For the first time in hours, there is quiet within the Replica. Sweaty paws are wiped. Deep breaths are taken. And, in the burgeoning silence, one squad member takes the opportunity to speak to one of their squadmates using the private comm system. (print: $c's 1st).. (print: $c's 2nd).. (print: $c's 3rd).. (print: $c's 4th).. (click: "Horseradish")[(set: $story to (a: "Horseradish"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Chunks")[(set: $story to (a: "Chunks"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Sprinkles")[(set: $story to (a: "Sprinkles"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Slim")[(set: $story to (a: "Slim"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Fluffy")[(set: $story to (a: "Fluffy"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Guillermo")[(set: $story to (a: "Guillermo"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Taft")[(set: $story to (a: "Taft"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Susan")[(set: $story to (a: "Susan"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Xylophone")[(set: $story to (a: "Xylophone"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Tabloid")[(set: $story to (a: "Tabloid"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Sorghum")[(set: $story to (a: "Sorghum"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")] (click: "Paul")[(set: $story to (a: "Paul"))(goto: "Part I Second Choice Cutscene")]

(set: $st to it + (a: "18"))(set: $tardiness to "Tardy")[$t[Normally, such enthusiastic gestures would be muted by a creature as even-keeled as Slim. But the replica is hot and sticky. The prospect of a cool slough to wet one's fur is too much for Slim, and Charlie leaps into the tub as quickly as Slim can muster. The water rushes through the Replica's ventilation ducts, providing the squad with a sweet, cooling reprieve from the suffocating child-suit heat. In an instant, the cool caress of the water takes Slim back to their lodge, to the love and affection of their mate, to the peaceful burble of their corner of the Taiga. //Why am I doing this?// Slim wonders. //Why did I pull myself out of retirement? Why did I offer my services? Why did I jeopardise the things I love for this?// Charlie flops and rolls in the water as Slim thinks this through.] (click: "flops and rolls")[$t[//What if I don't return to my lodge?// Slim thinks. //Is the security of the greater Taiga above the security of myself and my family? I was around in the pre-Taiga era, unlike (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 3rd). It was tougher, for sure -- we had less support, but we were mostly left alone."//]] (click: "left alone")[$t[Slim submerges Charlie in the cool water and, for a moment, Slim smiles. //I'd give anything to be left alone.//]] (click: "give anything")[$t[There's some noise.]] (click: "some noise")[$t[The noise is Mom. Slim snaps back to attention.]] (click: "back to attention")[$t[(set: $mom to "Infuriated")"-- WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR! AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF?! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, CHARLIE?!" Mom snatches a sopping Charlie and lifts him up out of the bathtub. Charlie is quickly stripped, dried, redressed and ushered to an idling car. Mom chastises Charlie the entire way. The squad is furious, scrambling. Klaxons ring throughout the replica. But Slim -- Slim can't help but think about [[the water.->Part I First Choice Cutscene]](set: $straighttoschool to true)]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "18"))(set: $tardiness to "Tardy")[$t["Oh, thank FOREST God! It's so forestgoddamned HOT in here!" Fluffy says.]] (click: "HOT in here!")[$t[At Fluffy's direction, Charlie jumps into the bathtub and proceeds to submerge themselves under the cool water. Charlie hops onto all fours and shakes the water dry. After a tense few hours, the squad is eager to kick back and enjoy some brief rest and relaxation. The water rushes through the Replica's ventilation ducts, providing the squad with a sweet, cooling reprieve from the suffocating child-suit heat.] (click: "rest and relaxation")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[The spray of moisture that enters the replica control centre is pleasing, but Horseradish is quick to preen themselves as to maintain an air of respectability.](else-if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks shakes the water off their feathers as just another annoyance.](else-if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles is quick to play in the water, laughing and playing in what can only be viewed as an egregious breach of protocol.] (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft slaps Charlie's hands together repeatedly, watching the water splat in all directions.](else-if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan lets the water slip through Charlie's fingers with a bemused air.](else-if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone punches the water repeatedly -- for training purposes, they assure.] (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid kicks the water with Charlie's legs seductively.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum monitors the water levels within the Replica with a close eye.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul directs Charlie's legs to hang out of the bathtub, worried it will damage his precious Replica's feet.] The door opens.]] (click: "door opens")[$t[(set: $Mom to "Infuriated")"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BATHROOM?!" The squad peers at the bathroom, broken from their damp stupor. The bathroom is trashed. The floor is flooded. Human care products are scattered onto every surface. "You didn't even take your CLOTHES off, Charlie!" Mom says. Charlie is quickly stripped, dried, dressed, prepped, and ushered to an idling car. Mom chastises Charlie the whole way. The squad is snapped back into their dire reality -- rest and relaxation will [[not find them->Part I First Choice Cutscene]] here.(set: $straighttoschool to true)]]]

[$t[(set: $st to it + (a: "18"))Guillermo fights the urge to hop into the water. Instead, they place limiters on Charlie's limbs; the squad is forced to enter the water deliberately, and with care.]] (click: "with care")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Come on, Guillermo, where's your sense of style?" Tabloid says.](else-if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Good thinking," Sorghum says.](else-if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul is pleased. "Finally, some //sense// around here. Thank you, Guillermo."] Mom knocks on the door. "Charlie, how are you doing in here--]] (click: "in here")[$t[oh, God, Charlie, why didn't you take your clothes off?!" Mom quickly strips, dries, dresses, and ushers Charlie to an idling car. She's displeased, but not outwardly hostile, (print: $c's 1st) notes. "Some unfortunate oatmeal discharge aside, that went pretty well, though, right?" they say.]] (click: "oatmeal discharge")[$t[The squad responds [[with silence->Part I First Choice Cutscene]].(set: $straighttoschool to true)]]

(set: $tardiness to "Tardy")(set: $st to it + (a: "19"))(print: $c's 3rd) reaches down and presses the small lever. In an instant, the water begins to disappear with a loud rush. (click: "loud rush")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Crikes! Is this some kind of stream, built into the infrastructure of the house?!" Horseradish posits. Their brainworks consider this pointless development at a fevered rate.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Forestgoddamn it," Chunks barks, "you broke it, (print: $c's 3rd)!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["What did you DO, (print: $c's 3rd)?!" Sprinkles says.] Thankfully, the water reappears. (print: $c's 3rd), with a mixture of panic and curiosity, tries the lever again. The same result -- the water rushes away, and reappears after a few seconds. Charlie's feet remain the only bathed body part.]] (click: "only bathed body part")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Keep doing it! This is invaluable research for the Taiga!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["What possible use could this device have?" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Wow! It's a birdbath with its own water-replacer!" Sprinkles says.] The squad continues to operate the child bathtub lever...] (click: "child bathtub lever")[$t[when Mom strolls through the door.]]] (click: "strolls through the door")[$t[(set: $mom to "Infuriated")"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING, STANDING IN THE TOILET?!"]] (click: "STANDING IN THE TOILET?!")[$t[Mom whisks Charlie out of the child bathtub with a righteous fury. She quickly undresses, dries, redresses, and whisks Charlie to an idling automobile with ruthless efficiency. She says nothing while she does so, which [[terrifies the squad->Part I First Choice Cutscene]] more than any brow-chewing ever could.(set: $straighttoschool to true)]]

(set: $tardiness to "Tardy")(set: $st to it + (a: "19"))(print: $c's 2nd) leans Charlie down. Soon, the squad is scooping the water into Charlie's hands, vigorously splashing it atop the Replica's head. (click: "vigorously splashing")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Tremendous, chums! Our dear mother shall be delighted at our fortuitiveness," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Good. This is really good," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yes! Yes, my squad buddies! We're doing so well!" Sprinkles says.] Mom opens the door and stands agape in the doorway.]] (click: "stands agape")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Mother dearest! I'm so pleased to have been cleansed!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks looks at Mom. "Hello, Mother," they say.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkes looks at Mom. "Mom! I'll be all clean in a jiffy!"] Mom screams. (set: $mom to "Infuriated") "WHY ARE YOU IN THE TOILET, CHARLIE?!"]] (click: "TOILET")[$t[Mom whisks Charlie out of the child bathtub. He is undressed, dried, cleaned, redressed, and whisked to an idling automobile. Mom screams at Charlie the whole way. The squad is terrified. They swallow the lumps in their throats. This has not been a [[good start->Part I First Choice Cutscene]].(set: $straighttoschool to true)]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "19"))The squad decides that nothing about the child bathtub feels right. They step down carefully, their socks sopping from the stale water. "We should take these off," (print: $c's 2nd) suggests. (click: "take these off")[$t[Indeed, the squad, with some difficulty, manages to disrobe. They arrange the oatmealed clothing in a neat pile when Mom walks through the door.]] (click: "Mom walks through")[$t["Oh, good, you're all done." Her tone is firm, but less horrified than before. "Hurry up and get dressed, we need to go!"]] (click: "need to go!")[$t[Mom expedites the getting-ready-for-school process by gently but firmly guiding Charlie through the entire process, to the great relief of the squad. Eventually, Charlie is led to an idling automobile and ushered in. That was relatively easy, they collectively think, but would it [[get any easier->Part I First Choice Cutscene]] from here?(set: $straighttoschool to true)]]

Your squad members are (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[''Horseradish the owl''](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[''Chunks the magpie''](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[''Sprinkles the finch''], (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[''Slim the beaver''](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[''Fluffy the fox''](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[''Guillermo the rabbit''], (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[''Taft the chipmunk''](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[''Susan the squirrel''](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[''Xylophone the mouse''], and (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[''Tabloid the weasel''](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[''Sorghum the gopher''](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[''Paul the stoat'']. Charlie... |== (if: $beehive is true)[(colour: "red")[has been stung by bees]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>has been stung by bees</s>]] (if: $scraped is true)[(colour: "red")[has been scraped up]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>has been scraped up</s>]] (if: $charred is true)[(colour: "red")[has burnt/damaged hands]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>has burnt/damaged hands</s>]] (if: $lollipop is true)[(colour: "red")[is in possession of a lollipop]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>is in possession of a lollipop</s>]] (if: $grounded is true)[(colour: "red")[is grounded]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>is grounded</s>]] (if: $addicted is true)[(colour: "red")[is addicted to peanut butter]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>is addicted to peanut butter</s>]] ==| (if: $spinning is true)[(colour: "red")[is enamored with "twirling"]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>is enamored with "twirling"</s>]] (if: $secondstory is true)[(colour: "red")[smashed through a second-story window]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>smashed through a second-story window</s>]] (if: $bearinyard is true)[(colour: "red")[was visited by Noodles the bear]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>was visited by Noodles the bear</s>]] (if: $skunked is true)[(colour: "red")[engaged the secret skunk protocol]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>engaged the secret skunk protocol</s>]] (if: $exhausted is true)[(colour: "red")[has an exhausted squad]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>has an exhausted squad</s>]] |==| Charlie's current physical appearance is (if: $cleanliness is "Dreadful")[(colour: "orange")[dreadful]](else-if: $cleanliness is "Shabby")[(colour: "orange")[shabby]](else-if: $cleanliness is "Passable")[(colour: "green")[passable]](else-if: $cleanliness is "Pristine")[(colour: "blue")[pristine]]. His hygiene is (if: $hygiene is 1)[(colour: "orange")[abysmal]](else-if: $hygiene is 2)[(colour: "orange")[troubling]](else-if: $hygiene is 3)[(colour: "green")[adequate]](else-if: $hygiene >= 4)[(colour: "blue")[sparkling]]. (if: (history:) contains "Back Entrance" or "Before Breakfast")[Mom is (lowercase: $mom). Dad is (lowercase: $dad).] (if: (history:) contains "Mom and Dad's Room Cutscene")[The dog (Janie) is (if: $dog is "Enemy")[an enemy](else:)[(lowercase: $dog)].] (if: (history:) contains "Part II Cutscene")[Martin is (lowercase: $martin), while Hanae is (lowercase: $hanae).] (if: (history:) contains "Waypoint Back")[Your featured story animals are (print: $story's 1st) and (print: $story's 2nd).] Go back to the game? Or restart? [$t[You sure you want to?]](restart| (click: "Go back")[(goto: $goback)] (click: "restart?")[(show: ?restart)(click: "want to?")[(reload:)]]

Your squad members are (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[''Horseradish the owl''](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[''Chunks the magpie''](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[''Sprinkles the finch''], (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[''Slim the beaver''](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[''Fluffy the fox''](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[''Guillermo the rabbit''], (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[''Taft the chipmunk''](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[''Susan the squirrel''](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[''Xylophone the mouse''], and (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[''Tabloid the weasel''](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[''Sorghum the gopher''](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[''Paul the stoat'']. Charlie... |== (if: $beehive is true)[(colour: "red")[has been stung by bees]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] (if: $scraped is true)[(colour: "red")[has been scraped up]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] (if: $charred is true)[(colour: "red")[has burnt/damaged hands]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] (if: $lollipop is true)[(colour: "red")[is in possession of a lollipop]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] (if: $grounded is true)[(colour: "red")[is grounded]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] (if: $addicted is true)[(colour: "red")[is addicted to peanut butter]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] ==| (if: $spinning is true)[(colour: "red")[is enamored with "twirling"]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] (if: $secondstory is true)[(colour: "red")[smashed through a second-story window]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] (if: $bearinyard is true)[(colour: "red")[was visited by Noodles the bear]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] (if: $skunked is true)[(colour: "red")[engaged the secret skunk protocol]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] (if: $exhausted is true)[(colour: "red")[has an exhausted squad]](else:)[(colour: "grey")[...]] |==| Charlie's current physical appearance is (if: $cleanliness is "Dreadful")[(colour: "orange")[dreadful]](else-if: $cleanliness is "Shabby")[(colour: "orange")[shabby]](else-if: $cleanliness is "Passable")[(colour: "green")[passable]](else-if: $cleanliness is "Pristine")[(colour: "blue")[pristine]]. His hygiene is (if: $hygiene is 1)[(colour: "orange")[abysmal]](else-if: $hygiene is 2)[(colour: "orange")[troubling]](else-if: $hygiene is 3)[(colour: "green")[adequate]](else-if: $hygiene >= 4)[(colour: "blue")[sparkling]]. (if: (history:) contains "Back Entrance" or "Before Breakfast")[Mom is (lowercase: $mom). Dad is (lowercase: $dad).] (if: (history:) contains "Mom and Dad's Room Cutscene")[The dog (Janie) is (if: $dog is "Enemy")[an enemy](else:)[(lowercase: $dog)].] (if: (history:) contains "Part II Cutscene")[Martin is (lowercase: $martin), while Hanae is (lowercase: $hanae).] Go back to the game? Or restart? [$t[You sure you want to?]](restart| (click: "Go back")[(goto: $goback)] (click: "restart?")[(show: ?restart)(click: "want to?")[(reload:)]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "21"))Mom looks over at Dad, who peers over his newspaper with mild concern. (click: "mild concern")[$t["Terry, can you please //call the doctor//?!" she says.]] (click: "call the doctor")[$t[Dad sets down his cup of steaming liquid, walks over to the window, and opens it.]] (click: "the window")[$t["Hey, Marvin!" he screams at the neighbouring house. "MARVIN! Can you come over here for a sec?"]] (click: "come over here")[$t[In a few moments, another bathrobed man appears in the doorway. He is older than Dad, greying and grizzled, with a pair of salty grapes for eyes. He sets his cup of steaming liquid down and walks over to Charlie. "Ah, Charlie, m'boy! Losing our marbles, are we? You have a handful of gummi bears for breakfast?" he says, with a chuckle.]] (click: "gummi bears")[$t[Klaxons and alarms ring throughout the suit. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Please.. the nut butter," Charlie says in agony.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["More nut butter.." Charlie demands, a slight froth forming around his lips.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["More nut butter more more more more more more," Charlie garbles.]]] (click: "nut butter")[$t[Marvin frowns and leans in closer for another look. "Well, he ain't allergic, he's asking for more! Maybe he needs a bit of the ol' spanking treatment?" He chuckles again. Mom shoots him a death glare. "Well, okay - let's take him to the hospital, then.]] (click: "the hospital")[$t[The squad panics. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish tries to shake off the peanut butter mania. "We mustn't allow such a thing, squadron! They'll use their human lasers on us and the jig will surely be up! (print: $c's 4th), do something!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["NO," Chunks yells. "We.. can't let that happen. (print: $c's 4th), do something!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["No no no no!" yells Sprinkles, snapping back to a semblance of reality. "(print: $c's 4th), do something! You gotta stop this!"]]] (click: "do something")[$t[(print: $c's 4th) struggles to shake off the peanut butter attack. With Herculean effort, they crawl towards the switch on their command console labeled "SQUAD CLEANSE", and smash it.]] (click: "SQUAD CLEANSE")[$t[At the touch of the switch, the in-Replica sprinkler system activates. Freezing water drenches each squad member in turn, jolting them into self-control. The squad jumps back to their controls. Charlie sits upright.]] (click: "sits upright")[$t["I am fine," Charlie says. "I'll go get ready for school now." Mom, Dad, and Marvin are baffled. The squad maneuvers Charlie upstairs, gathers his things, and marches into Mom's idling automoblie to be ushered to school. Mom's dander is up. The squad is on edge. The prospect of peanut butter lingers in the back of their minds. They look to one another, hoping they can be willed by one another to resist its intoxicating charms. But they know their is lacking, and that scares them to their cores. What other horrible human substances will fall in their laps? [[Continue->Part I First Choice Cutscene]](set: $straighttoschool to true)]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "22"))The squad finds themselves alone in Charlie's bedroom. Charlie is stuffed in his bed, blanket tucked up to his chin. Within the replica, (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim quietly turns to Horseradish. "You know, I don't think that was the wisest course of action."](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy turns to Horseradish in a rage. "What the Forest Hell was that, Horseradish?! You're totally gonna get us all meatpied!"](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo turns to Horseradish. "Um, you know, I normally agree with all of your decisions, but.. I don't know about that one."] (click: "turns to")[$t["My fellow Taigans," Horseradish begins, "I regret the mission has not begun to your satisfaction. However, the humans have a saying, when life gives you lemons, you must aid them into making.. more lemons."]] (click: "aid them")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) bursts into laughter.]] (click: "bursts")[$t["And," Horseradish continues, "we must make the best of this. Admittedly, we find ourselves in a difficult position, with Mother suspicious. We may find ourselves privy to further physical examination, which we must avoid at all costs.]] (click: "avoid")[$t["Now, I fancy myself as a fair and just leader. In order to restore your faith in me, I shall rest this decision in your fair paws. I have some semblance of how to proceed, but if you feel you have a better plan for fair Charlie, I am open to suggestions." (print: $c's 2nd) frets. "Okay, so should we.. "[[listen to Horseradish?->HR Sick Escape Plan]]" "[[come up with our own plan?->HR Sick Own Plan Cutscene]]"]]

(set: $grounded to true)(set: $secondstory to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "220"))Horseradish smiles. "You shan't regret this, team." (click: "regret this")[$t[In a flash, Horseradish orders the Replica up out of bed, to his feet..]] (click: "his feet")[$t[and through the second-story window to the ground below.]] (click: "second-story window")[$t["What the HELL was that?!" Dad yells, muffled from inside the house.]] (click: "inside the house")[$t["Excellently done!" Horseradish says. Charlie brushes broken glass off his clothes. "Everything in order? (print: $c's 4th), we're ship-shape? Delightful! [[School, ho!->Part I First Choice Cutscene]]"]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "23"))(set: $grounded to true)(set: $backpack to (either: "Toys", "Books", "Rocks"))Horseradish frowns, but is deferential. "Very well. I trust you have the Taiga's best interests in mind," they say. (click: "best interests")[$t[After a quick intra-squad consultation, Charlie gets up out of bed. They grab their backpack and walk downstairs. Mom and Dad sit at the kitchen table, in the throes of an argument. At the sight of Charlie on the stair, they put down their cups of steaming liquid.]] (click: "steaming liquid")[$t["Charlie," Mom says.]] (click: "Mom says.")[$t["Mother," Charlie says.]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t["Charlie," Dad says.]] (click: "Dad says.")[$t["Father."]] (click: "Father.")[$t["Should you not be in bed right now, my boy?"]] (click: "my boy")[$t["I regret to inform you I will be attending lectures this morning. Do not impede me, dear parents."]] (click: "dear parents")[$t["Oh no you don't," Mom says. "Get back into bed."]] (click: "back into bed")[$t[Charlie takes a step towards the door.]] (click: "step towards the door")[$t["DON'T take another step," Mom says.]] (click: "another step")[$t[Charlie takes another step.]] (click: "another step.")[$t["Are you just gonna let this happen?!" Mom says to Dad, who leans back in his chair, greatly amused.]] (click: "let this happen")[$t["Look at him take charge! Look at the proud MAN he's become, disobeying his mother like that! I think I'm going to allow this," Dad says.]] (click: "allow this")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Not a great father," Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Wow, our father is a real manure pile," Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Let's get away from this dirt pile," Guillermo says.] As Charlie walks past his recalcitrant father, (print: $c's 4th) swings a leg and trips Dad's chair, sending him sprawling to the floor. As he tumbles, he splashes his cup of steaming liquid on his face.]] (click: "on his face")[$t["Aaaaagh! My broth!" he says.]] (click: "My broth!")[$t["I think I'm going to allow this," Mom says, smiling, as Charlie slips through the front door on the way to school.]] (click: "to school")[$t[Horseradish addresses the squad. "I will concede that was particularly simple. My only concern is how Mother and Father shall respond later in the evening, but I trust you have a plan for that as well."]] (click: "a plan")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd), (print: $c's 2nd), and (print: $c's 4th) murmur to themselves. They don't. [[They really, really don't.->Part I First Choice Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "22"))(set: $dad to "Suspicious")(set: $mom to "Infuriated")The squad finds themselves alone in Charlie's bedroom. Charlie is stuffed in his bed, blanket tucked up to his chin. Within the replica, Sprinkles frets to the squad. "Listen, I'm sorry, okay? You all remember Human Child Behaviour 101, right? Children like to play dumb!" (click: "play dumb")[$t[There's a nervous silence, until (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft speaks up. "Could have at least given us a commander who has had //some// field experience," they cluck.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan barks at Sprinkles. "You moron. You //need// to do better than this."](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone tries to play tough. "//You're// pretty dumb, Sprinkles!"]]] (click: "nervous silence")[$t[Like a good leader should, Sprinkles gets defensive. "Shut up! I know exactly what I'm doing. And we can't stay in this room. And so, we're going to.. "[[sneak out.->SP Sneak Out]]" "[[bargain with Mom.->SP Bargain]]"]]

(set: $grounded to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "24"))Sprinkles directs Charlie to get out of bed and steers him towards the window. With a heave, he opens it and pokes his head out for a better look. "This is how we're doing it, okay? We're gonna fly like a bird!" Sprinkles informs the squad. (click: "informs the squad")[$t[A breeze ruffles Charlie's hair. (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Wait, we're climbing out the window?" Tabloid says. "Are we expected to shimmy down the drainpipe, or what?"](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum nods. "Makes sense," they say.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["No. Absolutely not. We mustn't damage my Replica," Paul says.]]] (click: "Charlie's hair")[$t[Sprinkles smiles. "It's the only way out," they say, teasingly. "(print: $c's 3rd), get us started."]] (click: "get us started")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[(set: $secondstory to true)"Watch this," Taft says. With a flourish, they whip Charlie's arms out the window, and miss. (click: "miss")[$t[Charlie plummets and crashes into the Earth. "What the HELL was that?!" Dad bellows from inside.]] (click: "plummets")[$t["No no no no no no!" Sprinkles says. "Hurry, let's [[get out of here!->Part I First Choice Cutscene]]"]]](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Sprinkles, you better have some explanation handy for Mom and Dad," Susan chides. Susan maneuvers Charlie onto the windowsill, and with their knowledge of both humandom and squirreldom, and the cooperation of (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 4th), Charlie slides down the drainpipe and lands safely. "Hmph, whatever. Pretty good for a traitor, I guess," Sprinkles says. Susan laughs at this. "You could at least [[thank me->Part I First Choice Cutscene]]," they say to Sprinkles.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["O.. okay," Xylophone says. With trepidation, they maneuver Charlie onto the windowsill. They clutch the drainpipe and direct the other members of the squad to follow, but their grip is simply too weak, and they plummet to the Earth below. (click: "plummet")[$t["Oh Forest God! Is everyone okay?!" Xylophone says. "You moron," Sprinkles chirps at Xylophone. "We'd be more useful with Charlie's arms limp at his sides!" "What the HELL was that?!" Dad says from inside.]] (click: "limp")[$t[Xylophone attempts a vicious rebuttal to Sprinkles, but they retreat into silence. The looming cloud of self-doubt which follows Xylophone around is starting to [[take control->Part I First Choice Cutscene]].]]]]]

"You want decisive action? Just watch //this// decisive action!" Sprinkles tells the squad. Charlie marches downstairs and intercepts Mom and Dad, who are engaged in a heated debate about Charlie's behaviour. "He can't just disappear all night, lose his phone, and then pretend as though he has no idea what -- or where -- his phone is!" Mom says. "There //have// to be consequences here!" (click: "consequences")[$t["Aren't you the one who's always chiding him to play outside, get off the videoed games, get off the intelligent telephones, and so forth? Can't get mad at him for doing what you asked," Dad says.]] (click: "doing what you asked")[$t[Charlie appears at the base of the stairs. Mom and Dad turn and stare. Within Charlie's skull, in their command centre, Sprinkles hovers over two buttons: [["PLAY IT COOL"->SP Play It Cool]] and [["BAMBOOZLE"->SP Bamboozle]].]]

(set: $grounded to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "23"))Sprinkles smashes the BAMBOOZLE button, and briskly walks past Mom and Dad out the door. "Hey mom hey dad I'm really sorry about the cell phone but y'know school has been really tough lately and like I dunno the SATs are coming up and you know I've been studying really hard I know how badly you want me to get into a decent academy or whatever and I think it's really important for me to focus on my studies so I can become a dentist or librarian or whatever like you always wanted okay I'm off to school now I promise I'll find my cell phone later I'm sorry for the snarky response okay I'm leaving now bye farewell I love you very much I'll talk to you soon okay byeeeeeeee!" (click: "byeeeeeeee")[$t[Charlie shuts the door behind him. Mom and Dad are silent.]] (click: "silent")[$t["You're right," Dad says. "There //is// something wrong with him." [[Continue..->Part I First Choice Cutscene]]]]

(set: $Dad to "Inspired")(set: $st to it + (a: "23"))Sprinkles smashes the PLAY IT COOL button, and walks right past Mom and Dad without a word through the door. "See?" Dad says. "Look at that cool, masculine energy! That's what we need to be fostering!" Mom's furious response to Dad is muffled by the door as Charlie shuts it behind him. [[Continue..->Part I First Choice Cutscene]]

(set: $bearinyard to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "10"))"Terry, there's a BROWN BEAR IN THE FRONT YARD!" Mom screams. (click: "BROWN BEAR")[$t[Charlie peers out the window. "Hey, is that Noodles?" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "Noodles")[$t[Noodles the brown bear looks up to the window and waves. Dad waggles a broom at the ursine beast while Mom sobs onto the phone. "Yes, police?! There's a bear in my front yard!" she says.]] (click: "ursine beast")[$t[The squad struggles to comprehend this turn of events before Hank crackles through the squad communication system. "Excuse me, but while you two were busy arguing, we engineered a distraction, and I suggest you take advantage of it before we're all discovered," they say, irritated.]] (click: "distraction")[$t[Chunks and Susan put the bickering aside and hop to action. Charlie sneaks through the back door and proceeds on his way to school. Dad continues waggling his deadly broom. Mom is pleading with the police to hurry. Noodles performs a delightful jig to an ungrateful audience. [[Continue..->Part I First Choice Cutscene]]]]

(set: $prologuecounter to it + 1)Charlie stands at the top of the stairs. Before him and the squad are three doors: one adorned with a poster of a giant lizard, one with a set of antlers above it, and one with a cross-stitched picture of daylilies hanging from it. (if: (history:) contains "Top of Stairs")[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["The quandry continues!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks groans. "Again?" they say.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles bounces excitedly. "Oh wow, this is STILL a hard decision!"]](else:)[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah, a quandry!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks groans. "Let's choose quick," they say.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles bounces excitedly. "The dragon! No, the flowers! No, wait, the deer horn! Oh wow, this is hard!"]] The squad decides to go.. through [[the antler door.->Mom and Dad's Room Cutscene]] through [[the daylily door.->Bathroom]] through [[the lizard door.->Charlie's Room]] (if: (history:) contains "Backpack")[[[back downstairs->Part I First Choice Cutscene]].]

(set: $prologuecounter to it + 1)(if: (history:) contains "Dog Confrontation" and "Dog Lollipop")["this lollipop's gonna take me a few hours, chuck -- don't think i can play smell the thing with you right now," the dog says. [[Head back..->Top of Stairs]]](else-if: (history:) contains "Dog Confrontation")[Charlie peeks in the antlered door once again, and discovers the dog is fast asleep. The squad decides discretion is the better part of valour, and [[turns back->Top of Stairs]].](else:)[(set: $st to it + (a: "25"))Charlie approaches the antlered door, creaks it open, and peeks inside. (click: "peeks inside")[$t["I've got a bad feeling about this," (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "bad feeling")[$t[But the room seems perfectly fine -- the curtains are open, filling the room with a refreshing breeze; the bed is neatly made, topped with a handmade floral quilt; and, lying on the floor, a monstrous hellbeast snoozes peacefully.]] (click: "monstrous hellbeast")[$t[Panic grips the squad. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["IT'S A DOG," screams Taft.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["A PUPPY," screams Susan.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone can barely manage the words. "D-d-d-dog!! DOG!"]]] (click: "Panic")[$t[Charlie is frozen. The dog raises their head. "hm? chuck? that you?" They sniff the air suspiciously. "you smell weird, chuck."]] (click: "you smell weird")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, dear squadron, we find ourselves in an unenviable position," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["This is bad," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh no! Oh no no no no!" Sprinkles says.] The dog's guard is up. They raise to their haunches and begin to [[snarl->Dog Confrontation]]. "what have you done with chuck?!" they say.]]]

Charlie enters a shiny, unfamiliar room. A faint hint of chemicals pervades the room, as if its porcelain fixtures and metal surfaces were recently damp. Everything feels cold to the touch, particularly the floor. One wall contains a gateway to an identical room with an identical-looking boy in it. (if: (history:) contains "HR Bathroom Choice" or "CH Bathroom Choice" or "SP Bathroom Choice")["I think we've [[exhausted->Top of Stairs]] everything we can do in here," (print: $c's 1st) says.](else:)[The squad has no idea what to do in here. (click: "no idea")[$t[Mom calls from up the stairs. "Charlie?! You better be washing up for school!"]] (click: "washing up")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Affirmative, Mother!" Charlie calls.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Yes, mom!" Charlie calls.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["You got it, Mama bear!" Charlie calls.] "Okay, so how do we wash up?" (print: $c's 2nd) asks.]] (click: "wash up")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "HR Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "CH Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "SP Bathroom Choice")]]]]

(set: $prologuecounter to it + 1)Charlie steps into what must be his room -- there are Charlie-sized clothes strewn onto every surface and posters of monstrous city-eating lizards fighting giant mechanical humanoids on every wall. The room smells as if the original Charlie had attempted to store perishable foodstuffs for winter; the squad finds it hard to focus. It's hard to imagine any creature, let alone a humanoid, thriving in such squalor. (if: (history:) contains "Backpack")[The squad discerns there is nothing else of value in Charlie's bedroom, and so they [[turn back->Top of Stairs]] to the hallway.](else:)[(click: "Charlie-sized clothes")[$t["Should we do something about our clothing?" (print: $c's 4th) asks.]] (click: "our clothing")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "HR Charlie Room Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "CH Charlie Room Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "SP Charlie Room Choice")]]]]

(set: $prologuecounter to it + 1)[The dog starts to bark. "chuck?! you smell like four animals of varying sizes and habitats have been stuffed inside you! chuck!!" (click: "four animals")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["My beautiful career!" Tabloid says, anguished. "//Snuffed!//"](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Oh no, we have to act fast," Sorghum says. "I refuse to be another dead gopher!"](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Protect the Replica! Protect it at all costs!" Paul screams.] (print: $c's 1st) ponders for a split second. "We're going to.." "[[pet it!->Dog Pet]] Kill it with kindness!" "[[run from it!->Dog Run]] Live to fight another day!" "[[talk to it!->Dog Talk]] Maybe we can reason with it!" (if: $lollipop is true)["[[give it that lollipop->Dog Lollipop]] Dad gave us!"](else:)[]]]]

(set: $prologuecounter to it + 1)(print: $c's 3rd), with great hesitance, stretches Charlie's hand out to pet the dog. (set: $st to it + (a: "26"))(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah," Charlie says, "aren't you a resplendent canine?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Accept my affection, dog," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Pets! You like pets, don't you! Pet pet pet?" Charlie says.] (click: "pet the dog")[$t[The dog's snarl grows. "i don't know what you did with chuck, but you're gonna get it, pal," they say.]] (click: "get it, pal")[$t["Brace for impact!!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "impact")[$t[(if: $beehive is true)[(display: "Dog Beehive")](else:)[(set: $mom to "Horrified")The dog lunges and chomps Charlie's hand. Alarms blare throughout the suit. (print: $c's 1st) inadvertently blurts a Taiga curse word through Charlie's vocal unit. Mom rushes upstairs. "JANIE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"]] (click: "JANIE")[$t["i'm telling you, ma, there's something wrong with chuck!" Janie says. Mom yells at Janie to stop barking and slams the bedroom door. They usher Charlie to the bathroom. "Does it hurt?" Mom asks.]] (click: "hurt?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Nothing that a little morsel of Mother's kindness won't fix!" Charlie says. The rest of the squad rolls their eyes at Horseradish.](else-if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I'm fine," Charlie says, with Chunks playing it perhaps slightly too cool.](else-if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Ouchie ouch ouch! I should be okay for school with a bandage, though!" Charlie says, with Sprinkles' trademark inflection.] "You sure? You're quite the trooper, Charlie. Let me get this taken care of and then it's [[off to school->Part I First Choice Cutscene]]. As the squad gets bandaged up and ushered to an idling automobile with backpack in tow, Janie appears in the doorway of Mom and Dad's room. "i know you're not chuck, and i'm gonna prove it," Janie says. The squad gulps in fear.(set: $backpack to (either: "Toys", "Books", "Rocks"))(set: $dog to "Enemy")(set: $charred to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "6"))(set: $straighttoschool to true)]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "27"))(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Full reverse!!" Horseradish screams.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Get us out of here!" Chunks screams.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Flee!!" Sprinkles screams.] (click: "screams")[$t[(print: $c's 2nd) pivots the Replica and (print: $c's 4th) punches Charlie's legs into gear. The dog barks and nips at Charlie's heels. "see? if you really were chuck, you wouldn't be scared of me! we're supposed to be a team!"]] (click: "into gear")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[(display: "Dog Run Tabloid")](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[(display: "Dog Run Sorghum")](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[(display: "Dog Run Paul")]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["We must appeal to reason!" Horseradish says. "The same reason and cooperation which are the fundamental, guiding principles of the Taiga!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["We can't get in a fight today," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["We can't fight a doggy like this! We gotta talk to it!" Sprinkles says.] "Wait, wait!" Charlie says.(set: $st to it + (a: "28")) (click: "Wait, wait!")[$t[The dog's tail sashays slightly. "chuck? is that actually you?" (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "Dog Talk HR Choice")](else-if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "Dog Talk CH Choice")](else-if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "Dog Talk SP Choice")]]]

(set: $lollipop to false)(set: $st to it + (a: "30"))(set: $dog to "Friendly")"i swear, chuck, something's not right here, and i'm gonna get the answers i need or so help me i'll -- oh wow, is that a watermelon lollipop?" (click: "watermelon lollipop")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) extends Charlie's lollipopped hand out to the pup in a gesture of goodwill. The dog eagerly licks the treat, cramming words between their gasping slurps.]] (click: "cramming words")[$t["chuck, this is -- mmmph -- good stuff. where'd you get it? from the petting zoo you rolled around in? ha ha ha"]] (click: "ha ha ha")[$t[The dog crouches down, lollipop held between their paws. "i'm just gonna work on this for a bit, chuck -- i'll catch ya later. thanks again, much obliged."]] (click: "much obliged")[$t["Well, that was weird," (print: $c's 4th) says. [[Continue..->Top of Stairs]]]]

The squad braces themselves for the worst. But nothing happens. (click: "nothing happens")[$t["No damage," (print: $c's 3rd) reports, "except for wetness?"]] (click: "wetness")[$t[The dog eagerly licks Charlie's outstretched paw. "oh, gosh, chuck -- your hand tastes like honey! oh this is good stuff. i approve. good job." "Right!" (print: $c's 1st) says. "The beehive our hand was stuck in! What a relief."]] (click: "relief")[$t[(set: $dog to "Friendly")"hey, that was really great, chuck. i'm gonna take a nap. catch ya later." [[Head back..->Top of Stairs]]]]

(set: $dog to "Enemy")But this is Tabloid's first experience with real, unorchestrated danger, and they don't have the chops to handle it. Their paws fumble the controls and Charlie trips over his own legs, tumbling to the ground. (click: "trips over")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Tabloid, you monstrous dunderhead!" Horseradish screams.](else-if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Tabloid, you idiot," Chunks screams.](else-if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Tabloid, what is the matter with you?!" Sprinkles screams.] The dog starts gnawing at Charlie's trousers. "see? your pants don't even taste the same."]] (click: "taste the same")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Pleasure knowing you all," Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Uggggggggghhh, I'm gonna die, we're gonna die, we're all gonna die!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo quivers in panic.] The squad whispers one last prayer to the Forest God.]] (click: "one last prayer")[$t[.. and it is answered by Dad, lumbering up the stairs to address the commotion. [(if: $dad is "Unimpressed")["What the hell are you doing, Charlie? WHy are you roughhousing with the dog?! Janie, get off of him! Come on, you're going to be late for school!"](if: $dad is "Suspicious")[(set: $grounded to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "8"))"Janie, get off of him! What the hell is wrong with you, Charlie? First we find you cavorting in the woods, now you're fighting the dog?!](if: $dad is "Emotional?")["JANIE!" Dad screams. "Get OFF of my SPECIAL BOY." Dad grabs Janie and locks her in their bedroom. Dad crouches down and kisses Charlie on the forehead. "Are you okay, my sweet boy?"](if: $dad is "Inspired")["Janie, get off of him! Git!" Dad shoves Janie into the antler room and shuts the door tight. Janie continues to bark behind the closed door. "You alright there, buddy? Ignore that //heinous// dog. Hurry up and get ready for school, okay?"]]]] (click: "commotion")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["You vainglorious ninny!" Horseradish says to Tabloid. "Your inefficacy is galling! Galling, I say!"](else-if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["You're an idiot, Tabloid," Chunks says.](else-if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["It's okay, Tabloid!" Sprinkles says, their heart all a-flutter. "You'll do better next time!"] Tabloid smirks in embarrassment, but [[says nothing->Top of Stairs]].]]

(set: $dog to "Neutral")Luckily for the squad, Sorghum is unfortunately accustomed to fleeing from danger. Sorghum sprints across the hall, throwing a well-placed kick to the dog as they pass through the lizard door. "ow," the dog says, and turns around, interest diminished. (click: "interest diminished")[$t[Sorghum slumps back from their console, exhausted. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Well done, old chap!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Not bad," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Wow! That was great," Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->Charlie's Room]]]]

(set: $dog to "Enemy")(set: $mom to "Disgusted")(set: $st to it + (a: "11"))"Squad," Paul says, their voice betraying no emotion, "did anyone engage the safety interlocks? It might cause undue damage to the hamstring servos if we continue. We're running over capacity as it is." (click: "over capacity")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["You useless dunderpate!" Horseradish screams. "Just //run//!!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Forestgoddamnit, Paul - just //go//!!" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["FORGET THE INTERLOCKS! MOVE!" Sprinkles screams.] But it's too late.]] (click: "too late")[$t[(set: $scraped to true)The dog leaps and tackles Charlie, scraping the Replica in the process. Paul's brow furrows. "My.. REPLICA. My precious replica." They peer over the damage readout in a rage. "Now you're going to get it, dog."]] (click: "get it, dog")[$t[Paul lifts a protective cover, inserts a special key, and smashes the "LAST RESORT" button.]] (click: "LAST RESORT")[$t[(set: $mom to "Disgusted")(set: $skunked to true)Charlie's mouth opens. A hidden nozzle in Charlie's uvula sprays skunk extract into the dog's gaping maw. "holy god why, chuck?!" they say. The dog sprints into the antlered room, whining and spitting. Mom leaps up the stairs. "IS THERE A SKUNK IN THE HOUSE?!"]] (click: "SKUNK IN THE HOUSE")[$t[Dad bursts upstairs to address the furor. Soon, Mom and Dad are both screaming, searching every crevice for the phantom skunk that has invaded their domicile. "I'm.. off to school now," Charlie says. Mom is on the phone. "Good! Fine! Go!" Mom screams. She turns back to the line, embarrassed. "No, not you. What do you //mean// why did I call 911? It's an emergency!" Meanwhile, Dad is dumping tomato juice on the dog, on their bed, on Mom, on every conceivable surface. In a rare burst of emotion, Paul guffaws at the chaos they have wrought. Charlie grabs his backpack, slips through the back door and out into the [[waiting morning->Part I First Choice Cutscene]].(set: $tardiness to "Delayed")(set: $hygiene to 1)(set: $backpack to (either: "Toys", "Books", "Rocks"))]]

"Listen, comrade! I know we [[smell unusual->Dog Talk Horseradish]] right now, but we are united at heart!" "Why, my sweet pooch! How I [[missed you->Dog Talk Horseradish]] on my many adventures!" "My dearest canine companion, you wouldn't deign to [[rip my larynx out->Dog Talk Horseradish]] now, would you?!"

"uh, MY chuck has never said anything like that before. you're not chuck, and i'm gonna prove it!" (click: "prove it!")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[(display: "Dog Talk Fluffy")](else-if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo" or "Slim")[(display: "Dog Run")]]]

"Hey, dog. [[Stop it.->Dog Talk Chunks]]" "We're [[friends->Dog Talk Chunks]], remember?" "Hey, uh. [[Fetch.->Dog Talk Chunks]]"

(set: $dog to "Friendly")The forcefulness in Chunks' delivery seems to stir something in the dog. "oh, hey, sorry about that. you just smelled very.. non-alpha." (click: "non-alpha")[$t[Chunks smirks to the rest of the squad. "You hear what they just said? Pay attention - that's how you get results," they say.]] (click: "get results")[$t["i guess i'll just go back to sleep, chuck. you have a good day, y'hear?" The dog curls around a couple of times and falls back asleep as if nothing had happened. [[Continue..->Top of Stairs]]]]

"Oh, gosh, Rex! Is that you?! I must have got you [[confused->Dog Talk Sprinkles]] with another dog!" "Hey, if it isn't my favourite Fido! How's the [[mange?->Dog Talk Sprinkles]]" "Why, hello, Spot! [[Piss on->Dog Talk Sprinkles]] anything interesting lately?"

The dog blinks in confusion. "you.. you don't even remember my //name//, chuck. you're dead, pal." (if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[(display: "Dog Talk Fluffy")](else:)[(display: "Dog Run")]

(set: $dog to "Friendly")"Wait!" Fluffy screams over the squad intercom. "Let me speak to them!"(set: $st to it + (a: "29")) (click: "speak to them")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) obliges, after a split-second deliberation. The mic is passed to Fluffy.]] (click: "passed to Fluffy")[$t[Fluffy immediately starts speaking Canis through Charlie's loudspeaker, which, to the non-acquainted, sounds like a melodic, floating series of yips, barks, howls, and growls. The two banter back and forth, with Fluffy adding some demonstrative gesticulations for emphasis. After some intense discussion, and intense worry from the rest of the squad, Charlie and the dog fall silent.]] (click: "fall silent")[$t[The dog leans in close to Charlie's face..]] (click: "leans in")[$t[.. and plants a big kiss on Charlie's nose. The dog does a quick twirl, collapses in their dog bed, and falls back asleep.]] (click: "falls back asleep")[$t["What did you do?!" (print: $c's 1st) asks Fluffy. "I told them everything," Fluffy says. "We're Charlie in disguise, we represent a federation of forest-dwelling animals, and we're trying to better the plight of Animals and Animalia as we go."]] (click: "the plight")[$t["Holy smokes," (print: $c's 3rd) says.]] (click: "Holy smokes")[$t["Plus, they're pretty cute," Fluffy says. (print: $c's 1st) shuts off their comm. "No distractions!" they say. [[Continue..->Top of Stairs]]]]

(if: (history:) contains "HR Bathroom Choice")["I have again](else:)["I have] consulted the Human Manual, and it is instructing us to.. (if: (history:) contains "Wash Face")["twist the valve.. but we already did that."](else:)["twist [[the hydro valve->Wash Face]], the one above the water basin!"] (if: (history:) contains "Brush Teeth")["squirt the paste.. but how much paste can one imbibe?"](else:)["squirt [[the bicarbonate paste->Brush Teeth]] onto the bicuspid brush!"] (if: (history:) contains "Deodorant")["musk stick.. must we, again?"](else:)["apply [[the musk stick->Deodorant]] to Charlie's underlimbs!"] ".. actually, these instructions appear convoluted. Let's [[go back->Top of Stairs]]."

(if: (history:) contains "CH Bathroom Choice")["Okay, now we should..](else:)["Hm," Chunks says. "I guess we should..] (if: (history:) contains "Wash Face")["splash.. ah, we did that already."](else:)["[[splash around->Wash Face]] in some water."] (if: (history:) contains "Brush Teeth")["brush.. nope, that's done."](else:)["[[rub our teeth->Brush Teeth]] with that white stuff."] (if: (history:) contains "Deodorant")["smell.. we smell fine."](else:)["[[smell better->Deodorant]], somehow."] ".. screw this. Let's [[go back->Top of Stairs]]."

(if: (history:) contains "SP Bathroom Choice")["I guess we should make another decision!"](else:)["Oh! I guess I should make a decision, hey?"] Sprinkles says. "Hm, okay. Our mission parameters say we should.. (if: (history:) contains "Wash Face")["get all nice and wet? But we did that!"](else:)["get all nice and [[wet and clean!->Wash Face]]"] (if: (history:) contains "Brush Teeth")["teeth glistening? How glistened do they need to be?"](else:)["glisten our teeth with the [[human paste!->Brush Teeth]]"] (if: (history:) contains "Deodorant")["more smells? We smell fine!"](else:)["try to [[smell as nice->Deodorant]] as possible for school!"] ".. actually, this is fooey! Let's [[turn back->Top of Stairs]]."

Horseradish thinks about it for a moment. "Indubitably! Let us adorn [[fresh vestments->Get Dressed]] for the coming day!" "We haven't the time for [[fiddly sartorial concerns!->Backpack]] Move on!"

Chunks ponders for a moment. "Yeah, we should [[look clean->Get Dressed]]. Too suspicious otherwise." "We [[don't have time->Backpack]]. We look fine."

Sprinkles takes a moment to think about it. "Oh yeah! We gotta [[look fresh!->Get Dressed]] Find us some clean duds!" "Nope, we have to get to school prompto! [[Forget it!->Backpack]]"

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["We should remedy our clothing situation, but make haste! We haven't much time!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Get dressed, but make it quick," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Let's do this! But let's do this quick!" Sprinkles says.] The squad scans the room and quickly finds some auxiliary clothing in an acceptable state of cleanliness. (click: "state of cleanliness")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[(set: $clothing to (a: "Slim"))Slim carefully maneuvers Charlie into a minimally-stained striped shirt with relative ease.](else-if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[(set: $clothing to (a: "Fluffy"))Fluffy, twitchy and over-eager, attempts to wriggle into a striped shirt but rips both armpits in the process. "Oh dang," they say.](else-if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[(set: $clothing to (a: "Guillermo"))Guillermo gracefully puts on a fresh striped shirt with little effort. The rest of the squad is impressed.]]] (click: "striped shirt")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[(set: $clothing to it + (a: "Taft"))Taft attempts to put on a greasy pair of trousers, but is distracted with the shininess and purloinability of the buttons and fails to execute the maneuver properly.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[(set: $clothing to it + (a: "Susan"))With their significant experience with humans at the ready, Susan is able to clutch a pair of trousers and slide them onto Charlie with aplomb.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(set: $clothing to it + (a: "Xylophone"))Xylophone tries to maneuver a pair of trousers onto Charlie, but gets the controls all confused and botches the entire operation until (print: $c's 1st) is able to intervene and assist.]]] (click: "trousers")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[(set: $clothing to it + (a: "Tabloid"))Tabloid attempts to put on a pair of socks, but can't decide which pair would reflect the greatest resplendence. After some agonising deliberation, (print: $c's 1st) screams at Tabloid to choose one, and they do.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[(set: $clothing to it + (a: "Sorghum"))Sorghum chooses a pair of socks quickly and effectively, so as to provide the greatest support for Charlie's little toesies.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[(set: $clothing to it + (a: "Paul"))Paul attempts to put on every pair of socks in the room in order to provide Charlie's paws -- and their beloved Replica -- with the greatest protection. (print: $c's 1st) overrides this and soon the socks are shed to a single pair.]]] (click: "pair of socks")[$t[(display: "Clothing Calculation")]]

(if: $clothing's 1st is "Slim")[(set: $clothingcalc to 1)](if: $clothing's 1st is "Fluffy")[(set: $clothingcalc to 3)](if: $clothing's 1st is "Guillermo")[(set: $clothingcalc to 1)](if: $clothing's 2nd is "Taft")[(set: $clothingcalc to it + 2)](if: $clothing's 2nd is "Susan")[(set: $clothingcalc to it)](if: $clothing's 2nd is "Xylophone")[(set: $clothingcalc to it + 3)](if: $clothing's 3rd is "Tabloid")[(set: $clothingcalc to it + 2)](if: $clothing's 3rd is "Sorghum")[(set: $clothingcalc to it + 1)](if: $clothing's 3rd is "Paul")[(set: $clothingcalc to it + 2)](if: $clothingcalc <= 3)[(set: $cleanliness to "Pristine")(print: $c's 1st) examines the Replica. "Looks like we're in pristine shape," they say, happily.](else-if: $clothingcalc > 3 and <= 5)[(set: $cleanliness to "Passable")(print: $c's 1st) examines the Replica. "This will do nicely," they say.](else-if: $clothingcalc > 5)[(set: $cleanliness to "Shabby")(print: $c's 1st) examines the Replica. "It's shabby, but I guess this will have to do," they sigh.] [[Continue..->Backpack]]

(set: $prologuecounter to it + 1)"Okay, we're dressed," (print: $c's 1st) says. "Now--" "CHARLIE?!" Mom calls from downstairs. "Make sure you have everything you need in your backpack! I'm not bailing you out again!" (click: "backpack")[$t["What's a backpack?" (print: $c's 2nd) asks.]] (click: "asks")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Oh, I know!" Taft says. "It's that weird bag on the floor. The Offering had one on him when we nabbed him. It was full of some real good human swag."](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["It's that bag resting next to the bed. The humans wear them on their back to transport materials to and fro," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["It's that bag on the floor," Xylophone says. Their voice washes with pride. "I got to peek at some classified dossiers when we first captured the Offering, y'know."] Charlie picks up the bag. "Okay, what do we fill it with?" (print: $c's 4th) asks. (print: $c's 1st) responds with.. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "HR Backpack Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "CH Backpack Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "SP Backpack Choice")]]]

"These [[plastic amusements?"->Backpack Toys]] "These [[scattered parchments?"->Backpack Books]] "These [[geologic samples?"->Backpack Rocks]]

Charlie stuffs a cache of plush animals and plastic action figures into his backpack. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, what mirth we shall have at school!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["The other kids will like this," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["We're gonna be so popular!" Sprinkles says.] Charlie huffs the backpack over his shoulder. (print: $c's 2nd) notices the toys poking the Replica in the ribs. [[Continue..->Top of Stairs]](set: $backpack to "Toys")

Charlie stuffs a library's worth of books into his backpack. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["There is nothing that will inspire the respect and awe of our colleagues and instructors but the unrelenting pursuit of knowledge," Horseradish says, to the embarrassment of their squadmates.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["This is what kids bring to school, right?" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["This looks right! Books in the bookbag! Oh, team, we're doing great!" Sprinkles says.] Charlie hurls the bag over his shoulder, with some difficulty. [[Continue..->Top of Stairs]](set: $backpack to "Books")

Charlie stuffs the Offering's rock collection into his backpack. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Perhaps these quartz and feldspar samples can be traded as currency," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Always helps to have some rocks with you," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I think this'll be a little more helpful than the toys and books," Sprinkles says.] Charlie barely manages to sling the heavy backpack over his shoulder. [[Continue..->Top of Stairs]](set: $backpack to "Rocks")

[["Toys."->Backpack Toys]] [["Books."->Backpack Books]] [["Rocks."->Backpack Rocks]]

"Oh! How about [[something fun?!->Backpack Toys]]" "What about some [[study material?->Backpack Books]]" "Those [[rocks->Backpack Rocks]] look pretty neat, hey?"

(set: $prologuecounter to it + 0.5)(if: (history:)'s last contains "Status")[(set: $hygiene to it)](else:)[(set: $hygiene to it + 1)]Charlie twists the faucet open. (if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(set: $prologuecounter to it + 1)Xylophone can barely muster the strength to wrench it the proper way. It takes them slightly longer to start the water, to the chagrin of their squadmates.] He places his hands under the water, and smacks his hands into his face. Such is the human face-washing procedure, and nothing pleases (print: $c's 1st) more than a procedure done well. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Exemplary!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Good work," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yay!" Sprinkles says.] Continue.. (click: "Continue")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[(set: $prologuecounter to it + 1)Well, continuing was the idea. Slim becomes enamored with the face-washing procedure. They repeat it over and over, writhing in the scant moisture that filters in through the Replica's vents. The lack of cool water is clearly getting to Slim, despite their generally positive demeanor. "Slim!!" (print: $c's 1st) screams. "Knock it off!" Embarrassed, Slim knocks it off. They continue onwards. (click: "continue onwards")[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(goto: "HR Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(goto: "CH Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(goto: "SP Bathroom Choice")]]](else:)[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(goto: "HR Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(goto: "CH Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(goto: "SP Bathroom Choice")]]]]

(set: $prologuecounter to it + 0.5)(if: (history:)'s last contains "Status")[(set: $hygiene to it)](else:)[(set: $hygiene to it + 1)]With great care, Charlie extracts some of the toothpaste onto what they assume is his toothpaste brush. (click: "toothpaste brush")[$t["Here we go!" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "Here we go!")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[(set: $prologuecounter to it + 1)However, Fluffy is slightly too enthusiastic about the procedure, and ends up applying the toothpaste brush to Charlie's eyes, ears, nose, collarbone, hairline, and larynx. After a brief scolding from (print: $c's 1st), Charlie is forced to wash his face(if: (history:) contains "Wash Face")[ again,](else:)[,] eating up valuable time.](else:)[The chompers are scrubbed, and the paste is vacuumed out of the mouth so as to not clog any of the mastication equipment. Charlie shows his teeth. The other boy in the identical room appears to have clean teeth, and so the squad assumes that the Replica's teeth are clean as well.]] Continue.. (click: "Continue..")[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(goto: "HR Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(goto: "CH Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(goto: "SP Bathroom Choice")]]]

(set: $prologuecounter to it + 0.5)(if: (history:)'s last contains "Status")[(set: $hygiene to it)](else:)[(set: $hygiene to it + 1)]Charlie grabs a stick of deodorant and maneuvers it under his shirt, applying it to his underarms with some difficulty. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah, squadron! We smell delectable!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["This'll do," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh yeah! We smell just like a cool kid! I think," Sprinkles says.] Continue.. (click: "Continue..")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[(set: $prologuecounter to it + 1)But Sorghum is frozen in fear. They attempt to clutch the controls, but they can't move. After a few agonising moments of stillness, Sorghum spits out an explanation. "This.." they say. "This smells just like the stuff that killed my family, in my burrow." (click: "killed my family")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["You have my condolences, Sorghum, truly," Horseradish says. "But Mother is waiting for us, and we mustn't displease Mother." Sorghum swallows deeply, and they continue onwards.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks is unusually sympathetic towards Sorghum. "I'm sorry," they say, "but we have to move." Sorghum swallows deeply, and they continue onwards.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles has an edge of exasperation to their voice, but they attempt sympathy anyway. "I'm sorry, Sorghum," they say, "but we have to //go//." Sorghum swallows deeply, and they continue onwards.]](click: "continue onwards")[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(goto: "HR Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(goto: "CH Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "SP Bathroom Choice")[(goto: "SP Bathroom Choice")]]]] (click: "Continue..")[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(goto: "HR Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(goto: "CH Bathroom Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(goto: "SP Bathroom Choice")]]]]

(print: $story's 1st) opens the private comm channel. On the switchboard, they choose.. (if: $story's 1st is "Horseradish" or "Chunks" or "Sprinkles")[(print: $c's 2nd)](else:)[(print: $c's 1st)].. (if: $story's 1st is "Slim" or "Fluffy" or "Guillermo")[(print: $c's 3rd)](else-if: $story's 1st is "Horseradish" or "Chunks" or "Sprinkles")[(print: $c's 3rd)](else:)[(print: $c's 2nd)].. (if: $story's 1st is "Tabloid" or "Sorghum" or "Paul")[(print: $c's 3rd)](else:)[(print: $c's 4th)].. (click: "Horseradish..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Horseradish"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Chunks..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Chunks"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Sprinkles..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Sprinkles"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Slim..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Slim"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Fluffy..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Fluffy"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Guillermo..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Guillermo"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Taft..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Taft"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Susan..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Susan"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Xylophone..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Xylophone"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Tabloid..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Tabloid"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Sorghum..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Sorghum"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")] (click: "Paul..")[(set: $story to it + (a: "Paul"))(goto: "Story Waypoint")]

(if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Slim")[(goto: "Horseradish Slim Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Fluffy")[(goto: "Horseradish Fluffy Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Guillermo")[(goto: "Horseradish Guillermo Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Taft")[(goto: "Horseradish Taft Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Susan")[(goto: "Horseradish Susan Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Horseradish Xylophone Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Horseradish Tabloid Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Horseradish Sorghum Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Paul")[(goto: "Horseradish Paul Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Slim")[(goto: "Chunks Slim Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Fluffy")[(goto: "Chunks Fluffy Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Guillermo")[(goto: "Chunks Guillermo Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Taft")[(goto: "Chunks Taft Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Susan")[(goto: "Chunks Susan Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Chunks Xylophone Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Chunks Tabloid Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Chunks Sorghum Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Paul")[(goto: "Chunks Paul Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Slim")[(goto: "Sprinkles Slim Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Fluffy")[(goto: "Sprinkles Fluffy Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Guillermo")[(goto: "Sprinkles Guillermo Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Taft")[(goto: "Sprinkles Taft Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Susan")[(goto: "Sprinkles Susan Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Sprinkles Xylophone Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Sprinkles Tabloid Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Sprinkles Sorghum Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Paul")[(goto: "Sprinkles Paul Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Taft")[(goto: "Slim Taft Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Susan")[(goto: "Slim Susan Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Slim Xylophone Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Slim Tabloid Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Slim Sorghum Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Paul")[(goto: "Slim Paul Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Taft")[(goto: "Fluffy Taft Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Susan")[(goto: "Fluffy Susan Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Fluffy Xylophone Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Fluffy Tabloid Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Fluffy Sorghum Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Paul")[(goto: "Fluffy Paul Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Taft")[(goto: "Guillermo Taft Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Susan")[(goto: "Guillermo Susan Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Guillermo Xylophone Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Guillermo Tabloid Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Guillermo Sorghum Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Paul")[(goto: "Guillermo Paul Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Taft" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Taft Tabloid Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Taft" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Taft Sorghum Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Taft" and "Paul")[(goto: "Taft Paul Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Susan" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Susan Tabloid Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Susan" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Susan Sorghum Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Susan" and "Paul")[(goto: "Susan Paul Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Xylophone" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Xylophone Tabloid Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Xylophone" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Xylophone Sorghum Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Xylophone" and "Paul")[(goto: "Xylophone Paul Cutscene")]

Horseradish jumps on the comm channel. "Greetings, my dearest rabbit friend," they say. "Just a brief intercession on behalf of the squadron -- how are you handling the travails of the mission?" (click: "travails")[$t[Guillermo is quiet. "Um, it's fine," they say.]] (click: "it's fine")[$t["Are you sure? I have studied your transcript thoroughly and I am only attempting to help guide you through your anthropophobia!"]] (click: "anthropophobia")[$t[Silence.]] (click: "Silence.")[$t["I assure you, dearest Guillermo, that humans are only truly dangerous when an animal is confined, with very few means of escape."]] (click: "means of escape")[$t[Guillermo whimpers in fear.]] (click: "whimpers in fear")[$t["I suppose.. the replica isn't the most.. ideal situation," Horseradish says. "But fear not! Humans are very sympathetic to the plight of their young, so long as they are honest and true!"]] (click: "honest and true")[$t[Guillermo whimpers louder.]] (click: "louder")[$t["Though.. I suppose we are not being entirely honest and true by posing as a human child," Horseradish says. "However! The Taiga, albeit distant in terms of physical geography, remains forever entrenched in our hearts! And if we keep the Taiga in our hearts--"]] (click: "Taiga in our hearts")[$t[Guillermo yelps in despair and shuts the channel off in a panic.]] (click: "in despair")[$t["Perhaps that was a yelp of self-discovery," Horseradish reflects. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish opens the comm channel. "You there! //Vulpes!// I've been meaning to have a chat with you!"](if: $story's 1st is "Fluffy")["Yeah?" Fluffy says as they open the comm channel. "What, what? What is it, what? You want to talk to me, Horsey my pal? What is it?" they say.] (click: "comm channel")[$t["I -- you must cease this interminable fidgeting! I must have complete control of this Replica at all times!" Horseradish says.]] (click: "interminable fidgeting")[$t["Whaaaat, you don't like my fidgying? Fidgy fidgy fidgy fip flip floop flup florp!" Fluffy rolls around in the torso position and bumps Horseradish in the Replica control centre. "Hey, you think we could get some ventilation in here? Or gimme some room to stretch? Huh, Horsey ol' buddy? Ehhhh?"]] (click: "ventilation")[$t["You must stop! We must avoid unnecessary movement lest our precious Replica become strained and stretched! Would you dare put us in jeopardy?"]] (click: "in jeopardy")[$t["Jeopardy shmepardy leopardy frepardy! Seriously, though - I need to stretch so baaaaaad!" Fluffy flexes their legs and kicks Horseradish again. "You think about it, Horsey! Maybe a little field trip for Fluffy?"]] (click: "think about it")[$t[Fluffy turns off the comm channel. Horseradish fumes to themself. "Unconscionable!" they say. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Horseradish")["Dearest Slim. A word?" Horseradish says.](if: $story's 1st is "Slim")["You wish to speak with me, Horseradish?" Slim says.] (click: "says")[$t["Through my keen powers of observation," Horseradish begins, "I've discerned that your countenance changes when the Replica comes into contact with water. Can you forward an explanation for this change in behaviour?"]] (click: "change in behaviour")[$t[Slim smiles. "Well, Horseradish.. I'm a beaver."]] (click: "beaver")[$t["Well, of course," Horseradish says, "but, to be frank, I am concerned about your change in demeanor when we encounter water. Hark! I understand how difficult it must be to avoid the yearning for hearth and home, but you mustn't forget to put the needs of the Replica, and the Taiga first."]] (click: "hearth and home")[$t[Slim pauses for a long time. "Who I am and why I'm here is none of your concern, Horseradish. Best keep your eyes on the road and not on me." Slim hangs up. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Chunks hops on the line with Slim. "Oh, good," Chunks says. "I've been meaning to speak with you." (click: "meaning to speak")[$t["Yes, Commander?" Slim says, cheerfully.]] (click: "Commander")[$t[Chunks clucks their tongue. "See, that's the problem, right there. It's that //tone//, that manner of speaking, the way you address other members in the squad.. It's just so.. so.."]] (click: "address other members")[$t["Positive?"]] (click: "Positive?")[$t["Yes!" Chunks exclaims, thrashing their wings in consternation. "You're so //positive//. So warm and welcoming. It makes me sick!"]] (click: "makes me sick")[$t["Why?" Slim asks.]] (click: "Why?")[$t["Because we're on a dangerous mission, Slim, and we're engaging the enemy at nearly every turn. I mean, we're going up against humans here! And humans are mean, vicious creatures. And sometimes, in missions like these, you need to fight fire with fire.]] (click: "fire with fire")[$t["I need you to get mean, Slim. If, for whatever reason, the squad is in serious danger, I need to know that you'll be able to be mean and nasty and vicious enough to get us out safely."]] (click: "vicious enough")[$t[A pause. "Thanks for the feedback, Chunks!" Slim clicks off the channel. Chunks fumes. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Chunks")["You wanted to talk to me, Fluffy?" Chunks says.](if: $story's 1st is "Fluffy")["Hey, Chunks! Quick question!" Fluffy says.] (click: "says")[$t[Fluffy flops around in their torso position, trying to adopt a comfortable tone. "I heard you once stole a bag of potato sticks from a human child back in the old days, is that true?"]] (click: "potato sticks")[$t[Chunks chuckles. "Yeeeeup. The humans call them 'frenched fries', whatever that means. But the little idiot was waving the bag around, his mom wasn't looking, and it was an easy snatch. No questions asked.]] (click: "No questions asked")[$t["Amazing, so good, I love it," Fluffy says. "I've always wanted to steal human food from a human child. It's been a dream. A //fantasy//." Fluffy spits. "Could never do it since the human contact ban was instituted."]] (click: "human contact ban")[$t["Hm. It has been a while since I've pulled off a kidswipe. Let's see if we run into a kid later on -- we'll have ourselves some fun." Fluffy twitches in excitement. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Guillermo hops on the comm channel with Chunks. "H.. hello? Is anyone there?" (click: "Is anyone there?")[$t[Chunks clears their throat and drops their voice to a spooky whisper. "Guilleeeeeermmoooo, it is I, Mr. Hugh Man!"]] (click: "Mr. Hugh Man")[$t[Guillermo screams. "A human?! On this protected comm channel?! How?!"]] (click: "protected comm channel")[$t["I know you're in there, Guillermo," Chunks says, barely managing to contain themself from laughing. "I know you're hiding in that small child. And I'm gonna find you, and gut you, and take a lucky rabbit's foot from you!"]] (click: "lucky rabbit's foot")[$t[Guillermo starts bawling uncontrollably. Chunks drops the facade and tries to get a word in between their whimpers. "Guillermo, it's me, I was playing a joke, c'mon, just relax already!"]] (click: "relax already")[$t[Guillermo has already shut off the comm channel. Muted sobbing is heard from elsewhere within the Replica. Chunks shrugs. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

"Ah, finally!" Sprinkles says. "It's so nice to finally have some time to chat!" (click: "some time to chat")[$t["Y--yeah!" Guillermo says. "You sure it'll be okay for us to talk during the mission like this?"]] (click: "talk during the mission")[$t["Oh yeaaaaah, it's fine. I've got Charlie on autopilot. Hey, do you remember that time in the cafeteria when Oatmeal spat in Megapixel's food and it started that huge brawl?! That was //so funny//!"]] (click: "that huge brawl")[$t["Yeah, during the fracas I twisted my paw and someone stepped on my ear. Then, when all was said and done, someone ate my alfalfa."]] (click: "someone ate my alfalfa")[$t["Oh. Well, I.. thought it was funny. But isn't it great to connect like this? I always say, it's so nice to have a new friend, particularly on missions like this, y'know? Everyone's all gloom and doom, //oh, we're going into human territory and we're gonna die//, waaaaaaaaah.. well, I've never gotten that vibe from you! You're just so optimistic all the time! And I know once this is all over we're gonna be the best of friends!"]] (click: "the best of friends")[$t[Guillermo chuckles nervously. "Heh, yeah! Best.. best of friends." An alarm wails in the background.]] (click: "An alarm wails")[$t["Hey, I think we just fell over."]] (click: "fell over")[$t[Sprinkles jumps back to their console. "Oh, don't even worry about it!" Guillermo maneuvers Charlie back to his feet as Sprinkles keeps gabbing. "Weeeeell, I guess I should get back to the ol' cubicle - I'm sure we'll get tons of time to talk later in the mission! Don't be a stranger, now!"]] (click: "Don't be a stranger")[$t[Guillermo nods. //Do I have a choice?// they think. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Both Sprinkles and Fluffy are screaming at each other as they open their comm channels. (click: "screaming")[$t["Hey why you gotta be fidgeting all the time your attitude is like you know questionable at best we're supposed to be working together just let me work the torso the way I know how I didn't slave away at the Academy for your attitude I play by my own rules I'm the commander of this mission you'd be nowhere without me I'm the best animal for the job the Council chose me for a reason what reason you wouldn't be able to do what I do on your best day no one can imitate a human child like me maybe you'd like to come here and settle this face to face you're a stupid finch I'd eat you for breakfast you're a dumb fox nobody likes you"]] (click: "nobody likes you")[$t[At some point, the comm channels are shut off, but Sprinkles and Fluffy are too busy screaming to notice. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Slim opens the line with Sprinkles. "Hello there!" Slim says. "Hi!" Sprinkles says. "Say, that was stressful back there, wasn't it? I mean, Forest God, we were so //close// to those humans! And this is my first operation, and it's, like, the biggest operation of all time, and all the eyes of the Taiga are going to be watching me.." They catch themself. "I mean //us//. So, like, I meant to ask, and I'm sorry if I'm intruding, but, like.. how do you //do// it?" (click: "how do you do it?")[$t["How do I do what?" Slim asks.]] (click: "do what")[$t["You know! How do you stay so, I dunno.. //serene// through all of this? You're so assured and positive, and I'm over here worrying about every little thing!"]] (click: "assured and positive")[$t[Slim takes a moment to reflect. "Well, I just know that we're going to do our best. And in doing our best, we'll make sure the Taiga is safe for generations to come!"]] (click: "generations to come")[$t["Hm," Sprinkles says. "Okay, that all makes sense. Thanks, I guess."]] (click: "Thanks, I guess")[$t["Thank you for taking the time to call!" The line is suddenly quiet, a little //too// quiet, as if a switch were flipped. Sprinkles follows suit. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

As Taft opens their channel, Horseradish springs to life. "Why, you recalcitrant swine! You obstreperous ninny! How dare you question my authority with regards to this mission!" (click: "question my authority")[$t[Taft spits. "Get lost, Horseradish. You're going to get us all killed."]] (click: "get us all killed")[$t["I -- oh, the insolence! The--"]] (click: "insolence")[$t["Let me tell you a story," Taft says, sharp-tongued. "I once went into Human territory with a vole like you, someone who thought they could talk themselves out of any situation. And let me tell you something -- they couldn't. ]] (click: "they couldn't")[$t["When we ran into a posse of rats in Human territory who tried to take what we had earned? This buddy of mine, they used all the big words they could muster and the rats still pulled out their tail."]] (click: "pulled out their tail")[$t["The only reason I got out of there alive is because I trusted myself, //my// instincts, and not some smooth-talking smart-owled charlatan like you. And I'm going to keep it like that.]] (click: "keep it like that")[$t[The comm channel is shut off. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Susan")[Susan hops on the comm channel. "Hey, Horseradish," they say, " a quick question for you."](if: $story's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah, Susan! What might I do for you?" "Hey, Horseradish, sorry to bother you - I just had a quick question."] (click: "quick question")[$t["Ah, yes! A query! The true path to all knowledge is through the vigorous interchange of ideas, that's what I always say! Ah, truly, there is no feeling quite like //answering a question//. In fact--"]] (click: "In fact--")[$t["Well, yeah, that's kind of what I'm asking about," Susan says. "Why do you speak like that?"]] (click: "speak like that")[$t["What do you mean, 'speak like that'?" asks Horseradish, slightly hurt. "My manner of locution varies not from you, or from (print: $c's 2nd) or Hank or (print: $c's 4th) or anyone else in the Taiga!"]] (click: "anyone else in the Taiga")[$t["Uh, Horseradish," Susan says, as if they were informing a loved one of a terminal illness. "I have bad news for you. I'm afraid you're slightly on the talkative side."]] (click: "talkative side")[$t[Horseradish is silent on the line.]] (click: "silent on the line")[$t["You're //garrulous//, Horseradish!"]] (click: "garrulous")[$t[Horseradish gasps in shock. "W-- what?! Garrulous? Me?! I.. how can.. this //be?//"]] (click: "this be")[$t[Horseradish closes the channel. Susan does so also, with sadness at having hurt their leader, but also with palpable relief. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Horseradish")["Hello, friend!" Horseradish says. "I trust your spirits are holding?"](if: $story's 1st is "Xylophone")["You wished to speak to me, Xylophone? Perhaps about your recent difficulties with our squadmates?" Horseradish says.] (click: "says")[$t[Xylophone grumbles. They fiddle with a switch as they respond. "I dunno, it's just hard. Everyone thinks I'm here because of my dad. But I worked real hard to get good at working the arms!"]] (click: "real hard to get good")[$t["It is impossible to deny your father's influence in regards to your selection on this mission," Horseradish says. "But they harbor considerable respect for your father, and they do have faith in you. The onus falls upon you, Xylophone, to act as honourably as your father has. The results will follow."]] (click: "The results will follow")[$t[Xylophone contemplates this. ".. Thanks, Horseradish. That means a lot."]] (click: "means a lot")[$t["Worry not!" Horseradish says. "I have many additional insights and expertises to offer, when we have time later on!" "That'd be nice!" Xylophone says. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Chunks opens the comm channel. "Taft, you like that back there? Bet you've never seen anyone handle a human like //that// before," they smarm. (click: "handle a human")[$t["Oh yeah? Once I swiped a cup of steaming liquid right out of a human's hand," says Taft. "He was so startled he jumped onto the bench he was sitting on and started swinging a stick at me!"]] (click: "swiped a cup")[$t["Is that right," Chunks says.]] (click: "Is that right")[$t["And then a whole bunch of //other// humans came and tried to find me because I guess he really wanted his cup of steaming liquid back, but I was too quick -- already halfway back to the Taiga with my prize. No one saw me. Quick as quick can be."]] (click: "No one saw me")[$t["Wow, aren't you special," Chunks says. ]] (click: "aren't you special")[$t["Yup, you're gonna have to step it up just a tad to get on my level. Why, there was this one time, these humans were trying to feed some ducks something called a Jolly Rancher, and I--"]] (click: "feed some ducks")[$t["Okay, that's enough, back to the mission now," Chunks says, reaching their limit. Taft signs off, feeling they have sufficiently impressed their commanding officer. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

The communication line sparks to life, and is immediately filled with a livid Chunks. "What the //Forest hell// is your problem?! You're gonna get us all killed if you continue to disobey my orders!" (click: "disobey")[$t["Chunks, why do you think the Council brought me back? Because I //know more about humans than you do.// You need to listen to //me//. And you need to keep calm, because humans do not respond well to others of their kind acting unusually or disorderly."]] (click: "unusually or disorderly")[$t["But-- I-- ugurgghhhh--"]] (click: "ugurgghhhh")[$t["We're a team, kid," Susan says. "So if you wanna make it out of this thing alive, you'd better learn to work with me. Otherwise you'll be stranded in human territory. And you know what? I'll be fine. Not so sure about you."]] (click: "Not so sure")[$t[Chunks cuts the comm channel off in a rage. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Chunks opens the comm channel and gets ready to flex their bully wings. "Forest God, you're weak," they salvo at Xylophone, without provocation. "Seriously, why even have you on this mission? Is there even a point?" (click: "even a point")[$t[Xylophone is taken aback. "Yeah?! Well, I.. uh.. I can't even believe the Council would select you as a leader, I mean, a magpie? Come //on//! Like, what's the point?" they scoff, feigning confidence.]] (click: "a magpie?")[$t[Chunks is incredulous. "Excuse me, are you daring to speak out of turn to me?" they say, shocked.]] (click: "out of turn")[$t["Yeah, you're darn right! I mean, you're, like, the weakest leader. I bet you'd flap for a human in a heartbeat if you were given the chance."]] (click: "flap for a human")[$t[Silence.]] (click: "Silence")[$t[Xylophone puts their paws over their mouth. //That was too far,// they think. //I'm doomed, I'm done, I'm gonna be kicked out.//]] (click: "I'm doomed")[$t[Suddenly, Chunks bursts out laughing, an uncontrollable guffaw which echoes through the Replica. Xylophone awkwardly chuckles along.]] (click: "uncontrollable guffaw")[$t["You're alright, Xylophone. I like your spunk. Let's use it in productive ways, alright?" Chunks shuts off the comm channel, and Xylophone follows suit, heartened in ways they couldn't possibly have imagined. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Sprinkles opens the comm channel with Taft. "Ah, chipmunk! I've been meaning to have a woooooord," they say. (click: "chipmunk")[$t[Taft sighs. "What is it?"]] (click: "What is it")[$t["I must insist," Sprinkles begins, adopting their most administrative tone, "as an officer of the Taiga Council that you must avoid engaging in any illegal activity whatsoever while in Human territory. Loathe as I am to say it, we must not interfere with the Humans in any way so as to avoid their attention in the future!"]] (click: "avoid their attention")[$t["Aaaahh, come now, Sprinkles.. you've never been interested in any human stuff? Anything at all? I mean, take this for example. Imagine the biggest, most luxurious birdbath you've ever seen. And the humans walk past this giant birdbath and they throw little pieces of silver and copper into it. And if you grab the silver and copper pieces from the bottom, //they're yours to keep.// My crib is lined with them."]] (click: "yours to keep")[$t["Wow.. that does sound pretty nice," Sprinkles says, quietly.]] (click: "pretty nice")[$t["And then, don't get me started on the //garbage//," Taft continues. "They throw out so much amazing, shiny stuff. Sometimes it's shiny enough that you can see your face reflected in it. You have no idea what wonders the human world contains. And if the humans don't want it, who are we to say we don't want it either?"]] (click: "who are we")[$t["I guess that's a good point," says Sprinkles.]] (click: "good point")[$t["So you think about it. If there's something worthwhile, I just might need your help, if you know what I mean." Sprinkles can practically hear Taft wink. Taft closes the line. //What am I doing?!// Sprinkles thinks to themself. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

As Susan switches open the private comm channel with Sprinkles, they discover that Sprinkles has already begun to unleash a verbal tirade against them. (click: "verbal tirade")[$t["So you think you're better than me, huh? Think you're better than all of us, huh? Think you can walk around with your tail held high because you used to pal around with a bunch of humans, huh?! Well, let me tell you something - we had a word for your kind back in the Academy. Yeah, a real good word. That word was //scumbagtraitorturncoatnincompoop//. And let me just say one thing --"]] (click: "just say one thing")[$t["You've said more than enough," Susan says. "I don't like that I'm stuffed in here any more than you do. But if you have the temerity to suggest that I am anything but the most qualified animal for this job, you better get it straight, and quick. Because you //need// me."]] (click: "you need me")[$t["I've got temerity! I've got lots of temerity! I've got more temerity than you'll ever have, you.. you //human lover//."]] (click: "human lover")[$t[Susan scoffs and hangs up. Sprinkles continues their virulent monologue, seemingly content with themself as the only audience member. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Xylophone musters up the courage to open the comm channel. "Hey, you know, I really don't like the way you speak to me," they say, off the cuff. (click: "don't like the way")[$t["Yeah, well, I really don't like the way you backdoored your way onto this mission," Sprinkles says. "I really don't like the way you played the political game, with your Daddy pulling all the strings behind the scenes to put you centre stage, long before you'd be ready. I mean, if we fail, we could have humans rummaging through the entire Taiga, and they expect you to be able to keep up the slack? You can't even pull the arm levers properly!"]] (click: "keep up the slack")[$t["I can so keep up the slack! Maybe if you were.." A slight hesitation. ".. if you were a little more tolerant as a leader, you wouldnt be yelling at me all the time!"]] (click: "yelling at me")[$t[Sprinkles lowers their voice in an attempt to be intimidating. "Listen, mouse," they say, with a gruffness more silly than forceful. "I slaved away at the Academy to get here. I //deserve// this. You deserve nothing. Wait, no, I take that back -- you deserve to be exposed for the fraud you are!"]] (click: "fraud you are")[$t["Yeah?! Well.. well your WINGS are dumb, and I could beat you up any day! You wanna come down here and, I dunno, fight?!"]] (click: "fight")[$t[But it's too late. Sprinkles has already ended the comm, leaving Xylophone to fume in silence. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

"Hey, darling," Tabloid says. (click: "darling")[$t["Don't -- you -- darling me," Horseradish says, seething. "This -- you -- your presence in this mission, this -- this vital mission, with our beloved Taiga in jeopardy, and you -- YOU -- you use it as a publicity stunt!"]] (click: "publicity stunt")[$t["Whaaaat, you don't feel I have the Taiga's best interests in mind?" Tabloid says, with pronounced cheek.]] (click: "best interests")[$t["Why -- you -- impossible weasel! You are putting the Taiga, the Taiga we hold so dear, in grave danger. And it's wholly as a result of your unprecedented egotism."]] (click: "unprecedented egotism")[$t["I know what I'm doing," Tabloid says, dismissing Horseradish with a wave of their paw. "You think I don't know what I'm doing? I read a couple manuals on this suit, and I'm a quick learner. Don't you fret, dewdrop."]] (click: "dewdrop")[$t["I shall not tell you again, Tabloid. I must be able to trust my squadron. At present, regrettably, you do not have my trust. And so I ask you, and I hope these words will give you pause: will you be able to support us when the Forest God shines his lantern upon thee? When the forces of destiny thrust you into the spotlight? When the--"]] (click: "spotlight")[$t[Click. Tabloid shuts the channel off. "Intolerable!" Horseradish says. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Chunks")["How you doing, Sorghum?" Chunks says.](if: $story's 1st is "Sorghum")["You wanted to talk to me?" Sorghum says. Chunks' voice is more tender than usual. "Yeah, how you doing?"] (click: "says")[$t["Uh, I'm fine," Sorghum says, taken aback by the sudden interest. "What's this about?"]] (click: "What's this about?")[$t[Chunks isn't sure how to answer that. Or, more accurately, they have never been confronted with the bursts of parental instinct they experience with Sorghum. "Well, I just.. I just wanted to check in. See how things are going."]] (click: "check in")[$t["The replica is operating within specified parameters," Sorghum replies, somewhat robotically. They move to shut off the channel.]] (click: "move to shut off")[$t["Wait!" Chunks calls. "Listen, I, uh.. I read your file. I know what happened to your family, what the humans did." Sorghum stiffens in their seat. "Are you sure you're doing okay?"]] (click: "Are you sure")[$t[The frustration is seeping into Sorghum's voice. "Chunks, I'm fine, okay? I don't want to be treated any differently because of what happened to me, or my family. I'm just here to work. All of us have been affected by humans, haven't we?"]] (click: "All of us")[$t["You and I especially," Chunks says.]] (click: "You and I")[$t[Sorghum pauses. They start to understand what Chunks has been fumbling with all this time. "Are //you// okay, Chunks?"]] (click: "Are you okay")[$t["Yeah, uh, we'll talk later." The channel is abruptly shut. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Tabloid starts talking on the line before Chunks even has a chance to acknowledge. "Chunks, darling, how's things up there in the kid-brain?" (click: "kid-brain")[$t["Hmph," Chunks says.]] (click: "Hmph")[$t["Ah, yeah, I get it, you're busy. But, y'know, I think you've got a great chance of joining my media conglomerate once we're back in the Taiga. Seriously, pal, with your leadership, I think there's a lot of money, a lot of fame headed your way once our story gets to the masses."]] (click: "gets to the masses")[$t["Sure," Chunks says. They're not listening.]] (click: "not listening")[$t["Chunksie baby, hear me out. This is the most audacious Taiga exercise ever conducted. //And you were the leader.// Think about it -- you've got the charisma."]] (click: "the charisma")[$t[Tabloid stops.]] (click: "stops")[$t["Well, you've got some charisma. Look, it doesn't matter. This story's gonna be huge, and I know deep in that cold magpie heart of yours that you're gonna want to get in on the ground floor. And I am just the weasel to help you along. So whaddya say? You want in?"]] (click: "You want in?")[$t["Nope. Unlike most others you encounter, I couldn't care less about who you are and what you've done, as long as you keep this Replica ship-shape." A click, and Tabloid is alone on the line. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Chunks opens the channel. "Mmm?" they grunt. (click: "Mmm?")[$t["Mmmph," Paul grunts back.]] (click: "Mmmph")[$t[The two are silent for a moment.]] (click: "a moment")[$t["Don't like humans much?" Chunks asks.]] (click: "humans much")[$t["Nope," Paul says. "Don't like animals much either."]] (click: "animals much")[$t["Same," Chunks says.]] (click: "Same")[$t["I can respect that."]] (click: "respect that")[$t[Another cavernous silence.]] (click: "cavernous silence")[$t["This was a good chat," Paul says.]] (click: "good chat")[$t["Yup."]] (click: "Yup")[$t[The channel is shut off. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Horseradish jumps on the line with Paul. "Hello, chum!" (click: "chum")[$t[Paul is silent.]] (click: "is silent")[$t["I feel as though this is as good an opportunity as any to truly foster some camaraderie between us, dear friend."]] (click: "camaraderie between us")[$t[Nothing.]] (click: "Nothing.")[$t["You see, some of your fellow squadmates find your taciturn demeanor slightly disheartening. Would you not care to get to know some of your comrades-in-arms? Some of the brave Taiga members who have valiantly chosen to join you in your glorious creation into Human territory?"]] (click: "slightly disheartening")[$t["This was a mistake," Paul says. The line is cut off. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish opens the comm channel with Sorghum. "Ah, Sorghum, just the gopher I've been looking to talk to!" "Yes, Horseradish?" Sorghum says.](if: $story's 1st is "Sorghum")["Yes, Horseradish?" Sorghum says.] (click: "Yes, Horseradish")[$t["As your commander on this mission, I am making an effort to understand my squadron -- their desires, their motivations, their skills, their talents. I want us to be a finely oiled human child machine, you see."]] (click: "finely oiled")[$t["Go on," Sorghum says.]] (click: "Go on")[$t["Well, I must know what inspired you to become such an adept aerialist. Your movements with the Replica are so crisp, so //refined//. Did you study the Sabrowski Method at all? I see elements of Sabrowski in your lateral movement -- it's truly stunning to watch. It's like watching a true artist at work. Where do you get your inspiration?"]] (click: "inspiration")[$t[Sorghum scoffs. "Give me a break," they say, disgust in their voice. The comm channel is cut off. Horseradish is stunned for a moment, then carry on with their duties. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles opens the line with Sorghum. "H.. hey Sorghum," they say. "What can I do for you, Sprinkles?"](if: $story's 1st is "Sorghum")["What can I do for you, Sprinkles? I need to get back to my checklists soon," Sorghum says.] (click: "What can I do for you")[$t["Well, uh, as you may know, as the commanding officer of this here Replica, I like to get to know my crew. And, y'know, I was going over your file, and I couldn't... help but read your family history."]] (click: "family history")[$t[Sorghum is silent.]] (click: "silent")[$t["First of all, I'm so, so sorry at whatever happened to your family. I just can't honestly imagine. But, um.. I noticed that a lot of the details were kept confidential at your request, and I get that, like, you don't want just any old finch to go poking around in your private files.."]] (click: "private files")[$t[Sorghum begins to growl, almost imperceptibly.]] (click: "growl")[$t["And I get that, you know, confidentiality and all that. But, I mean, like.. I just want to begin to establish an atmosphere of trust, y'know? Like, if anything had happened to //my// family, I honestly think that you would be the first person I talk to! So, I mean, if you don't mind me asking.. what really happened down there?"]] (click: "what really happened")[$t[Sorghum shuts off the line. Sprinkles hrms to themself. "I'll keep working on them," they murmur cheerfully. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Before Paul even has a chance to speak, Sprinkles starts spewing commands. "Paul! Have you checked the frivolity regulators lately?! When we were talking to Mom down there, they rose 1.2% beyond their acceptable service limits!" (click: "acceptable service limits")[$t[Paul is silent.]] (click: "silent")[$t["And another thing! What's the deal with these inquisitiveness distribution gauges? Their response rate is pretty underwhelming, don't you think? It was never this bad in the training yards, I gotta say."]] (click: "never this bad")[$t[Nothing from Paul.]] (click: "Nothing")[$t["And listen, I'm going to need your full cooperation when it comes time to begin the excretion protocol--"]] (click: "excretion protocol")[$t["STOP! Stop, stop, stop. Why are you telling me how to run the thing I built? I know everything about this replica. I know //why// everything is the way it is in this replica. Don't tell me what to do. I will likely do it before you even think of it." Sprinkles grumbles and shuts off the comm channel in a huff. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Sprinkles' hand quivers as they open their comm channel. "Hey, baby," Tabloid says, immediately. Sprinkles is glowing. "H.. hey, honeypants!" (click: "honeypants")[$t["Uh, heh, yeah, hi!" Tabloid says. "Listen, I just wanted to say that you're doing a really, //really// great job. I mean it. I've been getting involved with Taiga matters for few weeks now and lemme just say, you were definitely the right pick for the job."]] (click: "right pick")[$t["Oh, wow, thanks Tabbo! You know I always dreamed that I'd meet you someday? Especially during exams at the Academy when things were looking really rough for me, I would, like, imagine you and I going on a secret mission into enemy territory just like in "Death Weasels II", and now, y'know, here we are!" They giggle.]] (click: "giggle")[$t["Heh, yeah," Tabloid says. They take a sharp breath. "Hey, you think I'll be able to take a spin driving this thing?"]] (click: "driving this thing")[$t["The replica? Oh, oh no. I couldn't permit that. The Council would be so mad. You need to have a special license and get over 95% on the exam, and I would need to requisition a copy of your transcript.."]] (click: "transcript")[$t["Ah, we don't need to get the //authorities// involved. Just let me take it for a spin, and I'll be sure to make it worth your while," -- a pause -- "//my love//."]] (click: "my love")[$t[Sprinkles explodes. "Oh my GOD yessss okay! When we have some downtime later on!"]] (click: "later on")[$t[Tabloid smiles. They shut the communication channel off. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Slim")["Hey, Susan. How are you holding up?" Slim says.](if: $story's 1st is "Susan")["Hey, Slim - thanks for responding so quickly," Susan says. "Of course!" Slim says. "How are you holding up?"] (click: "holding up")[$t["About as well as can be expected," Susan says, with a sigh. "I figured it would be difficult when the Council contacted me, but I guess I assumed my squadmates would have a little more understanding."]] (click: "little more understanding")[$t["You are doing your best," Slim says, "and as long as you continue to do so, you will surely earn their respect. As you have mine."]] (click: "As you have mine")[$t[Susan smiles. "Thanks, Slim."]] (click: "Thanks, Slim")[$t["Not a problem." Slim chuckles. "The squad's response is so foolish -- who better than to keep the dastardly humans at bay?"]] (click: "dastardly humans")[$t[A pause. "Heh, yeah.. that's me, all right." The line is shut off. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Paul opens the comm channel. "Slim." (click: "comm channel")[$t["Paul, what can I do for you?"]] (click: "do for you")[$t["Don't you feel that the creation of an organised Taiga Council is only a stopgap solution to prevent the denizens of the Forest from succumbing to their baser instincts? Would you not agree that, even now, the four of us, trapped in this tiny human, are barely able to avoid plunging ourselves into the slough of violence that marked our pre-Council existence? Are you able to avoid the mortal terror that accompanies that whispering primordial instinct rooted in our simple brains, urging us to consume and reproduce before we end up decomposing in some swamp, forgotten and alone?"]] (click: "forgotten and alone")[$t[Slim pauses. "You're trying to get a rise out of me," they say.]] (click: "get a rise")[$t["Hmph," Paul says. The attempt fails, and the comm is shut off. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Tabloid opens the line. "Hey, been meaning to speak with you, Slimmy, ol' chum," they say. "You seem like a pretty straight arrow, hey?" (click: "straight arrow")[$t["Whatever do you mean?" Slim says.]] (click: "do you mean")[$t["You know, I just hear from the squad that you don't really, y'know, //do// much. Don't have much fun. Don't really leave the den much when you're back in the Taiga."]] (click: "leave the den much")[$t["They're.. pretty much correct, I'd say."]] (click: "correct")[$t["I bet you don't even understand what a big deal I am. Or how important it is that I am on this mission. About how people line up for a significant amount of time to even get a glimpse at me. And you're all just like 'eh, whatever.' Is that right?"]] (click: "whatever")[$t["I never said that--"]] (click: "never said that")[$t["I bet you've never even seen one of my performances! Is that right?! Just tell me so I know what kind of freaking weirdo I'm going to be interacting with on this mission!"]] (click: "weirdo")[$t[Slim sighs and hangs up the line. "I //knew// it!" Tabloid says. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Sorghum")[Sorghum opens the comm channel. "Slim, do you have a moment?"](else-if: $story's 1st is "Slim")[Slim opens the comm channel. "You wanted to talk to me?"] (click: "comm channel")[$t[Sorghum takes a deep breath. "Listen, I don't.. really know you that well. I don't know you at all, actually. And I feel as though we'd probably never interact were we not crammed inside this small child.]] (click: "small child")[$t["But I have to know.. did humans ever mess with you? Did you have any issues with them? Did they ever try to destroy your den?"]] (click: "destroy your den")[$t[Slim takes a deep breath. "No, never." Sorghum doesn't say anything, which Slim takes as an invitation to continue. "When I was a young pup, we used to be visited just as the sun was starting to fall by humans in matching green suits, with hats and squawking devices similar to Charlie's communicator.]] (click: "squawking devices")[$t["I'll never forget it. My dad would tell us to be very still while he went out to ascertain the situation. But.. we were never scared. My dad seemed to be familiar with them. Maybe it was something about their mannerisms, or their green suits, or the way they would speak into their squawkboxes, saying things like "pivotal to this area" and "helping these wetlands".. I don't really understand what they mean, still don't. But I knew the way they talked suggested we weren't in any danger.]] (click: "danger")[$t["Does that answer your question, Sorghum?"]] (click: "answer your question")[$t[Sorghum's response is curt, blunt. They're angry. "Yes, thank you." The line is shut. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Xylophone opens the line in a flurry. "Let me guess, I'm doing everything wrong, right? I'm a failure and shouldn't be on the mission, right?" (click: "failure")[$t["I.. wasn't going to say that at all," Slim says. (if: $story's 1st is "Xylophone")["Also, you phoned me--"]]] (click: "wasn't going to say that")[$t["Whatever! Listen, I know what everyone on the mission and everyone back in the Taiga is saying about me and it drives me absolutely up the wall, okay?! I really don't need to hear it from you."]] (click: "hear it from you")[$t["On the contrary, I would like to help. I suspect that you suffer from anger management issues, no doubt from a lifetime of being compared to your father," Slim says.]] (click: "compared")[$t["It makes me so mad I just want to KILL everyone!" Xylophone pauses for a moment. "So, maybe, yes, you have a point," they admit softly.]] (click: "you have a point")[$t["You're more than just a squadmate, you are my friend," Slim says. "And we're going to survive this mission, and we're going to solve this anger problem once and for all. Does that sound good to you?"]] (click: "sound good")[$t["Y.. yeah. Yeah, it does." [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Taft opens the line. "You wanted to talk to me, Slim?" (click: "wanted to talk to me")[$t["Ah, yes, Taft, thank you for your time. I was interested in hearing from you in regards to your predilection towards thieving Human artifacts," Slim says.]] (click: "thieving Human artifacts")[$t[Taft scoffs. "Well, I wouldn't exactly call it thieving. It's more like.. //taking//."]] (click: "taking")[$t["Why do you feel the need to do so?"]] (click: "the need to do so")[$t["I dunno, because Human stuff is cool?"]] (click: "Human stuff")[$t["I see." Slim frets. "Taft, I would like to, if I may, gently steer you away from this path. It is a path that can only lead to disappointment."]] (click: "disappointment")[$t["Disappointment? Oh, Slim, you old beav, I don't care what you think about me, and I'll be Forest damned if you keep me from indulging on this mission."]] (click: "indulging")[$t["Very well," Slim says, "but know that I will continue to lead you towards a better path." The line is shut off. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Taft switches on the comm channel with glee. "Fluffy, you intractable den-breaker, it's good to see you!" (click: "intractable den-breaker")[$t["Taft, you impossible trash goblin! How the forest Hell are you?!"]] (click: "trash goblin")[$t["Ah, y'know, just here, driving a kid to our deaths!" Fluffy says, rolling about. "It's good to have at least two of the Eastside Garbage Crew back together for another job."]] (click: "Eastside Garbage Crew")[$t["Hey, the EGC is a banned organization by the Academy, don't forget it!" Taft laughs. "Remember our fight song?"]] (click: "fight song")[$t[The two break out into a raucous, jaunty number. //We're the Eastside Garbage Crew We search for all the best refuse We'll fight and claw For some old glop And someday we'll be garbage too!//]] (click: "we'll be garbage too")[$t[They laugh a congenial laugh, their nostalgia-fogged minds racing for additional anecdotes to share. Their fight song is loud enough to disturb (print: $c's 1st), who scolds them to keep their eyes on the road.]] (click: "eyes on the road")[$t["All right, we better get back to it," Taft says. "But we must take this rig out for a spin at some point during the mission, if you catch my drift."]] (click: "catch my drift")[$t["Oh, do I ever," Fluffy says. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

The comm channel is opened. "Susan, thank Forest God, I need to talk to you," Fluffy says. (click: "need to talk")[$t["What do you want now, Fluffy? You haven't been exactly the friendliest animal to me, y'know."]] (click: "friendliest")[$t["Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, but just, like, hear me out for a second, okay? I don't really know who else to talk to about this. I'm just, like.. really suffering in this child suit. It's too tight, and I really don't do well in tight spaces, and I'm just.. I dunno, I'm worried I'm going to screw everything up."]] (click: "screw everything up")[$t[Susan is taken aback. "Oh. Okay, well.. what exactly do you want me to do about it?"]] (click: "want me to do about it")[$t["I don't know! I just know you've had experience with humans, and this is a weird topic to bring up with other animals because they're so used to confined spaces, but I just hate them so much.. I dunno, do.. do the humans have any quick fix for this problem?"]] (click: "quick fix")[$t[Susan clucks their tongue. "So, wait -- first you deride my experience with humans and protest with the rest of them, and now you want my help? Give me a break." They shut the line off. Fluffy grumbles. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

For an agonising moment, neither Fluffy nor Xylophone speak. Eventually, Xylophone swallows hard and puts on their best tough-mouse voice. "H.. hey, you //fox//," they say. "Why you got such a problem with me, huh?!" (click: "such a problem")[$t[The line is open. Xylophone can hear Fluffy. But Fluffy doesn't say anything.]] (click: "doesn't say anything")[$t[Instead, all Xylophone can hear is the smacking of chops. Lips are licked. Slobber is dispensed. Suddenly, Fluffy yells, an agonized and primal yelp. The communication channel is abruptly shut off. Xylophone slumps back, confused. //What is happening?!// they think. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Sorghum")["Hey, Fluffy." "Hey, Sorghum."](if: $story's 1st is "Fluffy")["Hey, Sorghum."] (click: "Hey, Sorghum.")[$t[Fluffy and Sorghum pause.]] (click: "pause")[$t["Sorghum, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"]] (click: "thinking what I'm thinking")[$t["Is it to work collaboratively, at some point in this mission, in order to break the human child land speed record?"]] (click: "land speed record")[$t["Yes. That is exactly what I was thinking."]] (click: "exactly")[$t["So we're in agreement, then."]] (click: "agreement")[$t["Yes. We'll talk soon." The line is shut off. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Fluffy jumps onto the channel. "Listen, Tab, we gotta talk," they say. (click: "we gotta talk")[$t[Tabloid's voice on the other end is hushed, panicked. "You -- we made an agreement //not// to talk about anything besides the mission," they say.]] (click: "besides the mission")[$t["I know, but, it's a private channel, and I mean, I just have to ask, like, why do you think they chose the two of us on this mission? Do you think they know? Oh Forest God, they //have// to know at this point!"]] (click: "they have to know")[$t["Be //quiet!//" Tabloid says, again with the hushing. "They don't know, but they //will// know if you keep calling me on private channels!"]] (click: "if you keep calling me")[$t["But -- why -- what if we didn't cover our tracks well enough?! The law is really strict on predation--"]] (click: "cover our tracks")[$t["Stop talking! Don't doubt yourself now, Fluffy." Their voice lowers to the slightest of whispers. "Even if the Council figured out we had been up to something, what evidence do they have? It's not like we mounted our kills on the walls of our dwellings! Just -- just leave everything to me, okay? I've got everything under control."]] (click: "under control")[$t["Okay. Sorry. Mission only talk. Fluffy out. Uh, over and out."]] (click: "over and out")[$t[Tabloid sighs and shuts their comm signal off. (if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[And, in the murky silence, Sprinkles, who had been eavesdropping in their comm channel, blinks away a few tears. //Tabloid's a hero,// they think. //How could they?//(set: $sprinklesknows to true)](else:)[] [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Fluffy")["Hey, Paulie! Paul the stout stoat! Paul! Answer me, Paul! Paul! Paaaaaaaaaaul--" Paul snaps. "WHAT do you want, Fluffy?"](if: $story's 1st is "Paul")["WHAT do you want, Fluffy?!" Paul says.] (click: "WHAT")[$t["Listen, I just, like, want to know if the suit will hold up if something needs pouncing on? I'm a real good pouncer. Like, I can pounce on //anything//. 'You need something pounced on, you call Fluffy,' that's what they used to say in the dens back home, y'know. So, I guess what I'm asking is, how well does the replica handle pouncing? What's Charlie's vertical leap? Also, are his claws retractable? I couldn't find them when I went over my checklist--"]] (click: "couldn't find them")[$t["Stop talking. Before I answer my question, I would just like to let you know that you're the worst."]] (click: "you're the worst")[$t[Fluffy starts to rebut, but is parried. "The replica will not support your style of movement for a sustained amount of time. There shall be no pouncing, prancing, traipsing, trotting, galloping, or cantering in my replica unless the mission specifically demands you to do so."]] (click: "specifically demands")[$t[Fluffy starts to rage-vibrate. "But -- I -- can't--"]] (click: "can't--")[$t["Calm yourself. Move like a human, not like a fox. That's the whole point of the replica. Can't believe I have to explain this," Paul mutters as they shut off the channel. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Guillermo")[Guillermo opens the comm channel. "You wanted to talk to me?"](else-if: $story's 1st is "Taft")[Taft opens the comm channel and immediately starts to badger Guillermo.] (click: "comm channel")[$t["I just wanted to inform you that your fear of humans is going to get us all killed," Taft says. "How you were selected for this position is beyond me."]] (click: "beyond me")[$t[Guillermo whimpers a little. They attempt to cover it up by clearing their throat. This causes them to cough.]] (click: "cough")[$t["You can't even speak properly!" Taft yells. "If you can't even blubber out a sentence to a handsome chipmunk, how do you expect to perform your duties in front of a grotesque human?!"]] (click: "grotesque human")[$t["I.. I don't know!" Guillermo says.]] (click: "I don't know!")[$t["Useless. You're totally, completely useless. If you want to be less useless, look to me next time we're around humans, and start taking notes." Taft shuts the line off. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Guillermo")["Susan, may I talk to you for a moment?"](else-if: $story's 1st is "Susan")["You wanted to talk to me, Guillermo?"] (click: "talk")[$t["I need your help. I know I may have been harsh to you when we first met, but your experience with humans has already been a huge help on this mission," Guillermo says.]] (click: "huge help")[$t["Well, thank you," Susan says, guarded.]] (click: "thank you")[$t[Guillermo takes a deep breath. "Listen, I am terrified of humans. All the warnings in the warren about feet harvesting, or the war stories and case studies at the Academy.. I just can't hack it. I can't fathom being subject to their cruelty. Were you ever scared of them? How did you get over it?"]] (click: "get over it")[$t[Susan thinks for a moment. "Dealing with humans is like learning a language. Except there are no textbooks, no guides, no indications that anything you say or do //won't// lead to your death. You have to be careful of where you step, what you eat, what you say and how you say it. But once you figure out what they're looking for.. they just assume that you're harmless and cute. You and I are lucky, you know. Rabbits and squirrels are low on their list."]] (click: "Rabbits and squirrels")[$t["Do you think you could help me with this? Learning this unlearnable language?"]] (click: "unlearnable language")[$t[Susan smiles. "I'd love to." [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Xylophone")[Xylophone picks up the line. "Hey, //rabbit!// We need to talk!"](else-if: $story's 1st is "Guillermo")[Xylophone answers the line. "Yeah, //rabbit?// What is it?"] (click: "rabbit")[$t["Hey, you can drop the tough mouse routine," Guillermo says. "I actually wanted to talk to you about how you're doing."]] (click: "talk to you")[$t["Oh.. that's nice. I'm really tired of shouting and flexing."]] (click: "shouting and flexing")[$t["I don't actually know how you do it, Xylo. You're so strong in the face of those.. those humans."]] (click: "those humans")[$t["Are you kidding?" Xylophone says. "They can see right through me. I know it. I try to puff my chest and shout and grunt and all that other stuff, but it seems to bounce right off them. Maybe I am a fraud after all."]] (click: "fraud after all")[$t["I don't think so. I think you're brave. Not everyone can jump into a mission like this, with the pressure on your shoulders like that, and do as well as you've done."]] (click: "as well as you've done")[$t["Wow, that's really cool," Xylo says. Their voice deepens. "You're a true comrade, and I would be //honoured// to die in combat with you!"]] (click: "die in combat")[$t["Uh, hm, okay, yeah, you too, pal!" [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

Tabloid jumps on the line as soon as it's opened. "Guillermo, baby!" (click: "Guillermo, baby!")[$t["Hi, um, Tabloid, how are--"]] (click: "how are--")[$t["Listen, forget about that. I know you've got issues with humans. I see the claw-jitters, I see your dander going up when we talk to them. I also know that you're very gifted at controlling the replica. But I think you've got some serious hidden potential here, and I'm here to help you unlock it."]] (click: "unlock it")[$t["But we're in the.. we're in the middle of the mission--"]] (click: "middle of the mission")[$t["Forget that. Listen, I've developed a significant program which promotes wellness, mental acuity, optipositivity, heart fullness, advanced digestion techniques, and energy harnessing. I've had to make a few, hmm, //adjustments// in order to assist you with your, hmm, //particular// problem, but it is my expert opinion that you should begin immediately. Shall we?"]] (click: "Shall we?")[$t["I don't think so, I've got a lot of work to do--"]] (click: "lot of work")[$t[Tabloid begins screaming. "You are GREAT! You are GREAT, Guillermo! You're SO GOOD! You're the BEST! Can't you feel me HELPING?! I think you're GREAT! You're DANDY! You're so GOOD!" [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Guillermo")["Hey, Sorghum. You there?" Guillermo says.](if: $story's 1st is "Sorghum")["Guillermo, you wanted to talk to me?" Sorghum says.] (click: "says")[$t["I can't take this," Guillermo says. "Listen, I'm only telling you this because I can tell what you've been through. But I'm so scared of humans. They're evil. I know they're going to kill me. I don't want to go through with this."]] (click: "go through with this")[$t["I know," Sorghum says. "I don't either." Sorghum leans back in their seat. "You know how my family died? I haven't told many people. You wanna hear?"]] (click: "wanna hear")[$t["Yes," Guillermo says, gravely.]] (click: "Yes")[$t["My family and I always had to move around when I was a young goph. Something was always going wrong. Cave-ins, invasions, floods, you name it. We could never really find a burrow that was a good fit for us -- or, if we did, we would be forced to leave it.]] (click: "leave it")[$t["That changed when we had moved into this field, just on the edge of Taiga territory. No other gophers, no other predators, nothing. It was finally for us. We built a beautiful burrow, spacious, expansive. Lots of escape routes and defense mechanisms. We thought -- this was it. This is home.]] (click: "This is home")[$t["Turns out we had built right on a human's field. When we first saw signs of the human, we ignored them because they weren't growing any crops or anything. But it was grazing land for their cows. And they weren't happy about that.]] (click: "weren't happy")[$t["We expected we would have to move again right away. But nothing happened. We waited. And waited. But our burrow remained exactly as we built it. And my family grew complacent.]] (click: "complacent")[$t["So when one of the burrow exits was opened one day, they thought nothing of it. When the human dropped a little morsel of food into the burrow, they thought nothing of it. When the burrow was sealed, they thought nothing of it. Then they ate the morsel. All of them. And they all started dying."]] (click: "started dying")[$t["Forest God," Guillermo says.]] (click: "Forest God")[$t["I was able to get away. But you think I'm happy taking food from humans? Talking to humans? Pretending everything is okay when I look a human in the eye? You can //never// trust a human. They will always betray you in the end. So if you're planning to get out, let me know. And I'll come." [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Guillermo")["Paul, can I speak to you about something?"](if: $story's 1st is "Paul")["Guillermo. You wanted to speak to me?"] (click: "speak")[$t[Guillermo takes a deep breath and begins. "I, just.. wanted to know how you can possibly study humans without wanting to wretch from fear. I, um, don't think I'm doing very well on this mission so far, and I thought.. maybe I could ask you for advice."]] (click: "ask you for advice")[$t[Paul ponders for a moment. "I used to be like you, y'know. Trepid at the thought of researching humans. What if they kill me? What if they eat me? They're notoriously unpredictable.]] (click: "notoriously unpredictable")[$t["But the more I studied them, the more I realised -- they're just data. The more I analysed their methods of scientific inquiry, the more I applied those methods back onto them. Soon their behaviour emerged as mere patterns. Systems. //Modes//, if you will.]] (click: "mere patterns")[$t["Once you finally learn to detach yourself, once you finally learn to think analytically, like a //scientist//, you can rid yourself of the fear that grips you so." Paul hangs up the line with a flourish. Guillermo sits, awed. A world has opened. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Susan")[Susan opens the line. "You wanted to speak to me, Paul?"](else-if: $story's 1st is "Paul")["Susan. A word."] (click: "Susan")[$t["I have a request," Paul begins. "I must know how to establish relationships with humans. I feel as though my research has.. peaked."]] (click: "relationships with humans")[$t[Susan laughs. "Maybe you should learn how to establish relationships with //animals// before you move on to humans," they say.]] (click: "move on")[$t["Silence! I must know your secrets. Connecting with humans will open a new dimension to my research. If my research evolves, so too will my capacity to build better Replicas. This is as beneficial for you as it is for me. Assist me!"]] (click: "Assist me!")[$t[Despite the spittle-flecked vitriol of Paul's request, Susan softens their tone. Maybe Paul can change. And if Paul can change, maybe others in the Taiga can change. //Paul will be my project,// they think. //Maybe I can teach Paul compassion.// "Alright," Susan says. "Let's do it." [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Susan")[Susan opens the comm channel. "You wanted to speak to me, Sorghum?"](else-if: $story's 1st is "Sorghum")["Can I speak to you for a moment, Susan?"] (click: "speak")[$t[Sorghum begins their spiel with a heavy breath. "How can you possibly be.. enamored with humans?!" Their voice raises in intensity, begins to crack. "Don't you know what they're capable of? How many burrows they've destroyed? Families they've displaced? Children they've murdered?! How can you live with yourself knowing that you're associated with .. with monsters?"]] (click: "monsters")[$t[Susan sighs. "Listen, humans are capable of great harm. And it's hard to dismiss their propensity for destruction. But they're also capable of great kindness. And it takes a gesture of goodwill in order to establish a relationship that is positive. I feel as though we are capable of making that gesture. We can reach out to them.]] (click: "gesture of goodwill")[$t["Were you around for the pre-Taiga days? It was terrible! Before we reached out to one another, squirrels and gophers like you and I would constantly be under attack from hawks and coyotes and however many other predators. We were just as monstrous. And we got over it. And I think we can do the same with humans.]] (click: "the same with humans")[$t["I get that you have been wronged by humans. It takes courage to carry on in the wake of whatever happened. But to forgive -- that's the hallmark of being a compassionate animal."]] (click: "compassionate animal")[$t[Sorghum swallows hard, and blinks away a tear. "We should .. keep talking, I think." Susan smiles. "Okay," they say. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Susan")["Hi. You wanted to talk to me?" Susan says.](if: $story's 1st is "Tabloid")["Could I talk to you, Susan?" Tabloid says.] (click: "says")[$t[Tabloid stammers. "I.. I heard that you were something of a celebrity in the human world."]] (click: "celebrity")[$t["Maybe," Susan says, with a hint of venom. "Why do you ask?"]] (click: "Why do you ask?")[$t["Well," Tabloid says with a wry chuckle, "I'm something of a celebrity in the Taiga."]] (click: "in the Taiga")[$t["I do not care."]] (click: "I do not care")[$t["Right, okay, well, I just wanted to hear how you became, y'know, famous. One celebrity to another. Maybe you and I could share tips or something. Weasel to squirrel."]] (click: "One celebrity to another")[$t["Hard pass."]] (click: "Hard pass")[$t[Tabloid babbles to keep Susan on the line. "Wait wait wait! I just wanna know, like, why did you come back? Why did you accept this mission?"]] (click: "Why did you accept")[$t[Susan sighs. Their tail sashays from side to side as they muster up the words. "You're pathetic," they say. "You think that celebrity, or notoriety, or whatever you want to call it, is something you seek? Something you need to find?]] (click: "Something you need to find?")[$t[Susan takes a deep breath. "The only reason I'm known at all, by anyone, for whatever reason, is because of how much I don't belong.]] (click: "don't belong")[$t["And that's why I'm on this mission." The channel is shut off. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Taft")[Taft jumps on the comm line. "Paul! I have a personal request, if I may," they say, struggling to ingratiate themself.](else-if: $story's 1st is "Paul")[Paul jumps on the comm line. "You wanted to talk to me, Taft?"] (click: "jumps on the comm line")[$t["No doubt," Taft begins, "you are aware of my prodigious talent for acquiring items. My sticky fingers, if you will."]] (click: "sticky fingers")[$t[Paul rolls their eyes so hard you can almost hear it throughout the replica.]] (click: "rolls their eyes")[$t["I know you designed this clever youth. I can see your prodigious talent for engineering. And I'm wondering if you and I could potentially ... collaborate on a project."]] (click: "collaborate")[$t[Paul ponders for a moment. "I'm listening."]] (click: "listening")[$t["Great!" Taft exclaims, smacking their paws together. "Listen, I know you know how sticky my fingers can be. But I'm wondering if you and I can engineer something to make the replica's fingers.. stickier."]] (click: "stickier")[$t[Paul's eyebrows raise. Their imagination starts churning. "Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. We can do this. I'll start.. making blueprints. I might require.. but.. could we... yes, no, that'll work.. but what about the.." Taft realises that Paul is talking entirely to themself. Taft cackles. "This is going to be a beautiful partnership," they say. Paul doesn't listen. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Taft")["Hey, Sorghum. Guess what?"](else-if: $story's 1st is "Sorghum")["Taft, what do you want?"] (click: "what")[$t["You know, I've got a reputation as quite the thief," Taft says. They stop themself. "What am I saying -- you know this, of course."]] (click: "of course")[$t["Get to the point," Sorghum says.]] (click: "the point")[$t["Well, it just so happens that I managed to pilfer some of the classified files regarding this mission. I'm pretty particular about knowing all of the details before I enter hostile territory. And that includes details on those I'm working with.]] (click: "working with")[$t[Sorghum swallows a nervous throat lump.]] (click: "throat lump")[$t["Learned a little bit about your family history. Or what's left of it, anyway."]] (click: "family history")[$t[Sorghum starts to growl.]] (click: "growl")[$t["I mean, you've got that tortured look to you, y'know. You can tell that //something// happened. You've just got that glint in your eye. I'm just surprised that it turned out to be so.. y'know.. //minor//."]] (click: "minor")[$t["I'll kill you!" Sorghum screams. "You're //dead//, Taft!" The ruckus attracts the attention of (print: $c's 1st) and (print: $c's 2nd), who quickly break up the fight. "I'm not about to forget this, chipmunk!" Sorghum screams. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Tabloid")["Hey, Tafters," Tabloid says. "Or do you prefer Tafty?" "Taft will do," Taft says, acerbically. "What do you want?"](else-if: $story's 1st is "Taft")["Oh, Forest God, it's you. What do you want?" Taft says, without giving Tabloid a chance to speak.] (click: "What do you want?")[$t["Listen, I'll cut the crap. You know who I am," Tabloid says. "But what you don't know is how pristine and luxurious my dwelling is. It's a work of art. It's nearly perfect. //Nearly//. "I know how good you are at pilfering human artifacts. I've got a thirst for them. An //insatiable// thirst. I want my whole crib lined with them. You're controlling the paws of this ship. You find me something good, I will make it worth your while."]] (click: "find me something good")[$t[Taft ponders this proposition. "All right," they say. "I'm up for a challenge. I'll find you something good. But I want //in//, you know what I'm saying? I want to be in the Taiga elite. I want a show dedicated to my exploits. I want to be //known// -- on the same level as you."]] (click: "same level")[$t[Tabloid scratches their nose. "All right," they say. "I can do that. We have a deal." [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Xylophone")[Xylophone jumps on the line. "T.. Tabloid?"](else-if: $story's 1st is "Tabloid")[Tabloid jumps on the line. "Hey, //slugger//, what's going on?" they say.] (click: "Tabloid")[$t[Xylophone stammers. "I was.. just wondering if you could possibly.. if you have the //time//, I mean.."]] (click: "have the time")[$t["Spit it out, grapeshot. What is it?"]] (click: "grapeshot")[$t["I wanna be tough!" Xylophone says. "Everyone rags on me //all// the time and I try to play it off as if it doesn't bother me. But it does! It really does. And I see you in //Death Weasels II// and I just wonder, like.. how do you do it? Can you teach me? I really need to be strong for this mission so I can prove to everyone I was the right choice!"]] (click: "Can you teach me?")[$t[Tabloid chuckles. "Of course, shoeshine. You know, I was actually thinking you've got a lot of potential. We'll have you beating up bad guys in no time."]] (click: "potential")[$t["Yes!" Xylophone exclaims. "This //rules!//" [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Xylophone")["Hey, Sorghum. I have a quick question for you," Xylophone says.](if: $story's 1st is "Sorghum")["You wanted to talk to me, Xylophone?" Sorghum says.] (click: "says")[$t[Xylophone clears their throat. "Uh, yeah!" They pause. "You know, there's a lot of scuttlebutt about your history.. y'know, about what happened to your family."]] (click: "family")[$t["Go on.." Sorghum says.]] (click: "Go on")[$t["I just don't get it! Like, why didn't you stand up for yourself and your family? You could have avoided all of this if you were just a little tougher, like me."]] (click: "a little tougher")[$t[Sorghum laughs. "Excuse me? Is this some half-assed attempt to assert dominance over me?"]] (click: "assert dominance")[$t[Xylophone is silent. They've been caught redpawed. Sorghum's voice lowers. "I've seen things you animals wouldn't believe. And let me assure you, you don't want to mess with me, //particularly// when you're smaller, weaker, and //much// more pathetic than me."]] (click: "pathetic")[$t[Xylophone hangs up. Sorghum smirks to themself. [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $story's 1st is "Xylophone")["Hey Paul," Xylophone says. "This replica of the Offering, you really did a great job with it, y'know?"](if: $story's 1st is "Paul")["You wanted to talk to me?" Paul says. "Hey Paul," Xylophone says. "This replica of the Offering, you really did a great job with it, y'know?"] (click: "great job")[$t[Paul says nothing.]] (click: "says nothing")[$t["It's just a real, real powerful unit, y'know? Lots of versatility. Bet you could really.. you could really, uh.. (click: "really, uh..")[$t[you could really fry an egg with this thing."]]]] (click: "fry an egg")[$t["Xylophone," Paul begins, "you are of no worth to this mission."]] (click: "of no worth")[$t[Xylophone stammers in an effort to respond. But Paul continues his onslaught. "You are entirely too small to operate the upper limbs of my replica. You are overexposed and underqualified. You can't pull the arm levers without getting exhausted!"]] (click: "too small")[$t["Shut up! Just shut up, you stupid stoat!"]] (click: "stupid stoat")[$t[Paul continues unabated. "You are only here because of your father. And that is such a shame -- for me, and for my Replica." The line is shut off. Xylophone keeps swearing long after Paul has ceased to listen. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you so.. SO dead, you hear?!" [[Continue..->Waypoint Back]]]]

(if: $straighttoschool is true)[(goto: "Part II Cutscene")] (if: $backpack is "")[(set: $backpack to (either: "Toys", "Books", "Rocks"))] (if: $tardiness is "Punctual")[(set: $bus to true)(goto: "Bus Stop Punctual")] (if: $tardiness is "Delayed")[(goto: "Run or Walk")] (if: $tardiness is "Tardy")[(set: $bus to false)(goto: "Bus Stop Tardy")]

Charlie stands on Dundee Road, a broad street lined with elm trees. The wakened sun filters through the foliage, casting the street in a toasty golden hue. Smallish humans emerge from the neighbouring dwellings, saddled with their backpacks, smiles on their faces. They wave goodbye to their bathrobed parents and bound down the street on their way to school. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Fellow children! We must follow them!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["We should follow them," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Look! Other kiddies! We gotta follow them!" Sprinkles says.] (click: "follow them")[$t[The children congregate around a signpost that says "BUS STOP - EVERGREEN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL." Charlie joins them, standing awkwardly to one side as they kick pebbles into the street.]] (click: "BUS STOP")[$t[After a long moment, a gargantuan mechanical abomination screeches to a halt in front of the children. Its doors slide open and the children file onboard without a fuss. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Should we join the children in the belly of this dandelion whale?" Horseradish asks.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["We should get on, right?" Chunks asks.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["We should keep following them! Right?" Sprinkles asks.] "Yes, we //should// [[get on.->Climb on Bus]]" "No, we mustn't get on."]] (click: "we mustn't")[$t["Come on, Charlie!" the bus driver says. "No stallin' today!" No turning back, it seems.]]

Charlie stands on Dundee Road, a broad street lined with elm trees. The wakened sun filters through the foliage, casting the street in a toasty golden hue. Smallish humans emerge from the neighbouring dwellings, saddled with their backpacks. One child in particular is hustled through their front door by their bathrobed parents with some urgency. "You're gonna be //late// for school, Priya! Hurry up!" Priya hurks her backpack over her shoulder and sprints down the street. (click: "sprints")[$t["Whoa, that kid's in a hurry," (print: $c's 3rd) says. "Should we follow her?" (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Indeed! (print: $c's 4th), engage!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Yup. (print: $c's 4th), get on it."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yeah! We don't wanna be late, either! (print: $c's 4th), let's go!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Why, there's no hurry! We should appreciate the glorious day the Forest God hath provided!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["There's no hurry. We'll be fine."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["There ain't no hurry! Let's enjoy this beautiful morning, squad!"]]] (click: "Tabloid,")[(goto: "Run to Bus Stop")](click: "Sorghum,")[(goto: "Run to Bus Stop")](click: "Paul,")[(goto: "Run to Bus Stop")] (click: "no hurry")[(goto: "Walk to Bus Stop")]

Charlie stands on Dundee Road, a broad street lined with elm trees. The wakened sun filters through the foliage, casting the street in a toasty golden hue. The street is abandoned, no hustle //or// bustle to be found. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["This ain't right," Taft says. "This doesn't feel like the last few missions I've been on."](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["This is unusual," Susan says. "There are usually more people on the street on a weekday morning than this."](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Um," Xylophone says, "shouldn't there be more people about?"] (click: "abandoned")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["You are correct, dear (print: $c's 3rd)," Horseradish says. "This lack of activity is certainly concerning."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hm," Chunks says. "So what the hell should we do now?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yeaaaaaahh," Sprinkles says, deeply confused. "I don't know what we should do!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Let us pick a random direction, and [[wander forth!->Dirty Alley Cutscene]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Let's just [[start walking.->Dirty Alley Cutscene]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["We'd better [[start moving->Dirty Alley Cutscene]] or we'll be even more late!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Hark! An angular [[personal transportation device->Bike]], splayed on the front lawn!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["What's that [[wheeled thing->Bike]] on the lawn?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Ooooh oooh! Do you think we'd fit on that [[two-wheeled thing?->Bike]]"]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "31"))Charlie strolls onto the bus, and time stops. All the children turn to the front of the bus, their shining faces set to "gawk." (click: "gawk")[$t[A voice from the back of the bus bellows above the mocking whispers. (if: $beehive is true)["HEY CHARLIE, DID YOU GET STUNG BY BEES OR SOMETHING?!"](else-if: $scraped is true)["HEY CHARLIE, WHY'RE YOU ALL SCRAPED UP?! YOU FALL OUT OF A TREE OR SOMETHING?"](else-if: $secondstory is true)["HEY CHARLIE, WHY YOU COVERED IN BROKEN GLASS?! YOU FALL OUT OF A SECOND STORY WINDOW OR SOMETHING?"](else-if: $charred is true)["HEY CHARLIE, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS?! PICK YOUR NOSE TOO MUCH?"](else-if: $skunked is true)["HEY CHARLIE, DID YOU MAKE LOVE TO A SKUNK OR SOMETHING?!"](else:)["HEY CHARLIE, YOU'RE DUMB!"]]] (click: "mocking whispers")[$t[Another voice chimes up from closer to where Charlie is standing. (if: $cleanliness is "Dreadful")["And he looks like he spent the night living in the woods! Ha ha ha!"](else-if: $cleanliness is "Shabby")["And it looks like his shirt is inside out!"](else-if: $cleanliness is "Passable")["At least he figured out to dress himself!"](else-if: $cleanliness is "Pristine")["He looks so weirdly //clean//!"]]] (click: "chimes up")[$t[The chatter continues. (if: $hygiene is 1)["Oh god, he smells like chunk dumplings!"](else-if: $hygiene is 2)["Agh, he smells like he was barfed out of a bear!"](else-if: $hygiene is 3)["At least he figured out how to use a shower!"](else-if: $hygiene is 4)["And he smells like a crisp summer meadow!"]]] (click: "chatter")[$t[The squad chafes at this relentless salvo. (print: $c's 1st) decides to.. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "Horseradish Bus Respond")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "Chunks Bus Respond")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "Sprinkles Bus Respond")]]]

Charlie jogs at a brisk pace behind Priya. She seems to be waving at a marigold monstrosity, which idles at a sign that reads "BUS STOP - EVERGREEN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL." (click: "BUS STOP")[$t["Wait for meeeeee!" Priya calls. The bus waits.]] (click: "waits")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Indeed! Refrain from movement!" Charlie calls.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Yeah. Wait," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Wait for meeeeeeee alsoooooooo!" Charlie calls.] Priya makes it to the bus door and breathlessly clambers onboard. After a few seconds, Charlie [[does the same->Climb on Bus]].]]

The squad takes a more leisurely approach. (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid peers out their viewscreen. "Loving this //bathrobe// look with the larger humans. Wonder if I can have one commissioned for me," Tabloid says.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["We shouldn't be too leisurely," Sorghum says. "Humans aren't to be trusted."](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul looks out their viewscreen. "So many potential study subjects," they say, with a sigh of disappointment.] (click: "leisurely approach")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Well, now that we have chosen to take our time, we can bask in the Forest God's grace! How should we proceed?" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["So what the hell should we do now?" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Now that we've taken a load off," Sprinkles says, "I don't know what we should do!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Let us pick a random direction, and [[wander forth!->Dirty Alley Cutscene]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Let's just [[start walking.->Dirty Alley Cutscene]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["We'd better [[start moving->Dirty Alley Cutscene]] or we'll be even more late!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Hark! An angular [[personal transportation device->Bike]], splayed on the front lawn!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["What's that [[wheeled thing->Bike]] on the lawn?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Ooooh oooh! Do you think we'd fit on that [[two-wheeled thing?->Bike]]"]]]

.. show those [[mean ol' kids what for!->Sprinkles Bus Insult]] .. [[let bygones be bygones.->Sprinkles Bus Seat]]

.. [[fight back.->Chunks Bus Insult]] .. [[let it be.->Chunks Bus Seat]]

.. [[volley a riposte!->Horseradish Bus Insult]] .. [[retreat to our designated seat!->Horseradish Bus Seat]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "32"))(set: $kids to "Annoyed")"Yeah?!" Charlie says, with Horseradish at the loudspeaker. "Well, you're all indolent nincompoops!" (click: "indolent nincompoops")[$t[This sharp-tongued comeback raises a furor in the children. "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS," one screams.]] (click: "screams")[$t[They start throwing garbage and assorted bus detritus at Charlie as he traverses the aisle. "Hey, knock it off!" the bus driver screams. "Charlie, sit down, we gotta get moving!"]] (click: "sit down")[$t["Well, great job, Horseradish! We've now completely pissed off our classmates," (print: $c's 3rd) says. "Now who do we sit with?" Horseradish ignores the criticism and peers at his scanner. "There are two children available to sit with. A male on the leeward side, and a female on the windward. Which shall we choose?" [["The male,->Sit with Martin]] on the leeward side?" [["The female, ->Sit with Hanae]] on the windward side?"]]

Horseradish ignores the insults. As they do so, they notice two empty seats. A young boy bounces up and down in his seat. "Charlie! CHARLIE! It's me, Martin, your friend! I saved you a seat!" Across the aisle, a girl looks at Charlie, and quickly looks away, embarrassed. "Oh, what?!" Martin barks. "You'd rather sit with Hanae?!" (click: "sit with")[$t["Curious how that young gentleman mentioned those names for our convenience," Horseradish says. "Regardless, let's sit with.. [["Martin."->Sit with Martin]] [["Hanae."->Sit with Hanae]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "32"))(set: $kids to "Worshipful")Chunks snarls through Charlie's loudspeaker. "Shut up," they say, artifically raising and warbling Charlie's voice through the "sinister" filter. (click: "sinister")[$t[The children are awed. "How did you DO that with your voice?" one asks. Much to Chunks' delight, the infernal teeter-totter of child opinion has tilted back to the favourable side.]] (click: "favourable")[$t[Not awed, however, is the bus driver. "Charlie, hurry up and sit down! We gotta move!" Chunks checks their scanner. "Two kids are available to sit with. There's a boy and a girl. Let's choose.. ".. [[the boy.->Sit with Martin]]" ".. [[the girl.->Sit with Hanae]]"]]

Chunks ignores the insults. As they do so, they notice two empty seats. A young boy bounces up and down in his seat. "Charlie! CHARLIE! It's me, Martin, your friend! I saved you a seat!" Across the aisle, a girl looks at Charlie, and quickly looks away, embarrassed. "Oh, what?!" Martin barks. "You'd rather sit with Hanae?!" (click: "sit with")[$t["Good thing that lad mentioned their names. It'd be too confusing otherwise." Chunks says. "Let's sit with.. [["Martin."->Sit with Martin]] [["Hanae."->Sit with Hanae]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "32"))(set: $kids to "Freaked Out")"Check this out," Sprinkles boasts to the squad. (click: "Check this out")[$t[They turn to their Charlie loudspeaker. "HEY, FELLOW CHILDREN! You're so worthless, I bet your dessicated mothers barely withheld the urge to eat you while you were little whelps, suckling at her grotesque, withered teat!"]] (click: "whelps")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim speaks up. "Sprinkles, I think that's enough--"](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy laughs. "Sprinkles, I didn't know you had it in you!"](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo speaks up. "Sprinkles, don't you think that's going a little //far//--"]]] (click: "Sprinkles,")[$t["And-- and-- when you return to your dens and lodges and nests tonight, maybe you should all look at your father and mother and ask them what actual //worth// you have? I mean, think of all the resources you consume and the human money you surely cost them, and ask yourself why you were even brought into this world, beyond their primal, horrible urge to copulate in some disgusting mud puddle?"]] (click: "primal, horrible urge")[$t[A child bursts into tears.]] (click: "into tears")[$t[Sprinkles is embarrassed. "Oh.. oh dear. Let's just sit down now.. ".. next to the [[boy->Sit with Martin]] on the left side?" ".. next to the [[girl->Sit with Hanae]] on the right side?"]]

Sprinkles ignores the insults. As they do so, they notice two empty seats. A young boy bounces up and down in his seat. "Charlie! CHARLIE! It's me, Martin, your friend! I saved you a seat!" Across the aisle, a girl looks at Charlie, and quickly looks away, embarrassed. "Oh, what?!" Martin barks. "You'd rather sit with Hanae?!" (click: "sit with")[$t["Uh, did he really have to drop their names in such a blatant manner?" Sprinkles says. "Oh well! Let's sit with.. [["Martin."->Sit with Martin]] [["Hanae."->Sit with Hanae]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "33"))Charlie plops next to the boy. "Charlie!" he says, a touch of hurt in his voice. "I knew you wouldn't sit with Hanae. I knew you weren't going to do that!" The girl across the aisle, presumably Hanae, shoots Martin and Charlie a pointed look. "I was just worried because you didn't you come over last night! I thought you were gonna sleep over at my house! (if: $skunked is true)[And why do you smell like a skunk?](if: $kids is "Annoyed")[And why'd you call everyone an indolent?"](else-if: $kids is "Worshipful")[And how'd you do that cool thing with your voice? You sounded so weird and scary!"](else:)["] (click: "sleep over")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah, yes! The jigsaw pieces are coalescing into place!" Horseradish muses to the squad. "This must be the Offering's young friend, Martin."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hm, this must be Martin. We snatched the Offering while he was walking to his house," Chunks says to the squad.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Weeeeell, if it isn't little Martin, the Offering's good buddy!" Sprinkles says to the squad.] Martin waits for an explanation. "Uhh, well.." Charlie stammers. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "Horseradish Martin Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "Chunks Martin Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "Sprinkles Martin Choice")]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "34"))(set: $martin to "Disappointed")Charlie slides next to Hanae, whose name is lovingly stitched across her backpack. Across the aisle, Martin huffs, crosses his arms, and sulks. (click: "next to Hanae")[$t["Uh, okay, now you've decided to be nice to me? After all the heck you've put me through with our presentation?" (if: $skunked is true)[Hanae takes a sniff. "Oh God, you smell absolutely disgusting," she says.]]] (click: "with our presentation")[$t[Charlie blinks, confused. The children around their site titter at the prospect of fresh, steaming gossip. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "Horseradish Hanae Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "Chunks Hanae Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "Sprinkles Hanae Choice")]]]

Taft's eyes widen. "Look at that //spoon//," they say. "It's //beautiful//." They wait until Mom turns to attend to the small, unbathrobed human, then they pocket the spoon in a flash. (click: "pocket the spoon")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["What are you doing?! I will not be in cahoots with some lowly cutpurse!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Put that back," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["What-- what-- what are you doing-- stop! Stop that!" Sprinkles says.] "Nope," Taft says. "If I'm going on a mission like this, I'm allowed to help myself to some of the spoils."]] (click: "spoils")[$t[Mom turns back. "Charlie, //eat!// We need to get going!"]] (click: "eat")[$t[Now spoonless, Taft seems unclear on how to proceed. (print: $c's 2nd), in a burst of hasty decisioning, bows Charlie's head, tucks his hands behind his back, and laps the oatmeal up as if it were a puddle.(set: $mom to "Disgusted") "Charlie, don't do that, please?!" Mom says. "Eat your oatmeal like a normal human. When you're done, go upstairs and [[get ready for school->Running Late]] before you're late, please!"]]

Susan grips the spoon tight. "Hey, (print: $c's 2nd), you ready for this?" (print: $c's 2nd) nods in the affirmative. (click: "affirmative")[$t[Like a surgeon, Susan applies steaming spoonfuls of oatmeal straight down Charlie's gullet. Their movements are quick and precise, and they are economical enough with their oatmeal dolings so as to not overwhelm the pneumatic distribution system. Each animal is able to enjoy their oatmeal bounty without worry.]] (click: "Charlie's gullet")[$t["Can you all acknowledge now that I am really, really good at this?" Susan smarms to the rest of the squad. (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["You're doing great, Susan," Slim says.]]] (click: "smarms")[$t["Wow, you must have been hungry," Mom says. "Go upstairs and [[get ready for school->On Time]] now, please."]]

Xylophone grunts. This fails to inspire confidence in the rest of the squad. (click: "confidence")[$t[An awkward pause. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["We have faith in your abilities, Xylophone!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Don't screw up," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["We're //all// counting on you for this one, so you'd better get it right," Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "awkward pause")[$t[Xylophone, with Herculean determination, dips the spoon into the oatmeal and raises it to Charlie's mouth. Beads of sweat drip from their brow as they jump from lever to switch. Charlie's mouth opens..]] (click: "opens")[$t[but Xylophone misses.]] (click: "misses")[$t["Charlie!" Mom screams. "Did I seriously just watch you jam a spoonful of oatmeal into your eye?!"(set: $mom to "Horrified")]] (click: "into your eye")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Affirmative," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["It would seem so," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh, yeah! How silly of me! I just got a little confused as.. as to where my mouth is!" Charlie says.] "Just.. go upstairs and [[get ready for school->Top of Stairs]] now, please," Mom says, utterly nonplussed.]]

"Dearest Martin, [[my cellphone was misplaced!->Martin Cellphone Lost]] I had no reliable method of contacting you!" "I'm afraid I find your company [[vexing and irksome!->Martin Don't Like You]] Address me no further." "Repeat this to no one, but I am currently engaged in a most [[clandestine espionage operation!->Martin Secret Mission]]"

[["I lost my cell phone.->Martin Cellphone Lost]] Couldn't phone you." [["I don't like you->Martin Don't Like You]] - that's why." [["I can't explain why.->Martin Secret Mission]] I'm on a secret mission."

[["I can't find my cell phone, Marty!->Martin Cellphone Lost]] And I was too busy looking for it to come over!" "Marty, have you ever considered that [[no one actually likes you?->Martin Don't Like You]]" "I hate to break it to you, Marty, but I don't have the [[security clearance->Martin Secret Mission]] to tell you where I was."

"You lost your cell phone?" Martin says. "Didn't you have it after school yesterday when we took pictures of those seagulls doing it in the parking lot?" (click: "seagulls doing it")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Goodness, I sure hope that wasn't Gelato and Flappers again.." Horseradish says, embarrassed.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Let me guess, that was Gelato and Flappers again," Chunks says, rolling their eyes.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Forestgoddamnit, we told Gelato and Flappers not to do that in public!" Sprinkles says.] "Well, never mind that," Martin says, "where do you think it is?"]] (click: "where do you think it is?")[$t["Uhh.." Charlie says. [["the woods?"->Martin Check the Woods]] [["your house?"->Martin Your House]]]]

(set: $martin to "Devastated")(set: $kids to "Shocked")Martin gasps. The children gasp. "Are.. you.. //bullying// me?!" Martin says. (click: "bullying")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Indeed. You have a disagreeable countenance, Martin!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Yup. Get out of my seat," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yeah! And don't forget you have a big ol' puddinhead!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t[The children are //appalled.//]] (click: "appalled")[$t[A single tear rolls down Martin's cheek. Without a word, Martin gets up, shuffles past Charlie, and relocates to a different seat. The children are silent. The unbreakable friendship of Charlie and Martin, sundered like so much stale firewood?!]] (click: "sundered")[$t[The bus driver turns around, in disbelief at the children's shocked silence. He shrugs, pleased at the respite from the squealing horde of children, and [[continues on->Part II Cutscene]] to school.]]

(set: $secretmission to true)(set: $martin to "Chuffed")(set: $kids to "Worshipful")"YOU'RE ON A SECRET MISSION?!" Martin bellows. "TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME!" (click: "bellows")[$t[The kids swarm Charlie like moths to a flame. Tantalised, they barrage Charlie for further details. "Tell us what your secret mission is! We //promise// we won't tell anyone!" they say.]] (click: "we won't tell")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Seems as though we'd better come up with a plan," Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Whatdowedowhatdowedowhatdowedo?!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Oh no! What do we do?!" Guillermo says.]]] (click: "says.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish thinks fast. "I shall inform you all of my secret mission in due time, when I deem it appropriate to do so! Perhaps at lunch?" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks thinks fast. "I'll tell you all later on, but you have to stop hassling me about it in the meantime," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles thinks fast. "Oh you wanna know my secret mission, hey? Well, I can't tell you //here//. Later today, I promise!" Charlie says.] The children titter amongst themselves, ripe with speculation. This is the most exciting thing to happen to the students of Evergreen Elementary in [[some time.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

(set: $martin to "Terrified")(set: $visitforestmartin to true)"The //woods//?" Martin exclaims. "You know we're never supposed to go into the woods! That's where boogeymen live! You don't want to be eaten by a //boogeyman//, do you?!" (click: "boogeyman,")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Abandon your trepidation! We must venture deep into the forest in search of my device!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Get over it. We've got to go to the forest to look for it later tonight," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Come on, Marty! We're going on a forest adventure, we're gonna find that phone, and you're coming with!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "forest")[$t["Uh, okay," Martin says. He turns out the window and ceases to speak for the remainder of the bus journey. "You moron," (print: $c's 3rd) says. "We're supposed to keep humans //out// of the Taiga, not invite people back in it!" (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I have a scheme," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I have a plan," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh ho ho, you'll see what I have in mind," Sprinkles says.] Clearly, (print: $c's 1st) has discerned, something in the forest has disturbed Martin. And maybe, just maybe, this means their plan to [[ward humans away->Part II Cutscene]] from the Taiga is working.]]

(set: $martinhouse to true)"But why would it be at my house? You didn't come over, and like I said, you had it yesterday.." (click: "you had it yesterday")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) directs Charlie to grab Martin's wrist as urgently as they can. "Intimidate him!" (print: $c's 3rd) calls up to (print: $c's 1st).]] (click: "Intimidate him!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish gulps. "Martin, we must travel to your dwelling, and //not// the forest. It is of the utmost importance to my continued success as a youth."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks smiles. This is what they were built for. "Martin, if we don't go to your house tonight, I'll rip your eyes out of their sockets."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles preens their feathers. "Martin, we gotta hang out at your place because if anyone goes back into that forest, they'll be murdered with death. And by anyone, I mean //you//."]]] (click: "Martin,")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(set: $martin to "Puzzled")"Uh, I don't know what you're talking about at all, but okay," Martin says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(set: $martin to "Terrified")"Not my peepers!" Martin says. "Okay! You can come over!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(set: $martin to "Angered")(set: $martinhouse to false)(set: $visitforestmartin to true)"Wait, so YOU'LL survive in the forest, but I'll die? No way. We're going to the woods and I'll prove that you'll die first!" Martin says.]]] (click: "Martin says.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(print: $c's 4th) frowns. "Went a little easy on the intimidating, didn't you?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Ouch," (print: $c's 4th) says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Really screwed that one up, didn't you, Sprinkles?" (print: $c's 4th) says.] The rest of the bus journey is spent in complete, [[awkward silence.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

A light blinks on (print: $c's 3rd)'s console. "Uh oh," they say. They push a button and a familiar grumble is heard over their comm system. (if: $newgameplus is true)[//(Have you seen this seen before? You can [[skip it->Part II Waypoint]], if you like.)//] (click: "Uh oh")[$t["This is Hank the bear. Come in, Replica," Hank says.]] (clicK: "Hank the bear")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft adopts their most official-sounding voice. "Hello, sir, yes, can I help you?"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan's voice is casual, almost aloof. "Hey, boss," they say.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone's voice has a slight tremor as they address their ursine superior. "Sir! Reporting in, sir!"]]] (click: "voice")[$t["Greetings, (print: $c's 3rd)," Hank says. "Status report?"]] (click: "Status report?")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[(display: "Taft Status Report Cutscene")](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[(display: "Susan Status Report Cutscene")](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(display: "Xylophone Status Report Cutscene")]]] (click: "Human")[$t["Well, that doesn't sound promising at all," Hank says. "but listen. Human activity in the outer Taigalands has increased by (random: 25, 75)%. Metal birds, driven by spinning propellers, have been intercepted by our eagle defence force. The Council believes this activity can only be correlated with the Replica mission. You must draw them further away from the Taiga at all costs!"]] (click: "at all costs")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) gulps nervously. "I'll.. pass it on to (print: $c's 1st) at once."]] (click: "nervously")[$t["Forest God be with you," Hank says. The line is shut off. //Glad I didn't tell them about the other stuff//, (print: $c's 3rd) thinks. [[Continue..->Part II Waypoint]]]]

"Perchance, friend Hanae, you would be so kind as to remind me of the [[nature of our exhibition?->Hanae Presentation]]" "I'm afraid I [[haven't the foggiest idea->Hanae Annoyed]] what you might be talking about!"

"[[What presentation?->Hanae Presentation]]" "[[What are you talking about?->Hanae Annoyed]]"

"Wait, what?! We have to [[present something?!->Hanae Presentation]] In front of hundreds of human children?!" "Buhhhhhh... [[what?->Hanae Annoyed]]"

(set: $hanae to "Furious")"Our //presentation!!// To the entire school! On the Taiga biome! The forest! Outside of town!" Hanae says, her face in her hands. (if: $hygiene <= 2)["You certainly smell like you spent the night in the forest, so I don't know why you're acting so stupid!"] (click: "Taiga biome!")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Did she just say the Taiga?" Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["The Taiga? She didn't just say the Taiga, did she?! Oh no, not good!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Did.. did she just say the Taiga?" Guillermo whimpers.]] (click: "Taiga?")[$t["Since you're so convincing at playing the idiot, let me remind you for the last time: we have a presentation on the Taiga biome to give to the entire school, and we have to present it //tomorrow//. Have you done //any// work on it whatsoever?" Hanae says.]] (click: "work on it")[$t[The squad is frozen in their boots. Charlie says.. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Listen here, guttersnipe! You'll [[stay out of the Taiga->Hanae Stay Out]] if you value your continued health and vitality!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["[[Stay out of the Taiga->Hanae Stay Out]] if you know what's best for you."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Don't you //dare// [[set foot in the Taiga->Hanae Stay Out]] again if you want to live!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Pray tell, [[what does this presentation entail?->Hanae More Info]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Remind me, [[what exactly->Hanae More Info]] about the forest are we talking about, here?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Soooo, Hanae.. [[what exactly am I doing->Hanae More Info]] with this forest business again?"]]]]

(set: $hanae to "Furious")(set: $kids to "Disdainful")"See, this is //exactly// what I'm talking about!" Hanae says. "You're always playing dumb! Leave me alone, you little weirdo!" The surrounding children erupt in mocking, delighted laughter. (click: "mocking, delighted laughter")[$t[(print: $c's 2nd) engages the shame protocol. "Wait!" Charlie says. (print: $c's 1st) ponders their next move, and says.. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Please [[forgive my recalcitrance!->Hanae Forgive]] I wish only to be companions."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I'm sorry. [[I want to be friends.->Hanae Forgive]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Don't be angry! I want us to be [[the best of pals!->Hanae Forgive]]"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["So be it! Know you have made a powerful enemy [[on this date!->Hanae Enemy HR]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Go to [[Forest Hell.->Hanae Enemy CH]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["[[Get bent, nerd!->Hanae Enemy SP]]"]]]

(set: $hanae to "Pleased")"I'm not sure why you've had this change of heart," Hanae says, "but it's nice. I hope you did your share of the research on the Forest for our presentation like I asked!" (click: "research on the Forest")[$t[The squad members' hearts sink in unison. "//What// did she just say?!" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "sink in unison")[$t["Don't forget, we'll have to present on the Forest]](click: "present on the Forest")[$t[-- yes, the Forest just outside of town --]] (click: "outside of town")[$t[to the //entire// school!" Hanae says. "Isn't it going to be fun?" She clutches her books to her chest and takes a deep, satisfied breath.]] (click: "deep, satisfied breath")[$t[One could hear a leaf fall in the Replica. "Sweet Forest God," (print: $c's 1st) says, under their breath. The remainder of the bus journey is spent in [[horrified silence.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

(set: $kids to "Disdainful")"On //this date//?" some kid exclaims. "Charlie and Hanae are on a //date!//" The children grasp this Horseradishian slip-up in their talons and soar with it, soar all the way to Gossip Valhalla, where they sup and cavort like Kings of Yore. (click: "sup and cavort")[$t[Hanae, embarrassed, turns to Charlie in a rage. "You're such a little //turd!// You can work on our presentation on the Taiga by //yourself!//"]] (click: "the Taiga")[$t[The squad stalls. "What did you just say?" Charlie says.]] (click: "just say?")[$t["Oh, now you're gonna play dumb about our presentation? The presentation we have to presentate to the whole school?! I bet you didn't even go to the forest to do any research. What did I do to deserve a partner like you?!"]] (click: "a partner like you?!")[$t[Charlie slumps back in his seat. Tears well in Horseradish's proud eyes. "Our beloved Taiga?! Surveiled?! For how long?!" they wail, to no one in particular. The remainder of the bus journey is spent in [[horrified silence.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

"Forest Hell?!" Hanae says. "Did you learn about that doing the research for our presentation you should have done weeks ago?" (click: "the research")[$t[The squad stalls. "What did you just say?" Charlie says.]] (click: "just say?")[$t["Oh, now you're gonna play dumb about our presentation? The presentation on the Taiga biome? The one we have to presentate to the whole school?! I bet you didn't even go to the forest to do any research. What did I do to deserve a partner like you?!"]] (click: "a partner like you?!")[$t[Charlie slumps back in his seat. Chunks stares into the middle distance. "How long have they been watching us?" they say, under their breath. The remainder of the bus journey is spent in [[horrified silence.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

"Nerd?!" Hanae says. "At least I'm the one putting in all the work for our Forest presentation!" (click: "Forest presentation!")[$t[The squad stalls. "What did you just say?" Charlie says.]] (click: "just say?")[$t["Oh, now you're gonna play dumb about our presentation? The presentation we have to presentate to the whole school?! I bet you didn't even go to the forest to do any research. What did I do to deserve a partner like you?!"]] (click: "a partner like you?!")[$t[Charlie slumps back in his seat. Sprinkles bounces around their control centre in consternation. "How -- but-- they've been in the Taiga?! How long have they been in the Taiga?!" they wail, to no one in particular. The remainder of the bus journey is spent in [[horrified silence.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

(set: $hanae to "Confused")"What is the matter with you? Just yesterday, you were telling me to get lost in the forest and eaten by a bear. Now you want me to stay out of it?" Hanae says. (click: "stay out of it")[$t["Uh.. correct," Charlie says.]] (click: "correct")[$t["Such a weirdo. Don't talk to me unless you've decided to get your act together," Hanae says.]] (click: "get your act together")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) calls down to (print: $c's 3rd). (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["(print: $c's 3rd), send a telegram to Hank, Deborah and Stumpy -- the Human children may be closer to our beloved Taiga than we initially thought."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["(print: $c's 3rd), send a message to the Council. The Humans are close."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["(print: $c's 3rd), get back to the Taiga Council. Tell Hank and Deb and Stumpy that the Humans have been watching the Taiga for some time."] The rest of the bus journey is spent in [[horrified silence.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

(set: $hanae to "Confused")"I can't believe you're asking me, considering how much you //begged// to research the animals of the Forest," Hanae says. (click: "the animals of the Forest")[$t["Uhh," Charlie stammers.]] (click: "Uhh")[$t["You know, how you wanted to study the bears and the deer and the moose and the lynx and all that?" Hanae says, massaging her temples. "You said you had a particular interest in (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[owls](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[magpies](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[finches], (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[beavers](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[foxes](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[rabbits], (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[chipmunks](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[squirrels](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[mice], and (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[weasels](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[gophers](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[stoats]."]] (click: "particular interest")[$t["Oh my Forest God," (print: $c's 4th) says.]] (click: "Forest God")[$t["Is this coming as some surprise? Why am I reminding you of all this? I'm //certainly// not doing your work for you," Hanae says, turning towards the window. Charlie slumps back. (print: $c's 3rd) dials up Control on their comm system. "Replica to Taiga Council? This is (print: $c's 3rd). We might have a [[huge problem.->Part II Cutscene]]"]]

The squad steers Charlie every which way -- through sidestreets and back yards, into cul-de-sacs and neighbourhood parks, and alongside major thoroughfares and boulevards -- but it fails to bring Charlie any closer to his school. (click: "any closer")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Typical," Taft clucks. "They really should have sent me in early to do some recon work. I'd figure out where Evergreen Elementary is in no time."](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["This doesn't look good," Susan says. "A kid wandering by himself on Human streets is certain to arouse suspicion."](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["This is stupid," Xylophone says, adopting their usual tough-mouse routine. "I'll call my dad - maybe he can forward the coordinates?"] An hour passes, and with the questionable direction of (print: $c's 1st) at the helm, no progress seems to have been made. The pristine elms of Dundee Road are but a distant memory to the squad, replaced by worn brick facades to dingy commercial storefronts, which mostly seem to advertise something called "wigs." The purposes of these "wigs" confuse the squad greatly.]] (click: "wigs.")[$t[Eventually, Charlie finds himself in a dirty alley, at a dead end, surrounded by black bags full of discarded, soiled wigs. A voice calls out from behind the squad. "Hey, LOSER! Skippin' out on school to get yourself a wig, huh?!"]] (click: "get yourself a wig")[$t[Charlie whips around to the voice's source. It's a young punk up to no good, all right - resplendent in a bright green wig, shadowed by two lackeys in blue and pink wigs, respectively. "Oh, Charles - don't you know we've told you never to come to the Wig District?! That this is //our// territory? You know what that means - you're gonna [[get it.->Confront Bully]]"]]

(display: "Bike Calculation")(print: $c's 3rd) clutches the transportation device and sets it upright. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Oh, look at that bell," Taft says. "Can I take that bell once we're done?"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["I've only seen the humans utilise these devices from afar," Susan says, "but they seem to be a potent source of merriment."](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Oh great! This will be an excellent showcase for my renowned clutching ability!" Xylophone says.] (click: "transportation device")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Silence for a moment," Horseradish says. "Bipedal cycling is a very difficult Human maneuever; the wisest Sages at the Academy warned against its use unless absolutely necessary. I, myself, have run a few calculations as to our potential success..](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Quiet," Chunks says. "We've obviously seen Human bicycles often in the field. They're surprisingly tricky to operate. And the calculations as to our potential success aren't great.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Shush!" Sprinkles says. "In Advanced Human Maneuvers 401, we briefly went over Human bicycles. I aced the class, of course, so I'll be able to hold my own, but if my calculations are correct, it might be a little tricky for the rest of you.]]] (click: "calculations")[$t["Let's see.. with (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid's attention span, ](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum's balance, ](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul's insouciance, ](if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim's steadiness, ](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy's overzealousness, ](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo's hesitance, ](if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft's pilfering, ](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan's expertise, ](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone's inadequacy, ](if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[and my exquisite leadership, ](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[and my experience, ](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[and my sheer intelligence, ]we stand a chance of approximately.. (round: $bikecalc / 10)% of successfully operating that bicycle. Approximately."]] (click: "Approximately.")[$t[(if: $charred is true)["Oh, and let's not forget our hands are bandaged up and we can't use our fingers. That'll knock us down a bit.. to a.. (set: $bikecalc to it - 200)(round: $bikecalc / 10)% success rate." ](if: $scraped is true)[A pause. "And we've got a few scrapes and bruises, so that brings us down to a.. (set: $bikecalc to it - 150)(round: $bikecalc / 10)% success rate." ](if: $spinning is true)[A breath. "Aaaaaand apparently all that spinning & twirling we did messed up our equilibrium adjustments, so that brings us down to a.. (set: $bikecalc to it - 250)(round: $bikecalc / 10)% success rate." ](if: $secondstory is true)[A beat passes. "Oh, and who could forget our plunge through the window? We're covered in glass and little cuts, so that takes us down to a.. (set: $bikecalc to it - 175)(round: $bikecalc / 10)% success rate."](else:)["I don't feel optimistic about that success rate," (print: $c's 3rd) says.]]] (click: "success rate")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["What do we think, team?" Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Oh ho, I like those odds!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo sighs. "I wasn't sure before, and I'm even less sure now."] (print: $c's 1st) declares.. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Atop the bicycle, friends!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Let's ride the bicycle. We can do it."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Come on, team! We should take the bicycle!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["We mustn't put petty thrills ahead of the mission!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Forget it. It's not a part of our mission."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Naaaaah.. there's nothing in the mission guidelines that say we should BIKE."] (click: "the bicycle")[(set: $bikeroll to (random: 1, 1000))(if: $bikeroll > $bikecalc)[(goto: "Bike Fail")](if: $bikeroll <= $bikecalc)[(goto: "Bike Success")]] (click: "mission")[(goto: "Talk to Bird Cutscene")]]]

"Al, you sure you want to do this now?" the blue-wigged kid says. "We're already late enough for school." Al, the green-wigged leader, turns to his lackey. "Yeah, Reg, it //is// the right time. I'm sick of Charlie always treading where he ain't should be treading." Al puts up his dukes. (if: $charred is true)["Look at his hands all bandaged up. This ain't gonna be hard at all."](else-if: $scraped is true)["Look at him, looks like someone already beat him up with all those scrapes!"](else-if: $secondstory is true)["Look at him, looks like he fell out of a second story window!"](else:)["This ain't gonna be hard at all."] (click: "puts up his dukes")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid rubs their paws together eagerly. "A confrontation! Oooooh, this'll look //good// in the dirtsheets."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum rubs their paws together, with an eagerness that suggests they've been looking forward to thumping a human for a long time.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul rubs their paws together fretfully. "Do //not// put the Replica in jeopardy! There are more important things at stake than your pseudo-adolescent quarrelfights!"]]] (click: "rubs their paws")[$t["Whatcha gonna do, Chaaaarles?" Al says, with a vicious cackle. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "Horseradish Alley Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "Chunks Alley Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "Sprinkles Alley Choice")]]]

"Discretion is the better part of valour! [[Flee!->Run from Bully Cutscene]]" "Perhaps we might be able to persuade you with a little something from our [[backpack menagerie?->Backpack Bully Cutscene]]" "Raise the flag of war! If it to be [[fisticuffs->Fight Bully]], so be it!"

"Not today. [[Let's get out of here.->Run from Bully Cutscene]]" "Sure there ain't something in [[this backpack->Backpack Bully Cutscene]] you want?" "[[You're dead.->Fight Bully]]"

"Nope nope nope! [[We're leaving!->Run from Bully Cutscene]] See ya!" "But look at all the [[sumptuous goodies->Backpack Bully Cutscene]] we've got in our back sack here!" "Hope you like [[eating dirt->Fight Bully]], scumsucker!"

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Abscond, team!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["We can't win this. Let's get out of here!" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["We gotta flee!" Sprinkles says.] (print: $c's 2nd) drops a shoulder and barrels into the throng of bullies, sending one tumbling into a pile of hot wig garbage. (click: "hot wig garbage")[$t["Winston!!" Al cries. "Come on, Reg, let's get after him!"]] (click: "after him")[$t[(print: $c's 4th) activates the kid-jets and sprints out of the alley around a corner into its adjoining street. What was earlier an abandoned promenade is now bustling with pedestrians. Up the street, a herd of sweaty businessmen in business suits talk business, blissfully unaware of the space they occupy or the volume of their conversations. Down the street, a gaggle of elderly folks block the path with their walkers, loudly protesting about something insidious called "humidity."]] (click: "block the path")[$t["There's nothing but dead ends out here, too!" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "dead ends")[$t[Al and Reg spot Charlie as he idles, and charges. "There he is!" (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["With haste, into the nearest inn or general store!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Quick, into that building!" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["There's nowhere to go except this store! We have to blend in!" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "There he is!")[$t[Charlie takes an impulsive step towards the nearest building and, magically, its glass door slides open with a pleasant chime. Without a second thought, Charlie blusters forth into the sleek storefront, and is frozen by a familiar voice.]] (click: "familiar voice")[$t["CHARLIE?!"]] (click: "CHARLIE?!")[$t["Mom?!" Charlie says.(set: $st to it + (a: "37"))]] (click: "Mom?!")[$t[Mom turns to her client and stitches a smile on her face with pronounced effort. "Excuse me, sir, but I'll help you finish investing in this up-and-coming borscht company in just a moment." She hustles around the corner and crouches down in front of Charlie, her smile dissipated. "Why - are - you - not - in - school, Charlie?!" she says, quietly, through clenched teeth.]] (click: "clenched teeth")[$t[The door slides open, and Al and Reg make their grand entrance, wigless and gasping for breath. "There you are, Charlie!" Al says, relieved. "And good morning, Mrs. Stewart! I'm sorry to bother you in your place of employment -- how //thrilling// of you to be at the frontlines of the world of finance -- but when Charlie didn't show up for school today, Reginald and I volunteered to lead the search party. Lucky we found you before Teacher became too embroiled in her lecture!"]] (click: "volunteered")[$t[".. Uhhh," Charlie says.]] (click: "Uhhh")[$t[Mom takes a hard look at Charlie, and back at Al.]] (click: "hard look")[$t[(if: $mom is "Relieved" or "Proud")[(display: "Mom Defends You")](if: $mom is "Disgusted" or "Infuriated")[(display: "Mom Admonishes You")](if: $mom is "Horrified")[(display: "Mom Admonishes You")]]]

"You want to //bribe// me?" Al says, laughing. "You think you can avoid your comeuppance by tempting me with some obscure trinket?" (click: "avoid your comeuppance")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Now, hear me out! I can tell from your salty countenance that my previous offers may have been below par, but I assure you, this particular morsel will be worth your while!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Trust me, this stuff is good stuff, man," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yeah! I mean, no, I don't want to //avoid// anything, I just think you might really appreciate what's in this back sack here!" Charlie says.] "All right, goof, I'm waiting," Al says.]] (click: "I'm waiting")[$t[(if: $backpack is "Toys")[(display: "Give Bully Toys")](if: $backpack is "Books")[(display: "Give Bully Books")](if: $backpack is "Rocks")[(display: "Give Bully Rocks")]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh ho! Prepare thyself, infant, for your reckoning is at hand!" Charlie bellows.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Your time is up, bully," Charlie mutters.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["You're dead! You're so -- I'm gonna -- ohhhhh, you're gonna GET IT," Charlie says.] Al squares up, stretches his neck, cracks his knuckles. (click: "cracks his knuckles")[$t[The squad tenses. They look to (print: $c's 1st) for direction. Finally, they bellow.. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["(print: $c's 2nd)! [[CHAAAARGE!"->Fight Charge Cutscene]]](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[[["Charge him,->Fight Charge Cutscene]] (print: $c's 2nd)!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[[["Charge ahead,->Fight Charge Cutscene]] (print: $c's 2nd)! Headbutt him in the peonies!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[[["Throw a haymaker->Fight Punch Cutscene]], (print: $c's 3rd)!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[[["Punch him->Fight Punch Cutscene]], (print: $c's 3rd)!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[[["Bop him->Fight Punch Cutscene]] right in the mush, (print: $c's 3rd)!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[[["Roundhouse kick->Fight Kick Cutscene]], (print: $c's 4th)!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[[["Kick him->Fight Kick Cutscene]], (print: $c's 4th)!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[[["Give him the ol' boot to the face->Fight Kick Cutscene]], (print: $c's 4th)!"]]]

(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[(display: "Fight Charge Slim")](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[(display: "Fight Charge Fluffy")](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[(display: "Fight Charge Guillermo")]

(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[(display: "Fight Punch Taft")](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[(display: "Fight Punch Susan")](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(display: "Fight Punch Xylophone")]

(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[(display: "Fight Kick Tabloid")](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[(display: "Fight Kick Sorghum")](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[(display: "Fight Kick Paul")]

"You got it, boss!" Slim says. Slim punches the child gearbox into overdrive and rushes at the bully headfirst. (click: "rushes at the bully")[$t[Al, unaccustomed to this sudden burst of confidence from Charlie, braces for impact. "W - whuhh?!" he blubbers.]] (click: "W - whuhh?!")[$t[But halfway through the charge, Slim has a flashback. They think back to the safety of their childhood, to cozy starlit nights in the family den, to calming wafts of cedar and lilac, to the gentle caress of cool water on the nape of their neck. In those bestial pre-Taiga years, the cherished safety of the den ended at the door of the lodge. Whenever Slim would encounter the half-eaten remains of some poor animal, they would recall the wisdom of their mother: "Always remember, Slimothy, violence is never an answer. We take down trees, not other animals - not unless it's //absolutely necessary.//"]] (click: "absolutely necessary")[$t[//Is this absolutely necessary?// they think. //I don't think so.// Slim shifts down from overdrive. "What are you doing?!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "shifts down")[$t[They continue to barrel forwards, but with much less gusto. Al is able to recover and parries the charge with little difficulty.]] (click: "little difficulty")[$t["Ha ha ha," Al says. "That all you got, Charles?" Slim spins Charlie around, astonished at the deftness of the parry.. ]](click: "astonished")[$t[and turns into an uppercut from Al, delivered directly into Charlie's gullet.]] (click: "gullet")[$t[(set: $beatenup to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "36"))"Ooof," Charlie says. Charlie crumples. Slim takes the brunt of the impact, and struggles to catch their breath. "That's what you //get//! See you at school, loser," Al says. The hooligans scanter away.]] (click: "scanter away")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I'll trouble you not to disobey my orders in future," Horseradish chides.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Idiot," Chunks says. "Next time, you should listen to me and not your conscience."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["That's what you get, Slim, for not charging like you should have!" Sprinkles says.] Slim says nothing, but knows already this is a lesson they [[won't soon forget.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

"OH YEAAAAAH!" Fluffy yells. Finally, an outlet for their burgeoning vulpine aggression. (click: "vulpine aggression")[$t[At Fluffy's behest, Charlie sprints forward, head down, afterburners engaged. Al is astonished at this sudden burst of confidence from Charlie, and stands agape, a deer in headlights.]] (click: "deer in headlights")[$t[Fluffy doesn't hesitate. They drop Charlie's shoulder and delivers a check straight to Al's breadbasket.]] (click: "breadbasket")[$t[Al drops like a stone, and struggles to catch his breath. "You - how did you learn - where did you get .. those SKILLS?!"]] (click: "those SKILLS")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Har har! Taste the ignominy of defeat, villain!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Don't ever bully me again, jerk," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Ho ho! How'd that dirt taste, huh? You like eating dirt, you big ol' dirt eater?" Charlie says.] Al clambers to his feet. "Let's get out of here, wigs! We won't forget this, Charles!"(set: $beatupbully to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "35"))]] (click: "forget this")[$t["Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy that was fun," Fluffy says. "Can we beat up some other kids when we [[get to school?!->Part II Cutscene]]"]]

"Are you sure?" Guillermo stammers on the comm. "I think we could probably work this out--" (click: "work this out")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["No hesitation!" Horseradish screams. "Do it!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Do it!" Chunks screams.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Don't talk back to me! Do it!" Sprinkles screams.]]] (click: "Do it!")[$t[Tears form in Guillermo's eyes. Their sweaty paw clutches the child throttle, and moves to engage..]] (click: "engage")[$t[but they can't do it. Touching a human?! //Hitting// a human?! Risking retribution from a human?! //I didn't sign up for this,// Guillermo thinks. //They told me this would be a peacekeeping mission, a diversion, an act of subterfuge -- but now, we're engaging in open warfare with them, and honestly, that's not what any of us wanted, it goes against everything that the mission stands for, and--//]] (click: "mission stands for")[$t[Al rears back and delivers an uppercut into Charlie's gullet.]] (click: "gullet")[$t[Guillermo screams as Charlie crumples to the ground. Guillermo's outburst is loud enough to be picked up by (print: $c's 1st)'s loudspeaker. "What the hell was that noise you just made, loser?" Al says.]] (click: "noise you just made")[$t["Mayhaps we should scramoo, on account of lil Charles here having some manner of appendix trouble," the pink-wigged kid says.]] (click: "trouble")[$t["Good thinking, Winston," Al says. "See you at school, loser." The bullies turn and march away. Charlie remains crumpled on the ground. Guillermo is despondent. "I just don't want to be around any more humans," Guillermo sobs. "I just want to go home."(set: $beatenup to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "36"))]] (click: "go home")[$t["We've got to get to school," (print: $c's 3rd) says. "And if you think we can avoid humans [[at school->Part II Cutscene]], you've got another thing coming."]]

"Oh ho, this is gonna be sweet," Taft says. (click: "gonna be sweet")[$t[Taft rears back, fist clenched. Targeting sensors have locked on to Al's schnoz. The squad peers at their monitors in gleeful anticipation.]] (click: "gleeful anticipation")[$t[Al, shocked at the sudden burst of confidence, falls back on his heels.]] (click: "back on his heels")[$t[Taft throws the punch..]] (click: "throws the punch")[$t[but it doesn't land.]] (click: "doesn't land")[$t[The squad pauses. Al pauses. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["What is this?! Where is this young man's comeuppance?" Horseradish screams.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["What happened?!" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I didn't hear a satisfying jaw crunch!" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "Al pauses")[$t[Taft grins. "Check it out, idiots! Look at this shiny earring I purloined!" They pocket it quickly.]] (click: "purloined")[$t["You colossal moron!" (print: $c's 2nd) says. Al, confused, turns to his lackeys. "What just happened?" He hasn't noticed the missing earring. "Oh well. Let's crush him!"]] (click: "crush him")[$t[(set: $beatenup to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "36"))The three kidthugs surround Charlie and envelop him in a maelstrom of noogies, wedgies, wet willies, snakebites, and birthday bumps. And as far as the squad is aware, it isn't Charlie's birthday.]] (click: "maelstrom")[$t["See you at school, loser," Al says, as they chuckle and walk away.]] (click: "walk away")[$t["Well, I didn't [[enjoy that->Part II Cutscene]] at all," (print: $c's 4th) says.]]

Susan is silent. (click: "silent")[$t["What are you waiting for?!" (print: $c's 1st) says. "Do it!"]] (click: "Do it!")[$t[Charlie's hand remains at his side.]] (click: "at his side.")[$t["I can't," Susan says. "I just can't attack a human, okay? Not after all they've done for me."]] (click: "all they've done for me.")[$t[Al seizes upon Charlie's characteristic inaction. "Thought you'd be a tough boy for once, hey? You're gonna //pay// for that line of thinking, Charles!"]] (click: "tough boy")[$t[(set: $beatenup to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "36"))The three kidthugs surround Charlie and envelop him in a maelstrom of noogies, wedgies, wet willies, snakebites, and birthday bumps. And as far as the squad is aware, it isn't Charlie's birthday.]] (click: "maelstrom")[$t["See you at school, loser," Al says, as they chuckle and walk away.]] (click: "walk away")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Mutinous scum! You shall be hanged for this!" Horseradish spits.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["How //dare// you," Chunks spits."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I knew - I just knew - ohhhh, I can't believe we took a HUMAN sympathiser along on this mission, and now look at us!" Sprinkles spits.]]] (click: "spits")[$t[Susan sits in their position, slumped back from their control panel. //What is the freaking point?// they think. //What am I even doing here, helping these animals I don't identify with?//]] (click: "identify with")[$t[//I need to be [[back with my humans.->Part II Cutscene]]// The conclusion is made.]]

"Oh ho ho, he's in for such a smashing," Xylophone says, as if they themself needed convincing. (click: "needed convincing")[$t[Xylophone raises Charlie's mighty fist and cocks it back, tautened. This is the moment Xylophone has been waiting for. The opportunity to silence the incessant doubters, to be writ in the annals of Taiga history, to bathe in the creamy acceptance of their disapproving father. And all through the simple gift of punching a human in the puss? Delightful!]] (click: "in the puss")[$t[Xylophone smashes the "punch" button. Charlie's knuckles connect with Al's underbitten jaw. It's a direct hit!]] (click: "direct hit!")[$t[But Al responds with an uppercut straight to Charlie's breadbasket.]] (click: "breadbasket.")[$t[(set: $beatenup to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "36"))"Ooof," (print: $c's 2nd) says. "What happened?!" Xylophone says. "What happened to my adulation?!"]] (click: "adulation")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["You dunderhead,"] (if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["You idiot,"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["You foolish fool,"] (print: $c's 1st) says. "You had it set to Feather Touch!(if: $charred is true)[ And these stupid bandages on our hands aren't helping, either!"](else:)["]]] (click: "Feather Touch!")[$t[Xylophone, embarrassed, turns the dial back to "MIGHTY WALLOP."]] (click: "MIGHTY WALLOP")[$t["Can't do anything right," (print: $c's 4th) mutters. Xylophone slumps back. Their moment of redemption has, once again, [[eluded them.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

"I've been waiting my whole career for this," Tabloid says. (click: "whole career")[$t[Tabloid misses.]] (click: "misses.")[$t["Oh, dang," Tabloid says.]] (click: "dang")[$t[(set: $beatenup to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "36"))Al and his gang of kidthugs swarm Charlie and smash him, mocking him with every hammerfist and elbow drop.]] (click: "hammerfist")[$t["See you at school, loser," Al says, as the wig gang turns and walks away.]] (click: "loser")[$t[Tabloid sets themself upright in their control position and brushes themself off. "Well, that was a lark, wasn't it?"]] (click: "lark")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["You oaf," Horseradish says, "can't you do anything right?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["You moron," Chunks says, "can't you do anything right? Preferably something that isn't some preconceived stunt?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["You clod," Sprinkles says, "can't you do anything right? LIke, y'know, something in the //real world//? Something with //real consequences//?"]]] (click: "anything right")[$t["You know, in any good story, the hero has to get knocked around a bit before their glorious redemption. And, as the hero of this picture, I'm perfectly happy to put our little boy puppet through the wringer. It'll just make our triumph all the sweeter," Tabloid says, with an impish wink. "After all, dangerous missions into human territory can't all be sunshine, right?"]] (click: "sunshine")[$t[Tabloid expects some applause, but [[receives none.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

"Oh, really?" Al says. "You're going to //kick// me? Remember how well that worked the last time you tried wiggin' your way over here--" (click: "wiggin' your way")[$t[Sorghum pays no attention to Al's stalling, and hits Charlie's afterburners. He leaps at Al with a mighty thrust kick, and clocks him in the jaw, sending him sprawling.]] (click: "sprawling")[$t["Hey!!" the bullies say in unison. "Stop that!"]] (click: "Stop that!")[$t[But Sorghum is waist-deep in bloodlust, and continues laying the boots on Al, who wriggles and writhes in a desperate attempt to get away.]] (click: "get away")[$t[The squad isn't sure how to respond. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Perhaps you should cease your assault, Sorghum," Horseradish says, gently.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I think that's enough," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Um, maybe you should let up a little eensie-weensie bit," Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "isn't sure")[$t[Finally, with a mighty heave, the other bullies manage to separate Charlie from Al. Blood trickles out Al's nose. He takes several deep, heaving, laboured breaths. "How //could// you?!" he screams. "What have you done to my perfect face?! You'll //pay// for this, scumbag!"(set: $beatupbully to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "35"))]] (click: "scumbag")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["I hate humans as much as the next chipmunk," Taft says, "but that was some weird stuff, Sorghum.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Shame on you, Sorghum," Susan says. "Humans don't forget things like this. They're going to come after us, and in force. We're supposed to fit in to human society, not to get revenge, remember?"](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["That was quite a show of strength," Xylophone says, "but don't you think it was a little much?"] Sorghum slumps back from their console. //What have the humans turned me into?// they think. //Am I an animal.. or [[a monster->Part II Cutscene]]?!//]]

"Are you kidding me?!" Paul says. "//Kick// a human? Do you know how long it took for me to craft the Replica's feet? Do you know how long it takes to synthesise alpha-keratin? Do you even //know// what alpha-keratin //is//? And you want to jeopardise my many months of labour by punting some inconsequential street urchin? Of all the disrespectful--" (click: "disrespectful")[$t[Al strides towards Charlie, fist cocked.]] (click: "fist cocked")[$t["--probably have no idea how difficult it is to calibrate the traction sensors, but //sure//, let's just stick our feet down some filthy child's throat! Great idea! And while we're at it, let's just cram the gaps between toes with child fluff and child dirt and just //completely// ruin everything I worked so hard on! And how about--"]] (click: "ruin everything")[$t["Uh, Paul," (print: $c's 2nd) says. "Maybe you should do something before we get hit!"]] (click: "do something")[$t[Al grabs Charlie by the scruff of his shirt. "Get ready for a smashin', pal," he says.]] (click: "smashin'")[$t["--and what about the calluses?! Do you know how long it took me to sculpt them?! Let me tell you! It took seven mon--"]] (click: "sculpt")[$t["Paul!" (print: $c's 3rd) says, thinking quickly. "Think of the research potential!"]] (click: "research potential")[$t[Without a second thought, Charlie boots Al right in the paunch.(set: $beatupbully to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "35"))]] (click: "paunch")[$t["Oh, wow, this is //fascinating//," Paul says. "Look at the bully's heightened adrenal response, the dilated pupils, the increased bloodflow to the skin.. this is really great stuff. It's gonna take me some time to examine this data fully, but preliminary reports are very promising.. Excellent suggestion, (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Turf.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Sharon.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Gramophone.]"]] (click: "Excellent suggestion")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) frowns. Al, wheezing heavily, staggers to his feet. "You'll pay for this!" he says. "No one kicks me in the paunch and lives! You'll see!" The bullies limp away, defeated.. [[for now.->Part II Cutscene]]]]

(set: $straighttoschool to true)"Give me a break, Alastair," Mom says. "You don't think I know how often you terrorize my son? It's much more likely that you bothered him on his way to school and chased him in here. Shame on you!" (click: "Shame")[$t[The other bank tellers and customers join in. "Shame!"]] (click: "Shame!")[$t["Pfft, whatever," Al says, dropping the facade. "Serves you right for birthing such a loser, ma'am." He turns towards the exit, Reg in tow. "And to the rest of you wieners," he says, turning back towards the throng of onlookers, "capitalism stinks!"]] (click: "capitalism stinks!")[$t["He's not wrong," an elderly man mutters.]] (click: "not wrong")[$t["Let's get you [[to school->Part II Cutscene]], honey," Mom says, planting a kiss on Charlie's forehead.]]

(set: $admonish to true)"Give me a break, Charlie," Mom says. "First all the shenanigans with you losing your cell phone and not getting in touch, and now you're late for school?! And they have to send these handsome boys to come get you?!" Mom pats Al on the head. Al grins. (click: "handsome boys")[$t[(set: $grounded to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "8"))"You are grounded, young man," Mom says. "I can't tell you how disappointed we are in you."]] (click: "disappointed")[$t[A customer gasps. Mom shoots them a look, and turns to Al and Reg. "Boys, can you make sure Charlie gets to school safely? It would mean the world to me, and you know Charlie hasn't been right lately," she says.]] (click: "hasn't been right")[$t["You got it," Al says, with a smile. "We'll take goooood care of him."]] (click: "care")[$t["Great!" Mom says. "We owe you one!" Mom hustles the boys out into the street and turns back to her client. "Now, where were we?" she says, as the glass doors shut behind her.]] (click: "where were we")[$t["Yeah, Charles," Al says, grabbing Charlie by the scruff of his shirt, fist poised to strike. "Where //were// we?" The squad [[gulps in terror.->Part II Cutscene]](set: $beatenup to true)]]

Charlie rifles through his backpack. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Feast your eyes on //this//!//" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Check this out, dude," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh ho ho, just wait until your peepers rest on this," Charlie says.] (click: "rifles through")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) sinks Charlie's arm into the backpack and comes up with a firm, plastic, heavily muscled, garishly caped man.]] (click: "garishly caped man")[$t["An action figure?" Al says. "Fightman?" (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Presumably, yes?" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I guess so?" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Sure, I guess?" Charlie says.]]] (click: "Fightman")[$t[Al moves close, his voice low, deliberate. "You think that you can appeal to my aggressive posturing by offering me a plastic bundle of hypermasculinity? Have you ever seen Fightman? All he does is punch bad guys in the crotch! Are you suggesting, through this little gift of yours, that violence is, in fact, the answer?"]] (click: "the answer")[$t["Uhhh," Charlie says.]] (click: "Uhhh")[$t["Because you're right!" Al kicks Charlie in the crotch.(set: $beatenup to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "36"))(set: $st to it + (a: "38"))]] (click: "crotch.")[$t[Luckily, Charlie is not a real boy, and does not possess a crotch. But the animals are shocked and the Replica crumples to the pavement. The bullies laugh and toss the figurine into the dirt next to Charlie.. "See you at school, loser," Al says.]] (click: "at school")[$t["That Human will [[pay for this->Part II Cutscene]], I swear it. (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[How DARE he make us look inept!"](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Humans only know one thing -- violence -- and by Forest God, they're gonna get violence,"](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[He damaged the crotch of my glorious Replica!"] (print: $c's 4th) says.]]

Charlie rifles through his backpack. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Feast your eyes on //this//!//" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Check this out, dude," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh ho ho, just wait until your peepers rest on this," Charlie says.] (click: "rifles through")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) sinks Charlie's arm into the backpack and comes up with "Tips and Tricks for Wordperfect 5.1."]] (click: "Tips and Tricks for Wordperfect 5.1")[$t[Al purses his lips. "Thanks, Charlie. I'm sure this will be incredibly useful."]] (click: "incredibly useful")[$t[Al flips through a couple of pages. Suddenly, he slams the book shut and bops Charlie over the head with it.]] (click: "bops")[$t[(set: $beatenup to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "36"))(set: $st to it + (a: "39"))"Aaaaagh!" (print: $c's 1st) says. "Here's a macro script for you, punk - punch to stomach, repeat!" Charlie says. He gets in one final blast before he turns and strides out of the alley, discarding the book with a flippant toss.]] (click: "flippant toss")[$t["Owww," (print: $c's 2nd) says. "I thought humans loved literature?"]] (click: "literature")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Humans are stupid," Taft says. "Who cares what they like, as long as it's purloinable? Let's [[get to school->Part II Cutscene]] and snag us some lunch trays."](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Humans are fickle," Susan says. "But they are capable of good, I assure you. Let's get to school and put this unfortunate business [[behind us.->Part II Cutscene]]](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Come on, team!" Xylophone says. "We're tougher than this! Let's [[get to school->Part II Cutscene]] and really flex our muscles, like human children do!"]]]

Charlie rifles through his backpack. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Feast your eyes on //this//!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Check this out, dude," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh ho ho, just wait until your peepers rest on this," Charlie says.] (click: "rifles through")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) sinks Charlie's arm into the backpack and comes up with a fistful of ordinary stones.]] (click: "ordinary stones")[$t[(set: $st to it + (a: "40"))"WHOA!" Al says. "Is that //quartz//? And //feldspar//?!"]] (click: "feldspar")[$t[Al and the bullies begin sorting through the rocks, separating them by colour, lustre, hardness, magnetism, streak, and radioactivity. "Some real great samples here, Charlie," Al says. "You're sure I can keep these?"]] (click: "keep these")[$t[".. Yeah," Charlie says. "Absolutely."]] (click: "Absolutely")[$t["Awesome! Thanks so much!" Al says. The three bullies turn and walk up the alley, heads down, sorting through their new acquisitions. "Look! This one's //gray//!"(set: $bullyrocks to true)]] (click: "gray")[$t[The squad breathes a [[sigh of relief->Part II Cutscene]]. (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Hopefully they don't learn how many rocks are in the Taiga," Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Uh, do those dorks know how many rock-a-doodle-doos are in the Taiga?!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Lots of rocks in the Taiga just like that waiting to be found," Guillermo says, fearfully.]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(set: $bikecalc to 100)](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(set: $bikecalc to 100)](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(set: $bikecalc to 150)](if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[(set: $bikecalc to it + 200)](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[(set: $bikecalc to it + 150)](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[(set: $bikecalc to it + 150)](if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[(set: $bikecalc to it + 100)](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[(set: $bikecalc to it + 200)](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(set: $bikecalc to it + 100)](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[(set: $bikecalc to it + 100)](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[(set: $bikecalc to it + 200)](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[(set: $bikecalc to it + 125)]

(print: $c's 4th) slings Charlie's leg over the top tube and centres the Replica on the saddle. (print: $c's 3rd) grips the handlebars -- tight, but not too tight -- and readies themselves to engage the brake when necessary. (print: $c's 2nd), sweating profusely, rests their paws on the control yoke in order to ensure everything is balanced. And, not to be forgotten, (print: $c's 1st) keeps a keen eye on the viewscreen and radar to prevent any collisions.(set: $st to it + (a: "43")) (click: "collisions")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Excelsior!" Horseradish says. "School, ho!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["All right," Chunks says, barely concealing their excitement. "This is great stuff."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yes yes yes! Take //that//, Advanced Human Maneuvers 401! Forward!" Sprinkles says.] (print: $c's 3rd) gently pushes forward with Charlie's anchored foot. The bicycle begins to move, and (print: $c's 3rd) lifts the foot off the ground..]] (click: "off the ground")[$t[(set: $scraped to true).. and the Replica tumbles over and crashes in catastrophic fashion.]] (click: "catastrophic fashion")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["The odds!" Horseradish laments. "I trusted the odds!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Can't you morons do anything right?!" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Forest God, protect me from these fools I'm trapped in here with," Sprinkles says.] "Well, let's just try it again," (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "try it again")[$t[Charlie crashes again.]] (click: "again.")[$t[And again.]] (click: "And again.")[$t[Aaaaaand again.]] (click: "Aaaaaand again.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I shan't spare the whip! [[Again!->Maze Fail Cutscene]] We must ride into the night!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Do it again until [[it's right->Maze Fail Cutscene]], Forestgoddammit!" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I never failed in the Academy and I'll not fail here! Do it again! [[AGAIN!->Maze Fail Cutscene]]" Sprinkles says.]]]

(print: $c's 4th) slings Charlie's leg over the top tube and centres the Replica on the saddle. (print: $c's 3rd) grips the handlebars -- tight, but not too tight -- and readies themselves to engage the brake when necessary. (print: $c's 2nd), sweating profusely, rests their paws on the control yoke in order to ensure everything is balanced. And, not to be forgotten, (print: $c's 1st) keeps a keen eye on the viewscreen and radar to prevent any collisions.(set: $st to it + (a: "42")) (click: "collisions")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Excelsior!" Horseradish says. "School, ho!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["All right," Chunks says, barely concealing their excitement. "This is great stuff."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yes yes yes! Take //that//, Advanced Human Maneuvers 401! Forward!" Sprinkles says.] (print: $c's 3rd) gently pushes forward with Charlie's anchored foot. The bicycle begins to move, and (print: $c's 3rd) lifts the foot off the ground..]] (click: "off the ground")[$t[.. and the bike keeps rolling forward. "We're doing it!" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "doing it!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["No time for celebration! With haste, now! Pedal! Pedal like the dickens, (print: $c's 4th)!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Don't slack off now!" Chunks says. "Pedal! Keep pedaling!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh wow this is so cool!" Sprinkles says. "But we gotta stay focused! Pedal!"]]] (click: "Pedal!")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Oh, I'm pedaling alright, and I'm making it look goooooood," Tabloid says. "You tell us which way to go!"](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["I //am// pedaling," Sorghum says. "Tell us which way to go!"](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["This is stupid," Paul says. "You'd better give us a direction."] "Uhhh.." (print: $c's 1st) says. Left! To [[$firststreetname $firststreettype->Maze Part I]]! Right! To [[$secondstreetname $secondstreettype->Maze Part I]]!]]

"Well, what the Forest Hell are we gonna do now?" (print: $c's 4th) says. Charlie idles. The squad is silent. (print: $c's 1st) is uncharacteristically silent. The wind rustles the aspen leaves above and rattles a discarded paper cup below. A chickadee breaks the stillness with their call. (click: "their call")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) cranes Charlie's head up to the source of the sound, and, in frustrated desperation, calls out. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Greetings! Are you Taigan?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hey! You a Taigan, chickadee?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["You there! In the tree! You Taigan?"]]] (click: "Taigan")[$t["Commander!" (print: $c's 2nd) says. "What are you //doing//?!"]] (click: "Commander!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Our options are growing limited, (print: $c's 2nd)," Horseradish says, "and they might give us some answers."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["You got a better idea?" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Well, I don't know! They might have some Taigan allegiance, and if they don't, who cares?"] They turn back to the chickadee. "Can you help us?"]] (click: "help us")[$t[The chickadee chirps and flies away.]] (click: "chirps")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Fiddlesticks!" Horseradish says. Flipping Charlie's loudspeaker on, they say, "Well, what about you, crow?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks mutters under their breath. "What about you, crow?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh, give me a break," Sprinkles says. "What about you, crow?"]]] (click: "crow?")[$t[The crow squawks, perhaps in jest, and flies away.]] (click: "squawks")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, confound it!" Horseradish says, uncharacteristic frustration in their voice. They gesture to a blue jay, watching from a nearby fence. "Well?! What say you, jay? Surely you are not part of our little cabal?!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Forestgoddamnit," Chunks says. They look over at a blue jay, perched on a nearby fence. "What are //you// looking at?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles gurgles in frustration. "How - I can't - this is just - the most //annoying// thing that's ever happened to me," they spit. They look over at a perched blue jay, who is sitting patiently and watching Charlie with some interest. "So what, you're going to mock me, too?!"]]] (click: "blue jay")[$t["You morons," the blue jay says. "It's me, Yeats."]] (click: "Yeats")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh!" Horseradish says, with an embarrassed chuckle. "Yes! Yeats! From scouting, I presume? Have you been able to find our school?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Oh, it's you, Yeats!" Chunks says, with a relieved breath. "How you doing, pal? You mind giving us some help getting to school?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yeats?! I think I remember you from the early scouting briefings. Do you know where our school is?"]]] (click: "school")[$t["Yeah, yeah," Yeats says. "I gotcha. I'll circle above, keep an eye on me, I'll get you there."(set: $st to it + (a: "41"))]] (click: "get you there")[$t["Great!" Charlie says. Yeats takes off and Charlie follows, neck craned to the sky.]] (click: "neck craned")[$t[In their wake, three burly children step out of a nearby shrub, each adorned with a fluorescent-coloured wig.]] (click: "wig")[$t["Was that young Charles there, talking to //birds//?" the leader, resplendent in a bright green wig, says to his colleagues. "Oh, young Charles is gonna //get it// at school," he says. The three turn and walk away in [[mocking disbelief->Part II Cutscene]].]]

(set: $firststreetname to (either: "Caledonia", "Marzipan", "Harbinger", "Swamp", "Marshmallow", "Jepsen", "Grimm", "Sunnynap", "Hemlock", "Elvira", "Zhang", "Okada", "Tanahashi", "Omega", "Suzuki", "Naito", "Accordion", "Brick", "Bucelli", "Anyway", "Estrella", "Bowman", "Democratus", "Pal", "Matavastros", "Adams", "Lockwood", "Blume", "Clarke", "Coetzee", "Leacock", "Kartoffeln", "Meier", "Hall", "Kroetsch", "King", "Borscht", "Chowder", "Okroshka", "Scum", "Fetid", "Cloying", "Slurpee", "Root Beer", "Vachon", "Romero", "Government", "Dallas", "Cook", "Swedish", "Muppet", "Sternum", "Grotesque", "Shank", "Aquarius", "Scorpio", "Hong", "Franklin", "Price","Fishmonger", "Doris", "Wisconsin", "Dallas", "Beaumont", "Waskatenau", "Smoky", "Cyprus", "Baker", "Perpetrator", "Voltaire", "Cream", "Tower", "Inverness", "Forres", "Helga", "Elgin", "Ardersier", "Maclennan", "Glasgow", "Aberdeen", "Citrus", "Tomato", "Surly", "Remorseful", "Queasy", "Tipsy", "Sleazy", "Edgy", "Dizzy", "Main"))(set: $firststreettype to (either: "Avenue", "Street", "Lane", "Crescent", "Place", "Way", "Road", "Alley", "Boulevard", "Carriageway", "Drive", "Motorway", "Turnpike", "Court", "Highway"))(set: $secondstreetname to (either: "Ottewell", "Kenilworth", "Capilano", "Goldbar", "Avonmore", "Argyll", "Idylwylde", "Bonnie Doon", "Hazeldean", "Forest Heights", "Terrace Heights", "Highlands", "Strathearn", "Foul Bay", "Gumption", "Unctuous", "Wharf", "Gandhi", "Lactose", "Serpentine", "Turpentine", "Molly", "Penny", "Lily", "Smug", "Smog", "Smorgasbord", "Quesadilla", "Patella", "Quadricep", "Laconic", "Bucolic", "Capricious", "Pernicious", "Locquacious", "Salacious", "Sagacious", "Wizard", "Hawkhill", "Lariat", "Coronation", "Brotherly", "Stupid", "Elverum", "Doiron", "Kafkaesque", "Cabbage", "Klassen", "Barnett", "Munsch", "Carle", "Bronte", "Fiver", "Hazel", "Bigwig", "Blackberry", "Bluebell", "Strawberry", "Dandelion", "Buckthorn", "Silver", "Olympic"))(set: $secondstreettype to (either: "Avenue", "Street", "Lane", "Crescent", "Place", "Way", "Road", "Alley", "Boulevard", "Carriageway", "Drive", "Motorway", "Turnpike", "Court", "Highway"))

(set: $mazecounter to it + 1)(display: "Street Names Reset")(if: (history:) contains "Maze Part I")[The squad, their physical and mental faculties running on fumes, meanders on the bicycle from one end of the road to the other. And, though any one squad member is loath to mention it, there is an air of familiarity about this location.](else:)[The squad cycles their little tails off, working in perfect harmony with the unfamiliar machination beneath them and, surprisingly, with each other.] This particular road is lined with (either: "oak", "ash", "poplar", "pine", "elm", "apple", "cottonwood", "willow", "mayday", "lilac", "spruce", "aspen", "fir") trees, a (either: "comforting", "familiar", "reassuring", "homely", "nostalgic", "heartwarming", "peaceful", "desirable") sight to the squad. Ahead, (print: $c's 1st) can make out a light green sign; upon consulation in the Human Script Dictionary, they discern it says "(either: "HOSPITAL", "RENAISSANCE FAIRE", "FURNITURE STORE", "SENIORS CARE CENTRE", "COFFEE SHOP", "CHOCOLATE AUCTION", "FIREWORKS FACTORY", "RUBBER BAND MANUFACTORY", "SWAMP", "HOLE", "CITY HALL", "RECORD STORE", "BUTCHER SHOP", "SLAUGHTERHOUSE", "ABATTOIR", "ABBA MUSEUM", "ART GALLERY", "LARPING HALL OF FAME", "FOOD RESTAURANT", "THE BRICKS", "PORN STORE", "SAND DISPENSARY", "GUNS!", "OATMEAL TROUGH", "ALCOHOL SPOUT", "HITCHING POST", "POTATO CART", "FERRIS WHEEL", "ICED CREAM", "HORSE PEDICURES", "GHOST HANGOUT", "TREEHOUSE", "MOVIE THEATRE", "BEACH", "NUDIST BEACH", "HALF-NUDE BEACH", "FAULTY LIGHTHOUSE", "DOG SANCTUARY", "GROCERY STORE", "TURNIP TRUCK", "ART STUFF", "OPERA HOUSE", "SEWAGE TREATMENT PLANT", "OIL REFINERY", "CULT HEADQUARTERS", "SOUP", "ANCIENT RUINS", "HANGING GARDENS OF BABYLON", "CATACOMBS", "OSSUARY", "CHURCH", "EVIL CHURCH", "ZOO", "EVIL ZOO", "END OF THE WORLD", "BOAT LAUNCH", "HAUNTED BRIDGE", "COW PALACE", "TAX HAVEN", "AUDITORIUM", "<s>LIBARY</s> LIBRARY"), (either: "100m", "150m", "200m", "250m", "300m", "350m", "400m", "500m", "750m", "1km")" with a large arrow to the (either: "left", "right"). (click: "large arrow")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["A junction!" Horseradish says. "Hark, to the..](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["A fork in the road," Chunks says. "We're gonna go..](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh, a turn! My turn to turn!" Sprinkles says. "And we turn..] left, to [[$firststreetname $firststreettype!->Maze Part II]] right, to [[$secondstreetname $secondstreettype!->Maze Part II]]]]

(set: $firststreetname to "")(set: $firststreettype to "")(set: $secondstreetname to "")(set: $secondstreettype to "")(display: "Bike Street Names")

(set: $mazecounter to it + 1)(display: "Street Names Reset")(if: (history:) contains "Maze Part II")["This doesn't feel right," (print: $c's 2nd) says. "Haven't we been here before?"](else:)[The wind whips through Charlie's artificial hair, and the squad, emboldened at having mastered a foundational Human technology, feels a palpable thrill. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Oh, this is great," Taft says. "We gotta take one of these back to the Taiga. Can we?"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["This is wonderful," Susan says. "I've wanted to ride one of these for years -- they always looked like such fun."](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["We're unstoppable! We're insatiable! We're the strongest! We're the best squad ever!" Xylophone says.]] The (either: "oak", "ash", "poplar", "pine", "elm", "apple", "cottonwood", "willow", "mayday", "lilac", "spruce", "aspen", "fir") trees here are less manicured than the trees on the previous road, with significantly more garbage around them than the squad is used to. The squad pedals Charlie down the road and spots a sign that reads "(either: "HOSPITAL", "RENAISSANCE FAIRE", "FURNITURE STORE", "SENIORS CARE CENTRE", "COFFEE SHOP", "CHOCOLATE AUCTION", "FIREWORKS FACTORY", "RUBBER BAND MANUFACTORY", "SWAMP", "HOLE", "CITY HALL", "RECORD STORE", "BUTCHER SHOP", "SLAUGHTERHOUSE", "ABATTOIR", "ABBA MUSEUM", "ART GALLERY", "LARPING HALL OF FAME", "FOOD RESTAURANT", "THE BRICKS", "PORN STORE", "SAND DISPENSARY", "GUNS!", "OATMEAL TROUGH", "ALCOHOL SPOUT", "HITCHING POST", "POTATO CART", "FERRIS WHEEL", "ICED CREAM", "HORSE PEDICURES", "GHOST HANGOUT", "TREEHOUSE", "MOVIE THEATRE", "BEACH", "NUDIST BEACH", "HALF-NUDE BEACH", "FAULTY LIGHTHOUSE", "DOG SANCTUARY", "GROCERY STORE", "TURNIP TRUCK", "ART STUFF", "OPERA HOUSE", "SEWAGE TREATMENT PLANT", "OIL REFINERY", "CULT HEADQUARTERS", "SOUP", "ANCIENT RUINS", "HANGING GARDENS OF BABYLON", "CATACOMBS", "OSSUARY", "CHURCH", "EVIL CHURCH", "ZOO", "EVIL ZOO", "END OF THE WORLD", "BOAT LAUNCH", "HAUNTED BRIDGE", "COW PALACE", "TAX HAVEN", "AUDITORIUM", "<s>LIBARY</s> LIBRARY"), (either: "100m", "150m", "200m", "250m", "300m", "350m", "400m", "500m", "750m", "1km")" with a large arrow to the (either: "left", "right"). (click: "large arrow")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Another junction!" Horseradish says. "Hark, to the..](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Another fork in the road," Chunks says. "We're gonna go..](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh, another turn! Turn, turn, turn!" Sprinkles says. "And we turn..] left, to [[$firststreetname $firststreettype!->Maze Part III]] right, to [[$secondstreetname $secondstreettype!->Maze Part III]]]]

(set: $mazecounter to it + 1)(display: "Street Names Reset")(if: (history:) contains "Maze Part III")["Didn't we see that garbage before? You know, the Human meat product wrapper with the grease stain shaped like the constellation of the Forest God's nephew?" (print: $c's 2nd) says.](else:)[Though the Replica's current speed is less than what (print: $c's 1st), (print: $c's 2nd), (print: $c's 3rd) and (print: $c's 4th) are capable of, the novelty of moving at a quicker pace than the regular old doddling Charlie sets the squad's hearts aglow. (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["If only we had a production team here to capture this glorious moment," Tabloid says.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Reminds me of when" -- Sorghum's voice quakes -- "I used to bound from gopher hole to gopher hole with my brothers," they say.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["I don't remember ever going this fast," Paul says, flatly, "but this isn't terrible."]] This area of town is void of any significant vegetation; instead, large wheeled monstrosities rumble in and out of fenced enclosures, excreting poisoned air with a deafening roar. Burly humans can be seen entering the monstrosities through some hidden orifice, emptying it of its stomach contents with much heaving and shouting before the monstrosities carry forth with their day. (print: $c's 1st) struggles to see any Human script signs in this area, but eventually, with significant optical enhancement, they can see one that says "SCHOOL, 500m" and a giant arrow to the right. (click: "giant arrow")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["The wheel of destiny falls in my paws for another spin," Horseradish says. "We turn.."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["This is getting irritating," Chunks says. "We go..](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Another turn! May the turning never cease!" Sprinkles says. "And we turn..] left, to [[$firststreetname $firststreettype!->Maze Part I]] right, to [[$secondstreetname $secondstreettype!->Maze Part IV]]]]

(set: $mazecounter to it + 1)(display: "Street Names Reset")(if: (history:) contains "Maze Part IV")[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Squaaaaaad," Tabloid whines, "my feeeeet hurt."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["I'm starting to fatigue," Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["What's the point of cycling around and around like this?" Paul says.]](else:)[The Replica's elbow room shrinks a bit as they ride down this road, with several turtle-shaped vehicles asserting their space as they putt-putt alongside Charlie. "Gotta be careful here," (print: $c's 2nd) says.] The vegetation in this area is notably scarce, cordoned into neatly trimmed squares alongside the baking pavement. Humans, dressed in glimmering fabric, huddle in these little green plots, stare at their shoes, and lift little fires to their mouths. Most of the signs around here say "NO SMOKING," but (print: $c's 1st) picks out one in the distance that reads "(either: "HOSPITAL", "RENAISSANCE FAIRE", "FURNITURE STORE", "SENIORS CARE CENTRE", "COFFEE SHOP", "CHOCOLATE AUCTION", "FIREWORKS FACTORY", "RUBBER BAND MANUFACTORY", "SWAMP", "HOLE", "CITY HALL", "RECORD STORE", "BUTCHER SHOP", "SLAUGHTERHOUSE", "ABATTOIR", "ABBA MUSEUM", "ART GALLERY", "LARPING HALL OF FAME", "FOOD RESTAURANT", "THE BRICKS", "PORN STORE", "SAND DISPENSARY", "GUNS!", "OATMEAL TROUGH", "ALCOHOL SPOUT", "HITCHING POST", "POTATO CART", "FERRIS WHEEL", "ICED CREAM", "HORSE PEDICURES", "GHOST HANGOUT", "TREEHOUSE", "MOVIE THEATRE", "BEACH", "NUDIST BEACH", "HALF-NUDE BEACH", "FAULTY LIGHTHOUSE", "DOG SANCTUARY", "GROCERY STORE", "TURNIP TRUCK", "ART STUFF", "OPERA HOUSE", "SEWAGE TREATMENT PLANT", "OIL REFINERY", "CULT HEADQUARTERS", "SOUP KITCHEN", "ANCIENT RUINS", "HANGING GARDENS OF BABYLON", "CATACOMBS", "OSSUARY", "CHURCH", "EVIL CHURCH", "ZOO", "EVIL ZOO", "END OF THE WORLD", "BOAT LAUNCH", "HAUNTED BRIDGE", "COW PALACE", "TAX HAVEN", "AUDITORIUM", "<s>LIBARY</s> LIBRARY"), (either: "100m", "150m", "200m", "250m", "300m", "350m", "400m", "500m", "750m", "1km")" with a large arrow to the (either: "left", "right"). (click: "large arrow")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I assume we're making steady progress," Horseradish says. "Nevertheless, to the..](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks sighs. "Now we go..](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Let's just keep going, I guess!" Sprinkles says. "And we turn..] left, to [[$firststreetname $firststreettype!->Maze Part V]] right, to [[$secondstreetname $secondstreettype!->Maze Part V]]]]

(set: $mazecounter to it + 1)(display: "Street Names Reset")(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish's morale meter begins to decline. "More pep, squadron! We can get to school at this clip, I just know it!" they say.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Come on, team," Chunks says, the words of encouragement an unfamiliar taste in their mouth, "let's just get through this, okay?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["We're so close I think!" Sprinkles says. "Let's just keep on chugging away, I'm sure we'll get there soon!"] This road borders a verdant field where (if: (history:) contains "Mom and Dad's Room Cutscene")[dogs, not unlike the one the squad encountered earlier,](else:)[domesticated dogs] chase balls, roll in the dirt, and squabble with one another. Nearby, Charlie-sized humans play on a series of confusing, colorful platforms and steel bars, swinging and jumping and screaming their hearts out. Their parents (or handlers?) watch and laugh underneath a sign which reads "SCHOOL, 250m" with a large arrow to the right. (click: "large arrow")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I grow weary of turning," Horseradish says. "Avast! To the..](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Uuuuughhhhh," Chunks says. "Now, let's go..](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Will this //never// end?! Sprinkles says. "Let's try..] left, to [[$firststreetname $firststreettype!->Maze Part I]] right, to [[$secondstreetname $secondstreettype!->Maze Part VI]]]]

(set: $mazecounter to it + 1)(display: "Street Names Reset")(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, squad! Can you smell it?! That's the smell of curiosity, of discovery, of //education//! We're so close!" Horseradish says, their beak nearly touching their viewscreen.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["We're close. I can sense the child-humans nearby," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Push just a little bit more, team! Then we get to sit at a desk all day! Doesn't that sound great?!" Sprinkles says.] This road is similar to Charlie's familiar Dundee Road, lined by giant elm trees and quaint family bungalows, but (print: $c's 1st) with a large brick complex in the distance on the left. (click: "brick complex")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Could it be?" Horseradish says. "to the..](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Uuuuughhhhh," Chunks says. "Now, let's go..](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Will this //never// end?! Sprinkles says. "Let's try..] right, to [[$firststreetname $firststreettype!->Maze Part I]] left, to [[Evergreen $secondstreettype!->Maze Complete Cutscene]]]]

(set: $exhausted to true)(set: $st to it + (a: "12"))With a gasp, the squad drops the bicycle in relief. They crawl on all fours beneath a pastel orange, carved wooden sign which reads "EVERGREEN ELEMENTARY." (click: "EVERGREEN ELEMENTARY")[$t["We.. did it," (print: $c's 1st) says.(set: $st to it + (a: "44"))]] (click: "did it")[$t[But the squad's success hasn't come without consequences. Though they managed to ride to school in style, (print: $c's 4th) and (print: $c's 3rd) are exhausted, and can barely muster the strength to hoist Charlie to his feet.]] (click: "hoist")[$t[So they don't. Charlie crawls through the front door of the school.]] (click: "front door")[$t["Are you okay, Mr. Stewart?! You're late for class!" a woman, seated at a desk labelled "Reception." Her nametag reads "Mrs. Stilwell." ]] (click: "late for class")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, greetings, Schoolmarm Stillwell," Charlie says. "I seem to be having an issue with my flanges. Could you direct me to my classroom, preferably a route which allows me to stay prostrate?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Um," Charlie says. "Can you drag me to my classroom, Mrs. Stilwell? Just grab an arm and a leg, if you can."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Why, good morning, Mrs. Stilwell!" Charlie says. "I believe my legs seem to be malfunctioning. If you would kindly scooch me to my desk.."]]] (click: "Charlie says")[$t[Mrs. Stilwell's face is frozen in horror. "Let me just [[call Mrs. Hoffmann->Part II Cutscene]]," she says.]]

(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["I can't go on," Tabloid says, slumping onto their console in a heap. "No one told me that this would be such hard work."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["I must perservere," Sorghum says, "but.. I can't keep going.."](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Enough of this," Paul says, drenched in sweat. "The Replica wasn't built for this, and neither am I."] Charlie stops pedaling. (print: $c's 3rd) roll the handlebars side to side in order to maintain balance, but their momentum slows to a halt. (print: $c's 2nd) tries to disengage in a panic, but it's too late. The bike tips over, and Charlie goes overboard with it. (set: $scraped to true) (click: "overboard")[$t["Ooof," (print: $c's 2nd) says, panting deeply. (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Let's just stay here a moment, shall we?"](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["I'm finished! I can't move! I'm finished with moving forever!"](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Let's just wait for the humans to kill us."]]] (click: "panting deeply")[$t[Two giant humans, clad in matching navy blue uniforms, get out of their vehicle and hustle over to Charlie. "Hey there, lil fella," they say, crouching down. "Are you alright? Saw you take a bit of a spill there!"]] (click: "Are you alright?")[$t[Charlie remains entirely prone, nose scraping the pavement. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah, friends," Charlie says, with Horseradish's squawk sounding more desperate than usual, "quite humorous how we ended up in this position! Although I'd loath to waste your valuable time explaining our exact predicament, suffice to say--"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I hate cops," Charlie says, with Chunks' characteristic grumpiness leaching through.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Law enforcement?!" Charlie says, with Sprinkles' uptightness leaching through. "Have we done something wrong? Were we cycling in the wrong cycle zone? Did we need a cycle license? I swear, it's in my other pants--"]]] (click: "nose scraping")[$t["Excuse me?" the other giant human says. "Do you need help?"]] (click: "need help")[$t["Yes," Charlie says. "Please get us [[to school.->Part II Cutscene]] And please don't arrest us."]]

"I dunno," Taft says, with a shrug. "It's been pretty average so far. We've (if: $beehive is true)[been stung by bees, ](if: $scraped is true)[been scraped up, ](if: $charred is true)[been bandaged up, ](if: $lollipop is true)[been given a lollipop, ](if: $addicted is true)[been craving something called "peanut butter.." oh, baby, I love me some peanut butter.. ](if: $spinning is true)[been getting into twirling, y'know, on the side, ](if: $secondstory is true)[crashed out of a second-story window, ](if: $bearinyard is true)[met Noodles the bear, ](if: $skunked is true)[sprayed a dog with skunk juice, ](if: $exhausted is true)[got reeeeeal tired riding some dumb bike, ](if: $beatenup is true)[been beaten up by some dumb bully, ](if: $beatupbully is true)[celebrated a victory over some dumb bully, ](if: (history:) contains "Oatmeal")[eaten something called oatmeal, ](if: (history:) contains "Toast")[eaten something called toast, ](if: (history:) contains "Cereal")[eaten something called cereal, ](if: (history:) contains "Mom and Dad's Room Cutscene")[confronted a monstrous hellbeast, ](if: (history:) contains "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[met up with Yeats the blue jay, ](if: (history:) contains "Bathtub")[been forced to //bathe//, ](if: (history:) contains "Climb on Bus")[been transported to school via //bus//, ](if: (history:) contains "Bike Success")[ridden a bicycle, ](if: (history:) contains "Bike Fail")[crashed a bicycle, ]and did it all while lookin' good and takin' all that juicy Human swag," Taft says.

"It's been alright," Susan says. "Nothing too dramatic so far. We've (if: $beehive is true)[been stung by bees, ](if: $scraped is true)[been scraped up, ](if: $charred is true)[been bandaged up, ](if: $lollipop is true)[been given a lollipop, ](if: $addicted is true)[been craving something called "peanut butter.." .. we'd best not talk about it any more before the withdrawal pangs hit.. ](if: $spinning is true)[spun around like idiots, ](if: $secondstory is true)[crashed out of a second-story window, ](if: $bearinyard is true)[met Noodles the bear, ](if: $skunked is true)[sprayed a dog with skunk juice, ](if: $exhausted is true)[fell over exhausted riding a bike, ](if: $beatenup is true)[been attacked viciously by some lowlife, ](if: $beatupbully is true)[celebrated a victory over some lowlife, ](if: (history:) contains "Oatmeal")[eaten something called oatmeal, ](if: (history:) contains "Toast")[eaten something called toast, ](if: (history:) contains "Cereal")[eaten something called cereal, ](if: (history:) contains "Mom and Dad's Room Cutscene")[confronted a dog, ](if: (history:) contains "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[met up with Yeats the blue jay, ](if: (history:) contains "Bathtub")[been forced to //bathe//, ](if: (history:) contains "Climb on Bus")[been transported to school via //bus//, ](if: (history:) contains "Bike Success")[ridden a bicycle, ](if: (history:) contains "Bike Fail")[crashed a bicycle, ]and did it all while fitting into Human society to the best of our ability," Susan says.

"Sir!" Xylophone says, rigid as a cedar. "Mission has conformed largely to parameters, though I am afraid to report we've (if: $beehive is true)[been stung by bees, ](if: $scraped is true)[been scraped up, ](if: $charred is true)[been bandaged up, ](if: $lollipop is true)[been given a lollipop, ](if: $addicted is true)[been craving something called "peanut butter.." .. ohhh, just one more sweet sniff is all I need.. uh, I mean, we've also.. ](if: $spinning is true)[spun around real fast, ](if: $secondstory is true)[crashed out of a second-story window, ](if: $bearinyard is true)[met Noodles the bear, ](if: $skunked is true)[sprayed a dog with skunk juice, ](if: $exhausted is true)[been exhausted riding a bike, ](if: $beatenup is true)[been attacked viciously by some super tough boy, ](if: $beatupbully is true)[celebrated a victory over some super tough boy, ](if: (history:) contains "Oatmeal")[eaten something called oatmeal, ](if: (history:) contains "Toast")[eaten something called toast, ](if: (history:) contains "Cereal")[eaten something called cereal, ](if: (history:) contains "Mom and Dad's Room Cutscene")[confronted a dog, ](if: (history:) contains "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[met up with Yeats the blue jay, ](if: (history:) contains "Bathtub")[been forced to //bathe//, ](if: (history:) contains "Climb on Bus")[transported to school via a //bus//, ](if: (history:) contains "Bike Success")[ridden a bicycle, ](if: (history:) contains "Bike Fail")[crashed a bicycle, ]and did it all while being the toughest, roughest, Human-bustin' sons of fishes you've ever seen, Hank, sir!" Xylophone says.

(if: $backpack is "")[(set: $backpack to (either: "Toys", "Books", "Rocks"))] (if: $straighttoschool is true)[(goto: "Mom and Principal")] (if: (history:) contains "Sit with Martin")[(goto: "Class on Time")] (if: (history:) contains "Sit with Hanae")[(goto: "Class on Time")] (if: $admonish is true)[(goto: "Class Late")] (if: (history:) contains "Mom Defends You")[(goto: "Mom and Principal")] (if: (history:) contains "Backpack Bully Cutscene")[(goto: "Class Late")] (if: (history:) contains "Fight Bully")[(goto: "Class Late")] (if: (history:) contains "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[(goto: "Class on Time")] (if: (history:) contains "Maze Fail Cutscene")[(goto: "Class Cops")] (if: (history:) contains "Maze Complete Cutscene")[(goto: "Sitting at Desk Cutscene")]

Mom slams on the brake and her vehicle screeches to a halt. She (if: $mom is "Relieved" or "Proud")[gently](else:)[aggressively] cranks a lever into its "P" position, and hurriedly gets out of her seat. (if: $mom is "Relieved" or "Proud")["Let's go, Charlie! Don't want to be late!" she says, with a chipper demeanor.](else:)["Hurry up, Charlie! We're late enough as it is!"] (click: "late")[$t[Mom, with a (if: $mom is "Relieved" or "Proud")[concerned](else:)[frustrated] expression on her face, hustles Charlie into the school and proceeds into a room marked "OFFICE."]] (click: "OFFICE.")[$t["Principal Okorafor?" Mom says, poking her head through the office door. "May I have a word with you?"(set: $st to it + (a: "45"))]] (click: "a word")[$t[An immaculately-dressed man with gentle brown eyes and an infectious smile stands up from his desk and strolls to the doorway. "Ah, yes, Janet!" he says, as he shakes her hand warmly. "So good to see you again. And how is our little forest adventurer, Mr. Stewart?"]] (click: "Mr. Stewart")[$t["Well, that's what I've been meaning to talk to you about, Emerson.." She turns away from Charlie and lowers her voice, as if masking some dark secret of Charlie's.]] (click: "dark secret")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["I can't quite discern what she's saying," Slim says. "Is it about us?"](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Can't hear! Can't hear can't hear can't hear! Get closer!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Oh no, this is bad. Anything I can't hear is bad," Guillermo says.] "Forget that," (print: $c's 3rd) says, "what was that he said about Charlie being a forest adventurer?"]] (click: "forest adventurer?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh dear," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Oh damn," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh no! Oh no no no! The Forest?! Like the Taiga?" Sprinkles says.] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["We must [[intervene!->Mom Principal Conversation]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["We gotta [[step in.->Mom Principal Conversation]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["We have to figure out [[what they're saying->Mom Principal Conversation]], team!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Let's not [[raise suspicion->Mom Principal Ignore]] further!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["[[Keep calm->Mom Principal Ignore]], everyone."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["[[Play it cool!->Mom Principal Ignore]] Like we practiced in the Academy!"]]]

(if: (history:) contains "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[Yeats circles above the Replica and points their beak in the direction of a large brick complex. "There it is, pal," they say. "I've got other work to do. Smell ya later." A bus pulls up to a sign marked "Evergreen Elementary School" and it screeches to a halt.](else:)[The bus pulls up to Evergreen Elementary School and screeches to a halt.] The bus door opens, children file out in a hurry, (if: (history:) contains "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[and Charlie rushes to join them.](else:)[and Charlie follows them.] (if: $hygiene is <= 2)[The children make sure to avoid Charlie's unmistakable, undesirable waft.](if: $hygiene > 2)[The children seem impressed at Charlie's newfound penchant for not smelling like a compost heap.] (click: "file out in a hurry")[$t[(if: (history:) contains "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[(display: "Talk to Bird Get to School")](if: (history:) contains "Sit with Martin")[(display: "Martin Get to School")](if: (history:) contains "Sit with Hanae")[(display: "Hanae Get to School")]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Hurry, squadron! Lectures have begun! Oh, I hope we don't miss the keynote on polynomials!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Forestgoddamnit, we're so late," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh no, teacher is going to be so mad at us," Sprinkles says.] After some fevered navigating, Charlie arrives at a large brick complex with "EVERGREEN ELEMENTARY" festooned across the main entryway. Charlie bursts through the door and enters a room marked FRONT OFFICE. "Charlie Stewart, reporting for school!" (click: "reporting for school")[$t[An older woman with salt-and-pepper hair and (what seem to be) permanent frown lines sits and pecks at a keyboard. On her immaculately organised desk is a placard that reads "Mrs. Stilwell." She raises her head and lowers her glasses. "Uh, good morning, Charlie," she says. "Are you okay?"]] (click: "Are you okay?")[$t[(if: $beatenup is true)["Yes, just ignore the scrapes and knuckle imprints in my face," Charlie says. "Has class started?"](if: $beatupbully is true)["Yes, just ignore the bully imprints in my knuckles," Charlie says. "Has class started?"](if: $bullyrocks is true)["Yes, just ignore my dirty, feldspar-stained hands," Charlie says. "Has class started?"]]] (click: "Has class started?")[$t["Yes, Charlie. I'll let Mrs. Hoffmann know you've arrived."]] (click: "you've arrived")[$t["Thank you." Charlie turns to leave.]] (click: "turns to leave")[$t[.. but stops at the office door.]] (click: "office door")[$t["Charlie, do you not know the way to your classroom?"]] (click: "not know")[$t[Charlie shakes his head no.]] (click: "shakes his head")[$t["Take your first left out of this hallway, last door on the right." Charlie hustles out of the office with a shameful trot. Mrs. Stillwell picks up the phone and dials, her eye on the office door. "Yes, Angelica? I'm sending Charlie Stewart down, and something is [[clearly not right->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]] with him.."]]

(set: $kids to "Worshipful")(set: $martin to "Chuffed")(set: $hanae to "Pleased")The squad car pulls up at a large brick complex with a faded orange sign that reads "EVERGREEN ELEMENTARY." They park behind a school bus, where kids alight and skip merrily to the front door.(set: $st to it + (a: "46")) (click: "brick complex")[$t["Okay," the cop says, twisting around to face Charlie, sitting in the back seat. "We've been to three elementary schools already. Is //this// your school?"]] (click: "your school?")[$t[Charlie peers between the bars of the police car at the school. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Indeed! I apologise for my earlier bout of bicycle crash induced amnesia, but surely this is my educational facility of choice!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Uhh.. yeaaaaaah. This looks right, I think," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yup! I wasn't at all sure about the other two, but this one looks totally correct, I think!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "between the bars")[$t["All.. right, then. Run along now, and memorize your home phone number, for goodness sake!"]] (click: "Run along now")[$t[Charlie opens the police car door and steps out. The children stop their school-bound march, turn, and stare. "Is that Charlie getting out of a //police car?//" some girl says.]] (click: "getting out")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Oh, this ain't good," Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["This is really bad," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Oh no! Puff your chest out!" Xylophone says.] The children are spellbound. "That - (click: "That -")[$t[is - ]](click: "is -")[$t[so - ]](click: "so -")[$t[COOL!" The kids swarm Charlie like they would a conquering hero, returning from the front.]]]] (click: "conquering hero")[$t["What was prison like?!" one says.]] (click: "prison")[$t["Did you shank anyone?!" says another.]] (click: "shank")[$t["Did you make wine in the toilet?!"]] (click: "wine")[$t["Did you bribe someone to get out?"]] (click: "bribe")[$t[The bell rings. The kids "aw" in disappointed unison and file inside. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Perhaps our bicycular collapse was a fortuitous [[turn of events?"->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]] Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Maybe we should [[smash our face->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]] on the pavement more often," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Wow, that was great! We're [[beloved!->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]] Schedule another face smashing right away, team!" Sprinkles says.]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["You'll refrain from entering the forest if you know what's best for you, interlopers!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Stay out of the forest, you two. I mean it," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Don't - you - //ever// - step foot in the forest. //Either// of you," Charlie says.] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t[Principal Okorafor and Mom stop speaking, and turn towards Charlie slowly. Both hold grave expressions on their faces.]] (click: "grave expressions")[$t["See, this is //exactly// what I was talking about," Mom says, through clenched teeth.]] (click: "exactly")[$t[In a flash, Principal Okorafor's stern countenance flips to a warm, welcoming smile. He crouches down to Charlie's level. "Charlie, I can tell you're quite excited about your upcoming school presentation on the Taiga biome," he says.]] (click: "Taiga biome")[$t["Uhhhhh.." (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Uhhhhh..")[$t["But that doesn't mean we should forget our Evergreen Elementary Ethics! Excellence, vigour, enthusiasm, respect, growth, respect again, energy, ebullience, and nurturing! What does that spell?"]] (click: "spell")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Why, EVERGREEN, of course!" Charlie says, with Horseradish's enthusiasm shining through.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Lost track," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Wait, slow down. Does that include the 'a' in 'again?' What about the 'a' in 'and?' If it's the former, it spells EVERAGREEN, or maybe EVERAGREEAN? Is that close?" Charlie says, with Sprinkles freaking out on the line.] "Yes, well," Principal Okorafor says. "Off to class, now." He turns to Mom. (if: $straighttoschool is true)["If you're not busy tonight, perhaps you should come back with Terry and we can have a meeting about Charlie's behaviour, and come up with an action plan?"](else:)["I'll keep an eye on him, don't worry."]]] (click: "Off to class")[$t["Thank you, that sounds great," Mom says. She puts a hand on the Principal's shoulder in gratitude, then turns to leave. "[[Be - good->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]]," she says, again through clenched teeth.]]

(print: $c's 2nd) cranks the auditory perception unit and (print: $c's 1st) tilts Charlie's head towards Mom and the principal. (click: "tilts Charlie's head")[$t[".. was out in the Forest, and that's where his cell phone said he was, and it was late, and I assumed he had just lost it, but he's just been acting so //strange// since then, and I'm just really concerned.."]] (click: "concerned")[$t[Principal Okorafor smiles. "I think I know what's going on here," he says. He crouches down to Charlie's level. "So, you seem to be pretty fond of the forest, isn't that right, Mr. Stewart?"]] (click: "fond of the forest")[$t["Don't say anything!" (print: $c's 3rd) warns (print: $c's 1st).]] (click: "Don't say anything!")[$t["You must really be excited for your presentation on the Taiga biome, right? The one in front of the whole school?"]] (click: "Taiga biome")[$t[The word "Taiga" sends a shockwave to the gentle nerves of the squad. "Don't.. say.. anything," (print: $c's 3rd) says again, quivering and shaking.]] (click: "quivering")[$t["I know you've been spending lots of time in the forest.."]] (click: "in the forest..")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim starts thwapping their tail in nervous agitation.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy starts murmuring to themself in nervous agitation.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo, a nervous wreck, starts weeping.]]] (click: "nervous")[$t[".. but you must remember not to neglect your other studies," Principal Okorafor continues. "I'm sure your presentation with Hanae on the Taiga will be excellent. Now off to class!"]] (click: "off to class")[$t[Mom smiles at the Principal, mouths //"be good"// at Charlie, and walks through the door to her car. "We - are - [[so - dead->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]]," (print: $c's 2nd) says.]]

"Good morning, class," a tall, severe woman says as Charlie and his classmate find their designated seating positions. (if: $newgameplus is true)[//(Have you seen this before? You can [[skip it->Planning]], if you like.)//] (click: "Good morning, class,")[$t["Good morning, Mrs. Hoffmann," some of the children parrot back. Mrs. Hoffmann scans the room. She looks, moves, and acts as though she were carved from stone, her plaid shirt tucked tight enough to cut off the circulation to her legs. Her face falls slightly as she lays eyes on Charlie. "Charlie," she says, her voice stiff.]] (click: "stiff")[$t[For once, (print: $c's 1st) doesn't seem to have a snappy rejoinder available. They find Charlie's desk and sit in it, eyes forward, back straight.]] (click: "eyes forward")[$t["I'm sure you've all remembered what today is," Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "today is")[$t["Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" scream the children. Charlie looks from gleeful face to gleeful face.]] (click: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!")[$t["That's right," Mrs. Hoffmann says, in a dreadful attempt at matching the children's enthusiasm. "We'll be feeding Benji the mouse to Frumpy the snake immediately after luncheon has ended."]] (click: "feeding")[$t[The children cheer again. Charlie looks to the right side of the room. In a large terrarium, Frumpy, a ball python with a blotchy black-and-gold pattern, suns themself on a rock, lifting their head at the cue of the children's cheer. "THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND SUPPORT, CHILDREN," they say, perceptable only by the squad, with a flick of the tongue and a flair for the dramatic.]] (click: "flick of the tongue")[$t[At the other end of the room, Benji sprints in their wheel. "Forestgoddamnit, get me out of here!" they scream as they run. "Isn't there any animal around that can hear me besides that infernal snake?!"]] (click: "infernal snake?!")[$t["COME TO ME, BABY," Frumpy says.]] (click: "COME TO ME")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann begins teaching, but Charlie is not available. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["I think I'm gonna be sick," Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["This is not good," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone shakes with rage. "I - just - they can't just //do// that to a fellow mouse," they say, on the brink of tears.] "We gotta do something!"]] (click: "do something")[$t[A pause.]] (click: "A pause.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I wholeheartedly [[concur,->Planning]]" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["[[Agreed->Planning]]," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["[[You bet->Planning]] your butt feathers," Sprinkles says.]]]

(set: $bullybird to true)"Where were you on the bus today, Charlie?" a smarmy youth asks. "You //never// miss the //bus//." (click: "Where were you")[$t["Well, I--"]] (click: "Well, I--")[$t["Oh, I know where young Charles was," a voice says. The crowd of children gasps and open their throng to reveal three children in fluorescent coloured wigs.]] (click: "wigs")[$t["Alastair! Reginald! Winston! The Wig Gang!!" a child exclaims.]] (click: "The Wig Gang!!")[$t["That's right," the green-wigged kid says, presumably their leader. "And guess what who we saw young Charles talking to? All by himself? In the middle of the street?" The other bullies snicker.]] (click: "young Charles talking to")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, crumbs," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Uh oh," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh no no no no no," Sprinkles says.] "He was //talking// to a --"]] (click: "talking to a --")[$t[The bell rings.]] (click: "rings")[$t["Hmph," Al says. "You'll have to wait until lunchtime, I guess."]] (click: "lunchtime")[$t[The children file [[inside->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]], disappointed. The squad breathes a sigh of relief. "We gotta stop Al from talking!" (print: $c's 3rd) says.]]

[$t[(if: $martin is "Devastated" or "Angered")[Martin puts his head down and shuffles right past Charlie into the school as quickly as he can. The children give Charlie a wide berth -- all except for one, the girl who was sitting on the other side of the bus.](else-if: $martin is "Chuffed")[Martin strolls off the bus, agog at the recent development in their friendship. Charlie? A secret mission?! Think of the social capital! Martin isn't about to let this opportunity slip away, and so he walks alongside Charlie into the school, almost protectively. The girl who was sitting on the other side of the bus strolls up to the two best pals.](else:)[Martin gets off the bus, and Charlie follows. He lingers around for Charlie, but one can discern a measure of reluctance in Martin's body language. The girl who was sitting on the other side of the bus strolls up.] "Hey," Hanae says. "Are you ready for our presentation on the Taiga?"]] (click: "presentation on the Taiga?")[$t["WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Charlie says.]] (click: "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!")[$t["Our presentation on the Taiga biome," Hanae says, shocked at the outburst. "The thing we've been working on for the last two weeks. You said you were heading to the forest to do research. Did you do that?"]] (click: "do that?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I've never //once// been to any geographical location that might remotely be described as Taiga," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I've never heard of the Taiga," Charlie says. "What is a Taiga?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I've never been to the Taiga," Charlie says, chuckling. "Have //you// been to the Taiga? Because I'm not - I don't even really know what a Taiga - like, what even //is// a Taiga, y'know?"]]] (click: "Taiga,")[$t["You're such a freaking weirdo," Hanae says. "Just make sure you get it done!" She turns and enters the school in a huff. (if: $martin is "Devastated" or "Angered")[Charlie follows. "Presentation on the Taiga?! Have they been.. [[spying on us?!->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]]" (print: $c's 2nd) says.](else-if: $martin is "Chuffed")[Martin pats Charlie on the shoulder in comfort. "Don't worry," he says, "I'm sure your [[presentation->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]] will be great!"](else:)[Martin follows Hanae with a sluggish gait, and Charlie eventually does also. "Presentation on the Taiga?! Have they been.. [[spying on us?!->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]]" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]]]

Hanae climbs off the bus, (lowercase: $hanae). She shuffles towards the school, eager for the beginning of another wholesome, enriching school day. (click: "wholesome, enriching")[$t["NERD," Martin yells after Hanae, breathlessly descending the bus stairs. "You missed a golden opportunity, Charlie!"]] (click: "NERD,")[$t["I--"]] (click: "I--")[$t["Before you start," Martin says, "I'm deeply hurt that you chose not to come over to my house." He gestures to his heart. "Deeply, deeply hurt."]] (click: "Deeply, deeply")[$t["Your presentation with Hanae on the Taiga biome had better be the best presentation of all time, or you can consider our friendship..]] (click: "friendship..")[$t[officially..]] (click: "officially..")[$t[ended!!" He stamps his foot for emphasis.]] (click: "emphasis")[$t[A pause. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["This development is of very little consequence to me," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Who cares?" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Okay, so what's your point? Do you have a point? Tell me your point," Charlie says.]]] (click: "A pause.")[$t["Hmph," Martin says. He storms inside the school, and Charlie [[follows.->Sitting at Desk Cutscene]]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Gather, squad! We must discuss our tactical plan!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["All right squad, we have to come up with a game plan," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["On me, squad! We gotta come up with a plan of action, and we gotta do it fast!" Sprinkles says.] (click: "squad")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["I think the biggest issue will be getting Mrs. Hoffmann to look away from any rescue procedure. Look at how focused on us she is," Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["We gotta distract Mrs. Hoffmann somehow, but look at those evil eyes," Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["I think our first priority will be to direct Mrs. Hoffmann's attention away from us," Guillermo says.]]] (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann")[$t["Agreed," (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Agreed,")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["And then we'll be able to pop little Benji down our gullet and into the spare storage compartment!" Tabloid says, astonished at their own contribution. "But we'll have to do that without the kiddies watching. Such a shame."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["We've got space in the spare storage compartment for Benji, and we can use the mouth tube to get them down there," Sorghum says. "But the kids shouldn't see that. They might lose their lunch."](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["I specifically designed the spare storage compartment for situations such as these," Paul says, with a smug air. "And the food intake valve can be rejiggered to provide Benji passage. But the kids might flip when they see us do that."]]] (click: "spare storage compartment")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Gimme some misdirection for the kiddies, and I'll getcha that little mouse no problem," Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["It shouldn't be a problem to grab Benji, I think -- as long as there's some misdirection for the kids," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone is noticably upset. "If - if we use some misdirection, or something, to get the kids not looking, we can get Benji out super quick. //I// can get Benji out super quick," Xylophone says, stumbling slightly over their words.]]] (click: "misdirection")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish scribbles some notes. "Excellent planning. It seems as though we need to distract Teacher, distract the children, and ingest young Benji to safety. Do we agree?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Okay okay okay," Chunks says, eager to get to the point, "we gotta distract our teacher, distract the kids, and then eat the mouse. Correct?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Great! Okay, this is cool! We distract Mrs. Hoffmann, entertain the kids, and then swallow Benji. Right?"] The squad agrees. [[Operation Rescue Benji->Classroom]] has commenced.]]

Charlie sits in a canary-yellow classroom, decorated on all sides with banners and posters espousing positivity, enthusiasm, and respect. The desks in classroom have been organised into rows, and Charlie's desk sits in the middle row about halfway back from the board -- almost the exact centre of the class. (if: (history:) contains "Classroom")[](else:)[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["This sucks," Taft says, surveiling the room. "We can't directly manipulate anything from where we sit. We'll have to plan everything for when we come back in after lunch."](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["We won't be able to reach anything from where we sit," Susan says. "We'll have to execute our plan after lunch."](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Forestgoddamnit, we can't do anything from here," Xylophone says, clearly agitated. "We'll have to do everything in our plan after lunch."]] The sun shines through a couple of windows on the right side of the classroom. Directly underneath one of these windows sits the terrarium of [[Frumpy the snake]], who waits with bated breath for their delicious rodent treat. Mrs. Hoffmann's desk looms ominously at the front of the classroom, laden with marked exams, an immaculate collection of red pens, and framed photos of her pet (lowercase: $desk). [[Martin->Martin Classroom]] sits behind Charlie to the left, and [[Hanae->Hanae Classroom]] sits in front of Charlie to the right. Opposite the windows, on a table close to the door, [[Benji the mouse]] paces in their steel-caged, newspaper-lined cell. Mrs. Hoffmann stands at the front of the classroom, stiff as [[the whiteboard]] she scribbles on. She seems to be writing, in excruciating detail, something about (either: "the Highland Clearances.", "computational astrophysics.", "feline behavoural pheromones.", "how to bake a vegan fruitcake.", "an introduction to Heidegger's metaphysics.", "who the dish ran away with.", "introductory hiragana and katakana.", "American exceptionalism.", "World War One-era aviation.", "the greatest Myspace accounts of the twenty-first century.", "how to use a can opener.", "the plethora of Art Nouveau architecture in Riga, Latvia.", "microwave cookery.", "Bulgarian participles.", "the proper procedure for thawing and reheating frozen food.", "flowers of the Pacific Northwest.", "Carmen Sandiego and her current whereabouts.", "how to floss one's teeth.", "Antonio Inoki versus Muhammad Ali.", "how to topple the patriarchy.", "the history and cultural resonance of Madchester in the late '80's.", "Alex Chilton's solo albums.", "multiplication tables.", "long division.", "the Rousseau Gambit (1.e4 e5 2.Nf3 Nc6: 3.Bc4 f5.)", "Vesuvius.", "the Golden Horde's incursions into Eastern Europe in the 13th century.") (print: $c's 1st) calls everyone to attention. "Okay, squad. (if: $distractteacher is 0)[We don't have a plan for distracting the teacher,](else-if: $distractteacher is 1)[We're going to try talking to Mrs. Hoffman about (lowercase: $topic),](else-if: $distractteacher is 2)[We're going to try using the (lowercase: $backpack) in our backpack,](else-if: $distractteacher is 3)[We're going to use Martin to create a diversion,](else-if: $distractteacher is 4)[We're going to use Hanae to create a diversion,] and (if: $distractkids is 0)[we don't have a plan for distracting the kids.](else-if: $distractkids is 1)[then we're going to get the kids to look out the window.](else-if: $distractkids is 2)[then we're going to get the kids to look at Hanae.](else-if: $distractkids is 3)[then we're going to get the kids to look at Al, the bully.](else-if: $distractkids is 4)[then we're going to hope Principal Okorafor comes to talk to us.] Let's.." think about how we're going to [[distract the teacher.]] think about how we're going to [[distract the kids.]] [[pass a note.]] [[raise our hand]] to speak. [[ask to use the child washroom.]] (if: $distractteacher > 0 and $distractkids > 0)[[[wait for lunch.->Lunch]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Excellent! Let's discuss!" Horseradish says. "What means are available to us, squad?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["All right," Chunks says. "How can we distract this woman?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yeah!" Sprinkles says. "How are we gonna do this, squad?"] (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["There are many ways to solve a problem, as we know," Slim says. "We could attempt diplomacy, we could check our bag of goods, or we could attempt some subterfuge, perhaps with a willing ally?"](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Oh! Oh oh oh! We could.. uh.. talk to her? Or, I dunno, I've been lugging around this backpack all day? Or we could just get some kid to throw up or something?" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["I think I favour just talking to her, but we could also use what's in our backpack. Or maybe we can get her to focus on another kid?" Guillermo says.] (print: $c's 1st) pauses for a moment. "Let's try.." (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "HR Distract Teacher Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "CH Distract Teacher Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "SP Distract Teacher Choice")]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Distracting Teacher shall be the most difficult step, particularly when one compares the attention spans of Teachers and Students," Horseradish says with a chuckle, "but it will still pose a challenge to divert the children away from our little sleight-of-hand."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Distracting Mrs. Hoffmann will be the hardest part," Chunks says, "but we still have to make sure the kids won't be watching us."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I think Mrs. Hoffmann will be a struggle, but that doesn't mean we should ignore the kiddies! They gotta look away from us!" Sprinkles says.] (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Listen," Taft says, "I can make that swipe happen. So how are we gonna get those kids to look away?"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Our window for distraction will be tight," Susan says, "so we have to make sure we get this right."](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Let's do this right the first time," Xylophone says, "and I'll handle the rest."] "Okay," (print: $c's 1st) says. "Let us.." "get the kids to [[look out the window.->Distract Kids Window]]" "get the kids to [[look at Hanae.->Distract Kids Hanae]]" (if: $distractkids is 3)["keep with our plan to get the kids to look at Al."](if: $distractkids is 4)["hope Principal Okorafor is still coming to talk to the class."](else:)[] "Let's just [[think about something else.->Classroom]]" (click: "look at Al.")[(set: $distractkids to 3)(goto: "Classroom")] (click: "coming to talk to the class.")[(set: $distractkids to 4)(goto: "Classroom")]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah, yes, a communique!" Horseradish says. "But who should we send it to?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Alright, sure," Chunks says. "But which kid?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[That's a good idea," Sprinkles says. "But to whom?"] [["Martin?"->Martin Note]] [["Hanae?"->Hanae Note]] [["Never mind."->Classroom]]

(if: (history:)'s last contains "Status")[(set: $raisehandcounter to it)](else:)[(set: $raisehandcounter to it + 1)](if: $raisehandcounter > 2)[(set: $strikes to it + 1)"Charlie!" Mrs. Hoffmann barks. "These disruptions are unacceptable! You have been branded with a DETENTION STRIKE." The children gasp in horror. "[[No further disruptions,->Classroom]]" Mrs. Hoffman says.](else-if: $raisehandcounter is 2)["Charlie, put your hand down. I'm //lecturing//, and I shan't be disturbed by your [[tomfoolery,->Classroom]]" Mrs. Hoffmann says.](else:)[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Sure hope you know what you're doing, just bringing attention to us like this," Taft says, as they wrench on a lever to raise Charlie's arm in the air.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Hope you have something ready to go," Susan says, as they wrench on a lever to raise Charlie's arm in the air.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone, emboldened to save Benji as quickly as possible, wrenches on a lever and raises Charlie's arm in the air -- a maneuever which may have taken them more time earlier in the mission.] (click: "lever")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann turns on a dime and frowns. "Yes, Charlie?"]] (click: "Yes, Charlie?")[$t["Oh, yes. Uhhhh," Charlie says. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "HR Raise Hand Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "CH Raise Hand Choice")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "SP Raise Hand Choice")]]]]

(if: (history:)'s last contains "Status")[(set: $washroomcounter to it)](else:)[(set: $washroomcounter to it + 1)](if: $washroomcounter > 2)[(set: $strikes to it + 1)"Charlie!" Mrs. Hoffmann barks. "These disruptions are unacceptable! You have been branded with a DETENTION STRIKE." The children gasp in horror. "[[No further disruptions,->Classroom]]" Mrs. Hoffman says.](else-if: $washroomcounter is 2)["Charlie! You were just in the child washroom," Mrs. Hoffmann says. "Surely you can [[hold whatever //business//->Classroom]] you have until luncheon begins."](else:)[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Excuse me, Teacher?" Charlie says. "I must excrete urine in the child washroom."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Mrs. Hoffmann," Charlie says, "I need to use the human can."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Mrs. Hoffmaaaaaaann," Charlie says, "I gotta use the human pottyyyyy."] The children laugh. (click: "The children laugh.")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann turns and sighs. "Yes, Charlie, you may. But be quick about it, for luncheon will soon commence, and you must retain this information, for your future depends on it!"]] (click: "your future depends on it!")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["An oddly prophetic statement," Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Oooh, spooky," Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["A bit overdramatic," Guillermo says.] Charlie screeches his chair back and leaves the room, passing directly by Benji's cage as he does. (if: $benjiaware is true)[Benji follows and sniffs Charlie as he passes, straining to make contact. "Take me with you!" they say.](else-if: $benjiaware is false and $hygiene is <= 2)[(set: $benjiaware to true)Benji raises their head in surprise. They follow Charlie as he passes, straining to get a clearer sniff of Charlie's unpleasant smell. "Hey! Are you animals? Are you Taigan?! Can you help me?" Benji squeaks.](else-if: $benjiaware is false and $hygiene is >= 3)[Benji raises his head slightly, hopefully, at Charlie's passing shadow, but lowers it again in resignation.] He wanders the hall for a few tense moments before arriving at an ominous door labeled simply [["WASHROOM"->Washroom]].]]]

(if: $benjicounter > 3 and $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(goto: "Benji Xylophone Death Cutscene")](else:)[(set: $benjicounter to it + 1)(if: $benjiaware is false)[(either: "Benji the mouse sprints from corner to corner of their cage, looking for some structural irregularity they may have missed.", "Benji the mouse sits back on their hind legs, paws together, presumably in prayer to the Forest God.", "Benji the mouse lies still, panting for breath. They seem defeated and resigned to their fate.", "Benji the mouse sprints in their wheel, crying and begging to be set free.", "Benji the mouse looks skyward for guidance, but can only discern the buzzing of the fluorescent light.")](if: $benjiaware is true)[Benji looks in Charlie's direction, peering for clarity, waiting for instructions. For the first time since the squad laid eyes on this poor trapped creature, one can discern a sense of hope flashing across their eyes. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Young Benjamin seems clued in to our presence," Horseradish says. "This is an [[excellent start.->Classroom]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Benji knows [[we're here.->Classroom]] That's good," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["This is great! [[Benji knows->Classroom]] we're around!" Sprinkles says.]]] (if: $benjiaware is false)[(click: "Benji the mouse")[$t["Should we do something?" (print: $c's 1st) says. (if: $benjicounter is 2 and $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["We //have// to," Xylophone says.](if: $benjicounter is 3 and $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["I swear to the Forest God, if you don't make a decision, (print: $c's 1st), I will for you," Xylophone says.] "We could try to [[make contact->Signal Benji]]?" "Nope, we have to [[leave it for now.->Classroom]]"]]]

(set: $nothird to true)"Forestgoddamn it," Xylophone says, "//somebody// here has to take action." (click: "take action")[$t["No, Xylophone," (print: $c's 1st) says, "//don't//--"]] (click: "don't")[$t[But it's too late -- Xylophone has smashed the "EMERGENCY EXIT" button, and thumps to the ground through a hidden vent in Charlie's elbow.]] (click: "EMERGENCY EXIT")[$t["Oh, Forest God," (print: $c's 2nd) says. "They actually went and did it. We've completely lost arm control!"]] (click: "arm control")[$t[Charlie turns his head. (print: $c's 1st) can see Xylophone, skittering across the floor like any brave mouse would, taking care to avoid the wandering gazes of bored, sedentary children.]] (click: "skittering")[$t[Xylophone makes it to the cupboards where Benji's cage sits, and hops from shelf to shelf up to the cage's level. They take a deep breath and then clamber up the side of the cage, landing with a poof amidst the sawdust and newspaper at the bottom of the cage.]] (click: "landing with a poof")[$t["Oh my FOREST GOD!" Benji says. "Someone came!!"]] (click: "Someone came!!")[$t["Shhhh!!" Xylophone says, hiding underneath Benji's water bottle. "I'm here to get you out of here, but you have to be quiet and follow my instructions, okay?"]] (click: "follow my instructions")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["What a hero move," Tabloid says. "Could this actually work?"](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["They did it," Sorghum says, astonished. "Could this actually work?"](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Hm," Paul says, betraying the slightest sense of admiration. "Could this actually work?"]]] (click: "actually work?")[(goto: "Benji Xylophone Called to Whiteboard")]

(if: $benjicounter is 1)[Charlie turns his head towards Benji's cage and tries, with a certain desperation and intensity, to make eye contact. (click: "eye contact")[$t[But Benji is naturally terrified of humans, and [[refuses to look->Classroom]] anywhere near Charlie. "Sit up straight," some go-getter behind Charlie says.]]](if: $benjicounter is 2)[Charlie turns his head towards Benji's cage and blinks a message in Taigan morse code. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Surely this will do the trick!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Come on, mouse, look this way!" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Benjiiiiiii, come onnnnn, look at our peepers!" Sprinkles says.] (click: "Taigan morse code")[$t["Mr. Stewart," Mrs. Hoffmann says, glaring a hole into Charlie's forehead. "Do you have something in your eye?"]] (click: "something in your eye?")[$t["No, ma'am," Charlie says.]] (click: "No, ma'am")[$t["No further distractions, or you shall receive a DETENTION STRIKE." Charlie [[gulps.->Classroom]]]]](if: $benjicounter >= 3 and $c's 3rd is "Susan" and $hygiene <= 2)[(goto: "Susan Benji Idea")](else-if: $benjicounter >= 3)["Psssst," Charlie says.] (click: "Psssst")[$t[Benji doesn't respond.]] (click: "doesn't respond")[$t["PSSSSST," Charlie says.]] (click: "PSSSSST")[$t[(set: $strikes to it + 1)"Shut //up//, Charlie," some kid says. "Enough!" Mrs. Hoffmann says. "Charlie, you have been designated with a STRIKE." Her whiteboard marker descends next to Charlie's name in the detention column with a [[mighty slash.->Classroom]] The kids gasp.]]

(set: $benjiaware to true)"I have an idea," Susan says. (click: "I have an idea")[$t[Susan raises Charlie's arms and mocks a big stretch. (print: $c's 1st) catches on and initiates a Charlie yawn; (print: $c's 2nd) arches Charlie's back.]] (click: "big stretch")[$t["Oh god, Charlie, you smell so //gross//," some young goofball says. The children titter and laugh.]] (click: "goofball")[$t["Children! Cease this chatter," Mrs. Hoffmann says. Meanwhile, Benji sniffs the air feverishly. They scamper to the walls of their cage and stand on their hind legs, trying to get a better sense of who -- or what -- could have possibly emitted that smell.]] (click: "that smell.")[$t["I think it worked," Susan says. "Look! Benji can smell us. They seem less stressed, more hopeful. They know something is up!"]] (click: "less stressed")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["[[Excellent stratagem->Classroom]], Susan!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hmph," Chunks says, trying to mask [[their satisfaction.->Classroom]]](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I'll admit, Susan, that was [[pretty good->Classroom]]," Sprinkles says.]]]

"CHARLIE!" Mrs. Hoffman yells.(set: $st to it + (a: "47")) (click: "CHARLIE!")[$t[Charlie snaps to attention. "Uh, yes, Mrs. Hoffmann?"]] (click: "snaps to attention")[$t["Perhaps you would like to come to the board and spell the word 'pneumonia' for us?"]] (click: "come to the board")[$t["Oh, no.." (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "Oh, no..")[$t["NOW, Charlie," Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "NOW, Charlie")[$t[Charlie scrapes his chair back and stands slowly, grimly. His limp, unfunctioning arms bump into his classmates' desks as he marches up the aisle to the front of the classroom.]] (click: "marches up the aisle")[$t["Spell pneumonia, please. The marker is there."]] (click: "The marker is there.")[$t["I.. can't," Charlie says.]] (click: "I.. can't")[$t["Yes, you can. Give it a try. Take the marker."]] (click: "Take the marker.")[$t[(print: $c's 2nd) twists Charlie's torso in a pathetic attempt to bring Charlie's limp arm to the marker. But all this does is slap the marker with the back of Charlie's hand, and it clatters to the floor.]] (click: "clatters")[$t["Oh damn, oh Forest God, this sucks, I've totally blown it.." Xylophone says.]] (click: "blown it")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann glares at Charlie for a moment. She leans down, still staring, to pick up the marker. She puts it in Charlie's hand, and it again falls to the floor.]] (click: "falls to the floor")[$t[Her face falls. "Charlie," she says, "why are your arms limp? And.. hollow?!"]] (click: "hollow?!")[(goto: "Benji Xylophone Game Over Cutscene")]

Mrs. Hoffmann screams. The children scream. The squad screams. (click: "The squad screams.")[$t["Abandon ship!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Abandon ship!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish bursts through Charlie's artificial skull and through an open window to safety. ](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks explodes through Charlie's artificial skull, and raises their wings and clucks in an attempt to intimidate the now-scarred-for-life children. ](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles bursts through Charlie's artificial skull and smashes into a closed window, falling next to Frumpy's terrarium, motionless. ](if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim bursts through Charlie's chest and scurries into a handwashing sink, the closest basin they can find to their den. ](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy bursts through Charlie's chest and smashes into the children's desks, screaming and barking as they go. ](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo bursts through Charlie's chest and freezes, waiting for their imminent death. ](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["No! Not this way!" Tabloid screams, as they pour out of Charlie's ankle and flee for cover.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Tears fill Sorghum's eyes as the memories of Sorghum's human-slaughtered family flash before them.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["I'm not leaving him!" Paul says. "I can't leave my beloved Replica! I'll die before you eject me from him!"] Xylophone looks on in horror. "What have I done?!" they scream.]] (click: "What have I done?!")[$t[Frumpy the snake, across the room, across the chaos, perks up at Xylophone's cry. "OH!" they say. "[[DOUBLE BRUNCH!->Game Over! Cutscene]]"]]

<center> # (css: "font-size: 144px")[Animalia] ### by Ian Michael Waddell |== ### New Game #####[(colour: "grey")[This option is highly recommended for your first few playthroughs.]] ### New Game Plus #####[(colour: "grey")[This option is for those who have experienced the story several times. It displays story possibilities in the status bar and allows you to skip certain scenes you may have seen before.]] ==| ### Load Game #####[(colour: "grey")[Load a saved game.]](click: "Load Game")[(if: (savedgames:) contains "Slot 1")[(load-game: "Slot 1")](else:)[(colour: "grey")[ (No game found.)]]] ### About the Game #####[(colour: "grey")[Learn about the game, the author, and read acknowledgments.]] ### Story Possibilities #####[(colour: "grey")[SPOILER ALERT! View all possible story outcomes.]] |==| ###### [(colour: "grey")[//(Animalia version 1.5.4. Google Chrome highly recommended.)//]] (click: "New Game")[(set: $newgameplus to false)(goto: "Intro")] (click: "New Game Plus")[(set: $newgameplus to true)(goto: "Intro")] (click: "About the Game")[(goto: "About the Game Cutscene")] (click: "Story Possibilities")[(goto: "Story Possibilities Cutscene")]

The squad has very little idea what to make of Mrs. Hoffmann's nearly illegible scrawlings on Marxist aesthetics or the history of FORTRAN or advanced psychocalculus or whatever, but they do notice an ominous footnote to one side of the board: =><= TOMORROW'S PRESENTATION: Hanae and Charlie on the Taiga biome <== (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[$t["Oh, that is [[not good->Classroom]]," Taft says.]](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[$t["You have to wonder how long [[they've been watching->Classroom]]," Susan says.]](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[$t["First they're capturing young mice for their perverted snake experiments and now we find out they've been [[spying on us?->Classroom]]" Xylophone says.]]

(set: $martincounter to it + 1)Martin is sitting behind Charlie, so (print: $c's 2nd) has to twist around to get a good look. (click: "twist around")[$t[(if: $martincounter < 3)[(if: $martin is "Devastated")[(display: "Martin Devastated")](if: $martin is "Chuffed")[(display: "Martin Chuffed")](if: $martin is "Terrified")[(display: "Martin Terrified")](if: $martin is "Puzzled" or "Disappointed")[(display: "Martin Puzzled Disappointed")](if: $martin is "Angered")[(display: "Martin Angered")]](else-if: $martincounter >= 3)[(display: "Charlie Strike")]]]

Hanae sits in a desk at the front of her row. She leans forward, lapping up Mrs. Hoffmann's every hiss and whinny, scribbling in her notebook with a (either: "chartreuse", "mauve", "wintergreen", "fuschia", "mustard", "cerulean", "carnelian", "marigold", "champagne", "dandelion") pen. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Squadron, can we get an espionage report on young Hanae at the front of the classroom?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["How do we feel about Hanae, squad?" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Hey, let's focus on Hanae for a second. Do any of y'all think she can help in our little plan?" Sprinkles says.] (if: $hanae is "Pleased")[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["I think she'd be [[pretty amenable->Classroom]] to any request we make, based on our last interaction," Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Oh yeah! You saw [[how pumped->Classroom]] she was the last time we saw her, right?!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["She seemed [[pretty nice to us->Classroom]] last time," Guillermo says. "Couldn't hurt to ask?"]](else:)[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["She didn't seem thrilled with us last time, so it couldn't hurt to [[boost her spirits->Classroom]] a bit," Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Oh no, no no no," Fluffy says. "You see that look in her face last time? She [[wasn't having->Classroom]] what we were eating, not at all."](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["I [[didn't think she liked us->Classroom]] when we interacted last," Guillermo says.]]

Martin sits at his desk, arms hanging limp at his sides, head hung low. (print: $c's 1st) can only get a marginal look at his face, but based on his body language, it appears Martin is a shellshocked, defeated young man. (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["Perhaps we shouldn't have bullied him?" Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Ha, that's what you get for being a human child!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Look at how sad he is," Guillermo says.] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["We [[shan't be able->Classroom]] to forward an olive branch with him in this state," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["[[No harm, no foul,->Classroom]]" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["An unfortunate casualty, but hey, [[these things happen->Classroom]]," Sprinkles says.]

Martin makes eye contact with Charlie and immediately explodes into a huge grin. "Hey, Charlie!" he whispers. "It's me, your best friend, Martin! Just so you know, I'd do //anything// for you! All you have to do is say the word!" (click: "say the word!")[$t["Be //silent//, Martin," Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "Be silent")[$t[Martin snaps [[back to attention,->Classroom]] still smiling. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["What a fine fellow," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hm, that was easy," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Well! Seems like we can count on him," Sprinkles says.]]]

Martin makes eye contact with Charlie and furrows his brow quizzically. The two stare at each other for a brief moment. (click: "brief moment")[$t[Martin makes a "what-do-you-want-from-me" face and turns back to the lecture.]] (click: "what-do-you-want-from-me")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Young Martin seems slightly perturbed with us," Horseradish says. "We could [[extend Charlie's paw->Classroom]] in friendship?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["We could probably get Martin to [[do what we want,->Classroom]] if we tried," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oooh, Martin seems weirded out. We could [[pretty easily->Classroom]] talk to him, I think!" Sprinkles says.]]]

Martin is hunched forward in his desk, head resting in his arms. He makes eye contact with Charlie and quickly looks away, his eyes betraying a palpable unease. (click: "palpable unease")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Seems like young Charlie needs to [[stir young Martin's heartstrings,->Classroom]]" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["He could help us, but he needs to be [[cheered up,->Classroom]]" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Gang! Let's [[cheer up Martin!->Classroom]] He needs us to speak to his //soul//," Sprinkles says.]]]

Martin makes eye contact with Charlie, and shoots daggers at Charlie before looking away in frustration. (click: "in frustration")[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Young Martin seems frustrated," Horseradish says. "Let's [[ameliorate relations!->Classroom]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["He's mad," Chunks says. "We could [[use that->Classroom]] to our advantage."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Ooooooh, [[how testy,->Classroom]] young Martin!" Sprinkles says.]]

"Surely, Teacher would appreciate our [[fine elocution?->Horseradish Talk to Teacher]]" "Let us consult our bag of [[sundries->Teacher Backpack]] for guidance!" "Would we be able to use another child to create a [[sensational diversion->Teacher Diversion]]?" "Perhaps we should focus [[our attentions->Classroom]] elsewhere?"

"Ah yes, delightful! Delectable, even! I'll charm the loins off of her," Horseradish says. (click: "charm the loins")[$t[A beat passes. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft pukes a little in their mouth.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["You idiot," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Can we get back to saving Benji?!" Xylophone says.]] (click: "A beat passes.")[$t["Ahem, yes, well," Horseradish says. "Clearly we must ingratiate ourselves with her. What should we discuss?" "how humans seem to love the basic charms of a canine?" "Felines! They are indeed fickle creatures, are they not?" "This seems to be the appropriate growing conditions for several types of domesticated flora!" (click: "canine")[(set: $topic to "Dogs")(goto: "Horseradish Talk Return")](click: "Felines!")[(set: $topic to "Cats")(goto: "Horseradish Talk Return")](click: "domesticated flora!")[(set: $topic to "Flowers")(goto: "Horseradish Talk Return")]]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[$t["Indeed, an excellent suggestion!" Horseradish says, directing Charlie to look at the backpack hanging on the side of his desk. "Let's show this harridan our..]](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[$t["We lugged that stuff all this way, so we might as well," Chunks says, directing Charlie to look at the backpack hanging on the side of his desk. "Let's show her our..]](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[$t["Oh boy!" Sprinkles says, directing Charlie to look at the backpack hanging on the side of his desk. "We're gonna show her our..]] (click: "the backpack")[$t[(if: $bullyrocks is true)[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah, yes, I misremembered," Horseradish says. "We surrendered our mineral collection to Alastair the bully in order to pacify him. [[Drat and fooey!"->Classroom]]](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Oh, right," Chunks says. "We [[gave up those rocks->Classroom]] of ours to Al the bully. That's just //great//."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["No, no no no!" Sprinkles says. "I forgot we gave Al those rocks so we wouldn't get a-smashin'! [[Uggggggghhhhhh!->Classroom]]"]](else:)[(set: $distractteacher to 2).. (lowercase: $backpack). (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Oh, how delightful! I'm certain she'll just //adore// these," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Let's hope she's into whatever these are," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Oh yeah, she's gonna loooooove us after we show her these!" Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Indeed, squad! Perhaps another child throwing a conniption would cause the distraction we require!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Nothing will distract a teacher more than a kid throwing a fit," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yeah! Teachers hate misbehaving kids! She's gonna flip a new leaf!" Sprinkles says.] (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Yeah, darlin', we know //that//," Tabloid says, "but which human baby can we count on to provide such a scene?"](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Sure," Sorghum says, "but can we trust any kids to actually cause a scene like this?"](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Do we know any human children?" Paul says. "Can we trust them to cause a scene?"] (click: "scene")[$t["Well," (print: $c's 1st) says, "we could try.. [["Martin?"->Teacher Diversion Martin]] [["Hanae?"->Teacher Diversion Hanae]]]]

"Let's try [[talking to Mrs. Hoffmann.->Chunks Talk to Teacher]]" "Can we [[look at what's in our bag?->Teacher Backpack]] Maybe that'll be useful." "We need to [[create a diversion.->Teacher Diversion]] We need her to focus on another kid." "Let's [[not worry->Classroom]] about this right now."

"Uh, I guess I could give it a shot," Chunks says. (click: "give it a shot")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["There's that Chunksian enthusiasm!" Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["I feel so relieved," Susan says, with a healthy dose of snark.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Come on, Chunks," Xylophone says. "We gotta //move// on this!"] "Alright, well, I guess I'll try.. talking to her about cats? Humans like cats, right?" talking to her about dogs? Human's best friend or something?" talking to her about flowers? That's a thing old humans like?" (click: "about cats")[(set: $topic to "Cats")(goto: "Chunks Talk Return")] (click: "about dogs")[(set: $topic to "Dogs")(goto: "Chunks Talk Return")] (click: "about flowers")[(set: $topic to "Flowers")(goto: "Chunks Talk Return")]]]

"Discussion! Diplomacy! Let's [[talk this through!->Sprinkles Talk to Teacher]]" "We packed our backpack for a reason! Let's [[look in there!->Teacher Backpack]]" "We gotta [[create a diversion->Teacher Diversion]] somehow! Any kids around?" "This is pointless! Let's think of [[something else!->Classroom]]"

"Oh gosh, yes! I //love// speaking to the teacher! At all times! In the middle of the night, even!" (click: "speaking to the teacher")[$t["Nerd," (print: $c's 3rd) says.]] (click: "Nerd")[$t["Whatever!" Sprinkles says. "Nerd is just another word for expert. And it just so happens that I'm an expert in.. "flowers! I love 'em, so bright and fragrant and whatever!" "cats! They try to kill me sometimes, but what can ya do?" "dogs! I don't understand them at all, but hey!" (click: "flowers!")[(set: $topic to "Flowers")[(goto: "Sprinkles Talk Return")]] (click: "cats!")[(set: $topic to "Cats")[(goto: "Sprinkles Talk Return")]] (click: "dogs!")[(set: $topic to "Dogs")[(goto: "Sprinkles Talk Return")]]]]

(set: $distractteacher to 1)"Excellent! I just so happen to have studied (either: "Maier's", "Silverstein's", "McIntosh's", "Rosnau's", "Butterfield's", "Sperling's", "Johnson's") treatise on (lowercase: $topic) at the Academy," Horseradish says. [[Back..->Classroom]]

"Charlie!" Mrs. Hoffmann barks, her death glare firmly in the Replica's direction. (click: "death glare")[$t[Charlie twists back around in a hurry. "Yes, ma'am?"]] (click: "back around")[$t["You continue to fidget and look at Martin. Therefore I have no recourse but to give you a DETENTION STRIKE."(set: $strikes to it + 1)]] (click: "DETENTION STRIKE")[$t[The class gasps. A vicious whiteboard marker slash descends next to Charlie's name under the detention column.]] (click: "detention column")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Fiddlesticks," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["She'll pay for this," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I have //never// been in trouble //ever//," Sprinkles says, aghast. "I //hate// it!"] [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

(set: $distractteacher to 1)"Hm," Chunks says. "I'll give that a try, I guess." [[Back..->Classroom]]

(set: $distractteacher to 1)"Yes!" Sprinkles says. "I'm gonna talk her Forest god-dang ear off!" [[Back..->Classroom]]

(set: $distractteacher to 3)(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["An excellent choice!" Horseradish says. "Though I imagine his cooperation will be predicated upon his current feelings towards us."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Sure, whatever," Chunks says. "The better he feels towards us, the better it'll go.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yes, okay, great!" Sprinkles says. "But we gotta make sure he's in a good mood!"] [[Continue..->Classroom]]

(set: $distractteacher to 4)Hanae sits forward, scribbling Mrs. Hoffmann's every guttural croak into her notebook. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["I dunno, she looks pretty focused on Mrs. Hoffmann right now," Taft says, "but maybe if we give her a little push?"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["She seems to quite like Mrs. Hoffmann," Susan says, "and generally humans don't like to cause scenes in front of people they like. But it's worth a try, I suppose."](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Sure! Use her! Whatever! Let's just be quick about it!" Xylophone says.] [[Continue..->Classroom]]

"Why, Mrs. Hoffmann, what a stunning article of clothing! Did you find that [[on clearance?->Flattery Raise Hand]]" "Might we [[adjourn the feeding->Appeal Raise Hand]] of young Benji to this untrustworthy snake?" (Recite a [[Taigan poem]] for the benefit of the youth.)

(set: $hanae to "Pleased")"I shall not be influenced by your half-hearted attempts at flattery, Charlie. Focus on the lecture." (click: "shall not be influenced")[$t["Well, that didn't work," (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "that didn't work")[$t["Perhaps it did!" (print: $c's 1st) says. Charlie looks up. Hanae, at the front of the neighbouring row, has twisted around and is staring at Charlie, [[a big smile on her face.->Classroom]]]]

(set: $kids to "Annoyed")"What?! NO!" The children erupt in protest. "We had to pick up //so much garbage// in the forest so that we could watch!" (click: "so much garbage")[$t["Yeah!" another kid says. "And Charlie, you were the one who //suggested// the whole idea!"]] (click: "the whole idea")[$t["Remember how it would give us a 'valuable insight' into the 'natural, predator-vs-prey world' of the 'Taiga', Charlie?"]] (click: "valuable insight")[$t["Children, that's enough," Mrs. Hoffmann says, her cheekbones twitching at the disruption. "Charlie, this is a sudden change in demeanor, but we live in a democracy, and the kids have clearly voted to watch young Benji be consumed."]] (click: "consumed")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, confound it," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Dumb," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["What valuable backstory," Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

(set: $kids to "Freaked Out")(set: $benjiaware to true)(set: $strikes to it + 1)Charlie stands to attention. (click: "stands to attention")[$t["Charlie," Mrs. Hoffmann says, "what are you doing--"]] (click: "what are you doing--")[$t[Charlie, with (print: $c's 1st) at the helm, begins reciting a juicy rendition of "From the Duff of the Taiga," in the original Taigan.]] (click: "From the Duff of the Taiga")[$t["//Zdfhrnf flnurnz fnzufnm zn zfn, zfnzfhnf zf hzn zfhznnznmz zf fhn, zfmzighn zsngmf zzngiznzng zng gziga, zgzngizgn gozgnz zgnzingzgnzng z Taiga.//"]] (click: "z Taiga.")[$t["Uh, Charlie.." Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "Uh,")[$t["//Zrngh zrghnznrgnznrghn zmrgn zmgrh, zrgmzrgh znkrzmn rhzrngmh zrh zhgnmh, zrnzgnmlzrngm zngnzrgn grkn zwiga, zgzngizgn gozgnz zgnzingzgnzng z Taiga.//"]] (click: "grkn")[$t["Charlie, //stop this--//"]] (click: "stop this")[$t["//Znrp znrp znrp znip znorp--//"]] (click: "Znrp znrp znrp")[$t["ENOUGH!" An uncharacteristic loss of composure for one Mrs. Hoffmann. "Charlie, this is //unconscionable.// Consider yourself branded with a DETENTION STRIKE."]] (click: "DETENTION STRIKE.")[$t[Charlie sits down. The children stare at him. Mrs. Hoffmann clears her throat. "Continuing on," she says.]] (click: "Continuing on,")[$t["Look!" (print: $c's 3rd) says. "I think it worked!"]] (click: "I think it worked!")[$t[Charlie turns to look at Benji. Benji is standing on his hindquarters, gazing at Charlie, eyes wide in excitement. "Hey!" they whisper, in Taigan. "I can hear you! I can understand you! Can you [[come get me?!->Classroom]]"]]

"Mrs. Hoffmann, this lecture is.. [[good.->Flattery Raise Hand]]" "We [[shouldn't feed->Appeal Raise Hand]] Benji to the snake. Benji is a creature and creatures have rights." (Recite a [[Taigan poem]] for these young ingrates.)

"Mrs. Hoffmann! Your lesson planning is [[beyond exemplary!->Flattery Raise Hand]] And your //delivery!// Wow!" "We [[//can't// feed Benji->Appeal Raise Hand]] to the snake, regardless of their frumpiness!" (Recite a [[Taigan poem]] for our cute little friends!)

(if: (history:) contains "Martin Note")[(set: $strikes to it + 1)Charlie pulls out a pencil and sheath of paper to begin scrawling a note when the stony sentinel herself, Mrs. Hoffmann, gazes in Charlie's direction. "Charlie! Are you passing notes again?! Consider yourself BRANDED with a DETENTION STRIKE." The squad [[gulps.->Classroom]]](else-if: $charred is true)[Charlie pulls out a pencil and a sheath of paper to begin scrawling a note. But (print: $c's 3rd) has trouble clutching the pencil with the mitten-like bandages on his hands. After a few moments of awkward clutching and arranging, the pencil clatters to the floor. "Charlie!" Mrs. Hoffmann yells. "[[Cease your fidgeting.->Classroom]]"](else:)[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish nods. "Ah yes, our young friend! Indeed, what information should we relay?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Okay, makes sense," Chunks says. "But what do we say?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Hm, yes, good," Sprinkles says. "But what do we wanna say to this lil guy?"] "We should [[apologize->Martin Note Apology]] to him." "We should try to get him to [[help us->Martin Note Help]]." "Let's tell him a [[joke->Martin Note Joke]]."]

(if: (history:) contains "Hanae Note")[(set: $strikes to it + 1)Charlie pulls out a pencil and sheath of paper to begin scrawling a note when the stony sentinel herself, Mrs. Hoffmann, gazes in Charlie's direction. "Charlie! Are you passing notes again?! Consider yourself BRANDED with a DETENTION STRIKE." The squad [[gulps.->Classroom]]](else-if: $charred is true)[Charlie pulls out a pencil and a sheath of paper to begin scrawling a note. But (print: $c's 3rd) has trouble clutching the pencil with the mitten-like bandages on his hands. After a few moments of awkward clutching and arranging, the pencil clatters to the floor. "Charlie!" Mrs. Hoffmann yells. "[[Cease your fidgeting.->Classroom]]"](else:)[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish nods. "Ah yes, our young cohort! Indeed, what information should we relay?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Okay, makes sense," Chunks says. "But what do we say?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Hm, yes, good," Sprinkles says. "But what do we wanna say to our lil co-presenter?"] "We should [[apologize->Hanae Note Apology]] to her." "We should try to get her to [[help us->Hanae Note Help]]." "Let's tell her a [[joke->Hanae Note Joke]]."]

Charlie rummages in his desk and finds a blank slip of paper. (print: $c's 3rd) clasps a pencil in Charlie's paw and scribbles the following: (click: "scribbles the following")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[//Yo, Martin, I'm sorry for that stuff I might have done and junk. Your friend, Charlie.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[//Hi Martin, please accept my apologies for my earlier behaviour. You're a great friend. From, Charlie.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[//Martin, nnznnnnnzzzz,,....,,,,,,,, soryy forr my dumbnessss, from Charlie// (rough translation)]]] (click: "Martin,")[$t["Send it off!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Send it off!")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) folds the piece of paper neatly and tucks it behind Charlie to the child sitting at the 6 o'clock position. The child nods, cognisant of their role in the surreptitious child postal chain.]] (click: "child postal chain.")[$t[The note is passed from child to child until it reaches its destination. The squad waits with bated breath.]] (click: "The squad waits")[$t[After an eternity, the squad feels a poke into Charlie's back.]] (click: "a poke")[$t[Charlie retrieves the response from Martin and opens it. It reads: (if: $martin is "Chuffed")[(set: $martin to "Puzzled")//ok don't rly understand why, bc yr so cool and we r alrady friends. did u do somethin weird?//](else-if: $martin is "Puzzled")[(set: $martin to "Chuffed")//ummmmmmm ya u were being weird so thx my gud friend knew i cud cound on u//](else-if: $martin is "Disappointed")[(set: $martin to "Chuffed")//ya like it wuz so weird u seaid u were gonna stay over n u didnt and i wuz lik wut why did u say u were gunna com over n then not it wuz so strang n i thiught u were mad at me but mabye this is a sign dat u rlly care and u actuly valu my frendship so ya were frends again n i think u n i shud try eatng dirt at lunch//](else-if: $martin is "Angered")[(set: $martin to "Puzzled")//u wereso mean to me i dun get why u are being so weird u kep chainging ur mind plz clarify//](else-if: $martin is "Devastated")[//i am drowning in my tears//](else-if: $martin is "Terrified")[(set: $martin to "Chuffed")//thnx u Charlie ur friendship is a salve 2 my jangled nervz n now i feel better//]]] (click: "It reads:")[$t["Children are bizarre," (print: $c's 4th) says. [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

Charlie rummages in his desk and finds a blank slip of paper. (print: $c's 3rd) clasps a pencil in Charlie's paw and scribbles the following: (click: "scribbles the following")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[//Hey, Martin, you think you can help us free Benji? I wanna keep them.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[//Hi Martin, please help us free Benji, I would like to keep them as a pet. From, Charlie.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[//Martin, nnznnnnnzzzz,,....,,,,,,,, i want keep benji, from Charlie// (rough translation)]]] (click: "Martin,")[$t["Send it off!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Send it off!")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) folds the piece of paper neatly and tucks it behind Charlie to the child sitting at the 6 o'clock position. The child nods, cognisant of their role in the surreptitious child postal chain.]] (click: "child postal chain.")[$t[The note is passed from child to child until it reaches its destination. The squad waits with bated breath.]] (click: "The squad waits")[$t[After an eternity, the squad feels a poke into Charlie's back.]] (click: "a poke")[$t[Charlie retrieves the response from Martin and opens it. It reads: (if: $martin is "Chuffed")[(set: $martin to "Disappointed")//nope it wuz yr idea to feed bneji to the snek and so i refuse to help ukeep him make up yr mind n get real dude//](else-if: $martin is "Puzzled")[//ummmmmmm ya u are being weird the rumorurs about u r true uve changed//](else-if: $martin is "Disappointed")[//nope it wuz yr idea to feed bneji to the snek and so i refuse to help ukeep him make up yr mind n get real dude//](else-if: $martin is "Angered")[(set: $martin to "Puzzled")//i dun get why u are being so weird u kep chainging ur mind plz clarify//](else-if: $martin is "Devastated")[//i am drowning in my tears//](else-if: $martin is "Terrified")[//no witnesing the predantor prey relatioship in purson will sooth my janelgld nervz//]]] (click: "It reads:")[$t["Children are bizarre," (print: $c's 4th) says. [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

Charlie rummages in his desk and finds a blank slip of paper. (print: $c's 3rd) clasps a pencil in Charlie's paw and scribbles the following: (click: "scribbles the following")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[//Hey, Martin, what's the difference between a mouse and a snake? SNAKES DONT GET EATEN LOL from charlie//](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[//Hi Martin, do you remember the celebrated human video game mascot Pacman? Now do you remember the childhood amusement known as the "Jack-in-the-box"? Now could you imagine a PAC-in-the-box? (It's Pacman instead of the puppet clown, in case you need a full explanation.) I hope this joke brought you mirth. From, Charlie.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[//Martin, nnznnnnnzzzz,,....,,,,,,,, bum bum bum bum bum bum, from Charlie// (rough translation)]]] (click: "Martin,")[$t["Send it off!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Send it off!")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) folds the piece of paper neatly and tucks it behind Charlie to the child sitting at the 6 o'clock position. The child nods, cognisant of their role in the surreptitious child postal chain.]] (click: "child postal chain.")[$t[The note is passed from child to child until it reaches its destination. The squad waits with bated breath.]] (click: "The squad waits")[$t[After an eternity, the squad feels a poke into Charlie's back.]] (click: "a poke")[$t[Charlie retrieves the response from Martin and opens it. It reads: (if: $martin is "Chuffed")[//hahahahahaha is ther anything u cant do//](else-if: $martin is "Puzzled")[(set: $martin to "Chuffed")//omg amzing ive been waiting to her a joke with that execution 4 sum time//](else-if: $martin is "Disappointed")[(set: $martin to "Chuffed")//hahahahah thatz the charlie i kno n remember//](else-if: $martin is "Angered")[(set: $martin to "Chuffed")//omg thiz is so gud i will use this in my yearbook quot//](else-if: $martin is "Devastated")[//i am drowning in my tears//](else-if: $martin is "Terrified")[(set: $martin to "Chuffed")//omg i feel beter alrady this is zo good i love jokes//]]] (click: "It reads:")[$t["Children are bizarre," (print: $c's 4th) says. [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

(set: $hanae to "Furious")Charlie rummages in his desk and finds a blank slip of paper. (print: $c's 3rd) clasps a pencil in Charlie's paw and scribbles the following: (click: "scribbles the following")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[//Yo, Hanae, I'm sorry for that stuff I might have done and junk. Your friend, Charlie.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[//Hi Hanae, please accept my apologies for my earlier behaviour. You're a great friend. From, Charlie.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[//Hanae, nnznnnnnzzzz,,....,,,,,,,, soryy forr my dumbnessss, from Charlie// (rough translation)]]] (click: "Hanae,")[$t["Send it off!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Send it off!")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) folds the piece of paper neatly and passes it to the child sitting in front of them. The child nods, cognisant of their role in the surreptitious child postal chain.]] (click: "child postal chain.")[$t[The note is passed from child to child until it reaches its destination. The squad waits with bated breath.]] (click: "bated breath.")[$t[The boy sitting behind Hanae pokes her in the back -- the usual incoming message signal. She ignores it.]] (click: "ignores it.")[$t[Another poke. More ignoring.]] (click: "More ignoring.")[$t[Finally, Hanae turns around and hisses at the boy. "Stop it!" she says.]] (click: "Stop it!")[$t["Hanae! Thurston! Cease this," Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "Cease this,")[$t["Ughhh!" Hanae says, hunching over her notebook further and scooching closer to the whiteboard. The note remains in Thurston's hand.]] (click: "The note remains")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Phooey," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Dang," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh poop," Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

(set: $hanae to "Furious")Charlie rummages in his desk and finds a blank slip of paper. (print: $c's 3rd) clasps a pencil in Charlie's paw and scribbles the following: (click: "scribbles the following")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[//Yo, Hanae, wanna help us free Benji? I want to keep them as a pet. Your friend, Charlie.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[//Hi Hanae, I think I would like to keep Benji as a pet. Would you care to help? From, Charlie.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[//Hanae, nnznnnnnzzzz,,....,,,,,,,, benji mine, you help me from Charlie// (rough translation)]]] (click: "Hanae,")[$t["Send it off!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Send it off!")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) folds the piece of paper neatly and passes it to the child sitting in front of them. The child nods, cognisant of their role in the surreptitious child postal chain.]] (click: "child postal chain.")[$t[The note is passed from child to child until it reaches its destination. The squad waits with bated breath.]] (click: "bated breath.")[$t[The boy sitting behind Hanae pokes her in the back -- the usual incoming message signal. She ignores it.]] (click: "ignores it.")[$t[Another poke. More ignoring.]] (click: "More ignoring.")[$t[Finally, Hanae turns around and hisses at the boy. "Stop it!" she says.]] (click: "Stop it!")[$t["Hanae! Thurston! Cease this," Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "Cease this,")[$t["Ughhh!" Hanae says, hunching over her notebook further and scooching closer to the whiteboard. The note remains in Thurston's hand.]] (click: "The note remains")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Phooey," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Dang," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh poop," Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

(set: $hanae to "Furious")Charlie rummages in his desk and finds a blank slip of paper. (print: $c's 3rd) clasps a pencil in Charlie's paw and scribbles the following: (click: "scribbles the following")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[//Yo, Hanae, guess what? Chicken butt. HA HA HA your friend, Charlie.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[//Hi Hanae, a humorous thing happened the other day. I was using Microsoft Excel to add a few data points for our presentation into our spreadsheet, and I put everything into the wrong cell! It was a total mess! Isn't that hilarious? From, Charlie.//](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[//Hanae, nnznnnnnzzzz,,....,,,,,,,, knock knock whotz there interrupting cow interrucpting cow whmooooooo ha ha charlie// (rough translation)]]] (click: "Hanae,")[$t["Send it off!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Send it off!")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) folds the piece of paper neatly and passes it to the child sitting in front of them. The child nods, cognisant of their role in the surreptitious child postal chain.]] (click: "child postal chain.")[$t[The note is passed from child to child until it reaches its destination. The squad waits with bated breath.]] (click: "bated breath.")[$t[The boy sitting behind Hanae pokes her in the back -- the usual incoming message signal. She ignores it.]] (click: "ignores it.")[$t[Another poke. More ignoring.]] (click: "More ignoring.")[$t[Finally, Hanae turns around and hisses at the boy. "Stop it!" she says.]] (click: "Stop it!")[$t["Hanae! Thurston! Cease this," Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "Cease this,")[$t["Ughhh!" Hanae says, hunching over her notebook further and scooching closer to the whiteboard. The note remains in Thurston's hand.]] (click: "The note remains")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Phooey," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Dang," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh poop," Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

Frumpy the snake rests in their terrarium, flicking their tongue in anticipation of their biweekly meal. "(either: "IT'S SO NICE TO GET A LIVE ONE THIS TIME,", "SHOULD I SAVOUR THEM, OR JUST GOBBLE THEM WHOLE?", "I LIKE THE TAIL THE BEST,", "HOPE MY GULLET IS READY FOR THE STRUGGLE,", "SO MUCH BETTER THAN FROZEN MICE,", "THIS IS THE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE,")" they say, presumably to themself. [[Continue..->Classroom]]

(if: (history:) contains "Bathroom")["Oh, this is just like the daylily room back in Charlie's house," (print: $c's 2nd) says.](else:)["This looks confusing," (print: $c's 2nd) says.] Indeed, the washroom is large, with a long stretch of private stalls next to a stretch of porcelain washbasins. A laminated (and vandalised) reminder to turn off the faucet when finished is taped to the wall. Everything smells faintly of bleach, or some equivalent chemical that the squad finds extremely unpleasant. (click: "private stalls")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I suppose we just clamber on in to one of these excretion chambers?" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["We look stupid just standing here. Quick, get into one of those stalls," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["No sense just standing here!" Sprinkles says. "Let's get a-poopin'!"] The squad enters one of the stalls and shuts the door. (if: (history:) contains "Toilet Jump")["Oh, look! It's another child bathtub!" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]]] (click: "shuts the door.")[$t[Time passes.]] (click: "Time passes.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I confess I am confused as to how to proceed," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I don't know what to do here," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Uhhhhhhh.. what now?!" Sprinkles says.] While the squad thinks it over, someone enters the washroom and occupies the stall next to Charlie.]] (click: "the stall next to Charlie")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Act naturally!" Horseradish says, panicked.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Be cool," Chunks says, attempting the same.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh no! Stay calm! All of you, //stay calm!//" Sprinkles says.] "Turn (if: (history:) contains "Toilet Jump")[the [[child bathtub->Washroom Flush]]](else:)[this [[weird porcelain thing->Washroom Flush]]] on!" "[[Talk->Washroom Talk]] loudly!"]]

In a hurry, Charlie pushes a silver lever attached to the porcelain water tank. A rush of water startles the squad as it leaves the bowl, which gradually refills itself. (click: "rush of water")[$t["Weird," (print: $c's 4th) says.]] (click: "Weird,")[$t[Charlie leaves the stall. Washing their hands at the sink is none other than..]] (click: "none other than..")[$t[(if: (history:) contains "Fight Bully" or "Backpack Bully Cutscene" or "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[(display: "Bully Washroom")](else-if: (history:) contains "Mom and Principal")[(display: "Principal Washroom")](else:)[(display: "Washroom Other")]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah," Charlie says. "such palpable relief! My tract feels much better!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Oh, yes," Charlie says. "I feel much better for not retaining that fluid in me."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["This is so much fun! I'm having so much fun in here!" Charlie says.] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t["Weird," (print: $c's 4th) says.]] (click: "Weird,")[$t[Charlie leaves the stall. Washing their hands at the sink is none other than..]] (click: "none other than..")[$t[(if: (history:) contains "Fight Bully" or "Backpack Bully Cutscene" or "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[(display: "Bully Washroom")](else-if: (history:) contains "Mom and Principal")[(display: "Principal Washroom")](else:)[(display: "Washroom Other")]]]

(set: $distractkids to 3)(print: $c's 1st) gasps. "It's Al, the bully!" Al, four feet of burly fury, turns to face Charlie. He is noticably wigless, and attempts to dampen his sizeable cowlick to no avail. (click: "noticably wigless")[$t["Well, if it isn't young Charles," he says, with a (if: $beatenup is true)[wicked grin. "You want more of whatcha got earlier today?"](if: $beatupbully is true)[wounded snarl. "Just leave me alone, will ya?"](if: $bullyrocks is true)[genuinely happy smile. "Hey, those were some great samples you gave me!"](if: $bullybird is true)[devious grin. "You talking to any more birds in here?"]]] (click: "young Charles")[$t["Listen, forget that," Charlie says. "I need your help later today."]] (click: "need your help")[$t["You need my help?" Al says, baffled. "How?"]] (click: "baffled.")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) thinks for a moment. (if: $beatenup is true)[Charlie attempts to snarl. "I will have my revenge on you!" Charlie says. "We're gonna have a rematch fight. But I need you to challenge me, in class, when Mrs. Hoffmann isn't looking. The kids will love it. You know how us children love drama!"](if: $beatupbully is true)["Let's have Round 2 after school," Charlie says. "You should get a chance to beat //me// up. But you should challenge me when Mrs. Hoffmann isn't looking. The kids will love it. You know how us children love drama!"](if: $bullyrocks is true)["When I signal you after lunch, can you cause a big scene? You know, get the kids' attention?"](if: $bullybird is true)["You're right. You should tell all the kids about me talking to a bird. But you should do it in class, when Mrs. Hoffmann isn't looking."]]] (click: "thinks for a moment")[$t[Al laughs. (if: $beatenup is true)["Sure, pal," he says. "You wanna get crushed again, be my guest. And I'd be happy to be all theatrical and announce it to the kids, if that's your //last request!//"](if: $beatupbully is true)["You just got lucky earlier," he says. "I'm gonna make you pay, and I'm gonna invite aaaaaaall the kids to watch!"](if: $bullyrocks is true)["Sure, if you can promise me more rocks from your collection!" he says.](if: $bullybird is true)["Oh yeah, they're gonna looooove that," he says. "You're gonna be //so// embarrassed."]]] (click: "Al laughs.")[$t[Al turns and walks out, smiling. "I think that worked?" (print: $c's 3rd) says. [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

(set: $distractkids to 4)(print: $c's 1st) gasps. "It's Principal Okorafor!" Principal Okorafor finishes washing his hands and turns to Charlie with a big smile. "Charlie!" he says, crouching to Charlie's level. "How are you doing today?" (click: "doing today")[$t["Uhhh.." Charlie says.]] (click: "Uhhh..")[$t["Are you excited about the snake feeding?"]] (click: "snake feeding")[$t[Charlie stalls. "Uh, well, I mean.. I don't really.. I think it's n.. not.."]] (click: "I don't really")[$t["It seems like you're a little nervous to watch. Is that true?"]] (click: "Is that true?")[$t[Charlie nods. "I think it's stupid. I don't want Benji to die."]] (click: "Charlie nods.")[$t[Principal Okorafor stands up straight. "Hm," he says. "I was wondering if this would be upsetting to some students, but every single one of your classmates -- yourself included -- were enthusiastic about watching. I do think watching a snake eat a live animal may be inhumane to the mouse."]] (click: "inhumane")[$t["Yeah!" Charlie says. "That's right!"]] (click: "That's right!")[$t["But at the same time, we have a responsibility to our pets. And Frumpy the snake is one of our pets, and we have to provide them with food.]] (click: "provide them")[$t["Tell you what. I'll talk to Mrs. Hoffmann and see about speaking to the class about the various ethical problems we face, and hopefully we can come up with a solution as a group. Does that sound okay to you, Mr. Stewart?"]] (click: "Mr. Stewart?")[$t["Yeah!" Charlie says. [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

(print: $c's 1st) gasps. "It's.. some random kid." (click: "some random kid.")[$t[The (either: "boy", "girl") turns and finishes washing their hands. "What were you //doing// in there, Charlie?"]] (click: "What were you doing")[$t["Uh, well," Charlie says. "isn't it obvious?"]] (click: "isn't it obvious?")[$t["You're such a weirdo," they say. They turn and walk out, and soon Charlie follows. [[Continue..->Classroom]]]]

(set: $distractkids to 1)(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah, yes, surely the pupils will appreciate some much needed sunlight! Vitamin D, yes?" Horseradish says, with a chuckle. "Let's hope they're amenable to our suggestion, though!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Let's just hope there's something good out there," Chunks says. "And that they'll listen to us."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yeah!" Sprinkles says. "Children love outside! Let's just hope they love us enough to listen to us!"] [[Continue..->Classroom]]

(set: $distractkids to 2)(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ah, yes, our presentation friend!" Horseradish says. "Surely she will have the respect and admiration of our classmates!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hm, I think the class would listen to her," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yeah! She's so smart and good! I admire her notetaking ability!" Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->Classroom]]

After an agonising wait which included several child disruptions, a Mrs. Hoffmann scolding, and several cross-classroom volleys of insults between Frumpy and Benji, lunch arrives. The kids grab their lunchboxes and rush outside to eat in the sunshine. (click: "eat in the sunshine")[$t[The children find a nice spot next to their soccer field, form a circle, and begin comparing their various feasts with one another. Charlie sidles up and reluctantly plops down next to them.]] (click: "plops down")[$t[(if: $kids is "Disdainful")["Oh, look, it's //Charlie//," the kids say, smarm oozing from every sodden pore. They roll their collective eyes, turn their collective shoulders, and cluck their collective tongues at Charlie's contributions, as the current playground social climate dictates.](if: $kids is "Annoyed")["Get //lost//, Charlie!" With a collective hiss, the kids make it potently clear that their circle is not designated for Charlie's kind, and so Charlie sits just outside of it, still in earshot but out of scolding range.](if: $kids is "Shocked")[The children are silent as Charlie approaches. The look on the kids' collective faces is unmistakable: Charlie is simply too cruel to bear sharing their lunch bounty with him. Charlie sits slightly outside their circle, still in earshot.](if: $kids is "Freaked Out")[The children are silent as Charlie approaches. The look on the kids' collective faces is unmistakable: Charlie is simply too freaking weird to tolerate sharing their lunch bounty with him. Charlie sits slightly outside their circle, still in earshot.](if: $kids is "Worshipful")["It's //CHARLIE!!!//" At the merest glimmer of Charlie's frame, the kids get up and reposition their circle around him, begging him to share his stories with them, stories of being a wild, unstoppable youth with nothing to lose and everything to gain. The squad is stressed at the constant attention, but rather happy to be so beloved.] (click: "the kids")[(if: (history:) contains "Jam")[(display: "Lunch Jam")](else-if: (history:) contains "Peanut Butter")[(display: "Lunch Peanut Butter")](else:)[(goto: "Lunch Waypoint")]]]]

[$t[An alarm flashes across (print: $c's 1st)'s console. "Oh no," they say.]] (click: "Oh no,")[$t[A child pulls out a sandwich, two slices of white bread, crusts cut off, with an ominous light brown substance oozing between them.]] (click: "ominous light brown substance")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Ohhhh, it's that... //peanut butter//," Taft says. "Let's //take// it from him!"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["It's that //peanut butter// stuff again," Susan says. "I want it //now!//"](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Forget Benji," Xylophone says, "we should rescue that //peanut butter// from that kid!"]]] (click: "peanut butter")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Squad," Horseradish says, barely able to repress their own peanut butter urges, "we must flee!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Forestgoddamnit," Chunks says, barely able to repress their own peanut butter urges, "we have to get out of here."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["No no no no," Sprinkles says, barely able to represse their own peanut butter urges, "we gotta move! Get us away from here!"] (print: $c's 2nd) hovers over the controls, before declaring. "Move us to a [[safe distance!->Lunch Go Inside]]" "Let's just get [[one good taste->Lunch Peanut Butter Game Over Cutscene]] in."]]

(set: $kids to "Worshipful")[$t["What did you get?!" one kid asks. "I only like white bread and raspberry jam."]] (click: "raspberry jam")[$t["You mean gorblesnucks," Charlie says, under his breath. (print: $c's 3rd) immediately, instinctively slaps Charlie's hand to his mouth, but it's too late.]] (click: "gorblesnucks")[$t[The kids snort. "What did you say?"]] (click: "snort")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Gorblesnucks!" Charlie says. "Why, every youth from here to the reservoir knows what //gorblesnucks// are!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I dunno what you call them, but that's gorblesnuck jam," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["It's gorblesnuck jam, smart guy! I've got cool words for //everything//," Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t["Oh yeah?" a child says. "What's //this//?" They waggle an apple in front of Charlie.]] (click: "apple")[$t["A schnoopfel, of course," Charlie says.]] (click: "schnoopfel")[$t[The children laugh. "What about this?!" a kid holds their bag of carrot sticks.]] (click: "carrot sticks")[$t["Floopers, obviously," Charlie says. "You've never had floopers before?!"]] (click: "floopers before?!")[$t[The children erupt in uproarious, uncontrollable laughter. The idea that foods -- or even //things// -- can have //different names// from what they're used to is a foreign, hilarious concept. The remainder of the luncheon hour is spent documenting the children's respective lunches. By the time the bell rings, the kids have produced a significant codex of various culinary terms in Taigan.]] (click: "in Taigan")[$t["Let's hope this doesn't backfire," (print: $c's 4th) says.(set: $st to it + (a: "49")) [[Continue..->Lunch Waypoint]]]]

(set: $kids to "Freaked Out")[$t["I - HAVE - TO - GO - NOW," Charlie says, almost as if he was chewing a pinecone in his mouth.]] (click: "pinecone")[$t["Charlie? Are you okay?" one of his young companions asks.]] (click: "companions")[$t["YES, I AM FINE." Charlie hustles inside, into his classroom and into his desk. The squad is dying on the inside, but they begin to calm down once the peanut butter smell can no longer be detected.]] (click: "into his desk.")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann, sitting at her desk, eating a tin of water chestnuts and a glass of condensed milk, lifts her head slightly. "Are you okay, Charlie?"]] (click: "Are you okay, Charlie?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Affirmative," Charlie says. "I was just feeling a bit flushed in the moment. You know, from the Sun?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I'll be fine in a moment. I just felt sick for a moment outside," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yes ma'am, just felt sick for a lil moment there, but should be all good in a jiffy!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "moment")[$t["Hmph," she says.]] (click: "Hmph")[$t["That was too close," (print: $c's 1st) says. [[Continue..->After Lunch]]]]

"GIMME THAT SANDWICH!" Charlie screams. The squad surrenders to their addiction and tackles the defenseless child, wrestling the sandwich from their hands.(set: $st to it + (a: "50")) (click: "wrestling the sandwich")[$t["Hey, stop it! Gimme that back!" the kid says.]] (click: "Gimme that back!")[$t[But it's too late. Charlie, with one hand forcing the kid's face into the dirt, devours every morsel of their sandwiched ambrosia.]] (click: "sandwiched ambrosia.")[$t["GIVE ME MORE," Charlie warbles, their voice distorted to a nearly unrecognisable degree.]] (click: "distorted")[$t[The children, initially thrilled at the sight of a friendly playground tussle, rise to their feet in horror. "Ch.. Charlie?! What's the matter with you?!"]] (click: "What's the matter")[$t["GIMME YOUR LUNCH!" Charlie charges another kid, who deftly sidesteps. The other children jump on Charlie in an effort to restrain him. Charlie flails his arms, kicks his feet, and chomps his teeth, but eventually is pinned to the ground. Someone calls for a nearby teacher, who starts to run in Charlie's direction.]] (click: "pinned to the ground")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["I can't stand this any more," Slim says. "I'm getting.. more.. PEANUT BUTTER!"](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["PEANUT BUTTER! I MUST HAVE MORE!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["I must have MORE PEANUT BUTTER!" Guillermo says, in an uncharacteristic shout.]]] (click: "PEANUT BUTTER!")[$t[The Replica's chest ruptures. The children scream and jump back. The teacher puts a hand to their mouth to prevent from vomiting. Leaping forth from Charlie's deflated husk is (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[an owl, ](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[a magpie, ](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[a finch, ](if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[a beaver, ](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[a fox, ](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[a rabbit, ](if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[a chipmunk, ](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[a squirrel, ](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[a mouse, ]and (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[a weasel](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[a gopher](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[a stoat]. The animals scatter in all directions, searching in fevered desperation for a log or burrow to hide in.]] (click: "scatter")[$t[The teacher, now joined by their colleagues, stands in horrified silence.]] (click: "horrified silence.")[$t["You know," they say, after some intense mental digestion, "I've always wanted to [[pave over->Game Over! Cutscene]] the forest outside of town, and this is //exactly// why!"]]

(if: (history:) contains "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[(goto: "Bully Bird")](if: (history:) contains "Martin Secret Mission")[(goto: "Secret Mission Announcement")](else:)[(goto: "After Lunch")]

The children, buzzed on carbohydrates, nut butters, and gummied bears, bound into the classroom and take their seats with furious anticipation. "I trust your luncheon was satisfactory?" Mrs. Hoffmann says. (click: "your luncheon")[$t["Yes, Mrs. Hoffmann," the children retort, bouncing in their seats.]] (click: "bouncing in their seats.")[$t["Surely not as satisfactory as watching little Benji be fed to Frumpy the snake!"]] (click: "be fed")[$t["Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" the children scream.]] (click: "scream.")[$t["Very well. But before we begin--"]] (click: "before we begin--")[(goto: "Snake Waypoint")]

"HEY EVERYONE!" a voice calls. "COME OVER HERE! I'VE GOT SOME BIIIIIG DIRT ON YOUNG CHARLES!" (click: "YOUNG CHARLES!")[$t["Oh, great," (print: $c's 3rd) says. "It's Al, the bully."]] (click: "Al, the bully.")[$t[Sure enough, Al stands atop the playground slide like a carnival barker, inviting everyone in earshot to partake in his particular brand of inflammatory gossip.]] (click: "inflammatory gossip.")[$t["Friends, countrymen, thank you for joining me on this beautiful lunch hour," Al begins. "I'm here because me and the Gang spotted Charlie doing something quite peculiar."]] (click: "quite peculiar.")[$t[(if: $distractkids is 3 and $bullybird is true)[(display: "Bully Bird Postpone")](else:)[(display: "Bully Bird Proceed")]]]

Martin leads a cabal of children to Charlie. "YOU said you were on a secret mission," Martin says, "and //you// better spill the beans. Because I've got an angry mob behind me, and you know how much they like some juicy dirt." (click: "juicy dirt")[$t["Go on," Charlie says.]] (click: "Go on,")[$t["Wha - buh - I - YOU go on!" Martin says, stammering. "You said you were gonna tell us your secret mission! Come onnnnnnn, you can't hold out on us!" The kids whine in unison.]] (click: "whine in unison")[$t["All right," Charlie says.. "I'm.. [["actually not Charlie but an elaborate Replica comprised of four animals that was constructed in his likeness after the animals of the forest kidnapped him and sacrified him to their Forest God in order to maintain the vitality and health of the ecological area in which they live."->Secret Mission Explain]] [["like, a secret agent or something?"->Secret Mission Balk]]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Alastair!" Charlie yells. "Don't forget about our agreement! You must make this announcement at the appropriate time.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hey, Al," Charlie calls out. "Don't forget what we talked about. Wait until after lunch!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Hey, buddy," Charlie calls out. "Don't forget what we said earlier! You gotta tell everybody in class, not here!"] (click: "Don't forget")[$t["Hmph," Al says. "A deal's a deal. Wait until class, everybody."]] (click: "Wait until class")[$t[The crowd disperses, disappointed, as the bell rings and the students file back inside for [[afternoon class.->After Lunch]]]]

The children lean in, tantalised. (click: "lean in")[$t["Earlier today, Reginald, Winston, and myself spotted young Charlie in deep conversation with a BIRD."]] (click: "BIRD.")[$t[Some of the children gasp. Others laugh.]] (click: "Others laugh.")[$t["It's true!" Al continues. "He called the bird 'Yeights' and talked to them for some time. Then the bird took off and he kept watching it as it circled above him."]] (click: "circled above him")[$t[The children standing next to Charlie give him a wider berth.]] (click: "wider berth.")[$t["So what say you, Charlie?!" Al says, casting an accusatory finger at the Replica. "Do you have some secret ability to talk to birds, or are you just a freakin' weirdo?"]] (click: "freakin' weirdo")[$t["A tough choice," (print: $c's 3rd) says. (print: $c's 1st) thinks about it for a second, then says.. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Indeed! I possess many [[ornithological talents!->Communicate with Birds]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Yes, I can [[communicate with birds.->Communicate with Birds]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Uh, yeah I can [[talk to birds!->Communicate with Birds]] You can't?!"] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I find the entire concept of inter-species communication [[laughable!->Deny Birds]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Nope, I'm [[just a real weird dude.->Deny Birds]]"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["No! I mean, I know you are, but [[what am I?!->Deny Birds]]"]]]

"Oh yeah?!" Al says with a scoff. "Prove it!" (click: "Prove it!")[$t["Yeats!" Charlie calls, cupping their hand to the mouth. "YEATS! I need you, it's an emergency!"]] (click: "emergency!")[(goto: "Yeats Cutscene")]

(set: $kids to "Disdainful")"Ha!" Al says. "Who are you gonna believe?! Young, dumb, bird-chattin' Charlie over there, or the //Wig Gang//?!" (click: "Wig Gang")[$t["Oh, the Wig Gang for sure!" one young apologist says.]] (click: "for sure!")[$t["We're //never// gonna listen to you again, Charlie!" another kid says.]] (click: "never gonna listen")[$t["And I bet your presentation on the Taiga biome is gonna stink! Just like //you!//"]] (click: "stink!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["The tide has turned against us, squad," Horseradish says. "Let's retreat!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["This isn't going well," Chunks says. "Back inside!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh dang, this is lookin' bad," Sprinkles says. "Let's get outta here!"] Charlie turns away from the throng of rabblerousers and jogs away. Soon, the bell for afternoon class rings, and the children file back inside.]] (click: "file back inside.")[$t[Yeats the blue jay circles above the playground. "Looks like everything is in order here," they say. [[Continue..->After Lunch]]]]

Yeats [[sighs.->Communicate with Birds II]]

(set: $kids to "Worshipful")Charlie, with palm outstretched, calls out louder. "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!"(set: $st to it + (a: "51")) (click: "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAATS!")[$t["You're making it up," some kid says. "You're full of hooey, just like you've always been!"]] (click: "full of hooey")[$t[Some of the children turn to leave, believing Charlie to be correctly advertised as a fraud. This is when Yeats chooses to make their introduction, making a perfect landing on Charlie's outstretched palm.]] (click: "Yeats")[$t["Oh my GOD!" Al says.]] (click: "Oh my GOD!")[$t["Everyone, this is Yeats," Charlie says. "Be nice to him!"]] (click: "Be nice to him!")[$t["This is so humiliating," Yeats says, in Taigan.]] (click: "humiliating")[$t["It's a real blue jay!" one child says.]] (click: "blue jay!")[$t["Look at their cool hairdo!" another says.]] (click: "hairdo")[$t["Do you think they like bread? I think every animal likes bread," a third says.]] (click: "like bread?")[$t[Amidst all of this, Al clambers down the slide and attempts to slink away.]] (click: "slink away")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Apologies for the interruption, young Alastair, but I believe you were just proven incorrect, were you not?" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hey, punk," Charlie says. "You were wrong. Apologise to us."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Hey dum dum!" Charlie says. "Don't you have something to say to us?!"] The children turn from Yeats and begin shouting at Al. "How //dare// you doubt sweet Charlie here," one says.]] (click: "sweet Charlie")[$t[The throng continues to berate Al and the wigs when the bell for afternoon class rings. "Can I go now?" Yeats asks.]] (click: "Can I go now?")[$t["Yes, go," (print: $c's 1st) says. "And thank you!" [[Continue..->After Lunch]]]]

(set: $kids to "Disdainful")(set: $martin to "Disappointed")The children stand in stunned silence.(set: $st to it + (a: "52")) (click: "stunned silence")[$t["Uh, Charlie.." one kid says. ]](click: "Uh,")[$t["didn't you tell us that last week?"]] (click: "last week?")[$t[The once-enthralled children begin to dissipate. "Sad," another child says, clucking their tongue. "Now he's just repeating stories, he's so desperate for attention."]] (click: "desperate for attention.")[$t[Soon, Martin is the only kid left.]] (click: "only kid left.")[$t["I'm very, //very// disappointed in you. Come up with something original for once in your stupid life!"]] (click: "something original")[$t[Martin turns and walks away. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, confound it!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Drat," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["My perfect gambit! Ruined!" Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->After Lunch]]]]

(set: $kids to "Worshipful")(set: $martin to "Chuffed")The children stand in stunned silence.(set: $st to it + (a: "53")) (click: "stunned silence.")[$t["Uh, Charlie.." some kid says. ]](click: "Uh,")[$t["that is simply the coolest thing we, the students of Evergreen Elementary, have ever heard."]] (click: "coolest thing")[$t[The children flock to Charlie and raise him up on their shoulders. "Huzzah for Charlie!" Martin says. "Three cheers for our resident secret agent!"]] (click: "secret agent!")[$t["SECRET AGENT! SECRET AGENT! SECRET AGENT!" the kids yell, throwing Charlie in the air. "Ooof, I might be sick," (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "might be sick,")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["What a puzzling turn of events," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Can't believe that worked," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Great response on my part, hey?" Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->After Lunch]]]]

(if: $distractteacher is 1)[(goto: "DT1 Cutscene")] (if: $distractteacher is 2)[(goto: "DT2 Cutscene")] (if: $distractteacher is 3)[(goto: "DT3 Cutscene")] (if: $distractteacher is 4)[(goto: "DT4 Cutscene")]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish" and $topic is "Dogs")[(display: "DT1 Horseradish Dogs Cutscene")](if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish" and $topic is "Cats")[(display: "DT1 Horseradish Cats Cutscene")](if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish" and $topic is "Flowers")[(display: "DT1 Horseradish Flowers Cutscene")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "DT1 Chunks Cutscene")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles" and $topic is "Dogs")[(display: "DT1 Sprinkles Dogs Cutscene")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles" and $topic is "Cats")[(display: "DT1 Sprinkles Cats Cutscene")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles" and $topic is "Flowers")[(display: "DT1 Sprinkles Flowers Cutscene")]

(if: $backpack is "Toys")[(display: "DT2 Toys Cutscene")](if: $backpack is "Books")[(display: "DT2 Books Cutscene")](if: $backpack is "Rocks")[(display: "DT2 Rocks Cutscene")]

(set: $st to it + (a: "63"))(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Let's hope young Martin is up to the task," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hope this kid holds his end of the bargain," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I got a lot of Taigan money riding on this Martin fella, so let's hope this works!" Sprinkles says.] (click: "says.")[$t["Excuse me, Mrs. Hoffmann?"]] (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann?")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes roll back in her skull with such force that one could hear them from outside the classroom. It takes all of her restraint not to groan. "Yes, Charlie?"]] (click: "Yes, Charlie?")[$t["Look at what Martin's doing! Isn't that outrageous?!"]] (click: "what Martin's doing!")[$t["Wait, what? What am I doing?!" Martin says.]] (click: "Wait, what?")[$t[Charlie whips around and lowers his voice to a harsh whisper. "I don't care, just do something, anything! I need your help, okay, Martin?!"]] (click: "I need your help,")[$t[(if: $martin is "Chuffed")["Oh, well, why didn't you say so?! Hey Mrs. Hoffmann, flubba wubba jub jub snirp snorp flirp florp bing bong dingo mingo shringo bingo!"](if: $martin is "Disappointed")["Well, maybe you should have //come over to my house// then, Charlie! I'm not helping anyone who [[laughs so openly->DT3 Fail Cutscene]] in the face of true friendship!"](if: $martin is "Puzzled")["I don't understand why? You've been [[acting so strange lately,->DT3 Fail Cutscene]] and I'm not about to join you for the heck of it," Martin says.](if: $martin is "Angered")["Get lost, Charlie! I'm [[not helping->DT3 Fail Cutscene]] you no way no how," Martin says.](if: $martin is "Terrified")["N--no! I can't go to the principal's office! I can't afford any disciplinary measures! I-I just [[talk a big game,->DT3 Fail Cutscene]] okay?! I'll crack! I'll squeal! I'll do anything not to get in trouble, okay?!"](if: $martin is "Devastated")[Martin, still a [[broken man,->DT3 Fail Cutscene]] puts his head down.]]] (click: "mingo shringo")[$t["What.. //is// this?! Those aren't words!" Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "aren't words!")[$t[Martin, emboldened by the spotlight, gets out of his desk and dances a little jig to accompany his monologue. "Snip snoop snorp stip blip bleep blorp bloop! Gubba gubba gubba gubba? Foop!" The children clap along to his demented rhythm, laughing and cheering.]] (click: "demented rhythm")[$t["How.. //dare// you, Martin. I shall escort you to the principal's office myself!" Mrs. Hoffmann removes Martin from the room. "Just put your heads down on your desks until I get back, children!" She shuts the door.]] (click: "shuts the door.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["What a courageous fellow," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["That worked well," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Martin! Remember the name!" Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->DK Waypoint]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "64"))(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Let's hope young Hanae is up to the task," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hope this kid holds her end of the bargain," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I got a lot of Taigan money riding on this Hanae dame, so let's hope this works!" Sprinkles says.] (click: "says.")[$t["Excuse me, Mrs. Hoffmann?"]] (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann?")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes roll back in her skull with such force that one could hear them from outside the classroom. It takes all of her restraint not to groan. "Yes, Charlie?"]] (click: "Yes, Charlie?")[$t["Look at what Hanae's doing! Isn't that outrageous?!"]] (click: "Hanae's doing!")[$t[(set: $hanae to "Furious")Hanae, at the front of the neighbouring row, turns around slowly and shoots daggers into Charlie. "Ex//cuse// me?"]] (click: "Excuse me?")[$t["Charlie, the only thing Hanae is doing is taking notes. Which is an activity you ought to emulate," Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "ought to emulate,")[$t["No, look!" Charlie says. "She's clearly cheating, or something! [[Look closer!->DT3 Fail Cutscene]]"]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "56"))Horseradish rockets Charlie's arm to the sky. "Excuse me, Mrs. Hoffmann?" (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann?")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes roll back in her skull with such force that one could hear them from outside the classroom. It takes all of her restraint not to groan. "Yes, Charlie?"]] (click: "Yes, Charlie?")[$t["I notice you have some photographic reproductions of some divine hydrangeas on your work station," Charlie says. "Do you have any recommendations on how to properly fertilise them? I find my flowers are not as vibrant as they could be. Do you feel this has to do with my soil pH, or is there some other extenuating variable I haven't considered?"]] (click: "divine hydrangeas")[$t[(if: $desk is "Plants")[Some kid behind Charlie snickers. Mrs. Hoffmann stands like a statue, before a rare smile crinkles its way across her stony face.](else:)["I haven't the slightest idea what [[you're talking about,->DT1 Fail Cutscene]] Charlie," Mrs. Hoffmann says.]]] (click: "crinkles")[$t["Why, I never knew you were into gardening, Charlie!" she says. "What a pleasant surprise! If your soil lacks the proper nutrients, or if there is a high quantity of sand in it, your flowers may require some slight fertilisation in the spring or winter. Here, there is an excellent book in the library on this very subject. Let me fetch it for you!"]] (click: "fetch it")[$t[The class groans. "Exquisite!" Charlie says. [[Continue..->DK Waypoint]]]]

Horseradish rockets Charlie's arm to the sky. "Excuse me, Mrs. Hoffmann?"(set: $st to it + (a: "55")) (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann?")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes roll back in her skull with such force that one could hear them from outside the classroom. It takes all of her restraint not to groan. "Yes, Charlie?"]] (click: "Yes, Charlie?")[$t["I notice you have some photographic reproductions of some lovely tortoiseshell felines on your work station," Charlie says. "Would you be so kind as to explain the cat righting reflex? And, furthermore, do you have any insight as to how a free-falling body such as a cat can change its orientation such that it is able to right itself as it falls to land on its feet, irrespective of its initial orientation, and without violating the law of conservation of angular momentum?"]] (click: "conservation of angular momentum")[$t[Someone behind Charlie snickers. Mrs. Hoffmann is frozen in place.]] (click: "frozen in place.")[$t[(if: $desk is "Cats")["Why, Charlie, I'd love to!" A rare smile crinkles across her stony face. "This is indeed a fascinating problem. To answer your first query: do you remember when Johnny Whittingham attempted to fully rotate around his swingset but lacked the proper momentum and crashed to the ground, fracturing his collarbone?"](else:)["Charlie, I couldn't [[care less->DT1 Fail Cutscene]] about that," Mrs. Hoffmann says.]]] (click: "Johnny Whittingham")[$t[Johnny Whittingham puts his head down in shame.]] (click: "in shame.")[$t["Well, unlike dumb little Johnny here, cats do not possess a collarbone. They also have a very flexible spinal column, which allows them to rotate extremely quickly while airborne. As for your second query, there is an excellent physics book in the library which should have an answer. Let me fetch it for you!"]] (click: "fetch it")[$t[The class groans. "Exquisite!" [[Continue..->DK Waypoint]]]]

Horseradish rockets Charlie's arm to the sky. "Excuse me, Mrs. Hoffmann?"(set: $st to it + (a: "54")) (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann?")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes roll back in her skull with such force that one could hear them from outside the classroom. It takes all of her restraint not to groan. "Yes, Charlie?"]] (click: "Yes, Charlie?")[$t["I notice you have some photographic reproductions of some excellent Borzois on your work station," Charlie says. "Lovely head and ears, gorgeous front, depth of chest, excellent feet, low broad hocks, low tail carriage, beautiful lines, and strong pedigree. Have you considered breeding?"]] (click: "Have you considered breeding?")[$t[The children erupt in uncontrollable laughter.]] (click: "uncontrollable laughter.")[$t[(if: $desk is "Dogs")[Mrs. Hoffmann stands, frozen in place. "Why, yes, I have, Charlie!" A smile crinkles its way across her stony face. "In fact, I have written a book on the very subject. I'm surprised none of you children have withdrawn it from our library! It's called //'How to Breed with Dogs.'//"](else:)["Charlie, that is highly inappropriate. [[Be silent!->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]"]]] (click: "How to Breed with Dogs.")[$t[The children just can't handle this.]] (click: "can't handle this.")[$t["Since you've taken such an interest in the fine art of incestuous interbreeding techniques, let me fetch it from the library for you!"]] (click: "fetch it")[$t["Exquisite!" Charlie says. [[Continue..->DK Waypoint]]]]

Chunks tentatively raises Charlie's arm to the sky. "Mrs. Hoffmann?" (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann?")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes roll back in her skull with such force that one could hear them from outside the classroom. It takes all of her restraint not to groan. "Yes, Charlie?"]] (click: "Yes, Charlie?")[$t["Uhhhhh.." Charlie says.]] (click: "Uhhhhh..")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann waits.]] (click: "waits.")[$t["Soooooo.. you really like (lowercase: $topic), huh?"]] (click: "really like")[$t["What is the meaning of this, Charlie?"]] (click: "meaning of this")[$t["Yeah," Charlie says, with a chortled laugh, "I really like (lowercase: $topic) too. They're so..]] (click: "so..")[$t[good?"]] (click: "good?")[$t["Cease this interminable stalling! We have a [[snake to feed!->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]" Mrs. Hoffmann says.]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "57"))Sprinkles catapults Charlie's arm to the sky. "Oooh! Oooh! Mrs. Hoffmann!" (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann!")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes roll back in her skull with such force that one could hear them from outside the classroom. It takes all of her restraint not to groan. "Yes, Charlie?"]] (click: "Yes, Charlie?")[$t["Are those xoloitzcuitnlis? I //love// xoloitzcuitnlis! We rescued a litter of xoloitzcuintlis from Mexico and one xoloitzcuintli went to my cousin Daryl and one xoloitzcuintli went to my aunt Cheryl and another xoloitzcuintli went to my stepmom's brother Gary and boy is Gary ever a piece of work, lemme tell you--"]] (click: "lemme tell you--")[$t["Charlie--"]] (click: "Charlie--")[$t["And so anyway xoloitzcuintlis are also known as Mexican hairless dogs which are different from Peruvian hairless dogs we found that out the hard way but never mind anyway so Gary has really bad acne and what's funny about xoloitzcuintlis is that they can get really bad acne too if they're not well cared for because they don't have any hair and anyway Gary's xoloitzcuintli got acne and when the two of them went for a walk it was so funny because you'd look at them and be like which ones which lol--"]] (click: "which ones which lol--")[$t["CHARLIE. No one cares," Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "No one cares,")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Such [[imagination!->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]" Tabloid says.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Where do you [[come up with this?->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]" Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Quite an [[eye for detail,->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]" Paul says.]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "58"))Sprinkles catapults Charlie's arm to the sky. "Oooh! Oooh! Mrs. Hoffmann!" (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann!")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes roll back in her skull with such force that one could hear them from outside the classroom. It takes all of her restraint not to groan. "Yes, Charlie?"]] (click: "Yes, Charlie?")[$t["I see you have some kitties on your desk! Meow meow! Okay so once we had this great big tabby named Mitzy and Mitzy was like the biggest fattest cat you've ever seen, like they were the size of this desk here and they could barely move but okay so their favourite snack was dried sardines and my neighbour's cat was named Larry and Larry used to come over and they would eat dried sardines together--"]] (click: "Okay so")[$t["Charlie--"]] (click: "Charlie--")[$t["And so Mitzy and Larry are eating dried sardines together and it's like Mitzy would just eat and eat and eat and finally Mitzy would just throw it all up and they would just lie there with the puke in front of them and since Larry was such a good trusting loyal friend they were clearly concerned for Mitzy's wellbeing so Larry would come over to the puke and //eat it//--"]] (click: "eat it--")[$t["CHARLIE. No one cares," Mrs. Hoffmann says. "Also, that's revolting."]] (click: "No one cares,")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Such [[imagination!->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]" Tabloid says.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Where do you [[come up with this?->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]" Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Quite an [[eye for detail,->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]" Paul says.]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "59"))Sprinkles catapults Charlie's arm to the sky. "Oooh! Oooh! Mrs. Hoffmann!" (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann!")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes roll back in her skull with such force that one could hear them from outside the classroom. It takes all of her restraint not to groan. "Yes, Charlie?"]] (click: "Yes, Charlie?")[$t["I see you have some flowies on your desk! I love flowies, oh my gosh! I love the orange ones and the red ones and the yellow ones and some of the blue ones -- I don't like the purple ones -- but the white ones are good. Okay so the reason why I don't like the purple ones is because my aunt was looking at a purple one and she was like 'oh that one looks nice I bet it smells nice too' and she leaned down to sniff it and a bee came out of it and stung her--"]] (click: "stung her--")[$t["Charlie--"]] (click: "Charlie--")[$t["And she's all like 'ouch' but what she didn't know is that she's actually allergic to bees so her face swelled up to like a million times and she had to jam a needle into her nose in order to live it was actually really dramatic and she's lucky to be alive. Ha ha do you see what i did there oh my forest god I am //very// funny because I said BEE alive it was a joke and I'm actually really good at jokes, here I have another one--"]] (click: "another one--")[$t["CHARLIE. No one cares," Mrs. Hoffmann says. "Also, your joke was terrible."]] (click: "No one cares,")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Such [[imagination!->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]" Tabloid says.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Where do you [[come up with this?->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]" Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Quite an [[eye for detail,->DT1 Fail Cutscene]]" Paul says.]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "67"))"But, Mrs. Hoffmann!" Charlie says. "I have so much to say, and for such a significant length of time, too!" (click: "significant length of time")[$t["Shush!" Mrs. Hoffmann says. She strolls over to Benji's cage and opens it, light on her feet. "Now feeding snakes can be a delicate, tricky process.."]] (click: "tricky")[$t[".. so it's important that when we take Benji from their cage, we do so WITH THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE!"]] (click: "ELEMENT OF SURPRISE!")[$t["Gaahhhhh! What is happening?!" Benji says.]] (click: "Benji says.")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann opens the cage and scoops Benji into a styrofoam cup. She turns and begins to traverse the classroom.]] (click: "traverse the classroom.")[$t["Oh Forest God! Get me out of here!" Benji says.]] (click: "Get me out of here!")[$t[The squad is powerless. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["This is disgusting," Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Oh no, this is bad," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["No! This isn't fair!" Xylophone says, in tears.]]] (click: "powerless.")[$t[The children's bloodlust has reached unprecedented levels.]] (click: "bloodlust")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann opens the terrarium lid.]] (click: "terrarium lid.")[$t["Curse you all!(if: $benjiaware is true)[ I especially curse the four animals stuffed in a child suit sitting in this classroom somewhere!" Benji says.](else:)[" Benji says.] "I'll get my revenge on you, I swea--"]] (click: "swea--")[$t["MMMMPH, THAT IS DELECTABLE," Frumpy says. [[Continue..->Evening Waypoint]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "60"))(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Observe this deft slice of action," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Check this out," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Watch an expert at work," Sprinkles says.] (click: "says.")[$t[Charlie rifles through his backpack and produces a Fightman action figure(if: (history:) contains "Give Bully Toys")[, slightly dirty from the squad's earlier attempt at bribery.](else:)[.]]] (click: "Fightman")[$t["Oh wow, is that //Fightman?//" some kid in the next row says. Charlie shushes them into silence.]] (click: "shushes them")[$t[Quietly, Charlie lifts the action figure's arm and points it at Mrs. Hoffmann, whose back is turned as she scribbles on the whiteboard.]] (click: "scribbles on the whiteboard.")[$t["Now, children, watch closely as I illustrate Frumpy's cloaca--"]] (click: "cloaca--")[$t[Charlie pushes a small button on Fightman's shoulder.]] (click: "shoulder.")[$t[With a "click", Fightman's cartoonish, oversized fist launches across the room, over the heads of the studious children, and skitters to a halt next to Mrs. Hoffmann's foot.]] (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann's foot")[$t[The children titter.]] (click: "titter")[$t["What is it, children? Have I mislabeled the duodenum?"]] (click: "duodenum?")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann steps on the detached fist. She slips, flops in the air, and lands with a sickening thud on the floor, her head tucked behind her desk.]] (click: "sickening thud")[$t["Children! I cannot move! Help me!"]] (click: "I cannot move!")[$t["Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!" the children scream.]] (click: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann flounders. "Assist me!" she says, waggling a fist. "I swear, if you don't assist me, you'll have detention for life! All of you little pukes!"]] (click: "little pukes!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["How satisfying," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I enjoyed that a little //too// much," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Never like going against Teacher's wishes, but ya gotta do whatcha gotta do," Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->DK Waypoint]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "61"))(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Observe this deft slice of action," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Check this out," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Watch an expert at work," Sprinkles says.] (click: "says.")[$t[With the smoothest and subtlest of gestures, Charlie knocks his book off his desk.]] (click: "knocks his book")[$t[No one notices.]] (click: "No one notices.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["But this plan was foolproof! And now no books remain!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hm. No books left," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["What?! How did that not work?! Do these humans not care for books?!" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "books")[$t["Mrs. Hoffmann, look!" Charlie says. "My book has fallen off my desk!"]] (click: "fallen off my desk!")[$t["Then.. pick it up?" Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "pick it up?")[$t["No, //you// pick it up!"]] (click: "you pick it up!")[$t[The classroom gasps.]] (click: "gasps")[$t["Such.. insolence!" Mrs. Hoffmann turns and mumbles to herself. "This calls for the biggest weapon in my [[child punishment arsenal..->Principal's Office Cutscene]]"]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "62"))(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Observe this deft slice of action," Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Check this out," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Watch an expert at work," Sprinkles says.] (click: "says.")[$t[Charlie pulls a rock from his backpack and whips it at Benji's cage.]] (click: "whips it")[$t[Everyone screams. "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING, CHARLIE?!" Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "WHAT ON EARTH")[$t["Benji must be freed!" Charlie says.]] (click: "must be freed!")[$t["Yeah! Damn straight!" Benji says. "You.. might need a few more rocks, though -- there's only a little dent, here.."]] (click: "little dent")[$t["Such intolerable behaviour," Mrs. Hoffmann says. "And it's only become worse throughout the school year. This calls for the largest weapon in my [[student punishment arsenal..->Principal's Office Cutscene]]"]]

(if: $distractkids is 1)[(goto: "DK1 Cutscene")] (if: $distractkids is 2)[(goto: "DK2 Cutscene")] (if: $distractkids is 3)[(goto: "DK3 Cutscene")] (if: $distractkids is 4)[(goto: "DK4 Cutscene")]

(set: $st to it + (a: "68"))"Charlie Stewart, are you attempting to //foment dissent// in your classmates? You //know// that this is the number one commandment of Evergreen Elementary!" (click: "commandment")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann extends a bony finger to a poster displaying dozens of rules. And sure enough, number one is "do not foment dissent in your classmates."]] (click: "do not foment dissent")[$t["Charlie, as per the Evergreen Elementary School Charter, you gain THREE DETENTION STRIKES. You know what this means: proceed at once to Principal Okorafor's office for punishment."]] (click: "punishment")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["No! I never misbehave!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["You'll pay for this," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Wait, no! I never get in trouble!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann ushers Charlie into the hallway and shuts the classroom door. Her muffled voice can be heard almost immediately. "Children, I'm so vexed by Charlie's insubordinance that I think we should feed Benji to Frumpy right here and now!"]] (click: "right here and now!")[$t["Wait! No!" Benji says.]] (click: "Wait! No!")[$t["Yaaaaaaaaaaay!" the children scream.]] (click: "Yaaaaaaaaaaay!")[$t["YAY," Frumpy says.]] (click: "YAY,")[$t[Charlie begins the death march to the principal's office. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Forest God, I hate humans," Taft says. "They're not going to get away with this."](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["This is such a senseless waste," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["NO!" Xylophone says, in tears. "Benji was my kind! I'm so Forestgoddamn weak, I can't even save my own kind?! I don't belong on this mission at all.."]]] (click: "death march")[$t[Down the hall, Charlie opens the door to Principal Okorafor's office. The principal removes his glasses and lowers the memorandum he is holding. "Back in trouble again, Charlie?" he says.]] (click: "Back in trouble again")[$t[Charlie has no response. [[Continue..->Evening Waypoint]]]]

With Mrs. Hoffmann (if: $distractteacher is 2)[incapacitated](else:)[out of the room], (print: $c's 1st) launches the second phase of their plan. (click: "second phase")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Children, if I may have your attention for a jiffy?" Charlie says. "Might I be so bold as to direct your respective gazes to the window for a moment?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hey, kids," Chunks says, "can I get you to look out the window for a sec?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oooh! Fellow kiddies! Let's all take a peek-ski out the ol' window, shall we?" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "window")[$t[The children, happy for any excuse to leave their desks and stretch their legs, get up and stand at the window.]] (click: "stand at the window.")[$t["What are we //looking at//, Charlie?"]] (click: "looking at,")[$t[(if: $dog is "Friendly")[(display: "DK1 Dog Cutscene")](else-if: $bearinyard is true)[(display: "DK1 Bear Cutscene")](else-if: (history:) contains "Talk to Bird Cutscene")[(display: "DK1 Yeats Cutscene")](else:)[(display: "DK1 Fail Cutscene")]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "65"))"Uh," Charlie says, "well, you should keep an eye out for.." (click: "keep an eye out for..")[$t["for me, chuck?!"]] (click: "for me,")[$t[A monstrous hellbeast pops their head up in the window -- the very same monstrous hellbeast the squad encountered in Charlie's house. A gold tag that reads "JANIE" dangles from their slobbery collar. "thought i'd take a bit of a walk and see what yer up to over here at school," they say.]] (click: "what yer up to")[$t["A PUPPY!" the children scream. Nothing activates a child's delight receptors like an unexpected puppy. The children stick their various limbs out the window in an attempt to pet the wholesome pooch. Janie dispenses kiss after kiss to the outstretched hands. "oh yeah, you all taste like peanut butter!"]] (click: "peanut butter!")[$t["(print: $c's 1st), how did you know the dog would be there?" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "would be there?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Intuition, of course!" Horseradish says. (print: $c's 2nd) rolls their eyes.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Didn't," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Uh, because I'm a //pro?//" Sprinkles says. (print: $c's 2nd) rolls their eyes.] Meanwhile, Charlie sneaks towards [[Benji's cage..->Snatch Benji]]]]

"Uh, well.. you should look out.. for.."(set: $st to it + (a: "66")) (click: "for..")[$t[A massive brown bear lumbers through the neighbouring field.]] (click: "massive brown bear")[$t["You should look out for Noodles, the bear, of course!" Charlie says.]] (click: "Noodles, the bear")[$t["I MUST HAVE MORE GARBAGE! GIVE ME GARBAAAAAAAAAAAGE!"]] (click: "GARBAAAAAAAAAAAGE!")[$t["THIS IS SO COOL!" the kids say. (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["It appears Noodles has an unhealthy craving," Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Uh oh, dudes. Betcha we're to blame for their craving," Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Oh no, they're addicted," Guillermo says. "And it's our fault they have a craving to begin with."]]] (click: "craving")[$t[Noodles trudges over to a garbage can and disembowels it, searching its innards for precious human garbage. Finding none, they move to a dumpster, repeating the process. "WHY ARE YOU HUMANS NOT GIVING ME GARBAGE?!" They spot the children gawking from the window. "YOU THERE! SMALL HUMANS! GIVE ME GARBAGE!"]] (click: "GIVE ME GARBAGE!")[$t["I think they want garbage!" some kid says. "Quick, let's throw everything out the window!"]] (click: "out the window!")[$t[The children gather any remotely tasty classroom morsel they can find and hurl it out the window gleefully. "YES! THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR! I'M NEVER GOING BACK TO THE TAIGA, YOU HEAR ME?! I LIVE IN HUMANLAND NOW!" Noodles says.]] (click: "WAITING FOR!")[$t[Meanwhile, Charlie sneaks towards [[Benji's cage..->Snatch Benji]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "666"))"Uh, well.. you should look out.. for.." (click: "for..")[$t[A blue jay lands on the windowsill. "For me, to come to your rescue //again?//"]] (click: "your rescue")[$t["Yeats!" Charlie says. "Thank the Forest God!"]] (click: "Forest God!")[$t[The children, slackjawed in awe, turn to Charlie. "What did you say?"]] (click: "What did you say?")[$t["Uh.. fellow students, I'd like you to meet my pet blue jay, Yeats!"]] (click: "pet blue jay")[$t["You've got to be kidding me," Yeats says, in Taigan.]] (click: "Taigan.")[$t["Yeats," Charlie continues unabated, "would you like to fly around the classroom and have the children run around and try to catch you?"]] (click: "catch you?")[$t["YEAH!" the children say.]] (click: "YEAH!")[$t["NO," Frumpy says.]] (click: "NO,")[$t["I better be getting a raise and a medal for this," Yeats says.]] (click: "raise and a medal")[$t[With that, Yeats launches into the classroom and flies laps, floating just out of reach of the children. Mesmerised, the children trip, jump, and leap over one another in an attempt to clutch the elusive bird, but Yeats is one flap ahead. Meanwhile, Charlie sneaks up to [[Benji's cage->Snatch Benji]]..]]

With Mrs. Hoffmann (if: $distractteacher is 2)[incapacitated](else:)[out of the room], (print: $c's 1st) launches the second phase of their plan.(set: $st to it + (a: "70")) (click: "second phase")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Children, if I may have your attention for a jiffy?" Charlie says. "Might I be so bold as to direct your respective gazes towards my stalwart presentation partner Hanae for a moment?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hey, kids," Chunks says, "can I get you to look at Hanae for a sec? While.. she talks about our presentation?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oooh! Fellow kiddies! Let's all look at Hanae and see what she has to say! Maybe.. uh.. something about our presentation?" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "presentation")[$t[Hanae stares blankly for a moment.]] (click: "blankly")[$t[(if: $hanae is "Pleased")[Soon, a smile crosses her face. "I'd love to!" she says.](if: $hanae is "Furious")["God, you are such a little creep, Charlie! I'm so sick of doing //all// of the presentation work, and now you're putting me on the spot like this?! Get [[//bent!//->DK2 Fail Cutscene]]"](if: $hanae is "Confused")["But.. the presentation is tomorrow! Why would I talk about it now? What do I have to say? I'm [[very confused,->DK2 Fail Cutscene]]" she says.](if: $hanae is "Distrustful")["What are you saying, Charlie?! Why would I say something to the class now? You're [[up to no good,->DK2 Fail Cutscene]] I just know it!" she says.]]] (click: "I'd love to!")[$t[Hanae takes centre stage. "As you all know, Charlie and I will be presenting on the Taiga biome tomorrow. But before the big day comes, I've compiled a list of resources for you all to go over tonight which I'll be handing out now. Enclosed you will find an annotated bibliography, maps, illustrations, primary sources, secondary sources, footnotes, and material we would have liked to include but simply couldn't. Now, if you'd all like to follow along at Chapter One--"]] (click: "Chapter One--")[$t[The class groans.]] (click: "groans")[$t[Meanwhile, Charlie sneaks up to [[Benji's cage..->Snatch Benji]]]]

With Mrs. Hoffmann (if: $distractteacher is 2)[incapacitated](else:)[out of the room], (print: $c's 1st) launches the second phase of their plan. (click: "second phase")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Children, if I may have your attention for a jiffy?" Charlie says. "Might I be so bold as to direct your respective gazes towards noted hooligan youth Al for a moment?"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hey, kids," Chunks says, "can I get you to look at Al for a sec?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oooh! Fellow kiddies! Let's all look at Al and see what he has to say!" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "Al")[$t[(if: $bullybird is true)[(display: "DK3 Bird Cutscene")](if: $bullyrocks is true)[(display: "DK3 Rocks Cutscene")](if: $beatenup is true)[(display: "DK3 Fight Cutscene")](if: $beatupbully is true)[(display: "DK3 Fight Cutscene")]]]

"Knock, knock, children!" Principal Okorafor pokes his head through the doorway. "Mind if I chat with you for a couple of minutes?"(set: $st to it + (a: "74")) (click: "couple of minutes?")[$t[Okorafor enters the room. (if: $distractteacher is 2)["Oh, Mrs. Hoffmann, you're on the floor! Well, I'll talk to the children for a moment, and then I'll help you up, okay?](else:)["Oh, Mrs. Hoffmann isn't here. Strange. I suppose that's perfect timing, then!"]]] (click: "Mrs. Hoffmann")[$t[(if: $distractteacher is 2)["I'm extremely uncomfortable," Mrs. Hoffmann says.](else:)["Lock the door! Keep her out!" some kid says.] Principal Okorafor faces the class. "So I hear we're about to feed this little mouse Benji to the class snake, is that correct?]] (click: "is that correct?")[$t["Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" the children scream.]] (click: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!")[$t[Principal Okorafor chuckles. "Alright, settle down. I just want you all to think about something for a moment. How would you feel if you were that little mouse, trapped in that cage?"]] (click: "trapped in that cage?")[$t["I bet I'd be pretty tasty!" some smart mouth says. The children laugh.]] (click: "smart mouth")[$t[Okorafor smiles and turns to the smartmouthed kid. "Okay, Gurpreet, let's build on this. You're snatched from your home, snatched from your mom and dad and brothers and sisters. You're taken and trapped in a little box, drinking all your water out of a plastic bottle. And the whole time you know that soon you will be killed in order to fuel another living creature. Does that seem fair to you?"]] (click: "Does that seem fair to you?")[$t[Gurpreet is silent.]] (click: "Gurpreet is silent.")[$t["But!" Okorafor says, a finger in the air. "Let's think about Frumpy the snake! We took them from their mom and dad, from //very// far away, shipped them aaaaall the way over here, and put them in a cage for our enjoyment. We now have a responsibility to Frumpy the snake to keep them fed, do we not?"]] (click: "keep them fed")[$t[The children nod.]] (click: "nod.")[$t["So what do we do? It's not fair to Frumpy, and it's not fair to Benji."]] (click: "not fair to Benji.")[$t[The children are silent, lost in thought.]] (click: "lost in thought.")[$t["Thankfully, Charlie came to me earlier to day with his concerns. And I agree with his assertion that feeding Benji to Frumpy is inhumane and unfair."]] (click: "inhumane")[$t["Luckily, I went to the pet store at lunch and I bought some snake food -- a frozen, already dead mouse."]] (click: "frozen")[$t["YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME," Frumpy says.]] (click: "KIDDING ME")[$t["This is not a perfect solution, because there's another mouse that unfortunately lost their life. But I when we feed Frumpy, I want you all to consider the responsibilities of owning a pet, and the ethics of feeding other animals to one another for our enjoyment. Okay, kids?"]] (click: "Okay, kids?")[$t["Okay!" they respond. They get up out of their seats and move towards Frumpy's cage. Meanwhile, Charlie sneaks towards [[Benji's cage->Snatch Benji]]..]]

(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[(goto: "Taft Snatch Cutscene")](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[(goto: "Susan Snatch Cutscene")](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(goto: "Xylophone Snatch Cutscene")]]]

Taft opens the lid to Benji's cage and sinks Charlie's arm into it.(set: $st to it + (a: "740")) (click: "sinks Charlie's arm")[$t["Watch how a real professional does it," Taft says.]] (click: "real professional")[$t["Hey! What are you doing?!" Benji says. (if: $benjiaware is true)["I mean, you smell like an animal, but I'm not sure what you're up t--"](else:)["You're not gonna take me! I'll bite you! Watch out, I'm comin--"]]] (click: "What are you doing?!")[$t[In one fell swoop, Taft sweeps Benji up and slams them into Charlie's mouth.]] (click: "Charlie's mouth")[$t["Whoaaaaaaaaaa!" Benji says. They tumble down Charlie's esophagus and into the spare storage compartment in Charlie's stomach. "This is //so// cool! Is this where my Taigan tax dollars are going?!"]] (click: "Taigan tax dollars")[$t["Well, that, and paying for the raise I just earned," Taft says. "Seriously, am I good or what?"(set: $gotbenji to true) [[Continue..->Evening Waypoint]]]]

Susan opens the lid to Benji's cage and sinks Charlie's arm into it.(set: $st to it + (a: "740")) (click: "sinks Charlie's arm")[$t["Let's see how this goes," Susan says.]] (click: "how this goes,")[$t[Susan rifles Charlie's arm around in the cage blindly, but Benji is elusive. (if: $benjiaware is true)["You smell like an animal, but what are you trying to do?!" Benji says, cowering in a corner.](else:)["Stay the Forest Hell away from me!" Benji says, teeth bared.]]] (click: "elusive.")[$t["Need a little help here," Susan says, straining.]] (click: "little help")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) whips Charlie's head around for a moment to ensure the coast is clear, and then leans down to cage level. "Benji, we're gonna get you out of here. Just trust us!"]] (click: "Just trust us!")[$t[(if: $benjiaware is true)["O.. okay," Benji says.](else:)["No! This is [[a trick!->Susan Snatch Game Over Cutscene]] I don't believe you!" Benji says.]]] (click: "okay,")[$t[Benji calms down. Susan successfully maneuvers Charlie's hand to Benji, and snatches them up. They turn back to the kids, ensure no one's looking, and then gobble Benji up.]] (click: "gobble Benji up.")[$t["Whoaaaaaaaaaa!" Benji says. They tumble down Charlie's esophagus and into the spare storage compartment in Charlie's stomach. "This is //so// cool! Is this where my Taigan tax dollars are going?!"]] (click: "Taigan tax dollars")[$t["For better or for worse," Susan says, with a relieved sigh. "Come, let's get you cleaned up, Benji.(set: $gotbenji to true) [[Continue..->Evening Waypoint]]]]

"Forestgoddamnit, stay //still//, Benji!" Charlie says.(set: $st to it + (a: "741")) (click: "stay still, Benji!")[$t[A child hears this and turns their head. "Charlie, what are you doing?"]] (click: "what are you doing?")[$t[The other children turn around to face Charlie.]] (click: "face Charlie.")[$t[(print: $c's 2nd), startles, rotates Charlie's torso around to face the kids.. ]](click: "face the kids..")[$t[just as Susan stuffs Benji into Charlie's mouth.]] (click: "stuffs Benji")[$t["AAAAAAAAAGH! CHARLIE JUST ATE BENJI!"]] (click: "ATE BENJI")[$t[The children scream. (if: $distractteacher is 2)[Mrs. Hoffmann screams. ](if: $distractkids is 3)[Al screams. ](if: $distractkids is 2)[Hanae screams. ](if: $distractkids is 4)[Principal Okorafor stumbles back, revolted. ]Teachers from neighbouring classes rush into the class to address the furor.]] (click: "address the furor")[$t["Did I do something wrong?" Charlie says, slurping Benji's tail.]] (click: "Benji's tail.")[$t[Amidst the anguished cries of the children, a teacher gently approaches Charlie. "I think you'd better come with us," they say.]] (click: "come with us")[$t["What's going on?! What's happening?" Benji says.]] (click: "What's happening?")[$t["ABANDON SHIP!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "ABANDON SHIP!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish bursts through Charlie's artificial skull and through an open window to safety. ](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks explodes through Charlie's artificial skull, and raises their wings and clucks in an attempt to intimidate the now-scarred-for-life children. ](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles bursts through Charlie's artificial skull and smashes into a closed window, falling next to Frumpy's terrarium, motionless. ](if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim bursts through Charlie's chest and scurries into a handwashing sink, the closest basin they can find to their den. ](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy bursts through Charlie's chest and smashes into the children's desks, screaming and barking as they go. ](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo bursts through Charlie's chest and freezes, waiting for their imminent death. ](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["No! Not this way!" Tabloid screams, as they pour out of Charlie's ankle and flee for cover.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Tears fill Sorghum's eyes as the memories of Sorghum's human-slaughtered family flash before them.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["I'm not leaving him!" Paul says. "I can't leave my beloved Replica! I'll die before you eject me from him!"] "Well.." a teacher mutters.]] (click: "mutters.")[$t["This one will be a [[little tricky->Game Over! Cutscene]] to explain to the parents, wouldn't you say?"]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "740"))Xylophone opens the lid to Benji's cage and sinks Charlie's arm into it. (click: "sinks Charlie's arm")[$t["All right, are we ready?!" Xylophone says, finally having achieved the confidence and assurance they have always yearned for. "Let's get Benji out of there!"]] (click: "out of there!")[$t[Within the suit, Xylophone leaves their control station and clambers up the gangway in Charlie's arm, arriving at his hand. They pop a previously-unseen hatch in Charlie's fingernail and pokes their head out. "Psst, Benji!"]] (click: "Psst, Benji!")[$t["Whoa!" Benji says. "What -- how did you -- what are you doing?! Who are you?!"]] (Click: "Who are you?!")[$t["Xylophone's the name, and I'm here to get you of here!" They look around to ensure no kid is watching. "Listen, what we're gonna do is gonna seem weird, but don't resist, okay? I promise we'll get you out of here safe!"]] (click: "safe!")[$t["O..okay, I trust you!" Xylophone slams the hatch and returns to their control station.]] (click: "control station.")[$t["Okay, squad, engage!"]] (click: "engage!")[$t[In one fell swoop, Charlie picks up Benji and stuffs them into his mouth.]] (click: "his mouth")[$t["Whoaaaaaaaaaa!" Benji says. They tumble down Charlie's esophagus and into the spare storage compartment in Charlie's stomach. "This is //so// cool! Is this where my Taigan tax dollars are going?!"]] (click: "Taigan tax dollars")[$t["You better believe it," Xylophone says, with a relieved grin on their face. "Now keep your paws inside the child ride at all times, and hang on!"(set: $gotbenji to true) [[Continue..->Evening Waypoint]]]]

Charlie trudges through the front door of his house. (if: $dad is "Unimpressed")["Hey, pal," Dad says, sipping a cup of steaming liquid. "How was your day?"](if: $dad is "Suspicious")["Hello, Charlie," Dad says, brow furrowed. "How are you?"](if: $dad is "Emotional?")["There he is, my //special// guy!" Dad says, nearly spilling his cup of steaming liquid. "How was my //special guy's// day?"](if: $dad is "Inspired")["Ah, my offspring, the apple of my eye," Dad says, hand to his heart. "How was your schooling day?"] Charlie drops his backpack to the floor before responding.. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[[["Delightful!"->Evening Good Waypoint]]](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[[["Fine, I guess."->Evening Good Waypoint]]](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[[["Why, it was just peachy!"->Evening Good Waypoint]]] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[[["I wish to never speak of it!"->Evening Bad Waypoint]]](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[[["Don't wanna talk about it."->Evening Bad Waypoint]]](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[[["Don't ask me about it!"->Evening Bad Waypoint]]]

"Charlie Stewart, you have accumulated THREE DETENTION STRIKES. You know what this means: proceed at once to Principal Okorafor's office for punishment."(set: $st to it + (a: "48")) (click: "punishment")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["No! I never misbehave!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["You'll pay for this," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Wait, no! I never get in trouble!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann ushers Charlie into the hallway and shuts the classroom door. Her muffled voice can be heard almost immediately. "Children, I'm so vexed by Charlie's insubordinance that I think we should feed Benji to Frumpy right here and now!"]] (click: "right here and now!")[$t["Wait! No!" Benji says.]] (click: "Wait! No!")[$t["Yaaaaaaaaaaay!" the children scream.]] (click: "Yaaaaaaaaaaay!")[$t["YAY," Frumpy says.]] (click: "YAY,")[$t[Charlie begins the death march to the principal's office. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Forest God, I hate humans," Taft says. "They're not going to get away with this."](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["This is such a senseless waste," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["NO!" Xylophone says, in tears. "Benji was my kind! I'm so Forestgoddamn weak, I can't even save my own kind?! I don't belong on this mission at all.."]]] (click: "death march")[$t[Down the hall, Charlie opens the door to Principal Okorafor's office. The principal removes his glasses and lowers the memorandum he is holding. "Back in trouble again, Charlie?" he says.]] (click: "Back in trouble again")[$t[Charlie has no response. [[Continue..->Evening Waypoint]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "69"))"Uh, well.." (click: "Uh,")[$t[Silence.]] (click: "Silence.")[$t["Look at how green our field is! Boy, all that rain sure has done wonders, hasn't it?"]] (click: "hasn't it?")[$t["Hey, you're trying to distract us from feeding the snake!"]] (click: "feeding the snake!")[$t[The children turn on Charlie in an instant. "How DARE you," one cocksure young lad says. "If you're not going to feed Benji, I will!"]] (click: "I will!")[$t["Yeah! Go, Billy!" the children say.]] (click: "Billy!")[$t[This Billy, with the confidence and assurance of an executioner, opens the cage and snatches Benji by the tail.]] (click: "by the tail.")[$t["Hey! No! I need that tail!" Benji says.]] (click: "Benji says.")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) cocks Charlie's fist, but Charlie is quickly restrained by the other children. "Quick, Billy! Throw them in!"]] (click: "Throw them in!")[$t[The squad is powerless. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["This is disgusting," Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Oh no, this is bad," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["No! This isn't fair!" Xylophone says, in tears.]]] (click: "powerless.")[$t[The children's bloodlust has reached unprecedented levels.]] (click: "bloodlust")[$t[Billy opens the terrarium lid.]] (click: "terrarium lid.")[$t["Curse you all!(if: $benjiaware is true)[ I especially curse the four animals stuffed in a child suit sitting in this classroom somewhere!" Benji says.](else:)[" Benji says.] "I'll get my revenge on you, I swea--"]] (click: "swea--")[$t["MMMMPH, THAT IS DELECTABLE," Frumpy says. [[Continue..->Evening Waypoint]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "69"))"Hey, you're trying to distract us from feeding the snake!" (click: "feeding the snake!")[$t[The children turn on Charlie in an instant. "How DARE you," one cocksure young lad says. "If you're not going to feed Benji, I will!"]] (click: "I will!")[$t["Yeah! Go, Billy!" the children say.]] (click: "Billy!")[$t[This Billy, with the confidence and assurance of an executioner, opens the cage and snatches Benji by the tail.]] (click: "by the tail.")[$t["Hey! No! I need that tail!" Benji says.]] (click: "Benji says.")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) cocks Charlie's fist, but Charlie is quickly restrained by the other children. "Quick, Billy! Throw them in!"]] (click: "Throw them in!")[$t[The squad is powerless. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["This is disgusting," Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Oh no, this is bad," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["No! This isn't fair!" Xylophone says, in tears.]]] (click: "powerless.")[$t[The children's bloodlust has reached unprecedented levels.]] (click: "bloodlust")[$t[Billy opens the terrarium lid.]] (click: "terrarium lid.")[$t["Curse you all!(if: $benjiaware is true)[ I especially curse the four animals stuffed in a child suit sitting in this classroom somewhere!" Benji says.](else:)[" Benji says.] "I'll get my revenge on you, I swea--"]] (click: "swea--")[$t["MMMMPH, THAT IS DELECTABLE," Frumpy says. [[Continue..->Evening Waypoint]]]]

Al shuffles to the front of the class like the cock of the walk. "Oh yes, fellow classmates, you won't //believe// what I am about to tell you," he says.(set: $st to it + (a: "71")) (click: "won't believe")[$t[The children lean in, tantalised.]] (click: "lean in")[$t["Earlier today, Reginald, Winston, and myself spotted young Charlie in deep conversation with a BIRD."]] (click: "BIRD.")[$t[Some of the children gasp. Others laugh.]] (click: "Others laugh.")[$t["It's true!" Al continues. "He called the bird 'Yeights' and talked to them for some time. Then the bird took off and he kept watching it as it circled above him."]] (click: "circled above him")[$t["Yeah," Charlie says. "What's your point?"]] (click: "What's your point?")[$t["My //point// is," Al says with agitation, "that you're psychotic! No one talks to birds except total weirdos like you!" The children laugh in agreement.]] (click: "in agreement")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) thinks for a moment. "Oh yeah?" Charlie says. "Well, maybe you'd like to look at the window for a moment?"]] (click: "for a moment?")[$t["Why?" Al says. "What's out there?"]] (click: "out there?")[(goto: "DK1 Yeats Cutscene")]

Al shuffles to the front of the classroom. "Uh, yeah," he says, stammering a bit. "Well, earlier today, Charlie gave me some of his rock collection, and I was just thinking, y'know, maybe.. you'd all like to see it, also."(set: $st to it + (a: "72")) (click: "rock collection")[$t[Al produces the collection. The children's eyes light up. "Wow!" they say. "Is that //quartz//? And //feldspar//?"]] (click: "feldspar")[$t[The kids swarm Al, who happily shares the collection. Enthralled, the children begin organising them by colour, lustre, hardness, magnetism, streak, and radioactivity.]] (click: "lustre")[$t["You're so lucky, Al," some kid says.]] (click: "so lucky")[$t[Meanwhile, Charlie sneaks towards [[Benji's cage->Snatch Benji]]..]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "73"))Al strides to the front of the classroom, (if: $beatenup is true)[flexing his muscles. "Listen, you may have heard that Charlie and I got into a little scuffle earlier today. And you better believe that I thumped him. And you better believe that I'm ready for round two later tonight!"](if: $beatupbully is true)[limping slightly. "Listen, you may have heard that Charlie and I got into a little scuffle earlier today. And, yeah, okay, maybe there was a slight thumping.. But you better believe that I'm ready for round two later tonight!"] (click: "round two")[$t[A child interviewer appears next to Al, clutching a whiteboard marker/microphone. "But why this rematch, Alastair? Why now? Surely the fans at home need some explanation!"]] (click: "explanation!")[$t["I don’t have to say a whole lot more about the way I feel about Charlie," Al says, turning to an imaginary camera. "No respect! No honour! There is no honour amongst thieves in the first place!"]] (click: "honour amongst thieves")[$t[The children sit up.]] (click: "sit up.")[$t["Charlie put hard times on Alastair and his family. You don’t know what hard times are, daddy! Hard times are when the textile workers around this country are out of work, they got four or five kids and can’t pay their wages, can’t buy their food. Hard times are when the auto workers are out of work and they tell ‘em go home."]] (click: "go home.")[$t[The children begin to cheer.]] (click: "begin to cheer.")[$t["And hard times are when a man has worked at a job for thirty years. Thirty years! And they give him a watch, kick him in the butt and say 'hey, a computer took your place, daddy.' That’s hard times! That is hard times!"]] (click: "a computer took your place")[$t[Charlie gulps.]] (click: "gulps.")[$t["And we all had hard times together, and I admit, I don’t look like the athlete of the day supposed to look. My belly’s just a lil’ big, my heiny’s a lil’ big, but brother, I am bad. And they know I’m bad. There were two bad people.. One was John Wayne and he’s dead, brother, and the other’s right here. And Charlie, the World’s Heavyweight title belongs to these people!"]] (click: "these people!")[$t[The children leap out of their seats and rush Alastair, lifting him on their shoulders. "Al! Al! Al! Al! Al!"]] (click: "Al! Al! Al! Al! Al!")[$t[Meanwhile, Charlie sneaks over to [[Benji's cage->Snatch Benji]]..]]

(if: $dad is "Unimpressed")["Mmm," Dad says, clearly not listening.](if: $dad is "Suspicious")["I.. see," Dad says, studying Charlie closely.](if: $dad is "Emotional?")["YES! I just //knew// you'd have a great day! Oh, yeah!!" Dad says, fully spilling his cup of steaming liquid.](if: $dad is "Inspired")[Dad smiles. "Is there anything more inspiring to a father than the success of their children?" Dad says, tears welling in his eyes. "Maybe owning a cool motorcycle?"] Charlie doesn't know how to respond to this, so they don't. (click: "so they don't")[$t[(if: $grounded is true)[(display: "Evening Grounded Waypoint")](else-if: (history:) contains "Mom Principal Conversation")[(display: "Evening Principal Waypoint")](else-if: $beatenup is true or $beatupbully is true)[(display: "Evening Bully Waypoint")](else-if: $martinhouse is true)[(display: "Evening Martin House Waypoint")](else-if: (history:) contains "CH Killin'")[(display: "Evening Hunting Waypoint")](else-if: $hrmomquestioning is 8 or $hrmomquestioning is 9)[(display: "Evening Baseball Waypoint")](else-if: $visitforestmartin is true)[(display: "Evening Forest Martin Waypoint")](else-if: $visitforestsolo is true)[(display: "Evening Forest Solo Waypoint")](else-if: $visitforestmom is true)[(display: "Evening Forest Mom Waypoint")](else:)[(display: "Evening Mom Solo Waypoint")]]]

(if: $dad is "Unimpressed")["Mmm," Dad says, clearly not listening.](if: $dad is "Suspicious")["I.. see," Dad says, studying Charlie closely.](if: $dad is "Emotional?")["NO! I //refuse// the implication that my //special guy// had a day that was anything but //stellar!//" Dad says, fully spilling his cup of steaming liquid."](if: $dad is "Inspired")[Dad frowns. "Is there anything more upsetting to a father than the dismay of their children?" Dad says, tears welling in his eyes. "Perhaps a crushing sports team defeat?"] Charlie doesn't know how to respond to this, so they don't. (click: "so they don't")[$t[(if: $grounded is true)[(display: "Evening Grounded Waypoint")](else-if: (history:) contains "Mom Principal Conversation")[(display: "Evening Principal Waypoint")](else-if: $beatenup is true or $beatupbully is true)[(display: "Evening Bully Waypoint")](else-if: $martinhouse is true)[(display: "Evening Martin House Waypoint")](else-if: (history:) contains "CH Killin'")[(display: "Evening Hunting Waypoint")](else-if: $hrmomquestioning is 8 or $hrmomquestioning is 9)[(display: "Evening Baseball Waypoint")](else-if: $visitforestmartin is true)[(display: "Evening Forest Martin Waypoint")](else-if: $visitforestsolo is true)[(display: "Evening Forest Solo Waypoint")](else-if: $visitforestmom is true)[(display: "Evening Forest Mom Waypoint")](else:)[(display: "Evening Mom Solo Waypoint")]]]

A cell phone next to Dad vibrates. He checks it and his face falls. "Oh, right. Charlie, don't forget, you're grounded." (click: "you're grounded.")[$t[The phone buzzes again. "That means you have to go to your room. No dinner." A third buzz. "Oh, wait, dinner. You still get to eat. Lucky you. Now get up there."]] (click: "get up there.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I find this incarceration unjust, and I choose to invoke my phone call privilege. Dial Mother immediately!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["This is stupid. Where's Mother?" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["But I don't //wanna// go to my room! Where's Mother?! She'll see it my way." Charlie says.]]] (click: "Mother")[$t["Your Mother," Dad says with a barbed tone, "is in the forest looking for the cell phone //you// lost."]] (click: "cell phone you lost.")[$t["Dear Forest God," (print: $c's 1st) says. [[Continue..->Grounded Room I]]]]

Mom comes down the stairs, brushing her hair. "Charlie, there you are," she says. "Eat some dinner. Your father and I have to leave -- we're going back to your school to talk to your Principal." (click: "back to your school")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Might I inquire as to why?! We just escaped from school!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Back to school?! Why?!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["But - we - we just came from there! Why are you going back?!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t["About your behaviour," Mom says with a sigh. "I wish we didn't have to, but we do. And we're //late//." She gestures with her head in Dad's direction.]] (click: "Dad's direction")[$t["I'm coming, I'm coming." Mom walks out to their truck. "Be good, son." The door is shut behind them.]] (click: "Be good, son.")[$t["So now what?" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "now what?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Why, we return to the Taiga, of course!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["We go home. And we take a break," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Let's go home," Sprinkles says.] [[Continue..->Forest Solo Cutscene]]]]

"Heard you got into a bit of a scuffle at school today," Dad says, sipping a cup of steaming liquid. (click: "a scuffle")[$t[Charlie's face falls. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["In what manner were you informed?!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["How do you know that?" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Guhh?! Who told you?!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "face falls.")[$t["We got a call from the school saying something might be up," Dad says. (if: $beatenup is true)["Plus, y'know, the knuckle imprints."](if: $beatupbully is true)["Plus, y'know, the bully imprints in your knuckles."]]] (click: "might be up,")[$t[A shrug. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["It was a minor squabble, but 'tis all water under the bridge now!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Yeah, well, whatever. It's all over now," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["We may have scrapped a little, but it's all done now! Who cares?" Charlie says.]]] (click: "A shrug.")[$t["It's not all done now," Dad says. "You can't go around fighting your classmates, Charlie. And I know it's my fault."]] (click: "my fault.")[$t["What?" Charlie says.]] (click: "What?")[$t["It's my fault. You clearly don't have a positive male role model in your life. And it's clear that Alastair -- is that his name? -- doesn't have one either. So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna go over to Alastair's house and we're gonna talk this through, man to man to man. Sound good?"]] (click: "Sound good?")[$t["No," Charlie says.]] (click: "No,")[$t["Too bad. Get in the truck." [[Continue..->Bully Cutscene]]]]

"So, what are you gonna do tonight?" Dad says, feigning interest. (click: "feigning interest")[$t["I think I'm going to go to Martin's house. He is, after all, my best friend," Charlie says.]] (click: "my best friend,")[$t["How adorable. What will you two do?" Dad says, not lowering his newspaper.]] (click: "you two do?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Tiddlywinks tournament! It shall be ever so fun!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Uh.. birdwatching. Watching the birds. I think watching birds is fun."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Study group! It's gonna be great fun!"]]] (click: "fun")[$t["Doesn't sound like much fun to me, but whatever. Have a good time!"]] (click: "good time!")[$t["We will!" [[Continue..->Martin House I]]]]

Dad produces a fuzzy, camouflaged cap and puts it on. "Hey, buddy! I was thinking, since you had mentioned it earlier.. you said that you had been in the Forest killing stuff with Martin, well, I, uh, was thinking that you might be interested in going hunting -- killing stuff, in your words -- with your old man. I've got everything ready, we just need to climb in the truck and go!" (click: "climb in the truck")[$t["I really don't think I want to do that," Charlie says.]] (click: "don't think")[$t["Come on!" Dad says, putting a high-visibility vest over Charlie's shoulders. "You sounded so enthusiastic about it earlier. Everything's ready to go, and the truck's been idling for an hour and a half. Let's move it! We'll eat dinner in the woods tonight, hmm?"]] (click: "dinner in the woods")[$t[Charlie is shoved into the waiting truck and soon father and son are off for a character-building hunting trip. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Boss, I usually like your decisions, but this wasn't the greatest," Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Remind me again - it's //my// decisions that are putting the squad and the Replica and the Taiga at risk?" Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Oh, great. Off to the Taiga and with a //gun// no less," Xylophone says.]]] (click: "character-building")[$t["Just shut up, okay," Chunks says. [[Continue..->Hunting I]]]]

"Hey," Dad says, getting up from his chair with an awkward haste. "Your mom is busy at work still, and, y'know, you mentioned, uh, earlier this morning that you were playing ball -- y'know, //baseball// -- with Martin, and I, uh, went out and bought you a glove and bat, and was wondering, y'know, if you were interested, if you wanted to play catch with your ol' man for a bit." (click: "ol' man")[$t["Oh, uh, sure!" Charlie says. "Exercise is good for the constitution, and I'm sure passing the baseball around will do well to loosen up the ol' gummy legs!"]] (click: "loosen up")[$t[The squad groans, exhausted after an arduous school day. "You're kidding," (print: $c's 4th) says.]] (click: "You're kidding,")[$t["Absolutely not!" Horseradish says. "What better way to divert attention from the Taiga than father-son ball bonding?"]] (click: "father-son")[$t[Silence.]] (click: "Silence.")[$t["Okay," (print: $c's 3rd) says, "who's gonna tell Horseradish?"]] (click: "tell Horseradish?")[$t["Inform me of what?" they respond. [[Continue..->Baseball I]]]]

"So, what are you gonna do tonight?" Dad says, feigning interest. (click: "feigning interest")[$t["I think I'm going to go to the Taiga --"]] (click: "Taiga --")[$t[Dad looks up. "The what?"]] (click: "The what?")[$t["The forest. Sorry," Charlie says, with an awkward chuckle. "I'm going to the forest to look for my cell phone. I think my best friend Martin is going to come along!"]] (click: "my cell phone.")[$t["Riiiiiiight, I forgot about that. Have fun." Dad picks up a newspaper. "Oh yeah! Come home before dark! I almost forgot to mention that. Parental duty and such."]] (click: "and such.")[$t["We will!" Charlie says.]] (click: "We will!")[$t["Make sure Martin doesn't get eaten," Dad says, chuckling.]] (click: "doesn't get eaten,")[$t[Charlie stops.]] (click: "stops.")[$t["Don't say anything, (print: $c's 1st)! Just let it go!" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "anything,")[$t[The squad turns Charlie and directs him back out the door, eager to return to their ancestral homeland. [[Continue..->Forest Martin I]]]]

"Oh, Charlie, there you are," Mom says, brushing her hair as she descends the stairs. "Get your shoes on. We're going to the forest to look for your cell phone." (click: "cell phone.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I protest!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["I don't think that's a good idea," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["No! We shouldn't! I don't wanna!" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "says.")[$t["Don't care. Get your coat. We're leaving now!"]] (click: "leaving now!")[$t["Ughhhhh," Charlie says. [[Continue..->Forest Mom I]]]]

"Psst," (print: $c's 2nd) says to (print: $c's 1st), "I'm hungry." (click: "I'm hungry.")[$t["As am I," (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "As am I,")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, Father dearest, would you be so kind as to tell us when we shall commune for evening tea?" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Hey, pop," Charlie says. "When's dinner?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Hey, daddio!" Charlie says. "When are we gonna sit down to eat?"]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t["Hell if I know," Dad says. "I can't cook to save my life, and your Mom is galavanting around the forest alone looking for your cell phone."]] (click: "the forest")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Say what?!" Charlie says. "Surely not the forest outside of town!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Come again?!" Charlie says. "You mean the forest outside of town?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["What?!" Charlie says. "The forest outside of town?!"]]] (click: "outside of town")[$t["Duh," Dad says. "What other Forest would there be?"]] (click: "Duh,")[$t["Oh, this is bad," (print: $c's 1st) says. [[Continue..->Grounded Room I]]]]

Charlie shuts the bedroom door behind him(if: $secondstory is true)[, the breeze from the smashed window ruffling his hair.](else:)[.] (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["One calamity after another," Horseradish says, exasperated. "But we must respond when Duty calls, and we must intercept Mother before it's too late!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["All right, squad, we need to get to the Forest and stop Mom before it's too late," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I knew Mother was no good! I knew she was up to something!" Sprinkles says. "We gotta get to the Forest and stop her!"] (click: "bedroom door")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["You know, I like the //angle// of running all night through the woods to try to catch up with our renegade Mom," Tabloid says. "But it'll never play! Mom has too much of a head start!"](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["I could probably run Charlie at full throttle for an hour, maybe an hour and a half," Sorghum says. "But it wouldn't be enough to catch up to Mom. She has too much of a head start!"](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul yawns. "Don't even think about running this Replica beyond capacity," they warn. "Mom has too much of a head start. We'd never make it."]]] (click: "head start")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["I guess we can say goodbye to the Taiga," Slim murmurs.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Uh, does this mean the Taiga is done?" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["So much for the Taiga," Guillermo says.]]] (click: "Taiga")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Perhaps not," Horseradish says. "While Charlie might not be able to catch up to Mother, I would be able to. I could vacate Charlie's skull, fly out the window, and impede Mother's progress on my own."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["What if," Chunks says, "I were to fly out on my own to intercept Mom? I'd be much faster than the Replica, and I'd take care of her easily."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Wait," Sprinkles says. "What about Protocol 14.1(b)? //A squad member can vacate the Replica in emergency circumstances if the vacating member can alleviate that emergency in a safer, quicker, or more efficient fashion than the Replica.// I could fly out the window, back to the forest, and stop Mom!"]]] (click: "fly out")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Ah, yes, how convenient! The leader of the mission gets to leave the child suit first," Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Makes sense that the leader of the mission gets to leave first," Susan says, with snark.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Hey, why do //you// gets to leave before we do?" Xylophone says.]]] (click: "gets to leave")[$t["Do any of you have a better idea?" (print: $c's 1st) asks.]] (click: "better idea")[$t[Silence.]] (click: "Silence.")[$t["I didn't think so. Let's move!" [[Continue..->Grounded Wild I]]]]

(print: $c's 1st) soars high above Charlie's house, high above Dundee Road, high above Evergreen Elementary, and high above the town, with the cool breeze rushing through their feathers for the first time in nearly a full calendar day. (print: $c's 1st) circles above the mossy emerald canopy of the forest, keeping a keen eye out for Mom. (click: "keen eye")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Such sublimity. Such magnificence. I - love - the - Taiga," Horseradish says, their eyes welling with proud tears.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Taiga hasn't burnt down yet, so that's good," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Ah, my sweet Taiga. So nice to see you again with my own two eyes," Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "Taiga")[$t[Weaving amidst the very tallest trees, (print: $c's 1st) checks each main thoroughfare into the Taiga heartland, but comes up empty. "She must be here somewhere," (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "here somewhere")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["This is Horseradish, Commander of the Replica Mission! Has any sentry spotted a middle-aged human woman in Taiga territory?! Respond immediately!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["This is Chunks! I need assistance immediately! Sentries, help me find a middle-aged human woman!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Commander Sprinkles here!" they call, as authoritatively as they can. "Sentries! I need help finding a middle-aged human woman, pronto!"]]] (click: "middle-aged human woman")[$t[Floating on a thermal, (print: $c's 1st) holds their breath for a response.]] (click: "a response.")[(set: $nofirst to true)(set: $nosecond to false)(set: $nothird to false)(set: $nofourth to false)(goto: "Grounded Room II")]

Charlie sits on the edge of the bed. With no commander occupying his skull, Charlie's scalp is popped open like a hinge, his face stuck in neutral, locked in an uncanny, unblinking stare. (click: "unblinking")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["This is such a bad idea. Like, way worse than the other bad ideas we've had to endure on this mission. We're completely defenseless," Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["This is not good," Susan says. "First of all, we're defenseless. Secondly, humans do not respond well to creepy fixed expressions like the one we're wearing."](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(if: $gotbenji is true)["Should've sent Benji and I. That way we wouldn't be defenseless, and together we're super fast! Right, Benji?!" Benji, occupying an auxiliary arm nods and smiles happily.](else:)[Xylophone, despondent at their earlier Benji failure, grumbles sadly. "We're completely defenseless. We might as well get eaten now and spare the effort," they say.]]]] (click: "defenseless")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["I suppose this means I'm in command of the mission now," Slim says, with a sigh. "And we'd best stay put for now until (print: $c's 1st) gets back."](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["Oh, dude, does this mean I'm in command?!" Fluffy's tail wriggles in excitement, before they come crashing back to Earth. "As much as I would like to run laps in this thing, we'd better not draw any attention to ourselves. Darn it."](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Oh no," Guillermo says. "I'm in command. I definitely do not want to be in command. We're staying put. Nobody move."]]] (click: "I'm in command")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Who says you're the commander now?" Tabloid says. "I'm in control of the suit's maintenance, after all. And I have a better face for it."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["I'm not sure who decided you would be the commander now," Sorghum says. "And I'm not sure sitting here is the best idea. We could at least do something," Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Doesn't matter who the commander is," Paul says. "The manual for the Replica //clearly// states that we need four qualified animals to occupy each station, as we have been doing. This protocol is a dangerous misallocation of vital animal resources."]]] (click: "the commander")[$t["CHARLIE!" Dad calls from downstairs. "COME DOWN AND GET YOUR DINNER!"(set: $st to it + (a: "75"))]] (click: "YOUR DINNER!")[$t[(set: $nofirst to false)"Oh Forest God no," (print: $c's 2nd) says. [[Continue..->Grounded Wild II]]]]

An oriole flies up to (print: $c's 1st) and salutes. "Commander!" the oriole says, breathlessly. "We think we've found her, in the southwestern borderland!" (click: "southwestern borderland!")[$t["Take me there!" (print: $c's 1st) says.(set: $nofirst to true)(set: $nosecond to false)(set: $nothird to false)(set: $nofourth to false)]] (click: "Take me there!")[(goto: "Grounded Room III")]

"Say something!" (print: $c's 3rd) says. "Call down to him!" (click: "Call down")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["I cannot," Slim says, calmly but firmly. "I cannot fit in (print: $c's 1st) control station, and furthermore, I was not trained to operate it!"](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["I can't!" Fluffy says, panicked. "I can barely move in here as it is, and I dunno how to do anything besides move this stupid kid around!"](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["I can't," Guillermo says, "I just can't. I can't move, I shouldn't move. Oh Forest God, we're dead, we're dead for sure!"]]] (click: "says,")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Let me take care of it," Tabloid says. "How hard could it be?"](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["Let me get up there," Sorghum says. "I'm pretty attuned to the Replica systems."](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Let me," Paul says, exasperated. "I designed the bloody thing!"]]] (click: "Let me")[$t["Yeah, but you'll never squeeze past (print: $c's 2nd)!" (print: $c's 3rd) says.]] (click: "squeeze past")[$t["CHARLIE!" Dad calls again. "DID YOU HEAR ME?! COME DOWN TO EAT!"]] (click: "COME DOWN TO EAT!")[(set: $nofirst to false)(goto: "Grounded Wild III")]

(print: $c's 1st) sits next to the oriole scout on a branch overlooking Mom. Her neck is craned upwards towards the forest canopy, and she has a huge smile on her face as she strolls down the Taigan path. (click: "strolls")[$t["God, it's so nice to be back here," Mom says.]] (click: "back here,")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["'Back here,' eh?" Horseradish says. "I just knew she had performed preliminary reconnaissance work against us!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["'Back here.' Hmph," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["'Back here?!' So she //is// a spy after all!" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "'Back here")[$t[Mom seems to be in no hurry to retrieve Charlie's phone. Indeed, she holds up her own phone and seems to be pointing it at the foliage around her. "What is she doing?" the oriole asks.]] (click: "What is she doing?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I couldn't hazard a guess," Horseradish says. "But the time to act is now. We must.."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["No idea, kid," Chunks says. "But it's time to move. We're gonna.."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["No idea, but it's not important," Sprinkles says. "Let's act! We should.."] "threaten her! Make her aware the Taiga is no place for humans!" "impede her progress! We're on our turf, let's use that to our advantage!" "befriend her! Maybe we can communicate with her somehow!"(set: $nofirst to true)(set: $nosecond to false)(set: $nothird to false)(set: $nofourth to false)]] (click: "threaten her!")[(set: $momwildchoice to 1)(goto: "Grounded Room IV")] (click: "impede her progress!")[(set: $momwildchoice to 2)(goto: "Grounded Room IV")] (click: "befriend her!")[(set: $momwildchoice to 3)(goto: "Grounded Room IV")]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Time, I suppose, to play the aggressor," Horseradish says to the oriole scout. "Wish me luck!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["The role I was born to play," Chunks says to the oriole scout. "Wish me luck."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Time to get mean," Sprinkles says to the oriole scout. "Wish me luck!"] (click: "Wish me luck")[$t[With a dramatic flourish, (print: $c's 1st) buzzes Mom's head and lands directly on the path directly in front of her. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["You are trespassing on sacred Taigan soil, human!" Horseradish says. "Heed my warning! You shall advance no further!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Back off, human," Chunks says. "I've killed bigger humans than you. None of you scare me, and I'll be Forestgoddamned if I let you go any further."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["You're on Taigan territory, human," Sprinkles says. "Return from where you came from! Which is not the Taiga! The Taiga is not your home! And Taigans like me don't want you here! Turn away now!"]]] (click: "dramatic flourish")[$t[(set: $nofirst to true)(set: $nosecond to false)(set: $nothird to false)(set: $nofourth to false)Mom crouches down to (print: $c's 1st)'s level, her knees popping as she does. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Ohmigod," Mom says, in an awed whisper. "I've never seen an owl just in the middle of the path like this. And it's still so early in the day, too!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Oh, another magpie, cawing away. Boring," Mom says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Finch. So many finches," Mom says, with a yawn.]]] (click: "crouches down")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(set: $momwildsuccess to true)(set: $mom to "Proud")"And it just keeps hooting at me?! This is amazing," Mom says, pulling out her phone. She holds the phone in front of her, pointed at Horseradish, for a significantly long time. "Back! Away with you!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["What? No! [[Be frightened of me!->Grounded Room V]]" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Hey, shut up!" Sprinkles says. "I'm no [[ordinary finch!"->Grounded Room V]]]]] (click: "Away with you!")[$t[Horseradish continues their rebuke. Mom, seemingly satisfied, puts their phone away and stands. "This footage is incredible," she says, turning back. "I gotta get back to Terry!" She retreats.]] (click: "She retreats.")[$t["Success! I am as fearsome as Forest Lucifer!" Horseradish says, with a mighty Taigan hoot.]] (click: "Forest Lucifer!")[(goto: "Grounded Room V")]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I have conceived of a strategy!" Horseradish says to the oriole scout. "Wish me luck!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Got a plan," Chunks says to the oriole scout. "Wish me luck."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Check this out," Sprinkles says to the oriole scout. "Oh! Wish me luck!"] (click: "Wish me luck")[$t[In a flash, (print: $c's 1st) swoops over to an uprooted tree stretched diagonally across the path and begins to shove it. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Aha! Surely //this// will pose a sizeable obstacle for Mother!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Come on, Forest God, grant me strength!"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Time to prove I'm the strongest bird in the Taiga!"]]] (click: "shove it.")[$t[(set: $nofirst to true)(set: $nosecond to false)(set: $nothird to false)(set: $nofourth to false)A pause. "Wait, how am I supposed to do this with wings?"]] (click: "wings?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish tries to headbutt the tree in order to shift it, but this proves to be a rather painful strategy. The tree [[remains in place.->Grounded Room V]]](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks takes flight and tries to ram into it as if they were executing a human shoulder check, but this doesn't work, bruising Chunks' wings //and// their ego. The tree [[remains in place.->Grounded Room V]]](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Nope, this isn't gonna work," Sprinkles says. "I need a new idea!"]]] (click: "I need a new idea!")[$t[Sprinkles flies up and lands on a branch of the uprooted tree, nearly directly above Mom. Immediately upon landing, Sprinkles hears the creaking and straining of dead, unstable bark.]] (click: "dead, unstable bark.")[$t["Uh oh," Sprinkles says. As they kick off the branch to safety, it splinters and separates from the tree, landing mere metres away from Mom.]] (click: "mere metres away from Mom.")[$t["Oh my GOD!" Mom says. "That was too close. I really shouldn't be here without high visibility clothing." She turns and retreats back towards Human territory.]] (click: "Human territory.")[$t["YES!" Sprinkles exclaims. "I //am// the strongest bird in the Taiga!"(set: $momwildsuccess to true)]] (click: "YES!")[(goto: "Grounded Room V")]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I'm quite amiable, right?" Horseradish says to the oriole scout. "Wish me luck!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Let's hope this works," Chunks says to the oriole scout. "Wish me luck."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I'm the cheeriest bird, so this is perfect," Sprinkles says to the oriole scout. "Oh! Wish me luck!"] (click: "Wish me luck")[$t[Mom continues holding her phone in front of her towards the foliage. "Oh, just look at these wild strawberries," she says, tasting one.]] (click: "tasting one.")[$t[As she reaches for another strawberry, (print: $c's 1st) flies down and lands on her outstretched hand.]] (click: "outstretched hand.")[$t[(set: $nofirst to true)(set: $nosecond to false)(set: $nothird to false)(set: $nofourth to false)"Oh my goodness!" Mom says.]] (click: "goodness!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Salutations!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Uh, hi," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Hi, I'm Sprinkles! The friendliest finch you'll ever meet!"] Mom quivers for a moment.]] (click: "quivers")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) repositions themself slightly on Mom's hand, tilting their head quizzically. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["An owl?" Mom says. "Oh my god, no! Owls are a symbol of death!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["A magpie?" Mom exclaims. "This is incredible! You really are the smartest birds, aren't you?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["A finch?" Mom says. "You just want my strawberries, don't you? Well, back off! These are mine!"]]] (click: "tilting their head")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[[["We are?"->Grounded Room V]] Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Uh, yeah," Chunks says, chuckling. "I suppose we are."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["What?! Those are Taigan strawberries! You [[need a license->Grounded Room V]] to pick them!" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "I suppose we are.")[$t["Do you wanna take a selfie with me?" Mom asks.]] (click: "selfie")[$t["I don't know what that is, and you can't understand me, and-- oh, you're just doing a thing anyway," Chunks says.]] (click: "doing a thing")[$t[Sure enough, Mom has pulled out her phone and posed with Chunks resting on her hand. "Time to go back now," she says, gently lifting Chunks up, who alights and flies to safety. "This is amazing. I can't wait to show Terry and Charlie!"(set: $momwildsuccess to true)]] (click: "Terry and Charlie!")[(goto: "Grounded Room V")]

"CHARLIE!" Dad yells, with more aggravation. "God, can't believe I have to climb //all// these stairs, day after day.." (click: "day after day")[$t["Let's get up!" (print: $c's 3rd) says. "We have to hide somewhere!"]] (click: "hide somewhere!")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["And where do you suggest?" Slim says, stress creeping into their voice for perhaps the first time all mission. "Our father knows we're in here. It would only be a matter of time."](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["WHERE, (uppercase: $c's 3rd)?! Where do you suggest we hide? Dad knows that we're in here. It would only look more suspicious!"](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Where do you suggest?! Oh, it won't matter - Dad already knows that we're in our room!" Guillermo says.]]] (click: "suggest")[$t[Meanwhile, the clomp of Dad's footsteps grow ever louder..]] (click: "ever louder")[(set: $nofirst to false)(if: $momwildchoice is 1)[(goto: "Grounded Threaten Mom")](if: $momwildchoice is 2)[(goto: "Grounded Impede Mom")](if: $momwildchoice is 3)[(goto: "Grounded Befriend Mom")]]

Dad's footsteps grow even louder. (click: "even louder.")[$t[The Replica remains in its original seated position, brainflap still open. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["We're so dead," Taft says. "I didn't even get to steal one measly bottle cap."](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["I can go back to living with humans. This is okay. I'll be fine," Susan says, muttering to themself.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(if: $gotbenji is true)[Benji sobs. "I'm so tired of feeling trapped," they say. "When will it end?!"](else:)["Just kill me already," Xylophone says. "What's the point in doing anything anyway?"]]]] (click: "brainflap")[$t[Dad knocks on the door.]] (click: "knocks")[$t[The squad jumps. Charlie nearly slides off the bed, but the squad recovers.]] (click: "slides off the bed,")[$t["Charlie! I made you hot dog water soup! It's your favourite!" Dad says.]] (click: "your favourite!")[$t["Nice knowing you all," (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "Nice knowing you all,")[$t[(if: $momwildsuccess is true)[(goto: "Back in Brain Safely Cutscene")](else:)[(goto: "Dad Discovery Game Over Cutscene")]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "76"))(set: $nofirst to false)(set: $nosecond to false)(set: $nothird to false)(set: $nofourth to false)(if: $secondstory is true)[Like a bolt of avian lightning, (print: $c's 1st) flies through the previously broken window and into Charlie's gaping skull cavity, closing the hatch behind them.](else:)[Like a bolt of avian lightning, (print: $c's 1st) flies through the open window and into Charlie's gaping skull cavity, closing the hatch behind them.] (click: "closing the hatch")[$t[The remaining squad members erupt in cheer. (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["You made it!" Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["I never thought I'd be happy to see you, but here we are," Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["Oh thank the Forest God!" Guillermo says.]]] (click: "erupt in cheer.")[$t[The doorknob turns. Dad pokes his head through the door frame. "Are you deaf?! I made you soup!" Dad says.]] (click: "I made you soup!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh! Excuse my ignorance, Father, I was listening to Strauss!" Charlie says, his face back to normal kid mode. "Thank you for the soup!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Sorry, I wasn't paying attention," Charlie says, his face back to normal kid mode. "Thanks."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Thanks, pops!" Charlie says, his face back to normal kid mode. "And sorry about earlier, I was playing with my jacks and it got //way// out of hand up here!"]]] (click: "kid mode.")[$t["Hmph," Dad says, leaving the soup on an end table. He walks out.]] (click: "walks out.")[$t["So we're all good?" (print: $c's 3rd) asks.]] (click: "all good?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Indeed," Horseradish says. "Though I shan't be eager to repeat that ordeal!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["She's turning back," Chunks says. "Let's never do that again, agreed?"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yup, and you've got me to thank," Sprinkles says. "And that nameless oriole scout. But mostly me!"] [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

(set: $exhausted to false)Back in Charlie's bedroom, the squad pilots Charlie onto his bed. Charlie stamps his feet, marches in a circle, and plops down. The squad, exhausted, collapses in their respective control positions and are fast asleep. (click: "fast asleep")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[Horseradish dreams of a mighty wooden barque on a clear ocean day, sails unfurled. At the sight of land in the distance, the owl explorers and conquistadors call "land ho!" and celebrate, throwing their caps in the air. As they do, a swarm of rats, who had been hiding below in the hold, attack the owls. They bite, scratch, and knock the owls overboard, moments before landfall. Horseradish wakes with a start.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[Chunks dreams of one of their previous missions: a reconnaissance mission into human territory as a young magpie scout. Chunks, watching some Human children from a tree, notices some children bullying a smaller, weaker child. Chunks caws incessantly in an attempt to break it up. As they notice Chunks, the bullying ceases. But all parties, victim included, turn against Chunks. They throw rocks, coins, bottles, and shoes. Chunks is too terrified to move. A shoe finds its target and smashes Chunks' wing. Chunks wakes with a start.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[Sprinkles dreams of the Academy, of their final examination. Sprinkles grabs their pen and nestles it within their beak. They read the exam and recognise the questions, but their pen has no ink. They raise their wing to get the examiner's attention, but no examiner is present. They look around. The exam room is empty. They wander the halls of the Academy, but no animals are present. Sprinkles calls out, but no sound emerges from their beak. Sprinkles wakes with a start.]]] (click: "wakes with a start.")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim dreams of their home. "Honey, I'm home!" Slim calls. But there is no answer. They enter it and find their den empty. A human with a sledgehammer begins smashing their dam upstream, and water rushes in. Rather than escape, Slim lets the water overtake them. And, despite this, they feel.. happy? Slim wakes up, drenched in sweat.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy dreams of their meadow. They run like the wind, feeling the dewy, silvery grass underneath their paws. They close their eyes, and in their next stride, the earth falls from under them. They are falling, falling, falling.. and then Fluffy wakes up, drenched in sweat.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo dreams of a darkened forest floor. They are surrounded on all sides by demon rabbits, who snarl and snap their jaws. Suddenly, something in Guillermo snaps, and they charge the demons. They dive into the fray, slashing, biting, and jumping from demon to demon. They pin one of the demons and lunge for their neck.. when they wake up, drenched in sweat.]]] (click: "drenched in sweat.")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft dreams of a Human temple. In the centre of this temple, lit by a single shaft of light, is a pedestal. Resting on the pedestal is a single Human USB stick. Taft slinks through the shadows and skitters up to the pedestal. They look around, they ready their paws, they take a deep breath.. and snatch the stick. Once the stick is lifted, the floor begins to rumble and the ceiling begins to collapse. Taft sprints for the door, but stone debris blocks the exit. Taft wakes up and looks around, startled, before remembering where they are. They settle back down.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan dreams of their past. They hop around a Human park. As they descend their tree, bystanders point with great excitement. "Look, it's Susan!" The human onlookers produce bags of crumbs, cookies, peanuts, and other assorted treats. As Susan approaches, the Humans beckon: "Dance! Dance! Dance!" While the meaning of the word is unfamiliar to Susan, they do what they always do when they hear it: shuffle their feet back and forth, in place. The humans laugh and cheer and dispense their treats. Susan grabs some. "Hey! Don't feed the squirrels!" says a park warden, and the Humans disperse. Susan wakes up and looks around, startled.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone dreams of their father, whose back is turned. "Look at how well I've done so far!" Xylophone says. But they cannot gain their father's attention. They run around, trying to see their father's face, but cannot -- their father keeps turning to avoid Xylophone. Xylophone stops. Their father walks off into the forest, wordlessly, without ever acknowledging Xylophone's existence. Xylophone wakes up and looks around, startled.]]] (click: "startled")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid dreams of one of their shows. In it, they are in a devastated battlefield, clad shoulder-to-shoulder in walnut bandoliers. They rush no-animal's-land, shelled in all directions, screaming for the return of their weasel child, held captive behind enemy lines. They rush the enemy trench, casting walnut grenades in their wake. The enemy fortification cannot stand such an onslaught. They discover the swaddled walnut child at one end of the trench, and unravel the blanket to reveal a Human child instead. Tabloid wakes with a jolt and a yelp.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[In Sorghum's dream, they imagine themself as a human-sized gopher, tilling a field in the late summer sun. As they till, they uncover a network of holes. Without a second thought, Sorghum retrieves some kind of metal apparatus with a long wand attached to a nozzle. They insert the end of the wand into the biggest hold and pull the nozzle. Flames shoot out of the end of the wand, sending tiny Humans scattering out of the other end. Sorghum laughs and laughs until they wake with a jolt.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[Paul dreams they are working diligently in their laboratory next to the Replica, who lies on a blank slab. Suddenly, they sit upright, much to Paul's delight. "Charlie!" they exclaim. "You're a real boy!" Paul's happiness is cut short when Charlie grabs Paul around the neck and tries to strangle them. "No!" Paul says. "I'm your father!" But Charlie does not cease, and their grip tightens as Paul awakes with a jolt.] [[Continue..->Morning Breakfast Cutscene]]]]

Dad opens the door, gingerly clutching the soup. "I even added rosemary to the hot dog water like you like, and--"(set: $st to it + (a: "77")) (click: "like you like")[$longt["GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"]] (click: "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!")[$t[Dad throws the soup at the sight of Charlie's gaping scalp. Most of the soup lands on the Replica.]] (click: "gaping scalp")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["ABANDON SHIP!" Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["GET OUTTA HERE, NOW!" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["FLEE! FLEE! FLEE!" Guillermo says.]]] (click: "says.")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[Slim explodes through Charlie's chest and bumrushes Dad's shins, making for the stairs. ](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[Fluffy bursts through Charlie's chest and smashes into Dad, bowling him over in pain. ](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[Guillermo explodes through Charlie's chest and hides under Charlie's bed, waiting for their imminent death. ](if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft slithers through a tear in Charlie's wrist and begins pocketing everything and anything of value on Charlie's desk before hightailing out the window. ](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan leaps out the open window, hoping to find some human who recognises them from their days of entertaining humans at the city park. ](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone stands in front of Dad and puts up their dukes, willing to fight to the death. ](if: $gotbenji is true)[Benji, having tasted freedom for mere hours before finally and definitively facing their doom, cowers in a corner, waiting for the end. ](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["No! Not this way!" Tabloid screams, as they pour out of Charlie's ankle and flee for cover.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Tears fill Sorghum's eyes as the memories of Sorghum's human-slaughtered family flash before them.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["I'm not leaving him!" Paul says. "I can't leave my beloved Replica! I'll die before you eject me from him!"] (if: $dog is "Enemy" or "Neutral")[A monstrous hellbeast, who was resting in the other room, enters to address the commotion. "see, i told you chuck was up to no good," they tell Dad, before turning away, uninterested.](if: $dog is "Friendly")["oh, that's sad," the dog says, "i liked those four animals very much."] //([[Continue..->Game Over! Cutscene]])//]]

(set: $dad to "Emotional?")(set: $st to it + (a: "84"))The squad find themselves on a baseball diamond under a crisp cerulean evening sky. This particular diamond has seen better days: dandelions poke through the mound, paint peels off the bleachers, and the chain-link backstop appears ready to topple over at the slightest breeze. But for Dad, this is where dreams are born and legends are created. And today, he remarks to himself, today is day one of the Legend of Charlie Stewart. (click: "Legend of Charlie Stewart")[$t["All right, partner," Dad says, punching his glove for emphasis, "what would you like to start with? Batting or fielding?"]] (click: "Batting or fielding?")[$t["Why, you should bring me the baseball stick! I'd love to have a whack at it!" Charlie says.]] (click: "whack at it!")[$t[(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")["I fear this won't [[end well,->Baseball Batting]]" Slim says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")["This is such a -- a //profoundly// [[bad idea,->Baseball Batting]]" Fluffy says.](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")["I [[hate sports,->Baseball Batting]]" Guillermo says.]]]

"Of course, of course!" Dad says, bringing the bat over to Charlie. "You're a slugger at heart. We'll start with a basic two-seam fastball and work our way to the breaking balls from there. Focus on your stance, and visualize what your launch angle is going to be, okay?" (click: "launch angle")[$t["What the Forest Hell is he talking about?" (print: $c's 4th) says.]] (click: "talking about?")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Listen, Horseradish, it's been a very long day of swipin' Human stuff. I got a bunch of Human metal currency tokens, a single Human script-writing rod, and some miniature Human weapon called a 'stapler.' All of this is to say that I'm //tired//. I get the point behind hanging out with Dad and all, but I don't think I'll be able to do this for long. Let's make him happy and then go home, yeah?" Taft says. (if: $gotbenji is true)["I guess we have the new kid too, but who knows how tired they'll be after the rescue?"]](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Horseradish, I understand entirely your rationale for this, but it's been over twelve hours behind this control panel and I am //tired.// Let's do this quick and go home, because I don't think I can play baseball for long," Susan says. (if: $gotbenji is true)["We have Benji, but I imagine they're just as tired as we are."]](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Horseradish, I am super tired, dude. Let's just swing the club a couple of times and then go home, please? I don't think I can do this for long," Xylophone says. (if: $gotbenji is true)["Even with my best pal Benji here!"]]]] (click: "go home")[$t["I shall take it under advisement. Now assume the baseball [[basebatting position!->Go to Bat]]" Horseradish says.(set: $baseball1 to 0)(set: $baseball2 to 0)(set: $hitcounter to 0)(set: $whiffcounter to 0)(set: $baseballcalc to 75)(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[(set: $baseballcalc to it - 10)](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[(set: $baseballcalc to it - 5)](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(set: $baseballcalc to it - 12)](if: $gotbenji is true)[(set: $baseballcalc to it + 15)]]]

Dad takes the mound(if: $baseball1 is 0)[. "All right, Charlie, we're gonna start with a slow one!"](else:)[ again. "(either: "Okay, Charlie, this one has some heat on it!", "Here comes a fastball!", "Watch the action on this sinker!", "Curveball coming up!", "Think you can handle this screwball?", "Check out this change-up!", "I don't know how to throw a forkball, but I'm gonna try it anyway!", "Here's the ol' Stewart spitball!", "Slider coming next!")"] (click: "the mound")[$t["Oh dear!" Horseradish says. "Judging by his arm position, our fatigue, and my trademark sabermetric analysis, I'd say we have a $baseballcalc% chance of striking the baseball with the baseball wand(if: $gotbenji is true)[, particularly with our new squadmate Benji assisting at the arm controls!"](else:)[!"] (if: $exhausted is true)[(set: $baseballcalc to it - 30)Horseradish examines the exhausted squad, slumped over their control positions. "Come on now, where's the pep?! Where's the gumption?! Where's the heart?! At this rate, we're down to $baseballcalc%!"](if: $charred is true)[(set: $baseballcalc to it - 20)(print: $c's 3rd) wordlessly waggles Charlie's bandaged hands before attempting to pick up the baseball bat. "Ah, yes, I see," Horseradish says. "This shall affect us, bringing us down to.. $baseballcalc%. Oopsie daisy!"]]] (click: "baseball wand")[$t["Don't forget, you're $baseball1 for $baseball2," Dad says. (if: $hitcounter is 2)["And you've hit two in a row!"](else:)["Ready?"] Dad starts his windup. "Swing! Swing like the dickens!" "Let us practice restraint! We'll wait for the next pitch!" (Click: "Swing!")[(set: $baseballroll to (random: 1, 100))(set: $baseball2 to it + 1)(if: $baseballroll > $baseballcalc)[(goto: "Whiff")](else-if: $baseballroll <= $baseballcalc)[(goto: "Hit")]]]](click: "next pitch!")[(set: $baseball2 to it + 1)(set: $baseballcalc to it + 10)[$t["Good eye," Dad says. "Wait for the right pitch! Make me [[work for it!->Go to Bat]] God, he's gonna be good!"]]]

(set: $baseball1 to it + 1)(set: $hitcounter to it + 1)(set: $whiffcounter to 0)(set: $baseballcalc to it - 15)Charlie (either: "makes solid contact", "hits a ground ball", "hits a glancing drive", "hits a fly ball", "wallops a dinger", "smashes the ball") to (either: "just within the left foul line", "just within the right foul line", "foul territory", "the gap in left-center field", "the gap in right-center field", "third base", "second base", "first base", "the mound"). (if: $baseball2 > 5)[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Can we //please// go home now?!" Taft says. "I can't lift a damn thing, I'm so tired!"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Okay, this is clearly unnecessary at this point," Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["I could do this all day," Xylophone says, "but I should really go home and rest, y'know?"]](else:)["(either: "Yeah! That felt great!", "There's something very satisfying about this,", "Hoo yeah!", "We smacked a Human dingdong!", "Hooray!", "Yes!", "Hee hee! We're Human children, all right!", "Amazing!", "This is fun!")" (print: $c's 3rd) says.] "(either: "Great job!", "Well done!", "Great!", "Good work!", "That's a good start!", "That was pretty good!", "Nice!", "Good job!", "All right!", "Not bad!")" Dad says. "But there's room for improvement! Let's try it again!" (click: "try it again!")[(if: $hitcounter is 3)[(goto: "One More Hit")](else:)[(goto: "Go to Bat")]]

(set: $whiffcounter to it + 1)(set: $hitcounter to 0)(set: $baseballcalc to it - 10)Charlie swings and completely misses the ball, performing a full 360 degree rotation. (if: $spinning is true)["NO TWIRLING!" Dad says.](else:)["(either: "Okay, that wasn't.. great,", "Hm, okay,", "Not bad.. not great either,", "Huh,")]" Dad says. "Let's try it again?" (click: "try it again?")[(if: $whiffcounter is 3)[(goto: "Give Up")](else:)[(goto: "Go to Bat")]]

Dad leaps in the air in celebration. "My little GUY! A slugger! A real home-run dinger!" (click: "home-run dinger!")[$t["Thank you for your kind encouragement, Father!" Charlie says.]] (click: "Father!")[$t["All right, this is definitely gonna be my hardest pitch yet. Think you're ready for it?"]] (click: "ready for it?")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["NO," Taft says. "I am so Forestgoddamn tired, Horseradish. No more!"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Horseradish, stop this," Susan says. "We're exhausted. Listen to your squad!" ](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["No no no!" Xylophone pouts and stomps their paws. "No more, okay?!"] (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 4th) agree. Horseradish turns Charlie back towards Dad.]] (click: "turns Charlie")[$t["Yes, Father! [[Bring on the heating!->Dad Hits Charlie Game Over Cutscene]]" "I believe we should [[end on a high note,->Back to Home Happy Dad Cutscene]] Father. Let's turn for home!"]]

Dad's shoulders slump. He takes a deep, dissatisfied breath. "Maybe this was a bad idea," he says. "Do you wanna go home a quitter? We should at least get one last good hit in, right?" (click: "good hit in,")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["WE SHOULD GO HOME," Taft says. "I am so Forestgoddamn tired, Horseradish. No more!"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Horseradish, end this. We're exhausted. Listen to your squad!"](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["No no no!" Xylophone pouts and stomps their paws. "No more, okay?!"] (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 4th) agree. Horseradish turns Charlie to face Dad.]] (click: "turns Charlie")[$t["I shall attempt to hit [[one last good ball->Dad Hits Charlie Game Over Cutscene]] for you, Father!" "I'm afraid I am [[too fatigued->Back to Home Sad Dad Cutscene]] to continue!"]]

"Okay, this one's gonna be hot, so get ready!" (click: "get ready!")[$t[(print: $c's 2nd) pivots. (print: $c's 3rd) can barely lift the bat, but they somehow manage to maneuver it to a vertical position.]] (click: "vertical position.")[$t["Let's make Father proud, squadron!" Horseradish says.]] (click: "squadron!")[$t[Dad sets.]] (click: "sets.")[$t[Dad winds.]] (click: "winds.")[$t[Dad releases the ball. It's fast.. ]](click: "fast..")[$t[high..]] (click: "high..")[$t[.. a little too high.]] (click: "too high.")[$t[The ball smashes directly into Charlie's head, lopping it clean off.]] (click: "clean off.")[$longt["GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"]] (click: "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!")[$t[The bat falls to the ground. And to make matters worse for poor, traumatised Dad, (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[a beaver](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[a fox](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[a rabbit] escapes through a hatch in Charlie's chest. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[A chipmunk](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[A squirrel](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[A mouse] leaps through an emergency exit in Charlie's wrist. (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[A weasel](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[A gopher](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[A stoat] snakes through a port in Charlie's ankle. Charlie's husk collapses to the ground. (if: $gotbenji is true)[After a few moments, (if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[another](else:)[a] mouse escapes the wreckage and skitters to safety.]]] (click: "Charlie's husk")[(goto: "Horseradish Game Over Escape Cutscene")]

"You're right. You're totally right," Dad says. "Rome wasn't built in a day.. or so they tell me."(set: $st to it + (a: "85")) (click: "Rome wasn't built in a day")[$t["I can confirm from my studies that it wasn't, Father," Charlie says, "but thank you regardless for the fun physical activity!"]] (click: "fun physical activity!")[$t["You know, Charlie," Dad says, hanging the baseball gloves off his bat and placing it on his shoulder, "I've noticed something different about you lately."]] (click: "noticed something different")[$t[The squad tenses.]] (click: "tenses.")[$t[".. and it's great!" Dad puts a comforting hand on Charlie's shoulder as they walk towards home. "I mean, you're getting older, and soon you're going to be thinking about.. well, y'know.."]] (click: "y'know")[$t["I haven't the slightest idea," Charlie says, "but please continue!"]] (click: "please continue!")[$t["The point is, it's nice that you're making time to hang out with your old man. That's all."]] (click: "That's all.")[$t["Why, of course!" Charlie says. "And thank you for appreciating the changes in my constitution and diction!"]] (click: "diction!")[$t[Dad bites his bottom lip to hold back the paternal tears, and the two walk off the field arm-in-arm, father and faux-son. [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

"I suppose so," Dad says. "Rome wasn't built in a day.. or so they tell me."(set: $st to it + (a: "86")) (click: "Rome wasn't built in a day")[$t["I can confirm from my studies that it wasn't, Father," Charlie says, "but thank you regardless for the fun physical activity!"]] (click: "fun physical activity!")[$t["You know, Charlie," Dad says, hanging the baseball gloves off his bat and placing it on his shoulder, "I've noticed something different about you lately."]] (click: "noticed something different")[$t[The squad tenses.]] (click: "tenses.")[$t[".. I can't put my finger on it. Something about the way you talk, or the way you're always referring to Mom, your sister and I as humans.."]] (click: "humans..")[$t["Oh my," Horseradish says, within the confines of the Replica.]] (click: "confines")[$t["The point is.." Dad sighs heavily. "I guess I'm not sure what the point is."]] (click: "what the point is.")[$t[Dad bites his bottom lip, sighs, and shrugs. Charlie and Dad walk off the field towards home. "At least we kept Dad out of the Taiga for one night," Horseradish says. [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

Horseradish, emerging from the shelled-out remains of Charlie's head, flaps nervously before launching into the air.(set: $st to it + (a: "87")) (click: "into the air.")[$t["I have failed the Taiga!" Horseradish says, tears welling in their eyes. "The Replica! The Offering! May the Forest God forgive me!"]] (click: "Forest God")[$t[They flap towards the Taiga, towards the west.]] (click: "the west.")[$t["But.. just look at the majesty of this sunset!"]] (click: "majesty")[$t[The motion of Horseradish's wings seems slowed, almost contemplative, as they fully embrace the spectrum of colours beyond them. "Perhaps the Taiga is more of an affect? A feeling? A sensation? Perhaps returning to the Taiga with understanding of our differences -- not just within Animalia, but between Animalia and Homo sapiens alike -- can provide greater understanding for our respective species moving forward! Perhaps," they say, taking a breath of cool, forest air, "perhaps the failure of the Replica project was for the best after all!"]] (click: "for the best")[$t["No more disguises! No more hiding! No more replicas! From now on, clear communication! Clear understanding! And together, we can experience what I am feeling //right now!// The Taiga exists not as a mere geographical entity; it stirs within us! It exists within our souls! It is us, and we are it! Long live the Forest God, and long live the Taiga!"]] (click: "long live the Taiga!")[$t[Horseradish flies off into the sunset.]] (click: "into the sunset")[$t[//(Horseradish was later [[put to death->Game Over! Cutscene]] for their failure.)//]]

The squad finds themselves in Taiga territory once again. Much to their dismay, they are accompanied by Dad, who clutches a hunting rifle with the confidence of a man who simply doesn't hunt very often.(set: $st to it + (a: "81")) "Ah, this is the life," Dad says, sucking in moist air, slurping on Thermos broth. "Hey, you hear that trembling, quaking sound? Sorta sounds like wind whistling through the trees?" (click: "wind whistling")[$t[Chunks, having lost all decorum, answers abruptly. "Yeah, they're quaking aspen trees. They //do// that."]] (click: "aspen trees.")[$t["Wrong, dumdum," Dad says, playfully knocking Charlie on the head. "It's the Forest God, coming to say hello."]] (click: "Forest God,")[$t[The squad is stunned.]] (click: "stunned.")[$t["//What// did you say?!"]] (click: "you say?!")[$t["Charlie, Charlie, shh! Shhh! Get down!"]] (click: "Get down")[$t[Charlie crouches next to Dad. "Look over there!"]] (click: "there!")[$t[Charlie follows Dad's finger. Emerging between the aspens is young white-tailed deer, ears perked and eyes wide. They seem cognisant of the sound of Charlie and Dad for a moment, before they resume their evening graze, seemingly unbothered.]] (click: "evening graze")[$t["I've never actually seen a deer in the wild before," Dad says. "Here, son - you make the shot!"]] (click: "shot!")[$t[Charlie reluctantly receives the rifle. "Wait a minute," Chunks says. "Is that .. Nougat?"]] (click: "Nougat")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) peers at their control screen. "It totally is Nougat," they say. "What are they [[doing here?!->Hunting II]]"]]

Nougat looks up as they masticate. "Mmm, fiddleheads," they mumble to themself. (click: "fiddleheads,")[$t["Okay, Charlie," Dad whispers. "Just look down the sight, hold the gun tight, with the stock against your shoulder -- yeah, like that. Breathe easy -- but not too easy! You don't want the deer to hear you. When you feel it's right, squeeze the trigger. And then venison burgers! .. Well, not right away. After some preparation."]] (click: "preparation")[$t["Dad," Charlie says, "I can't shoot that deer."]] (click: "Dad,")[$t["Sure you can!" Dad says. "Just point and shoot and it'll all be over."]] (click: "all be over.")[$t[Within the Replica, Chunks turns to the squad. "I need a solution, quick," they say.]] (click: "quick,")[$t["Make a [[loud noise!->Hunting Noise]]" (print: $c's 2nd) says. "I could [[drop the gun!->Hunting Drop Gun]]" (print: $c's 3rd) says. "Let's [[just walk away!->Hunting Leave]]" (print: $c's 4th) says.]]

"ALL RIGHT, DAD!" Charlie bellows. "I CAN'T WAIT TO FIRE THIS GUN AND MORTALLY WOUND THIS DEER NAMED NOUGAT!" (click: "NOUGAT!")[$t["N.. Nougat?" Dad says. "What are you talking about? Oh, also, shhhh!"]] (click: "shhhh!")[$t[Nougat perks up. "Hey, did someone call my name?" they say. "Don't worry, I'm coming! Just stay there!"]] (click: "Just stay there!")[$t["Oh, Forest God, how dumb do you have to be?!" Chunks says.]] (click: "have to be?!")[$t["You've still got a chance!" Dad says. "It's now or never!"]] (click: "now or never!")[$t["Aaaaaarghh," Chunks says. "Let's [[deliberately miss.->Hunting Miss]]" "[[Drop the gun again,->Hunting Drop Gun Cutscene]] (print: $c's 3rd)."]]

"Do it!" Chunks says to (print: $c's 3rd). The gun slips from Charlie's hand and tumbles to the ground. "Charlie!" Dad barks, as quietly as he can. "What the hell is wrong with you?" (click: "wrong with you?")[$t[In the distance, Nougat perks up. "Hm, that sounded interesting!" they say out loud. "I should investigate. Perhaps there are more snacks in that direction!"]] (click: "in that direction!")[$t["Oh, give me a break," Chunks says.]] (click: "give me a break,")[$t["Look, it's coming closer! You're lucky, you get a second chance!" Dad picks up the gun and hands it back to Charlie. "It's now or never!"]] (click: "back to Charlie.")[$t["Aaaaaarghh," Chunks says. "Let's [[deliberately miss.->Hunting Miss]]" "[[Drop the gun again,->Hunting Drop Gun Cutscene]] (print: $c's 3rd)."]]

Charlie gets up, turns, and walks away. (click: "walks away.")[$t["Charlie!" Dad says through his teeth. "Where are you //going?//"]] (click: "you going?")[$t[Charlie steps on a twig. Nougat's head pops up. "Hey, what's that sound?!" they say. "Anyone there? I should go investigate just to see. Here I come!"]] (click: "Here I come!")[$t["Oh, you're kidding," Chunks says.]] (click: "you're kidding,")[$t[Dad grabs Charlie's shoulder, whips him around, and crouches down again. "You get a second chance! This doesn't happen often! It's now or never!"]] (click: "now or never!")[$t["Aaaaaarghh," Chunks says. "Let's [[deliberately miss.->Hunting Miss]]" "[[Drop the gun again,->Hunting Drop Gun Cutscene]] (print: $c's 3rd)."]]

(print: $c's 3rd) clutches the rifle tightly, a finger laid delicately on the trigger. (click: "the trigger")[$t[Dad holds his breath.]] (click: "his breath.")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) pulls the trigger, twisting slightly to the right as they do. The explosion in the squad's ear deafens them, and they drop the rifle in their disorientation.(set: $huntinghit to (random: 1, 100))]] (click: "in their disorientation")[$t[(if: $huntinghit >= 75)[(goto: "Hunting Actual Miss Cutscene")](else:)[(goto: "Hunting Hit Cutscene")]]]

"I'm not taking part in this," Charlie says. He drops the gun again, gets to his feet, and turns and walks away. (click: "walks away")[$t["What - no!" Dad hastily picks up the rifle, aims, and fires.]] (click: "fires.")[$t[An unsatisfying "click."]] (click: "click.")[$t["Wait, what?!" Dad says. He looks at the chamber. "I forgot bullets?!"]] (click: "bullets?!")[$t["That click means it's time for me to go, I think," Nougat says, before bounding in the opposite direction.]] (click: "opposite direction.")[$t[Furious, Dad catches up with Charlie, about a hundred metres away. "Hey! What the hell is wrong with you? Why can't you just do as I say?"]] (click: "do as I say?")[$t[Something in Chunks clicks. "Because I don't want to hunt!" they say, through Charlie. "I don't want to do the things you want to do! You know, I'm starting to understand that you have this image of yourself as a frontiersman, as a woodsman, as a real //man's man//. Well, let me tell you something: you're not! Coming out here and killing an animal with a gun doesn't 'build character,' respecting nature and those creatures that live within it does!"]] (click: "live within it")[$t[Charlie turns and continue to walk away. Dad stands, stunned and quieted, the rifle dangling uselessly from his hands, the fog rolling in at his feet and rolling out of his brain.]] (click: "out of his brain.")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Well done, Boss," Taft says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Sounds like someone was convincing themselves a bit, eh?" Susan says.](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Now that's a strong leader!" Xylophone says.] "Hmph," Chunks says. [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

Nougat is startled. (click: "startled.")[$t[The round misses, lost in the aspen. "Uh oh, suppose I better vamoose," Nougat says. They turn and bound away.]] (click: "bound away.")[$t["Oh, so close!" Dad says, taking a deep breath. "Good effort, son. Should we wait for any others? I would thinking waiting another seven or eight hours should do it--"]] (click: "seven or eight hours")[$t["Dad, I hate this," Charlie says.]] (click: "I hate this,")[$t["You-- you what?"]] (Click: "you what?")[$t["I don't want to kill animals. I think it's lame," Charlie says.]] (click: "it's lame,")[$t["Oh, well.. why didn't you say so?"]] (click: "say so?")[$t["I did. Moments before you shepherded me to your truck."]] (click: "truck.")[$t["Oh. Well, I guess I just haven't been listening to you very well." Dad crouches down and grabs Charlie's shoulders, squaring himself. "I'm sorry. I'll try to do better in the future, okay? We'll do the things that make you happy, because that makes me happy."]] (click: "that make you happy,")[$t[Chunks ponders this. "How about garbage for dinner?"]] (click: "garbage")[$t[".. Get in the truck." [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

Nougat is startled.(set: $st to it + (a: "82")) (click: "startled.")[$t[A single line of blood trickles from a recently formed hole in Nougat's forehead.]] (click: "forehead.")[$t[They slump and collapse to the ground, dead.]] (click: "dead.")[$t["You got them! You got them!!" Dad screams in excitement. "Oh, what the hell do we do now?"]] (click: "now?")[$t["I feel sick," Chunks says.]] (click: "sick,")[$t[Dad springs to his feet and grabs Charlie's elbow, ushering him to Nougat's corpse. "That was amazing," Dad says. "You ricocheted the shot off that tree branch and got them right between the eyes. Incredible shot, Charlie!"]] (click: "Charlie!")[$t[Charlie stares into Nougat's eyes, searching, hoping for some glimmer, some spark, some hint of life, but finds none. Their tongue lolls out of their mouth. Blood pools around their head. The squad can't find any words.]] (click: "any words")[$t[An alarm rings on (print: $c's 3rd)'s control panel. "Um," they say, their voice barely audible, "it's Hank on the line."]] (click: "on the line.")[$t[Chunks closes their eyes. //This is a nightmare,// they think. "Put them on. Every station."]] (click: "Every station.")[$t["What have you //done?//, squad!? You've killed a member of the Taiga!" Hank says, roaring.]] (click: "Taiga!")[$t["It.. was an accident," (print: $c's 3rd) says.]] (click: "accident,")[$t["An //accident?!// You're supposed to divert humans away from the Taiga, not to it! That's your entire //mission purpose!//"]] (click: "purpose")[$t["But--"]] (click: "But--")[$t["Silence! All of you will be subject to a tribunal upon the completion of the mission. Now get back to work, and //do better!//" The line is slammed shut.]] (click: "slammed shut")[$t["Come on, Charlie, help me drag this thing to the truck!" [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "83"))The squad find themselves on the front doorstep of a bungalow similar to Charlie's, though with some notable differences: a hand-painted sign advising visitors to keep off the tidy lawn pokes out of the garden; a fancy two-wheeled personal transportation device is propped neatly against the house; and a "Bless This Mess" doormat welcomes Charlie and his dad. (click: "Bless This Mess")[$t["Talking to your fellow man is important," Dad says as he pushes a small, glowing button next to the door. "It's always more productive to talk rather than fight."]] (click: "rather than fight.")[$t[A woman answers the door. She has scruffy auburn hair, dark blue eyes, and a pen tucked behind her ear. "Hi," she says, with a slightly stressed, yet friendly tone. "Can I help you?"]] (click: "Can I help you?")[$t["Hi!" Dad says, as chipper as the squad has ever heard him. "We're here looking for the //men of the house//."]] (click: "men of the house.")[$t[The woman scoffs. "Excuse me?"]] (click: "Excuse me?")[$t["Uh, sorry, I'm looking for Alastair and his dad." Charlie bristles behind Dad's legs.]] (click: "Alastair and his dad.")[$t[The woman pauses for a moment and chews her lip. "Hey, Em," she says, twisting around and calling back into her kitchen, "this guy's looking for the man of the house. That you?"]] (click: "That you?")[$t[A blonde woman in a flannel shirt appears at the door. "I suppose so!" she says, mildly amused. She puts an arm around the auburn-haired woman's shoulder. Al emerges from inside the house with a smirk, watching carefully from a distance. "Listen, what do you want?"]] (click: "what do you want?")[$t[Dad has turned white. "Uh, I'm so sorry, I'm just -- I'm Charlie's dad, and they got into a bit of a scuffle earlier today, and--"]] (click: "turned white.")[$t["Oh, we heard," the auburn-haired woman says.]] (click: "we heard,")[$t["Oh, so - okay, I was just thinking we could, y'know, talk it through, or something."]] (click: "or something.")[$t["Talk it through like men, right?" the blonde woman says, with a scoff. "Hey, whatever happened between Al and Charlie isn't great. But one thing we always tell Al is to stick up for himself, particularly in the face of bullshit like this."]] (click: "like this.")[$t[Dad is silent.]] (click: "silent.")[$t["Take your man's man nonsense elsewhere. We'll talk to Al. You'd be better off talking to Charlie about what just happened here. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm making dinner." The door is shut.]] (click: "The door is shut.")[$t[Charlie and Dad turn and walk back to the truck. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["More productive to talk, eh Father?" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["That went well," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["You're right!" Charlie says. "I learned a lot! Talking is more productive than fighting!"] "Just be quiet," Dad says, tail between his legs. [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

(set: $scraped to false)(set: $beehive to false)(set: $charred to false)After an hour of trudging, Charlie arrives at the Great Meeting Place -- where, mere days ago, he was unveiled to a skeptical Taiga council. This time, however, Charlie's audience is notably absent.(set: $st to it + (a: "79")) (click: "absent.")[$t["Are we clear?" Charlie calls.]] (click: "clear?")[$t[A shuffling in the bushes. ]](click: "shuffling")[$t[".. yes," a voice responds.]] (click: "responds.")[$t[Hank, Deborah, and Stumpy emerge from the woods. Deborah nods at Stumpy, who nods at Charlie.]] (click: "nods at Charlie.")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["All right, team, let's stretch our legs!" Tabloid says.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["I think that means we're good," Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Execute procedure 49," Paul says. "And for the love of the Forest God, be careful!"]]] (click: "says.")[$t[Steam ejects through a hidden vent around Charlie's calves. Soon, (print: $c's 1st), (print: $c's 2nd), (print: $c's 3rd), and (print: $c's 4th) emerge from hatches in the Replica. They stretch their legs, crack joints in their necks, lick their wounds.]] (click: "their wounds.")[$t["Squad, a word," Hank says, "before you get some well-deserved rest."]] (click: "rest.")[$t[The squad stands at attention. Behind them, muskrat engineers take the Replica away for vital maintenance.]] (click: "maintenance.")[$t["Regardless of the other difficulties you experienced during the first leg of the mission," Hank says, their voice rumbling, "I was most dismayed to hear of this presentation of the Taiga. Children were not normally viewed as threats, but clearly Human treachery can extend to any age bracket.]] (click: "age bracket.")[$t["I urge you very strongly to produce your presentation on the Taiga in a manner which discourages the audience from ever setting foot here. You have a great opportunity to ward them away. Your message is powerful. Use it."]] (click: "Use it.")[$t["Understood," (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Understood,")[$t["Dismissed. Get [[some rest."->Forest Solo Cutscene II]]]]

The squad stands awkwardly around one another. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["We have two hours shore leave," Horseradish says. "We shall meet back here at that time. Enjoy your rest and relaxation, squad."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Meet back here in two hours," Chunks says. "Dismissed."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Okay, seems like we get a two hours of rest, so, uh, y'know, make the most of it, and we'll see you back here soon," Sprinkles says.] (click: "two hours")[$t[[[(print: $c's 1st)->Forest Solo Cutscene 1st]], [[(print: $c's 2nd)->Forest Solo Cutscene 2nd]], [[(print: $c's 3rd)->Forest Solo Cutscene 3rd]], and [[(print: $c's 4th)->Forest Solo Cutscene 4th]] nod to one another, and then scatter in their respective directions. (if: $gotbenji is true)["Hey!" Benji says. "What the Forest Hell am I gonna do?" No one seems to have an answer.]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[(display: "Forest Solo Cutscene Horseradish")](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[(display: "Forest Solo Cutscene Chunks")](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[(display: "Forest Solo Cutscene Sprinkles")]

(if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[(display: "Forest Solo Slim Cutscene")](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[(display: "Forest Solo Fluffy Cutscene")](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[(display: "Forest Solo Guillermo Cutscene")]

(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[(display: "Forest Solo Taft Cutscene")](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[(display: "Forest Solo Susan Cutscene")](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[(display: "Forest Solo Xylophone Cutscene")]

(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[(display: "Forest Solo Tabloid Cutscene")](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[(display: "Forest Solo Sorghum Cutscene")](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[(display: "Forest Solo Paul Cutscene")]

(set: $st to it + (a: "790"))Horseradish seems unsure of what to do with themself. They look around, eager to share some war stories or report some valuable intel, but the crowd of Taiga support personnel has thinned and, once again, Horseradish is alone. (click: "alone.")[$t[They fly to their nearby perch and rest. Soon, they produce their notes from the mission so far and begin reviewing them.]] (click: "reviewing them.")[$t["Oh, what a fool I've been," Horseradish says, with a sigh.]] (click: "fool I've been,")[$t["I've been saying capacious in place of capricious. Stupid Horseradish!"]] (click: "Stupid Horseradish!")[$t[A voice calls from below. "Horseradish? Is that you?"]] (click: "Is that you?")[$t[Horseradish quickly hides the notes. "Yes, Deborah!" They fly down to greet their commanding officer. "Can I assist?"]] (click: "assist?")[$t["Yes, you can," Deborah says. "//Relax.//"]] (click: "Relax.")[$t["I //beg// your pardon?"]] (click: "pardon?")[$t["Just relax. You've earned it. You don't need to keep studying Human vernacular. Hank will never say it, but you're doing very well."]] (click: "very well.")[$t[Horseradish is taken aback by this sudden show of approval. "Oh. Well, thank you. I will try to.. relax."]] (click: "to.. relax.")[$t[Horseradish hops from tree to tree. "Oh, I can't do it! Quiz me, Deborah! Thirty-two ounces in a quart! Charlotte, Emily, and Anne Bronte! The capital of Uruguay is Montevideo! Mohawk, Onondaga, Oneida, Cayuga, Seneca, Tuscarora!"]] (click: "Tuscarora!")[$t["Forestgoddamnit," Deborah says under their breath. They turn and leave. [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Was everyone's shore leave to their satisfaction?" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["We ready to go?" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Hi again, team! We all here?" Sprinkles says.] (click: "says.")[$t[The squad grumbles. They don't say it out loud to one another, but they can all agree: while coming back to the Taiga for a brief rest was pleasant, it's significantly more difficult to leave it a second time round. [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "791"))At the first available moment, Chunks flies to the safety of a nearby pine. They would never admit it to another Taiga commander -- hell, another animal -- but Chunks doesn't know what to do with themself outside of Human territory. Action in Human territory is all they know. (click: "all they know.")[$t[They return to their nest, a short flight away. Stashed nearby is a plastic bag with a peculiar red metal can, which they manipulate and tip over, spilling some brown, carbonated liquid into the nest.]] (click: "tip over,")[$t["Forest God, I need my fix," they say.]] (click: "need my fix,")[$t[They slurp some of the caramelized sugar water up. "That's the //stuff//."]] (click: "stuff")[$t["Chunks? Can I see you for a sec?" Hank says.]] (click: "Hank says.")[$t["Oh yeah! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!" Chunks says, buzzed. They flap down and land on Hank's shoulder. "What do you need?"]] (click: "need?")[$t[Hank pauses for a moment. "You okay?"]] (click: "okay?")[$t["Yeah! Of course! I'm just full of adrenaline, that's all."]] (click: "adrenaline,")[$t["Right, of course. Well, I just wanted to go over some of the kid schematics.."]] (click: "kid schematics..")[$t[The two of them walk off towards Taiga Command. //That was too close,// Chunks thinks. //No one must know.// [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "792"))"Hey!" Sprinkles says, catching up with Hank. "So how am I doing? You think I could be doing better? There was a little moment there with Mom during breakfast, I dunno if you saw -- well, of course you saw, you're always monitoring us -- wait, are you monitoring us? Or are you checking in periodically? Wait don't answer that, I should be taking care of that. I mean, I should //know// that. Anyway, um, yeah! Mom's kinda funny, hey? She might be worth some additional reconnaissance - I dunno if we have any robin spies available, or maybe some nuthatches available? I saw some additional room on the nearby budget and I'm sure that would be a worthwhile use of budgetary space. We can always use more spies -- not //spies//, y'know, but, like, intel? Intel is always good, especially if we're planning to use Charlie long term--" (click: "long term--")[$t["SPRINKLES."]] (click: "SPRINKLES.")[$t["Yes! Sorry! Hi!"]] (click: "Hi!")[$t["You're doing fine. Don't tell me how to do my job. I have refrained, for the most part, from telling you how to do yours." Hank shrugs Sprinkles off and walks away.]] (click: "walks away.")[$t["I'm //only// doing //fine?//" Sprinkles says, disappointed. [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "793"))Slim enters their lodge. "Honey, I'm home," they say. (click: "I'm home,")[$t["Slim, what are you doing here?!" Slim's mate rushes to greet them, giving them a passionate nuzzle. "Surely the mission can't be over already?"]] (click: "over already?")[$t["Oh, no," Slim says. "I'm only here for a couple of hours."]] (click: "couple of hours.")[$t[Slim's mate frets. "When are you gonna retire, Slim? When is this all gonna be over?"]] (click: "Slim?")[$t[Slim sighs, sitting down in their favourite beaver chair. "You know how it's always been. When the Taiga calls, I answer."]] (click: "I answer.")[$t["Can't you leave it to some younger beaver? You're getting too old to waltz into Human territory like this, over and over--"]] (click: "over and over--")[$t[Slim waddles over to their mate and embraces them. "You're right. Of course you're right. Once this mission is over, that's it. Just you and me, and the lodge at night, and the fireflies, and the big Forest Moon above. That's all it'll ever be from now on."]] (click: "from now on.")[$t[Slim's mate smiles. "You promise?"]] (click: "promise?")[$t["I promise." [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "794"))"FREEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!" Fluffy says. "FRESH AIR! A CHANCE TO STRETCH MY LEGS! THANK THE SWEET FOREST GOD ABOVE!" (click: "SWEET FOREST GOD")[$t[Fluffy runs lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap after lap.]] (click: "lap.")[$t["You, uh, think they're gonna stop any time soon?" a badger observer says to their companion.]] (click: "badger observer")[$t["Nope," their companion responds. "I WILL NEVER TIRE OF THIS!" Fluffy says. [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "795"))(print: $c's 1st), (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 4th) head their separate ways. Guillermo stays right where they are, shivering. (click: "shivering.")[$t[Deborah the moose walks next to Guillermo and lies down. "Are you okay?"]] (click: "okay?")[$t["Uh, yeah, I think," Guillermo says, trying to smile. "It's been a long day."]] (click: "long day.")[$t["It has been for all of us. But you're doing extremely well. You've made all of us very proud."]] (click: "very proud.")[$t["Thanks, Deborah. I just.." A long pause. "I just never want to go near a Human after this. They're terrifying."]] (click: "terrifying.")[$t["They are, indeed," Deborah says. "But you have faced that terror headlong, and have returned to the Taiga successfully. I have no doubt that you will be able to repeat this process. It's because of your bravery that the Replica was able to return in the first place!"]] (click: "first place!")[$t[Guillermo's tail wags. "You're right. I can do this!"]] (click: "I can do this!")[$t[Hank appears out of the Taigan darkness. "Guillermo--"]] (click: "Guillermo--")[$t["BAUGHAUGHGH!" Guillermo screams, jumping high into the air, hackles raised.]] (click: "hackles raised.")[$t[Deborah and Hank look at one another. "Uh, carry on," Hank says, embarrassed for Guillermo more than anything. [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "796"))Taft scampers back to their hideout, huge grin stapled on their face. "Hey, Pudding! Milton!" (click: "Pudding! Milton!")[$t[Two chipmunks -- one lanky, the other chubby -- turn and face Taft and erupt in pleasant cheer. "Taft! We'd heard you had been commissioned for a government job," Pudding, the lanky one, says.]] (click: "government job,")[$t["Yeah," Milton says with a snort, "something //real// secret and dangerous."]] (click: "dangerous.")[$t["It //is// that, I won't lie," Taft says. "But check out my spread!"]] (click: "spread!")[$t[They lay out their prizes for Pudding and Milton's persual: a silver Human food scoop, three copper Human currency discs, a graphite Human script-writing rod, a gently-used Human food wrapper, and a Human carbonated beverage can tab.]] (click: "tab.")[$t[Milton whistles. "Pretty sweet stuff. How did you carry all this stuff back? You must have been Human sized in order to pull that amount of grift!"]] (click: "grift!")[$t[Taft winks. "Elephants never tell," they say.]] (click: "never tell,")[$t["You sure that's how the phrase goes?" Pudding says.]] (click: "phrase goes?")[$t["Pretty sure," Taft says. [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "797"))Susan turns and walks away from the rest of the squad. (click: "rest of the squad.")[$t[They walk past two shrews, who stare as Susan passes. "Forestgoddamned traitor," one says.]] (click: "traitor,")[$t[The other spits in front of Susan.]] (click: "spits")[$t["All right, you know what, I'm sick of this," Susan says, turning to face the aggressors. "I've been stuffed inside a child for an entire day //busting my tail// so your blind asses can safely come up for air once every blue Forestgoddamned moon. So how about you turn around and head back to the rotting log you crawled out from under before I stuff you back there myself?"]] (click: "myself?")[$t[The shrews back down.]] (click: "back down.")[$t["That's what I thought," Susan says. "Such fire," Deborah says. "I knew it was a good idea to bring them along." [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

(if: $gotbenji is true)[(set: $st to it + (a: "798"))"Come on, Benji!" Xylophone says. "Let's go work out! We're tough mice! That's what we do!" (click: "tough mice!")[$t["Actually, I kinda wanna rest," Benji says. ".. if that's okay with you."]] (click: "okay with you.")[$t["Oh, uh, yeah, sure. I think I might, actually, I think I should probably rest here too."]] (click: "rest here too.")[$t[The two mice wander down to a shallow stream. They drink, bathe, and sun themselves together. "So, what do you do, Benji? Or, I guess, what //did// you do, y'know, before you were--"]] (click: "were--")[$t["Captured?"]] (click: "Captured?")[$t["Yeah, I guess.. that's what I mean. Sorry, I'm not very good with this sort of thing."]] (click: "with this sort of thing.")[$t["It's okay," Benji says. "My mom died when I was little, so I guess I've always been a bit of a scrapper. I hated the Taiga, hated what they represent. They kept trying to label me as a Taiga orphan. I hate that word so much. Orphan. Wasn't my Forestgoddamn fault. They pick up a tiny twig and chew it for a moment before tossing it back in the stream. "And now, I owe them my life."]] (click: "owe them my life.")[$t[Xylophone is quiet. "My dad was on the Taiga Council," they say, embarrassed.]] (click: "Taiga Council,")[$t["Ha, you're kidding," Benji says, with a dismissive snort. They are silent for a moment.]] (click: "silent for a moment")[$t["Listen," Xylophone says, "it's not about the Taiga. Screw the Taiga. Okay, don't screw the Taiga. But the Taiga isn't important. What's important is that I got you out of there."]] (click: "got you out of there.")[$t["Yeah," Benji says. They look into each other's eyes. "That is important."]] (click: "is important.")[$t[They touch noses. The sun sinks behind the pine and the stream burbles into the night. [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]](else:)[(set: $st to it + (a: "799"))Xylophone is alone. (click: "alone.")[$t[Hank lumbers over. "Come on up here, Xylo."]] (click: "Xylo.")[$t[Xylophone, without another word, clambers up the great bear and rests on their shoulder.]] (click: "shoulder.")[$t[Hank takes a deep breath. "Xylophone--"]] (click: "Xylophone--")[$t["I know, okay?!" Xylophone says. "I screwed up! I couldn't save that mouse! I can't do anything! I don't belong here!"]] (click: "belong here!")[$t[Hank pauses. "Do you know how many other mice I've seen attempt that sort of rescue mission?"]] (click: "rescue mission?")[$t[Xylophone shakes their head.]] (click: "shakes their head.")[$t["None," Hank says. "It has literally never been attempted before. To rescue a mouse from a cage in Human territory? Unheard of. Only a courageous mouse like yourself would attempt such a thing.]] (click: "such a thing.")[$t["The world is still a vicious place, Xylophone -- Human and Taiga alike. But it's better for having you in it." Xylophone smiles, and nuzzles into Hank's soft fur. [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "7990"))A herd of reporter animals rush Tabloid. "Tab! Tab! A word!" (click: "Tab! Tab!")[$t[Tabloid chuckles, running a paw through their fur. "Sure, I got time for a few questions!"]] (click: "few questions!")[$t["What's it like inside the Replica?"]] (click: "inside")[$t["Uhh.. cramped? Hot?" Tabloid says, with a chuckle. The reporters chuckle along. "No, it's good! It's a really sobering experience, y'know? But I mean, we've got a great team, we've got great leadership. Obviously, this is not an ideal situation, but we've battled back and I'm happy to make the most of this opportunity."]] (click: "the most of this")[$t["What's it like working with (print: $c's 1st)?"]] (click: "working with")[$t["Great, y'know. I thought I came to the mission prepared -- I mean, I studied the schematics for //days// -- but I mean, gosh. They just know that Replica inside and out. Their dedication, y'know, just so inspiring."]] (click: "so inspiring")[$t["When are we gonna see Death Weasels III?" Laughter from the interviewers.]] (click: "interviewers.")[$t["Not sure - maybe there'll be a cameo from Charlie here," they say.]] (click: "Charlie here")[$t[Uproarious laughter. "Okay, I gotta run, wish me Forest luck!" [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "7991"))Sorghum puts their head down and shuffles away as fast as they can. Finding a decent hole to rest in, they clamber in and bury their face in the dirt. (click: "in the dirt.")[$t[//How many Forestgoddamn Humans did I encounter today? Maybe.. thirty? Forty? I promised I would avenge my family. I promised I would kill every Human I see. And now look at me. Look at what I've become.//]] (click: "I've become.")[$t[Sorghum screams, anguished, angry. But they know it won't bring their family back, and it won't push the guilt away.]] (click: "guilt away.")[$t[//Maybe I'll get my revenge at the presentation tomorrow,// they think, a soothing thought. [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "7992"))At the moment of dismissal, Paul sprints to catch up with the muskrat engineers. "How is he?! How are his knee motors? What about his epidermal threshold?! I noticed there were some discrepancies during the mission, some troubling discrepancies.. Hey, you there!" Paul points and barks at a particularly careless muskrat. "For the love of the Forest God, be gentle! This is the Replica we're talking about, not some cheap, dime-store robot!" (click: "be gentle!")[$t["Listen, Paul, we have everything under control. The repairs are being conducted to your exact specifications. You can supervise if you wish, but everything is on schedule."]] (click: "supervise")[$t["You're Forestgoddamned right I'm going to supervise!" Paul puts on his Forest welding mask, sidles next to an engineer, and gets right to work.]] (click: "right to work.")[$t["You'll be better soon, my sweet," Paul mumbles to their creation.]] (click: "my sweet,")[$t["Excuse me?"]] (click: "Excuse me?")[$t["Mind your own //business//, muskrat!" [[Continue..->Back to Human Territory Cutscene]]]]

Mom drags Charlie down a central Taigan path. Despite (print: $c's 1st)'s frequent exhortations, Mom refuses to turn back towards Human territory. Indeed, she strolls merrily, stopping often to smell the Taigan wildflowers, feel the various Taigan mosses, and listen to the hustle and bustle of the Taigan forest.(set: $st to it + (a: "80")) (click: "Taigan forest.")[$t["Ah, I love it out here," Mom says, taking a deep breath. "It just smells so good out here, you know?"]] (click: "you know?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["How would //you// know about the olfactory characteristics of this biome, Mother?" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["You seem to have spent a lot of time here, Mother. Can you confirm this? Yes or no answers, please," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["How do //you// know that?!" Charlie says, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.]]] (click: "Charlie says")[$t["You know this, Charlie. I used to be a forest biologist."]] (click: "forest biologist.")[$t["What?!"]] (click: "What?!")[$t["That's right! I used to come here every day for work. It was the best," Mom says, sighing.]] (click: "every day for work.")[$t["Oh no, this is bad," (print: $c's 1st) says. "Quick, (print: $c's 3rd), get on the horn with Hank! I have an idea!" [[Continue..->Forest Mom II]]]]

"Hank here. Go ahead, (print: $c's 3rd)." (click: "Go ahead,")[$t["We've got an idea," (print: $c's 3rd) says, into their communicator. "We need to scare Mom from coming back to the Taiga. She's a little too familiar with us."]] (click: "familiar with us.")[$t["Hm, yes, excellent idea, squad," Hank says. "Give us a moment.."]] (click: "a moment..")[$t["Oh, look!" Mom says, snapping the squad back into reality. "A goldfinch! Look at how bright they are! Oh, Charlie, aren't they wonderful?"]] (click: "wonderful?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Methinks that young Brahms the goldfinch is flying too close to the sun," Horseradish remarks.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Brahms should back off a bit," Chunks remarks.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Ugh, what is Brahms doing?! They need to back off," Sprinkles remarks.]]] (click: "remarks.")[$t["All right, thanks for your patience," Hank says. "From this list, who do you think should do the scaring?" "Myself, Hank the bear?" "Deborah the moose?" "Stumpy the wolf?" "Takuro the caribou?" "Yams the mountain goat?" "Snuff the reindeer?" "Lunchbox the wolverine?" "Carly the porcupine?" "Pogo the mink?" "Phil the otter?" "Mangy the marmot?"]] (click: "Hank the bear?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Hank", "bear"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Fail Cutscene")] (click: "Deborah the moose?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Deborah", "moose"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Fail Cutscene")] (click: "Stumpy the wolf?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Stumpy", "wolf"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Fail Cutscene")] (click: "Takuro the caribou?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Takuro", "caribou"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Fail Cutscene")] (click: "Yams the mountain goat?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Yams", "mountain goat"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Fail Cutscene")] (click: "Snuff the reindeer?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Snuff", "reindeer"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Fail Cutscene")] (click: "Lunchbox the wolverine?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Lunchbox", "wolverine"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Fail Cutscene")] (click: "Carly the porcupine?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Carly", "porcupine"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Success Cutscene")] (click: "Pogo the mink?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Pogo", "mink"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Success Cutscene")] (click: "Phil the otter?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Phil", "otter"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Success Cutscene")] (click: "Mangy the marmot?")[(set: $forestmomanimal to (a: "Mangy", "marmot"))(goto: "Forest Mom Scare Success Cutscene")]

"Yes, excellent choice," Hank says. "(print: $forestmomanimal's 1st) is, as you know, renowned for their ferocity. Give us a few moments to set up the trap. Stay walking in this direction." (click: "in this direction")[$t["Oh, Charlie, just look at this lady fern," Mom says, straying off the path.]] (click: "straying")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, Mother dear!" Charlie says. "I believe we are nearing the proximity of where my phone was initially displaced!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Oh, Mom, I think we're close to where I lost my phone, I think," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh! Momma! Momma, I think we're around the area where I dropped my phone, maybe!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t["Oh, okay, good," Mom says, her eyes still locked on the fern. She turns and follows.]] (click: "follows.")[$t["Keep going," Hank says, over the comm system.]] (click: "Keep going,")[$t["Oh, we're ever so close," Charlie says.]] (click: "close,")[$t["Okay," Mom says, "but remind me to check out that cloudberry bush on the way back--"]] (click: "the way back--")[$t[Suddenly, a hellacious (print: $forestmomanimal's 2nd) appears, huffing and puffing and roaring and grunting, stamping their paws, baring their teeth.]] (click: "baring their teeth.")[$t["Leave this place! And never return!" (print: $forestmomanimal's 1st) says.]] (click: "never return!")[$t[Mom is unshaken. "I got this," she says.]] (click: "I got this,")[$t[Mom produces a canister of something from her purse and sprays it into (print: $forestmomanimal's 1st)'s eyes.]] (click: "eyes.")[$t["GAAAAAHHH! My eyes! And my pride!" (print: $forestmomanimal's 1st) says.]] (click: "My eyes!")[$t["Here's your Forest tip for the day, Charlie -- always come with bear spray. Or (print: $forestmomanimal's 2nd) spray, as it were."]] (click: "as it were.")[$t[Charlie pouts. (print: $forestmomanimal's 1st) retreats back into the thicket. "Now, where were we?" Mom says. [[Continue..->Forest Mom Back Home]]]]

"Them?!" Hank says. "Very well. You know this Mother character better than we do. But I trust you have the Taiga's best interests in mind." (click: "best interests")[$t["Oh, Charlie, just look at this lady fern," Mom says, straying off the path.]] (click: "straying")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh, Mother dear!" Charlie says. "I believe we are nearing the proximity of where my phone was initially displaced!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Oh, Mom, I think we're close to where I lost my phone, I think," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh! Momma! Momma, I think we're around the area where I dropped my phone, maybe!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t["Oh, okay, good," Mom says, her eyes still locked on the fern. She turns and follows.]] (click: "follows.")[$t["Keep going," Hank says, over the comm system.]] (click: "Keep going,")[$t["Oh, we're ever so close," Charlie says.]] (click: "close,")[$t["Okay," Mom says, "but remind me to check out that cloudberry bush on the way back--"]] (click: "the way back--")[$t[Suddenly, a hellacious (print: $forestmomanimal's 2nd) appears, huffing and puffing and roaring and grunting, stamping their paws, baring their teeth.]] (click: "baring their teeth.")[$t["Charlie. Don't move," Mom says.]] (click: "Don't move,")[$t["Leave this place! Never return!" (print: $forestmomanimal's 1st) says.]] (click: "Never return!")[$t[Mom slowly backs down, shielding Charlie. After a tense standoff, Mom and Charlie turn and head back towards home.]] (click: "head back towards home.")[$t["I'm sorry, Charlie," Mom says, teary-eyed. "I've never told you this, but your grandfather and I used to come to these very woods when I was about your size.]] (click: "about your size.")[$t["Once, we encountered a (print: $forestmomanimal's 2nd) just like that one. Your grandpa, also a forest biologist, thought it was safe to approach them. It wasn't.]] (click: "It wasn't.")[$t["The (print: $forestmomanimal's 2nd) bit him. He thought he would be okay without going to the doctor. He wasn't. He was very, very sick. I've hated those filthy creatures ever since.]] (click: "very, very sick.")[$t["I don't want you going to the forest any more," Mom says, turning and crouching to Charlie's level. "Do you understand me? To be honest, I'm not sure that I want to be here either." She takes a big breath, stands up, and continues walking for home.]] (click: "walking for home.")[$t["Success!" (print: $c's 1st) says. [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

Charlie and Mom step through the door of their house. "Find it?" Dad says, over his newspaper. (click: "Find it?")[$t["Nope," Mom says. "Found a (print: $forestmomanimal's 2nd), though."]] (click: ", though.")[$t["That's ni-- //you what?!//"]] (click: "you what?!")[$t["Probably enough excitement for Charlie for one night," Mom says, "but we'll load up on bear spray and head back another night. Sound good, little buddy?"]] (click: "little buddy?")[$t["Ugggghhh," Charlie says. Another failure. [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

Charlie and Martin walk along a central Taigan path. Fallen leaves crackle underneath their velcro'd boots. "I'm telling you, Charlie," Martin says, rubbing his elbows for warmth, "we shouldn't be here. The forest is //dangerous//." (click: "dangerous.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh ho, dear Martin, the Taiga is more dangerous than you could ever possibly imagine," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["You're about to find out," Charlie says, under his breath.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh, you really think so, do you? I bet it's a million times worse than what you think," Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says")[$t["What does that mean?!" Martin says, bug-eyed.]] (Click: "bug-eyed.")[$t[Within the Replica, the squad calls a brief summit over the intercom. (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["(print: $c's 1st)! Baby! What's this big plan you've cooked up?" Tabloid says.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["All right, (print: $c's 1st), what's the plan?" Sorghum says.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["You mentioned a plan, (print: $c's 1st). Divulge!" Paul says.]]] (click: "plan")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I trust that you are all intimately familiar with our bald eagle friend, Brezhnev? I have pencilled them in to pay our Human comrade here a little visit," Horseradish says. "Just to give him a wee fright!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Got an old war buddy. Brezhnev. Bald eagle. Fought with him in the Expansion. They're gonna pay Martin a visit," Chunks says. "Nothing'll scare a kid more than a screaming eagle buzzing him."](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Pulled a few strings back at the Academy," Sprinkles says, unctuous as the day is long. "My old prof Brezhnev is gonna come by and give a Martin a little fright in the form of a divebombing bald eagle."]]] (Click: "Brezhnev")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["Oooh, that'll play," Tabloid says, pleased.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["I'm into it," Sorghum says, pleased.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["I shall ready my notes," Paul says, pleased.]]] (click: "pleased.")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) sets the child voice setting to CHIPPER. "Oh, Martin, would you care to [[join me->Forest Martin II Cutscene]] in this clearing?" Charlie says.]]

"A clearing?! That sounds ominous, but okay, I trust you--" (click: "I trust you--")[$t[Screaming from the heavens, Brezhnev dives out of the sun, their wings spread wide. Their sights set on Martin, they circle, gain some momentum, and then begin their dive-bombing approach.]] (click: "dive-bombing")[$t["GAAAAAH?! A BALD EAGLE?!" Martin screams. He runs for cover, but finds none.]] (click: "finds none.")[$t[Brezhnev swoops, flies low.. ]] (click: "flies low..")[$t[and scoops Martin into their talons.]] (click: "scoops Martin")[$t["Brezhnev!!" Charlie screams. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["This was certainly not part of our arrangement!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["What are you //doing?//"](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Whuhhh?! That wasn't part of the deal! That wasn't paaaaart!!"]]] (click: "Brezhnev!!")[$t[Brezhnev circles back. "I'm sick of the Taiga!" they say, Martin wriggling in their grasp. "I'm sick of anti-predation laws! Sick of being told what I can and cannot eat! I can do what I want! And I'm gonna eat this Forestgoddamn kid myself!"]] (click: "eat this Forestgoddamn kid")[$t[They fly off. "Charlie, help meeeeeeeee!" Martin screams. "And if you can't, don't touch my stuuuuufffffff!"]] (click: "don't touch")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Traitor! There is a traitor in the Taigan midst!" Horseradish calls. "(print: $c's 3rd), inform Command!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Forestgoddamn it. A turncoat!" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Professor Brezhnev! Why?!" Sprinkles says.] (print: $c's 3rd) contacts Taiga Command. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Yo, Hank, we have a situation here. Brezhnev's gone rogue and flown off with a Human kid!"](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Hank, this is Susan. Brezhnev has absconded with another Human kid in tow!"](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["H.. Hank! Brezhnev flew off! Flew off with Martin! A Human kid!"]]] (click: "Human kid")[$t["Go after them!" Hank says, peaking their microphone. "We can't afford to have another child go missing in the Taiga!"]] (click: "go missing")[$t[(set: $nosecond to true)(set: $nothird to true)(set: $nofourth to true)(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Away I go!" Horseradish hits the eject button and is propelled from a hatch [[into the sky.->Brezhnev Fight Horseradish]] Charlie's face automatically resets to neutral.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Don't go anywhere," Chunks says. They hit the eject button and are propelled from a hatch [[into the sky.->Brezhnev Fight Chunks]] Charlie's face automatically resets to neutral.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Here I go!" Sprinkles hits the eject button and is propelled from a hatch [[into the sky.->Brezhnev Fight Sprinkles]] Charlie's face automatically resets to neutral.]]]

Horseradish catches up to Brezhnev, who continues to clutch Martin with their talons. (set: $st to it + (a: "88")) (click: "their talons")[$t["Judas!!"]] (click: "Judas!!")[$t["My name is Brezhnev, Horseradish. You know this. And you know what else I know? That this child will be delicious."]] (click: "this child")[$t["What the hell are you two saying?! Put me down!" Martin screams.]] (click: "Put me down!")[$t["You'll pay for this, quisling! Soon you shall be put to a fiery, discordant end.. in Forest Hell!"]] (click: "Forest Hell!")[$t["You really want to fight me?!" scoffs Brezhnev. "You're an owl! You don't have a chance!"]] (click: "don't have a chance!")[$t["Incorrect! You would be afear'd to hear that my (colour: "red")[ATTACK STAT] is 8, my (colour: "purple")[DEFENSE STAT] is 13, and my (colour: "lime")[EVASION STAT] is 6. Ready yourself!"]] (click: "Ready yourself!")[$t[".. what the hell are you talking about?"]] (click: "talking about?")[$t[Horseradish circles in the air, studying their opponent. "And just by observing your combat patterns, I can discern that your (colour: "red")[ATTACK STAT] is 12, your (colour: "purple")[DEFENSE STAT] is 14, and your (colour: "lime")[EVASION STAT] is 9. Has everyone got that?!"]] (click: "everyone got that?!")[$t["I think so?" Brezhnev says.]] (click: "I think so?")[$t["Very good," Horseradish says, readying their next move. "Also, now would be an excellent opportunity to SAVE, were this a computer simulation and not a fight to the bitter end!"]] (click: "not a fight")[$t["The Taiga's really done a number on you, hey?" Brezhnev says.]] (click: "done a number")[$t["En garde! Taking into account my VARIOUS STATISTICS, I choose to.. [[ATTACK!->Horseradish Attack Game Over Cutscene]]" [[DEFEND!->Horseradish Defend Cutscene]]" [[EVADE!->Horseradish Evade Game Over Cutscene]]"]]

Chunks catches up to Brezhnev. "How could you do this, Brezhnev?! After all we've been through?!"(set: $st to it + (a: "88")) (click: "we've been through?!")[$t[Brezhnev spins around and flies towards Chunks. "Ha," they say, "of course they'd send //you.// Isn't that how it always works? Send the ol' war buddy to talk down the crazy renegade."]] (click: "crazy renegade.")[$t["I came here on my own," Chunks says.]] (click: "on my own,")[$t["Of course you did! Because you've been brainwashed! In the beginning, the Taiga was a noble enterprise! It was a //loose// affiliation of the animals of the forest, united under the common banner of keeping the Humans out. But that's just how it starts, isn't it?! It seems like a good idea until they take a little more. And a little more. And a little more. Before you know it, your freedoms -- everything the Taiga is supposed to represent -- are sapped from you, from right under your beak, until there's nothing left!"]] (click: "there's nothing left!")[$t["It's not like that," Chunks says.]] (click: "not like that,")[$t["It is! And think about the parameters of your mission! Dressing up as a Human child?! Waltzing into Human territory?! Open your eyes, Chunks! It's a conspiracy to foster Human relationships with the Taiga! You think this mission is an attempt to keep Humans away?! Think again!"]] (click: "Think again!")[$t["No.. no, that's not right," Chunks says.]] (click: "not right,")[$t["You don't think that myself, or yourself, or Hank, Deborah, Stumpy -- you don't think we are perfectly capable of defending the Taiga with what the Forest God gave us?! We don't need to use Replicas of Human children to do so! It's a plot! A Human plot!"]] (click: "Human plot!")[$t["HEY! What are you two talking about?! And how are you holding still in the air talking like that?!" Martin says.]] (click: "holding still")[$t["Whatever, Chunks. You're either with me or you're against me. Which is it?!" "I [[can't let you->Brezhnev Killed Chunks Cutscene]] do this." "You [[make a lot of sense.->Brezhnev Convince Chunks Cutscene]]"]]

With all the energy in their tiny little body, Sprinkles catches up to Brezhnev. "Professor!" they say. "How could you?!"(set: $st to it + (a: "88")) (click: "How could you?!")[$t[Brezhnev circles around, Martin dangling from their grasp. "Oh, Sprinkles," they say, mournfully. "I didn't want you to get involved in this."]] (click: "get involved")[$t["But you betrayed the Taiga! You betrayed the Council! And.." Sprinkles' voice falls low. ".. and you betrayed me."]] (click: "betrayed me.")[$t["Listen," Brezhnev says, "I taught you everything you know. Do you remember the most important thing I taught you?"]] (click: "everything you know")[$t["You have to think for yourself," Sprinkles says quietly.]] (click: "think for yourself,")[$t["You have - to think - for yourself." Brezhnev sighs. "Think about what the Taiga is doing, Sprinkles. Do you not think that this is all a little strange? Do you not think that the animals of the Taiga are perfectly equipped to defend Humans on our own? Why masquerade as a Human child?"]] (click: "masquerade")[$t["Because it's not defense, it's diversion," Sprinkles says. "We're just buying the Council a little time."]] (click: "a little time.")[$t["And then what?!" Brezhnev says, mockingly. "Do you honestly think the Council has a plan? If you don't want to live in that suit forever, Charlie's going to need to disappear again. You think they have an idea for that?"]] (click: "have an idea")[$t["They're working on it! I'm sure of it!" Sprinkles says, hesitance creeping into their voice.]] (click: "sure of it!")[$t["They're treading on your freedoms, Sprinkles. And I won't abide by it any further. I want to eat this child. You're going to live within a child forever. Think about it. You can help me or not."]] (click: "eat this child.")[$t["Why are you two //talking// like that?! And how are you holding your position in the air like that?!" Martin says.]] (Click: "Martin says.")[$t[Sprinkles thinks about it for a moment. "[[Prepare to die,->Sprinkles Shredded Game Over Cutscene]] Prof!" "Just [[leave the kid->Sprinkles Talks Brezhnev Cutscene]] and I'll let you go!"]]

Horseradish swoops in for an attack.(set: $st to it + (a: "89")) (click: "an attack.")[$t["CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE--"]] (click: "CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE--")[$t[Horseradish misses. Brezhnev sweeps around, dives, reaches Horseradish's level..]] (click: "level..")[$t[.. and tears them to shreds with one talon, the other still clutching Martin by the scruff of his t-shirt.]] (click: "to shreds")[$t["Oh ho ho," Horseradish says, bleeding, feathers missing. "Brezhnev, you may have just fired a successful broadside, but luckily my RESILIENCE STAT is 17! You foolish fool!"]] (click: "You foolish fool!")[$t[Brezhnev swoops back and finishes the job. Horseradish plummets to the ground, dead.]] (click: ", dead.")[$t["Oh no! That was my [[last chance->Game Over! Cutscene]] at salvation, I think!" Martin says.]]

Brezhnev, with one talon clutching Martin and the other poised for combat, charges Horseradish.(set: $st to it + (a: "90")) (click: "charges")[$t[Horseradish braces themself and puts their wings together to block the assault. The unexpected flash of Horseradish's wings startles Brezhnev and they lose hold of Martin, who tumbles to the earth below.]] (click: "tumbles to the earth")[$t[Horseradish, spotting the falling child, disengages from combat and dives after Martin.]] (click: "dives after Martin.")[$t[At the last possible moment, Horseradish grabs Martin by the scruff of their t-shirt and pulls them to safety. Brezhnev, witnessing this, circles in frustration. "Forestgoddamn it! All I want is a decent meal -- is that too much to ask?!" They fly away.]] (click: "too much to ask?!")[$t[Martin looks up at Horseradish. "You saved me!" "Indeed I did!" Horseradish says, in Taigan. They swoop down to the forest clearing, where Charlie stands, idling, his skull hatch flapping uselessly in the stiff breeze.]] (click: "flapping uselessly")[$t["GAAAAH! What's wrong with you, Charlie?!"]] (click: "Charlie?!")[$t["I suppose there's no point in hiding this any longer," Horseradish remarks. They deftly hop up into Charlie's skull and close the hatch. In an instant, Charlie's countenance changes; his goofy, neutral expression transforms into something entirely natural and child-like. "I am sorry to break the news to you like this, Martin, but the Human you knew as Charlie is gone," Horseradish says, through Charlie's loudspeaker. "This is how you can understand us animals. We are merely trying to protect the forest, which we call the Taiga."]] (click: "Taiga.")[$t["What - are - you - doing," Hank says, over the comm.]] (click: "over the comm.")[$t["I have a proposition for you. Since we saved you from an ignominious end, we would like to propose a truce. You can be our Human liaison and assist us in our task of keeping Humans out of the forest. In return, uh," Horseradish stalls. "you can play with Hank, once a month! They're a great big bear."]] (click: "big bear.")[$t[Martin's face lights up. "Hell yeah!" he says, beaming. "I //love// bears! And also you're, like, so much cooler than Charlie ever was anyway, so this works out. No humans in the forest, check!" "What have you roped me into, Horseradish?!" Hank says, irritated, yet relieved.(set: $martinknows to true) [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]](set: $nosecond to false)(set: $nothird to false)(set: $nofourth to false)]]

With one talon clutching Martin and the other poised for combat, Brezhnev charges Horseradish.(set: $st to it + (a: "91")) (click: "charges")[$t[Horseradish, with lightning reflexes, dives out of the way.]] (click: "dives")[$t["Ha!" Horseradish says, thoroughly pleased with themself. "You'll have to perform at a much higher level to--"]] (click: "higher level")[$t[Brezhnev is gone.]] (click: "gone.")[$t["Where did they go?! Brezhnev?! Martiiiiiinnn?!" Horseradish calls. There is no answer.]] (click: "no answer.")[$t[Horseradish returns to the Replica, where Hank, Deborah, and Stumpy wait for an update. "Well?!" Hank says.]] (click: "Well?!")[$t["I am saddened to report that I have lost them," Horseradish says.]] (click: "saddened to report")[$t["You //let them get away?!//" Hank stamps their feet in a rage. "First Charlie, then Martin missing in the Taiga?! Do you know what this means?!"]] (click: "what this means?!")[$t[Horseradish hangs their head in shame.]] (click: "in shame")[$t[Hank nods to Stumpy, almost imperceptibly.]] (click: "Stumpy,")[$t[In one heinous bite, Stumpy chomps Horseradish and gobbles them up.]] (click: "gobbles them up.")[$t["I deserve this!" Horseradish says, before they disappear down Stumpy's gullet.]] (click: "gullet.")[$t["The mission is a failure!" Hank says, distraught. "We need all animals to search for Brezhnev immediately! Go, squad!"]] (click: "Go, squad!")[$t[Without another word, the squad evacuates Charlie and scatters in multiple directions. Hank, Deborah, and Stumpy depart as well. Stumpy belches as they leave. The Replica is left abandoned in the clearing, face stuck in uncanny neutral, skull hatch wide open. A leaf falls from a nearby maple and lands in the skull opening, and the whole suit [[topples over.->Game Over! Cutscene]]]]

Chunks frowns. "You're wrong. We're doing good. And the good thing to do is to not let you eat that child."(set: $st to it + (a: "92")) (click: "not let you")[$t["Then I can't let you live," Brezhnev says.]] (click: "live,")[$t[Brezhnev drops Martin. "Hank!" Chunks calls, perhaps in vain. "Catch that child!"]] (click: "child!")[$t[While Chunks is caught off guard with Martin's descent, Brezhnev charges. Chunks manages to bank to the right, avoiding most of the attack. The tip of their left wing, however, catches some of Brezhnev's slash, and they recoil slightly. "Gonna have to do better than that," Chunks says.]] (click: "better than that")[$t["Hmph," Brezhnev says, as they complete an Immelmann turn, attempting to gain some altitude.]] (click: "gain some altitude")[$t[Meanwhile, Chunks hatches a plan. They fly low, weaving amidst the top of the spruce, ducking out of Brezhnev's sight.]] (click: "Brezhnev's sight.")[$t["Where'd you go?!" Brezhnev says. "Don't pull any of these treacherous Human tactics! Fight me like a bird!"]] (click: "like a bird!")[$t[Brezhnev maintains their altitude, circling, waiting for Chunks to surface.]] (click: "to surface.")[$t[.. but they don't.]] (click: "they don't.")[$t["Forestgoddamn it," Brezhnev says. They descend to the top of the spruce in order to get a better look.]] (click: "get a better look.")[$t["Where did you //go?//" they scream, circling.]] (click: "they scream")[$t[Brezhnev flies over a thicket they thought they had missed. As they do, Chunks bursts up from the spruce, flying vertically, seizing Brezhnev in their talons. The two tumble to the earth, biting, scratching, clawing, until they land at last in the forest clearing, where Hank waits next to Charlie's vacant shell.]] (click: "vacant shell.")[$t[Chunks and Brezhnev separate, blood trickling to the ends of their feathers. "This is what you're fighting for?! For this fake Human puppet?! Well, let me tell you something-- YOU'RE the puppet! YOU'RE the--"]] (click: "the--")[$t[Hank steps on Brezhnev. "That ends that," they say.]] (Click: "ends that,")[$t["But what about Martin?" Chunks says, gasping for air.]] (click: "Martin?")[$t["Here I am!" Martin says, astride Stumpy, who stalks back into the clearing. "I speak Taigan now! It's really easy! Also, Hank appointed me Human Liaison to the Taiga in exchange for my silence! Isn't that cool?!"]] (click: "that cool?!")[$t["Uh, I guess," Chunks says.(set: $martinknows to true) [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]](set: $nosecond to false)(set: $nothird to false)(set: $nofourth to false)]]

Back at the clearing, the squad waits for Chunks to return. Hank, standing next to the Replica, taps their paw impatiently.(set: $st to it + (a: "93")) (click: "impatiently.")[$t["I mean, Chunks is a good fighter," Hank says. "Shouldn't have taken them //this// long. Right?"]] (click: "Right?")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) points at two dark specks, descending from above. "Look, there they are..]] (click: "there they are..")[$t[.. flying in formation?" they say.]] (click: "in formation?")[$t[Brezhnev and Chunks perform a low pass over the clearing, Brezhnev still holding onto Martin with a tight grip. "The Taiga is a lie!" Chunks calls out. "And I'm gonna eat this kid! So long, losers!"]] (click: "losers!")[$t[They fly off. All Hank and the squad can do is stare.]] (click: "stare.")[$t["Hey, Hank, what was that Chunks said about the Taiga being a lie?" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "being a lie?")[$t["[[Ignore that,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" Hank says.]]

Sprinkles squares up to Brezhnev, tears in their eyes. "You can't betray the Taiga like this! You can't get away with it! I'll kill you myself, or die trying!"(set: $st to it + (a: "94")) (click: "die trying!")[$t["All right," Brezhnev says.]] (click: "All right,")[$t[Sprinkles dies trying.]] (click: "dies trying.")[$t[Actually, they don't even really //try// so much as they "get mauled immediately and torn to shreds."]] (click: "torn to shreds.")[$t["You're a //finch//, and I'm a //bald eagle//. [[What did you think->Game Over! Cutscene]] would happen?" Brezhnev says.]]

"Listen, okay," Sprinkles says, "I know the Taiga has its faults. I know it's bloated, bureaucratically and administratively. I know that the Council is scrambling, and that their decisions might not reflect the best judgment at all times.. but.. I love it.(set: $st to it + (a: "90")) (click: "I love it")[$t["It gave me purpose. It gave me strength. Where else can a tiny finch like me be the commander of the most important, most dangerous mission in Taiga history? In the history of Animalia?!]] (click: "Animalia?!")[$t["I am who I am because of the Taiga. So if you want to turn your back on it, you have to turn your back on me. And if you turn your back on me, that's fine.. but do so without the child. You can make your way somewhere else and live the way you want to live. But let me live the way I want to live, and let this Human child live the way they want to live."]] (click: "let me live")[$t[Brezhnev thinks about it.]] (click: "thinks about it.")[$t["Fine," they say. They drop Martin, who tumbles to the Earth below, and flies off.]] (click: "flies off")[$t["Somebody catch that child!!" Sprinkles says.]] (click: "catch that child!!")[$t[Hank, having climbed a nearby tree, reaches out and catches the falling child. "Wow! A big brown bear!" Martin says.]] (click: "big brown bear!")[$t["Listen, child," Hank says, in rudimentary English, climbing down the tree with Martin on their back. "We saved you. Now you owe us. You'll be our eyes in Human territory, our liaison, if you will. But you must never tell anyone of what happened here, and you must ward Humans away from here, vigorously and actively."]] (click: "ward Humans away")[$t["Okay!" Martin says. "Can I ride around on your back like a dog?!"]] (click: "like a dog?!")[$t[Hank pauses. "We'll see." [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]](set: $nosecond to false)(set: $nothird to false)(set: $nofourth to false)(set: $martinknows to true)]]

(set: $martin to "Chuffed")Charlie and Martin sit in a dank Human child bedroom, with Martin-sized clothing strewn across every possible surface and a similar loathsome smell. The main difference is a giant, glowing box the two lads sit in front of, which flashes various colours and patterns at the squad. The purpose of the box, much less the meaning of the patterns, is unknown to the squad. (click: "unknown")[$t["I'm so happy you were able to come over, Charlie," Martin says. "And that we didn't have to spend any time in the Forest!"]] (click: "didn't have to spend any time")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Indubitedly!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Damn straight," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["You're right! No nasty forest for us!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t["It's funny you mentioned it -- I actually got this great new video game that I wanted to show you. Except you didn't show up, so I played it all night instead!"]] (click: "played it all night")[$t["What's it called?" Charlie says.]] (click: "called?")[$t["//FOREST DESTROYER.// You have, like, either an axe, or a chainsaw, or a bulldozer, and you have to go around destroying trees and killing animals. It's amazing. You should try!"]] (click: "should try!")[$t["Sweet Forest God," (print: $c's 1st) says. [[Continue..->Game I Cutscene]]]]

(set: $st to it + (a: "78"))FOREST DESTROYER Copyright 2018 by Intercom, Inc. All rights reserved. FOREST DESTROYER is a trademark of Intercom, Inc. Release 8 / Serial number 180822 Click here to begin. (click: "here")[$t[Hail, Forest Destroyer! What be your name?]] (click: "name?")[(set: $gamename to (prompt: "What be your name?", "Charlie Stewart"))[$t[>(uppercase: $gamename) Excellent, $gamename! Welcome to FOREST DESTROYER. Are you prepared to DESTROY THE FOREST?]]] (click: "DESTROY THE FOREST?")[$t[>NO Too bad! There's PROPERTY to build! Now, choose your implement of DESTRUCTION! Favour you the AXE, the CHAINSAW, or the BULLDOZER?]] (click: "DESTRUCTION!")[(set: $gameweapon to (prompt: "Choose yourself a weapon!", "AXE"))[$t[>(uppercase: $gameweapon) (if: $gameweapon is "AXE" or "CHAINSAW" or "BULLDOZER" or "axe" or "chainsaw" or "bulldozer" or "Axe" or "Chainsaw" or "Bulldozer")[Excellent choice!](else:)[(set: $gameweapon to "AXE")[You think you can chop down a redwood or mutilate a helpless squirrel with that? Ha! A poor choice! You get an axe.]]]]] (click: "choice!")[$t[THE FOREST FLOOR The forest is quite large, and you hate it here. It's green and brown and every shade in between. There is a tree here.]] (click: "a tree here.")[$t[>LOOK AT TREE The tree is big -- tall, even. There is a bird's nest at the top. Also, some squirrels on one branch. It must come down! Will you ATTACK THE TREE?]] (click: "ATTACK THE TREE?")[(set: $gameattack to (prompt: "Will you ATTACK THE TREE?", "YES"))[$t[>(uppercase: $gameattack) (if: $gameattack is "YES" or "yes" or "y" or "Y" or "Yes" or "Yeah" or "Indeed")[You ATTACK THE TREE with unparalleled VIGOUR and FURY. The bird's nest rattles out of the tree, killing them instantly. Also the squirrels died of grief. (Your score has just gone up by 5 points.)](else-if: $gameattack is "NO" or "no" or "n" or "N" or "No" or "Nay" or "Hell no" or "hell no" or "god no")[You don't ATTACK THE TREE. A bear descends from the tree (it was hiding, in the tree) and eats you because you're here to destroy the forest and you DID NOT DO THAT. `**** You have died ****` Your score is 0 out of a possible 400, in 1 move. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE, or [[QUIT?->Game II Cutscene]]](else:)[Listen here, smart mouth. You are here to DESTROY THE FOREST. I know you think your smartmouthery is gaining you friends and unparalleled prestige and whatnot, but there is PROPERTY to be built and TREES that need to die. So kill them!]]]] (click: "unparalleled")[$t[A BOG You are standing waist deep in a bog. There are trees here too, but also lots of beavers and otters and stuff. This is your CHANCE! Should you kill the TREES, or the ANIMALS?]] (click: "CHANCE!")[$t[>NEITHER Quiet! Now choose! The TREES, or the ANIMALS?]] (click: "choose!")[$t[(set: $gamechoice to (prompt: "TREES or ANIMALS?!", "Oh this is a tough one"))[$t[>(uppercase: $gamechoice) (if: $gamechoice is "Trees" or "TREES" or "trees")[You have a real knack for this! The trees are utterly destroyed and fall into the bog, narrowly missing you but hitting the animals, killing them instantly. `**** You have won ****` Your score is 400 out of a possible 400, in 2 turns. Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE, or [[QUIT?->Game II Cutscene]]](else-if: $gamechoice is "Animals" or "ANIMALS" or "animals")[Oh, good try! But the name of this game is FOREST destroyer and so you need to think a little bigger in scope. Anyway the animals swarm you and kill you because there are many of them and one of you. `**** You have died ****` Your score is 0 out of a possible 400 points. (We took all your points away,) Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE, or [[QUIT?->Game II Cutscene]]](else-if: $gamechoice is "xyzzy" or "XYZZY" or "Xyzzy")[Of COURSE you would try that, nerd. Or fool, whatever. `*** You have died ***` Your score is -459.3 out of a possible 400 points. (We took all your points away,) Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE, or [[QUIT?->Game II Cutscene]]](else:)[I'm tired of your sass! You LOSE!]]]]] (click: "LOSE!")[(goto: "Game III Cutscene")]

(set: $martin to "Devastated")"Pretty cool, huh?" Martin says. (click: "Pretty cool")[$t[Charlie turns away from the glowbox. "I hate you, Martin." [[Continue..->Bedtime Cutscene]]]]

C:\>_ (click: "_")[(goto: "Game II Cutscene")]

(set: $hygiene to 4)(set: $cleanliness to "Pristine")The squad jolts awake to the sound of Mom barging in Charlie's bedroom, opening his window blinds to let the sunshine in. (if: $secondstory is true)[A piece of glass from the still-unfixed window falls and shatters on the ground below.] (if: $newgameplus is true)[//(Have you seen this before? You can [[skip it,->Presentation I Cutscene]] if you like.)//] (click: "let the sunshine in")[$t["Come //on//, Charlie, get up! It's your big presentation day! You can't sleep in today!"]] (click: "sleep in today!")[$t[Mom sets Charlie upright. The squad rubs sleep from their eyes and sit up at their stations, resuming their duties with a grumble.]] (click: "their duties")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Let the Motherly tsunami wash over us, squad!" Horseradish says."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Whatever Mom does to us, just let it happen!" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I think we're in for a ruddy good cleaning, squad!" Sprinkles says.] Indeed, in a flurry, Mom washes, dries, brushes, combs, deodorises, dresses, and preens Charlie.]] (click: "preens Charlie.")[$t["Come on, Charlie, hop in the car! It's presentation day!!"]] (click: "presentation day!!")[$t["Oh dear," Charlie says. [[Continue..->Gymnasium Cutscene]]]]

The gymnasium is crammed with kids, who sit cross-legged on the floor facing a makeshift stage, decorated with fake foliage. A handpainted banner taped to the makeshift stage reads "EARTH WEEK 2018." Teachers line the sides of the gym; some guard a few of the exits to the parking lot, others focus on controlling the rows of fidgety kids. Parents lean against the back wall of the gym, clutching paper cups of steaming liquid, joking and laughing with one another. Mom and Dad join the other parents with cheery smiles on their faces as Charlie finds a spot at the end of a row. (click: "Charlie finds a spot")[$t[(if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["What an audience!" Tabloid says, gleaming.](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["So many humans," Sorghum says, almost hypnotised.](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["Think of the research!" Paul says, scanning the room, with the slightest hint of disappointment in their voice.]]] (click: "says,")[$t[Hanae leans down from the centre of the row and grabs Charlie's attention. "You had better be ready for the presentation, Charlie," she says. The kids around her laugh at the potential strife. She rolls her eyes and turns forward.]] (click: "turns forward")[$t["Hello, children, parents, faculty, well-wishers," Principal Okorafor says, taking the podium. "I'd just like to thank you all for joining us for our Earth Week celebrations. At Evergreen Elementary, it's so important for us to stay connected to nature, and that's why we're so proud to share what we've been working on with you all.."]] (click: "what we've been working on")[$t[Charlie turns around and makes eye contact with Mom, who gives an excited wave and a nervous smile. Dad looks at the basketball hoop above his head.]] (click: "excited wave")[$t[".. with that, I'm very excited to introduce to the stage Hanae Kiyama and Charlie Stewart for their presentation on the Taiga biome!"]] (click: "Taiga biome!")[$t[Rapturous applause. Charlie and Hanae stand up. "Here we go," (print: $c's 1st) says. [[Continue..->Presentation I Cutscene]]]]

Hanae and Charlie take the podium. "Uh, thank you, Principal Okorafor," Hanae says, a waver in her voice. (click: "waver")[$t[She clears her throat. "The Taiga biome is the biggest biome on Earth."]] (click: "Taiga biome")[$t["It is?" (print: $c's 2nd) says to themself, astonished.]] (click: "astonished.")[$t["It is also known as boreal forest. There are a significant number of trees, and it is very cold."]] (click: "very cold.")[$t[Hanae nudges Charlie.]] (click: "nudges")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["That's right, Hanae! Cold as ice! In fact, this climate can be described as Dfc, Dwc, Dsc, Dfd, and Dwd, if one were to use Wladimir Köppen's climate classification system, that is!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Right, Hanae. It's extremely cold there. So much so that magpies .. are .. often cold. In the winter," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Yeah! So cold that bears have to hibernate, which means that they go to sleep for a long time! It also means that other animals have to be in charge for the winter mon-- I mean, it means that bears save energy this way!" Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t[Hanae, pleasantly surprised, continues. "Y.. yeah, that's right! And [[speaking of that..->Story Waypoint II]]"]]

(if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Slim")[(goto: "Horseradish Slim Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Fluffy")[(goto: "Horseradish Fluffy Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Guillermo")[(goto: "Horseradish Guillermo Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Taft")[(goto: "Horseradish Taft Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Susan")[(goto: "Horseradish Susan Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Horseradish Xylophone Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Horseradish Tabloid Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Horseradish Sorghum Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Horseradish" and "Paul")[(goto: "Horseradish Paul Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Slim")[(goto: "Chunks Slim Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Fluffy")[(goto: "Chunks Fluffy Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Guillermo")[(goto: "Chunks Guillermo Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Taft")[(goto: "Chunks Taft Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Susan")[(goto: "Chunks Susan Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Chunks Xylophone Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Chunks Tabloid Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Chunks Sorghum Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Chunks" and "Paul")[(goto: "Chunks Paul Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Slim")[(goto: "Sprinkles Slim Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Fluffy")[(goto: "Sprinkles Fluffy Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Guillermo")[(goto: "Sprinkles Guillermo Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Taft")[(goto: "Sprinkles Taft Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Susan")[(goto: "Sprinkles Susan Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Sprinkles Xylophone Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Sprinkles Tabloid Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Sprinkles Sorghum Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Sprinkles" and "Paul")[(goto: "Sprinkles Paul Cutscene")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Taft")[(goto: "Slim Taft Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Susan")[(goto: "Slim Susan Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Slim Xylophone Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Slim Tabloid Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Slim Sorghum Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Slim" and "Paul")[(goto: "Slim Paul Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Taft")[(goto: "Fluffy Taft Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Susan")[(goto: "Fluffy Susan Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Fluffy Xylophone Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Fluffy Tabloid Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Fluffy Sorghum Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Fluffy" and "Paul")[(goto: "Fluffy Paul Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Taft")[(goto: "Guillermo Taft Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Susan")[(goto: "Guillermo Susan Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Xylophone")[(goto: "Guillermo Xylophone Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Guillermo Tabloid Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Guillermo Sorghum Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Guillermo" and "Paul")[(goto: "Guillermo Paul Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Taft" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Taft Tabloid Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Taft" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Taft Sorghum Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Taft" and "Paul")[(goto: "Taft Paul Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Susan" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Susan Tabloid Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Susan" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Susan Sorghum Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Susan" and "Paul")[(goto: "Susan Paul Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Xylophone" and "Tabloid")[(goto: "Xylophone Tabloid Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Xylophone" and "Sorghum")[(goto: "Xylophone Sorghum Cutscene Ending")] (if: $story contains "Xylophone" and "Paul")[(goto: "Xylophone Paul Cutscene Ending")]

"Guillermo, my farouche friend!" Horseradish says. "Aren't you having the most //fun?!// Look at all those humans out there, and they're //listening// to us!"(set: $st to it + (a: "97")) (click: "listening to us!")[$t["I'm so scared I could yarf," Guillermo says.]] (click: "yarf,")[$t["But look at the attentiveness on their sweet little faces! Look at their //auras!// I'm sure that they're more than willing to hear about your experiences as a Taigan rabbit."]] (click: "Taigan rabbit.")[$t[Guillermo whimpers.]] (click: "whimpers.")[$t["Children are naturally empathetic creatures! I maintain firmly and definitively that if you were to disclose how your warren was destroyed by Human development, I'm sure -- in future generations, of course -- that the children would take your testimony to heart!"]] (click: "testimony")[$t[Silence.]] (click: "Silence.")[$t["Fair Guillermo, are you [[present?->Horseradish Guillermo Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

Horseradish calls down to Fluffy on the comm system. "Cease your fidgeting! The eyes of the Human world are upon us! Do you wish to make a buffoon of young Charlie?!"(set: $st to it + (a: "96")) (click: "young Charlie?!")[$t["I know," Fluffy says, straining, "but I had such a terrible sleep last night, and I can't get comfy at all, [[and--->Horseradish Fluffy Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Ah, Slim," Horseradish says. "I imagine once Hanae has finished presenting this tidbit of information, we shall discuss Taigan watershed characteristics. Would you care to offer any of your significant expertise?"(set: $st to it + (a: "95")) (click: "significant expertise?")[$t[Slim pauses for a moment. "Again, you have asked me a question regarding my relationship with water. Why?"]] (click: "with water.")[$t[Horseradish is caught off guard. "Uh, well, I .. uhh.. I.. I figured since you are indeed a //beaver//, you could offer our students some first-hand, primary-source insight, and--"]] (click: "insight,")[$t["You think there's something wrong with me, don't you?"]] (click: "wrong with me")[$t[Slim takes a deep breath before they proceed. "Horseradish, I am a firm believer in the principles of the Taiga. I believe that uniting under the Taigan Federation has done significant good for //every// species of Animalia. I am proud to serve on this mission, and would be willing to lay down my life for it.]] (click: "for it.")[$t["However, we all have our differences. We have //many// differences. Your concern regarding my fondness for water is like myself questioning your predilection for flight."]] (click: "flight.")[$t["You know," Horseradish says, "I never really //liked// flying, much too dirty in the air, you see--"]] (click: "you see--")[$t["Fine!" Slim says. "Great! But we have to learn to respect our differences if we want to be successful. Do you understand?"]] (Click: "understand?")[$t["Indeed. Thank you, Slim!"]] (click: "Thank you, Slim!")[$t[Slim shuts off the line. Horseradish takes this time to reflect.]] (click: "reflect.")[$t[//Perhaps Slim is [[allergic?->Forest God Cutscene]]// they think.]]

"Wladimir Köppen?! What the Forest Hell are you talking about, Horseradish?" Taft says. "I told you, you're going to get us all killed. I've been around Humans //much// more than you, and I'm telling you, Human - children - don't - talk - like - that!"(set: $st to it + (a: "98")) (click: "don't - talk")[$t["That is //it!//" Horseradish screams. "Taft, you are hereby expelled from this mission! Leave immediately!"]] (click: "Leave immediately!")[$t["You're kicking me out?" Taft says, mockingly. "In front of all of these children? Yeah, okay, sure. [[Good luck with that!->Horseradish Taft Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Xylophone, my delightful friend! So wonderful to talk to you again!" (set: $st to it + (a: "100")) (click: "my delightful friend!")[$t["Hi, Horseradish - you sure it's okay for us to talk like this in the middle of the presentation like this?"]] (click: "in the middle")[$t["Oh my, yes, Hanae is holding down the fort quite sublimely. (if: $gotbenji is true)[I just wanted to commend you on your excellent leadership in rescuing our new friend Benji.](else:)[I just wanted to inform you that despite our failure in Operation Rescue Benji, you displayed superb leadership and perserverance. Sometimes the crackers don't always fall in the soup.]"]] (click: "quite sublimely")[$t["Well, thanks," Xylophone says. "I never saw myself as a leader.. ever. But this mission I feel like I've really come into my own. I just don't know if that translates to, y'know, ever leading a mission."]] (click: "leading a mission.")[$t["Leading a mission is richly rewarding," Horseradish says, "but I would not hasten to suggest that it should be your goal. Your goal -- in your heart -- should be the Taiga. The Taiga! Above //all// things! Your role in this mission, successful or not, is as relevant as mine. You should not favour power or status above duty."]] (click: "duty.")[$t["Yeah, but.." Xylophone's voice trails off. "I just want to be as respected as my father. And I really don't have that. At least not yet."]] (click: "not yet.")[$t["Respect will come with duty!" Horseradish says, emphatically. "Here, let me illustrate this point with an anecdote from some of my [[earlier Taigan years..->Horseradish Xylophone Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

Susan opens the comm channel with Horseradish. "Sorry, Commander, but--"(set: $st to it + (a: "99")) (click: "Commander")[$t["I am aware," Horseradish says. "Wladimir Köppen. That was foolish of me, wasn't it? Perhaps I was //garrulous//, even?"]] (click: "garrulous")[$t["Listen, I'm sorry," Susan says. "We're here, we're presenting in front of hundreds of Human children.. you're in charge, you must have done something right. Who am I to judge our success?"]] (click: "judge our success?")[$t["I appreciate your apology, but our success certainly was not contigent on my decisions. We are a team, and you are an integral member of that team.]] (click: "integral member")[$t["I will confess to feeling upset at what you had told me earlier. But I will also confess that my discomfort was informed by my jealousy."]] (click: "jealousy")[$t["You?!" Susan says. "You were jealous of me? Why?"]] (click: "Why?")[$t["Because I love humanity. I love their linguistic patterns, their language, their words, their diction, their locution.. I love it all! And you were proximate to so many humans for such a significant amount of time.. I always envied that experience to learn from them.]] (click: "learn from them.")[$t["Your snubbing was criminal. I always regretted the manner in which the inhabitants of the Taiga treated you, Susan. And so I would like to formally apologise on behalf of the Taiga. May this be a positive path forward for both of us!"]] (click: "both of us!")[$t["[[Thank you,->Forest God Cutscene]] Horseradish!"]]

"Horsey, baby," Tabloid says. "Pretty big audience, huh?"(set: $st to it + (a: "101")) (click: "big audience")[$t["You -- I -- oh, the nerve!" Horseradish says. "How dare you insinuate that these delightful Human children are here only as an audience! They are here to //learn// from us, not have .. have mindless cultural pith //shoveled// into their brains!"]] (click: "cultural pith")[$t["Oh, Horsey," Tabloid says. "Any audience is good enough for me. Check this out -- I bet you I can win them over!"]] (Click: "win them over!")[$t["You shall do //no such thing!//"]] (click: "no such thing!")[$t["It'll only take a sec. [[Watch!->Horseradish Tabloid Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Sorghum, I sensed some slight frustration with my line of inquiry earlier," Horseradish says. "I wish to apologise for my callous remarks."(set: $st to it + (a: "102")) (click: "slight frustration")[$t[Sorghum doesn't say anything.]] (click: "say anything.")[$t["Though this may be trite, my original intention was to compliment you on your evident preparation and dedication to this mission."]] (click: "evident preparation")[$t["You wanna know why my movements are so good? So crisp? Why I'm really graceful or whatever?" Sorghum says. "Because I had to be to escape. Because if I had stayed in my den for much longer, I would have died, just like my family. I had to vault and leap and jump over my fallen family members, who died beacuse they did not have those abilities. That stays with an animal, y'know?"]] (click: "y'know")[$t[Horseradish doesn't say anything.]] (click: "Horseradish doesn't")[$t[Sorghum sucks breath through their teeth. "So yes, I was prepared, I am dedicated, but it's for my own survival. Not for the mission. Not for the Taiga. I don't want to die. And I don't want to die at the hands of the Humans. I owe my family that much."]] (click: "owe my family")[$t[Horseradish is quieted. "Thank you for sharing," they say. They [[shut off->Forest God Cutscene]] the comm channel.]]

"Hello again, Paul!" Horseradish says.(set: $st to it + (a: "103")) (click: "Paul!")[$t[Paul grunts.]] (click: "grunts.")[$t["Ah, so you are there! Excellent!" Horseradish says, happily. "I just wanted to get together and perhaps share a prayer to the Forest God for this blessed day amongst these glorious Human creatures!"]] (click: "Human creatures!")[$t[Paul is silent.]] (click: "silent.")[$t["Please bow your head, Paul."]] (click: "bow your head")[$t[Paul maintains their silence.]] (click: "silence.")[$t["O, Glorious Forest God, we thank Thee for bringing us Your delightful varieties of Trees, both Prickly and Non-Prickly.."]] (click: "Non-Prickly")[$t["Uuughgghhh," Paul says.]] (click: "Paul says.")[$t["Thank you for Sap and its glorious stickiness, and its many fragrances! O, what a Blessing, to have Sap stuck in one's fur.."]] (click: "fur..")[$t["UUUGHGGHHH," Paul says.]] (click: "UUUGHGGHHH")[$t["And thank you for Algae! It is so divine, so holy, so //goopy//--"]] (click: "goopy")[$t["That's it," Paul says. "[[Everybody out!->Horseradish Paul Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"C.. Chunks?" Guillermo says, over the private comm channel.(set: $st to it + (a: "106")) (click: "comm channel")[$t["Yeah, what is it, Guillermo? I'm a little busy at the moment."]] (click: "what is it")[$t["You.. you don't think that Mr. Hugh Man will come back, will he?"]] (click: "Mr. Hugh Man")[$t[Chunks snickers into their feathers. //This is too good,// they think. //I can't pass up this opportunity.//]] (click: "opportunity.")[$t[//But, at the same time, there's the integrity of the mission to think about..//]] (click: "think about..")[$t[//Nah, screw it. This is too good.//]] (click: "too good.")[$t["No, I don't think he's -- OH NO! LOOK! THERE HE IS STANDING AGAINST THE BACK WALL!"]] (click: "BACK WALL!")[$t[[["AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"->Chunks Guillermo Cutscene Ending II]]]]

"Hey, Fluffy," Chunks says, on the private comm channel.(set: $st to it + (a: "105")) (click: "private comm channel.")[$t["Hey, boss, what's up?"]] (click: "what's up?")[$t["Remember that kidswipe we were talking about?"]] (click: "kidswipe")[$t[Fluffy jumps forward in excitement. "Oh! Yeah yeah yeah!"]] (click: "yeah!")[$t[Chunks' voice drops. "First row. Kid eating a bag of cheezies. I think we can snag it. You in?"]] (click: "You in?")[$t["Forest Hell yeah I'm in!" Fluffy says. [[Continue..->Chunks Fluffy Cutscene Ending II]]]]

"Slim," Chunks says, over the comm system.(set: $st to it + (a: "104")) (click: "comm system.")[$t["Yes, Chunks?"]] (click: "Yes,")[$t["There's a child in the third row who keeps interrupting our presentation with fake flatuence noises."]] (click: "noises.")[$t["That is unfortunate," Slim says.]] (click: "unfortunate,")[$t["What are you going to do about it?"]] (click: "going to do")[$t["What do you mean?"]] (click: "mean?")[$t["I need you to do something about this problem. I need you to be nasty. Vicious. Cruel. //Decisive.// Show these horrible humans who is in command."]] (click: "in command.")[$t["Oh, I don't think I'm capable of doing that. Perhaps (print: $c's 3rd)?"]] (click: "Perhaps")[$t["Nope. I need to know you can do it. You specifically, Slim."]] (click: "specifically")[$t["But--"]] (click: "But--")[$t["//No buts!// Are you gonna look back on this moment when the humans come through and smash your den and kill your mate? Are you gonna think "oh, I'm //so// glad I was lenient to those humans back then" when they kill you and skin you and turn you into a hat?"]] (click: "into a hat?")[$t[".. [[You're right,->Chunks Slim Cutscene Ending II]]" Slim says.]]

"Hey, boss, you like some of the swiping on this mission? Betcha weren't expecting to have someone with my talent on this mission," Taft says.(set: $st to it + (a: "107")) (click: "my talent")[$t[Chunks scoffs. "Hey, Taft, remember you told me you stole a cup of steaming liquid from a human?"]] (Click: "steaming liquid")[$t["My finest hour," Taft says.]] (click: "My finest hour")[$t["What was the cup made of?"]] (click: "made of")[$t["Plastic. Uh, see-through plastic."]] (click: "plastic.")[$t["Mmhm, okay. What colour was the steaming liquid?"]] (click: "colour")[$t["Oh, uh.. it's been a long time. I'm not sure I remember."]] (click: "long time.")[$t["Hey, this was your finest hour, wasn't it, Taft? Surely you must remember. What colour was the steaming liquid?"]] (click: "must remember")[$t["Uhh.. blue? I think? Like a bright, sky blue."]] (click: "sky blue.")[$t["Uh huh. And so this human was drinking bright blue steaming liquid out of a transparent plastic cup."]] (click: "transparent")[$t["That's right," Taft says. "What's this about?"]] (click: "about?")[$t["Just wondering how you were able to swipe that cup of steaming 'blue' liquid without the plastic melting. Curious how you managed to do that. Seems.. almost impossible, doesn't it?"]] (click: "doesn't it?")[$t[Taft shuts off the line in a hurry. "That's what [[I thought,->Forest God Cutscene]]" Chunks says to themself.]]

"Feeling pretty at home here, aren't you, Susan?" Chunks says, over the comm. "Filthy human lover."(set: $st to it + (a: "108")) (click: "human lover.")[$t["Shut the hell up, Chunks. Seriously. You've been riding my ass all mission. What's it gonna take for you to lay off?"]] (click: "lay off?")[$t["I want you to admit that you're working for the Humans. You're a Human sympathiser. You should //not// be in this position, no matter what the Council thinks."]] (click: "Council")[$t["But I am. And you should have laid off the moment I was selected. Isn't it //un-Taigan// of you to protest a Council decision?"]] (click: "un-Taigan")[$t["Oh, that's it," Chunks says. "I'm [[coming down->Chunks Susan Cutscene Ending II]] there."]]

"Hey, Xylophone?" Chunks says, over the comm system.(set: $st to it + (a: "109")) (click: "comm system")[$t["What is it, Commander?" Xylophone says. "You gonna make fun of me again?"]] (click: "Commander?")[$t["For what?"]] (click: "For what?")[$t["I dunno, for the whole Benji thing? Or because.. I'm small? Or that my dad is on the council?"]] (click: "council?")[$t["Xylophone, relax. You did great. You may not be the strongest, but you fought like Forest Hell to try to get that mouse out of the clutches of the humans. You earned my respect. And when you earn my respect, you earn everyone's respect.]] (click: "everyone's respect.")[$t[".. at least, that's how it should be."]] (click: "it should be.")[$t["Thanks, Chunks!" Xylo says, a huge grin on their face. "I've tried to learn from you, y'know.. about how to be a good leader, and stuff."]] (click: "and stuff.")[$t["Listen. When we get back to the Taiga, I'd like for you to apprentice under me. We can squash this unreadiness once and for all. Maybe you can learn not to be such a Forestgoddamn coward," Chunks says.]] (click: "coward,")[$t["HEY!" Xylo says.]] (click: "Xylo says.")[$t[A beat.]] (click: "A beat.")[$t["Wait, that was a joke, wasn't it?"]] (click: "a joke")[$t["Uh huh." The two laugh a congenial laugh. "Now let's [[get back to it.->Forest God Cutscene]]"]]

"Chunksie, baby!" Tabloid says. "You give any more thought to my little proposition?"(set: $st to it + (a: "110")) (click: "proposition?")[$t["No, I have not. No time, don't care. Sorry."]] (click: "Sorry.")[$t["Well, hear me out. What if we kidnap a kid?"]] (click: "kidnap a kid?")[$t["Excuse me?!"]] (click: "Excuse me?!")[$t["Yeah. We kidnap a kid. Say.. that little guy in the front row. Think his nametag says "Evan." We take him back to the forest. Hold him ransom. We release a press statement saying we'll give Evan back to his parents if Humans agree to stay out of the Taiga forever. My media conglomerate gets exclusive Taigan distribution rights. You're the bird in charge. What do you think?"]] (click: "think?")[$t[Chunks pauses.]] (click: "pauses.")[$t["I like it."]] (click: "I like it.")[$t["Oh BABY! Yeah! All right!"]] (click: "All right!")[$t["[[Get ready->Chunks Tabloid Cutscene Ending II]] on your end. I'll brief (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 3rd). Okay?"]]

"I hate this," Chunks says, during a break in Charlie's portion of the presentation.(set: $st to it + (a: "111")) (click: "I hate this,")[$t["Yeah.. me too," Sorghum says. "Do you mind me asking.. why you hate this?"]] (click: "why you hate this?")[$t[Chunks sighs. "I used to be a magpie scout. I loved humans. I spent a lot of time in Human parking lots. I thought the Taiga had a lot to gain by reaching out to Humans instead of isolating ourselves. I thought we, as Animalia, had a lot to gain by studying how humans moved beyond their stupid baser instincts.]] (click: "loved humans.")[$t["Then.. I realised that Humans are just as stupid, and rely on their baser instincts just as much as we do. They are violent, cruel, and vicious.]] (click: "vicious.")[$t[Chunks lights a Forest cigarette and takes a long drag. "And I thought.. if you can't beat them, join them."]] (click: "join them.")[$t["Hey, can I bum a Forest cigarette off you?"]] (click: "off you?")[$t["Sure." Chunks drops a Forest cigarette through the pneumatic feeding tube. Sorghum picks it up on their end and lights it.]] (click: "lights it")[$t["You know, before the mission, I didn't smoke," Sorghum says. "Seems so funny to think about now. A time before the mission. Before Humans were all I thought about."]] (click: "all I thought about.")[$t[Sorghum takes a long drag and holds it. "Before //getting revenge// on Humans was all I thought about," they say, exhaling.]] (click: "exhaling.")[$t["We've all been there. After what happened to me, that was all I wanted. But it's toxic to carry around. Trust me. I've been there. I'd move on, if I were you. You'll turn into a bitter old Forest asshole like me."]] (click: "like me.")[$t[The two laugh. "Thanks," Sorghum says.]] (click: "Thanks,")[$t["Yup," Chunks says, snuffing out their Forest cigarette butt on the control panel. "Let's get [[back to work.->Chunks Sorghum Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Hello," Chunks says.(set: $st to it + (a: "112")) (click: "Hello,")[$t["Hello," Paul says.]] (click: "Paul says.")[$t["Lotsa kids here," Chunks says.]] (click: "Lotsa")[$t["Yup," Paul says.]] (click: "Yup,")[$t["Don't like kids much still."]] (click: "Don't like")[$t["I can't keep LIVING this lie!" Paul says, bursting with emotion. "I love human children! The only thing I want is to be welcomed into a human family, and to have a human family of my own! But woe is me, for I am forever cursed to this stoat form! This horrible, dreadful stoat form!"]] (click: "dreadful stoat form!")[$t["Uh.. Paul? You okay there, pal?"]] (click: "pal?")[$t["What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an angel! In apprehension how like a god! This beauty of the world! The paragon of animals! And yet, what is this quintessence of dust? Well, lemme tell ya something, Chunks, my friend: man //delights// me! Women too!"]] (click: "delights")[$t["Uh.. great. Glad [[we talked.->Forest God Cutscene]]"]]

"This is going really well, I think," Sprinkles says quietly to Slim on the comm.(set: $st to it + (a: "113")) (click: "going really well,")[$t["Indeed, the mission seems to be proceeding within specified parameters," Slim says.]] (click: "parameters,")[$t["Hey, Hanae is talking about watersheds. Do you want to add anything? I can say it for you!"]] (click: "say it for you!")[$t["Indeed, the mission seems to be proceeding within specified parameters!"]] (click: "parameters!")[$t[".. Slim?"]] (click: "Slim?")[$t[(font: "VT323")["THE MISSION SEEMS TO BE PROCEEDING WITHIN SPECIFIED PARAMETERS"]]] (click: "PARAMETERS")[$t["Squad, something is seriously wrong with Slim! Someone get up there and help them!"]] (click: "help them!")[$t[(print: $c's 3rd) clambers up to Slim's control station. "Uh," they say, "there are sparks shooting out of Slim! They're all servos and motors and wires.. I don't know how to say this, but Slim.. isn't a beaver!"]] (click: "isn't a beaver!")[$t["Then what are they?!" Sprinkles says.]] (click: "what are they?!")[$t["They're.. [[an automaton!->Sprinkles Slim Cutscene Ending II]] They're just like the Replica!"]]

Sprinkles calls Fluffy over the comm system.(set: $st to it + (a: "114")) (click: "comm system")[$t["Hey you stupid Forestdumbass fox you're ruining things hey shut up Sprinkles no one even likes you hey YOU shut up you're moving like a fox and not like a human yeah okay well you're actually talking like an idiot humans are more intelligent than that and like seriously do you even know what a child talks like okay shut up first of all i'm your commanding officer and second i did my homework unlike you okay seriously why are you doing this now shouldn't you be talking to these children hey YOU shut up again seriously i'm not going to take orders from you you're not going to tell me what to do oh yeah you realise that you are like one one hundredth the size of me like seriously I could eat you in one gulp sure you could do that if you wanted but you'd be turned into a coat so quickly because honestly I am much more powerful than you and also I'd peck your intestines out from the [[inside--->Sprinkles Fluffy Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Hey, pal!" Sprinkles says. "Look at us, best friends already! Can you imagine that we're here //already//, talkin' to hundreds of human kids like a couple best buds?!"(set: $st to it + (a: "115")) (click: "best buds?!")[$t["Uh.." Guillermo says.]] (click: "Uh..")[$t["Don't answer that!" Sprinkles says. "Let's talk about all the fun things that we're gonna do together when we get back to the Taiga! I was thinking slumber party, and then we'd move onto Forest Aquafit--"]] (click: "Forest Aquafit--")[$t["Um, Sprinkles," Guillermo says, "I already have a best friend."]] (Click: "best friend.")[$t["What?!"]] (click: "What?!")[$t["Their name is Mandolin and they're waiting for me to get back so that we can go get Forest milkshakes."]] (click: "Forest milkshakes.")[$t["Uh.. fine! Whatever!" Sprinkles says, with nervous laughter. "Ha, y'know, I've, uh, got my own best friend too. Their name is.. uh.. Microphone. And, uh, we're gonna go.. Forest go-karting! So enjoy your milkshakes or whatever, we're gonna have some //real// fun."]] (click: "real fun.")[$t["[[Okay,->Sprinkles Guillermo Cutscene Ending II]]" Guillermo says, pleasantly.]]

"Hey, Sprinkles, pal," Taft says.(set: $st to it + (a: "116")) (click: "pal,")[$t["Can I help you? I'm a little busy here," Sprinkles says.]] (click: "little busy")[$t[Taft's voice lowers. "Remember how we were talking about how if humans don't want something, it's pretty much fair game for us to take?"]] (click: "fair game")[$t["I don't know if you phrased it like //that//.." Sprinkles says.]] (Click: "phrased it")[$t["Maybe not, but I'm telling you -- from a chipmunk who has stolen a //lot// of stuff from humans, they'll use stuff once and throw it away. And it's perfectly fine. They sometimes throw away things they don't even use! It's unbelievable!"]] (click: "unbelievable!")[$t["Okay, what's your point?"]] (click: "your point?")[$t["My //point// is -- you see that microphone? They're for sure gonna throw it away once it's all done. That model number? SM58? That means you can only say 58 words into it before you have to throw it into the trash. Seriously."]] (click: "Seriously.")[$t["Oh, it's so nice and cold and smooth, too," Sprinkles says.]] (click: "cold and smooth,")[$t["Yup. You won't find minerals refined to this degree in the Taiga. I say, if the humans don't want it, and they're gonna throw it away after the presentation.. why not?"]] (click: "why not?")[$t[[["Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.."->Sprinkles Taft Cutscene Ending II]] Sprinkles says.]]

"You!" Sprinkles says to Susan over the comm. "Traitor! I bet you love this, hey? I bet you just //love// this. I bet when you were sashaying and dancing for freakin' scraps in that Human park -- yeah, I read your file, punk -- I bet that this was, like, the pinnacle. I bet you //yearned// for an audience that size. Like, think of all the bread crumbs and sunflower seeds you could get from a group this size. And the worship! Oh, they'd //love// you. This is just too perfect! We might as well just //give up// now! Why don't we just //hand over// the Replica now? After all, for some reason, the Council chose a //traitor// as our squadmate!"(set: $st to it + (a: "117")) (click: "squadmate!")[$t[Susan takes a moment to reflect.]] (click: "reflect")[$t["[[I quit,->Sprinkles Susan Cutscene Ending II]]" Susan says.]]

"Pretty pathetic back there," Sprinkles says.(set: $st to it + (a: "118")) (click: "pathetic")[$t["What are you talking about?!" Xylophone says.]] (click: "talking about?!")[$t["That whole business with Benji. (if: $gotbenji is true)[Anyone could have done that, and yet you're walking around like the cock of the walk!](else:)[You screwed up bad. Knew you weren't capable.]"]] (click: "whole business")[$t[Xylophone, for once, is quiet.]] (click: "is quiet.")[$t["Just think how easily we'd be able to save Taigan lives if we had someone worthy of the position at the helm," Sprinkles says. "[[Quite a shame.->Sprinkles Xylophone Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Hey, Sprinky, you ready for our date?" Tabloid says over the comm channel.(set: $st to it + (a: "119")) (click: "our date?")[$t["Our.. d..date?! Now?!" Sprinkles says, tripping over their words. "But this is.. I mean.. there's the presentation, and the hundreds of human children.."]] (click: "human children..")[$t["Oh, this is a bad time?" Sprinkles says, with the slightest veneer of scandalisation. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise this was a bad time. We don't have to go on a date now, or ever. That's fine, honestly."]] (click: "That's fine, honestly.")[$t["No no no! Now is a good time! Here, come on up, I made room for you!"]] (click: "I made room for you!")[$t[Tabloid locks Charlie's feet in place and scampers up the gangways and scaffolds to the control centre in Charlie's skull. Sprinkles greets Tabloid with a nervous wave.]] (click: "nervous wave.")[$t["Hi, love," Tabloid says.]] (click: "love,")[$t[//Love?!// Sprinkles thinks. //Oh Forest God, they're in love with me. Don't blow it, play it cool, play hard-to-get, say something, uh oh, they're looking at me strangely--//]] (click: "strangely--")[$t["Sorry about the smell in here. It's been a long mission!"]] (click: "long mission!")[$t[Tabloid, smooth as ice, seductively moves behind Sprinkles and begins massaging their feathers. "I didn't even notice that much," they say.]] (click: "that much,")[$t[Sprinkles giggles. "That feels really nice."]] (click: "really nice.")[$t["You know what else would feel nice? Letting me take control of this thing for a bit, wouldn't you say?"]] (click: "wouldn't you say?")[$t["Oh.. I don't know.."]] (click: "I don't know..")[$t["It's okay. I can head back to my station. We don't have to have fun if we don't want to. We don't have to override (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 3rd)'s controls and let me screw around with everything up here. We also don't have to date! There are so many things we don't have to do!"]] (click: "don't have to do!")[$t[Sprinkles pauses for a moment. "Okay! [[Let's do it!->Sprinkles Tabloid Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Hey, Sorghum," Sprinkles says softly over the comm channel. "Just wanted to check in - I know it must be stressful with all these humans here."(set: $st to it + (a: "120")) (click: "all these humans here.")[$t[Sorghum is silent.]] (click: "silent.")[$t["I just think that, like, whatever happened to your family must not have been //that// bad if you were able to come on this mission? Not that it wasn't terrible! Just that, like, y'know.. you didn't have to be here. You could have looked after yourself. But you didn't! And you're here, and you're making a huge difference by being here. We all appreciate you very much, you know!"]] (click: "you know!")[$t[No response.]] (click: "No response.")[$t["I just think that you're really valuable, and I think you're using your trauma and grief in constructive ways, and that should be commended? Or, at least, y'know, acknowledged?"]] (click: "acknowledged?")[$t[Nothing.]] (click: "Nothing.")[$t["Don't you have anything to //say// about this, Sorghum?! Talk to me! I'm here to be talked to!"]] (click: "talked to!")[$t[...]] (click: "...")[$t["[[Sorghum?"->Sprinkles Sorghum Cutscene Ending II]]]]

"Paul! I'm not getting the voice projection I would expect in such a setting!" Sprinkles says. "I need you to check the diaphragmatic motors!"(set: $st to it + (a: "121")) (click: "diaphragmatic motors!")[$t[Paul is, again, silent.]] (click: "silent.")[$t["Hey! Are you there? I //need// you to start pulling your weight here, Paul! Why are the confidence levels so low?!"]] (click: "so low?!")[$t[Again, nothing from Paul.]] (click: "nothing from Paul.")[$t["PAUL!" Sprinkles yells into their comm. "EARTH TO PAUL, I NEED YOU TO RESPOND. DO YOUR JOB!"]] (click: "DO YOUR JOB!")[$t["Enough of this," Paul says. They reach under their control panel and push a [[secret button.->Sprinkles Paul Cutscene Ending II]]]]

"Forest God, I want that microphone," Taft says. "Look at that steel mesh grille, that rugged construction. That'll be the pinnacle of my collection for sure. Slimmy, you gonna help me with this one or what?"(set: $st to it + (a: "122")) (click: "help me with this one")[$t["I must again insist that you cease your thievery, Taft. You will only hurt us all in the long run," Slim says.]] (click: "cease your thievery")[$t["Oh, come on," Taft says. "You can even have the XLR plug."]] (click: "XLR plug.")[$t["I will not. Please refrain from asking."]] (click: "I will not.")[$t[Taft leaps up the Replica and confronts Slim in their position, holding a nail file/knife to Slim's throat. "You gonna help me now?! Huh?! You gonna keep judging me?! How does it feel, Slim?! Feels pretty bad, doesn't it?! Know how I got this knife?! I //[[stole it!->Slim Taft Cutscene Ending II]]//]]

Slim calls Susan on the private comm. "Feels good, doesn't it?"(set: $st to it + (a: "123")) (click: "Feels good")[$t["What does?" Susan says.]] (click: "What does?")[$t["Just.. this," Slim says. "The knowledge that we're accomplishing something truly worthwhile for the Taiga. Listening to (print: $c's 1st) speak, it just seems as though we'll be able to keep the humans away for good."]] (click: "humans away")[$t["Hmph," Susan says.]] (click: "Hmph")[$t["What was that?"]] (click: "was that?")[$t["Nothing. Let's [[listen->Slim Susan Cutscene Ending II]] to the presentation," Susan says.]]

"So, Xylophone," Slim says over the comm channel. "Have you made any progress with your anger issues?"(set: $st to it + (a: "124")) (click: "anger issues?")[$t["Shut up!"]] (click: "Shut up!")[$t[Slim pauses.]] (click: "pauses.")[$t[".. No, I guess not." Xylophone sighs. "It's so hard. (if: $gotbenji is true)[But Benji is helping a lot? It's been really nice having them here for company."](else:)[I just wish I could have saved Benji."]]] (click: "so hard.")[$t["These are difficult times. And there is much to be angry about. (if: $gotbenji is true)[But you have gained a friend through your heroism. Two friends, really," Slim says, smiling.](else:)[But that does not negate your heroism. And you have made a friend in me," Slim says, smiling.]]] (click: "difficult times.")[$t["I don't need your pity friendship, Slim! I'm a //big mouse//, and I can make my own friendships on my own time!"]] (click: "make my own friendships")[$t[Slim pauses again.]] (click: "pauses again.")[$t["I did it again, didn't I?"]] (click: "did it again,")[$t[".. You did."]] (click: "You did.")[$t["I'm sorry. You just sound so much like my dad. All wise and junk. I hate it!"]] (click: "I hate it!")[$t["Oh. I'm sorry! Uh, I shall try to be non-dad-like."]] (click: "non-dad-like.")[$t["Uh.. okay?"]] (click: "okay?")[$t["I think you're doing a really Forest-groovy job, Xylophone! Very Forest-tubular work."]] (click: "Forest-tubular")[$t["[[Goodbye, Slim!->Forest God Cutscene]]" Xylophone slams the comm line shut.]]

"Paul, can I get a check on the enthusiasm distributors?" Slim says.(set: $st to it + (a: "127")) (click: "distributors?")[$t["Will you admit that I'm right about the vile and barbaric nature of Animalia? And Humanity, for that matter?"]] (click: "for that matter?")[$t["I will do no such thing," Slim says.]] (click: "no such thing,")[$t["Then try [[//this// on for size->Slim Paul Cutscene Ending II]], and see if I'm wrong!!"]]

"Wonderful, isn't it?" Slim says, over the comm channel, to Sorghum.(set: $st to it + (a: "126")) (click: "Wonderful")[$t["What is?" Sorghum says.]] (click: "What is?")[$t["Just all of this," Slim says, referring to the plethora of human children. "The presentation. Peaceful diplomacy. Clear communication. It's so much better than the alternative, wouldn't you say?"]] (click: "the alternative")[$t["What do you mean, the alternative?" Sorghum says, souring.]] (click: "mean,")[$t["Well, y'know.. open conflict. Or warfare. Any destruction of animal or human life should be discouraged, as you know. But it seems like these young humans are receptive to the idea of peace."]] (click: "to the idea of peace.")[$t[Sorghum reflects on this for a moment.]] (click: "for a moment.")[$t[Then, in a flurry, they push themselves back from their control position and leap up a series of gangways, ladders, and scaffolds, eventually arriving next to (print: $c's 1st) in Charlie's skull.]] (click: "Charlie's skull.")[$t["Sorghum?!" (print: $c's 1st) says. "Get back to your post!"]] (click: "your post!")[$t[Sorghum [[wrenches the microphone->Slim Sorghum Cutscene Ending II]] away from (print: $c's 1st).]]

"So, Slimmy," Tabloid says, over the comm system, "I've been wondering - what are you gonna do when we get back to the Taiga?"(set: $st to it + (a: "125")) (click: "get back")[$t["Whatever do you mean?" Slim says.]] (click: "Whatever")[$t["You're gonna check me out once we get back, right?"]] (click: "right?")[$t["Well--"]] (click: "Well--")[$t["You're gonna go back to your lodge or den or whatever, and you're gonna see the Dramatisation of these events on the Forest TV (and I'm gonna be playing myself, obviously) and you're gonna say to your little beaver kids: 'Hey! I was //there!// With //Tabloid!//' Right?"]] (click: "Right?")[$t["I don't--"]] (click: "I don't--")[$t["Slim, don't be dense. I am the biggest star in the Taiga. It's insulting to both of us to pretend I don't exist. Now, come on. How many Forest 8x10s do you want me to sign before we get back? How many little beaverlets do you have? 30? 40?"]] (click: "beaverlets")[$t["You would like to know what I am going to do when I return?"]] (click: "I return?")[$t["Yes! //Obviously!//"]] (click: "Obviously!")[$t[Slim's voice grows wistful. "I am going to nuzzle my mate. We are going to swim amongst the bullrushes. We are going to look for beech bark -- that's my favourite. I am going to sharpen my teeth on the trunk of a willow that's near my lodge. And then, at night, my mate and I are going to listen to the stream, watch the fireflies, and fall asleep."]] (click: "fall asleep.")[$t["Without you, I might add," Slim says. "You see, and this might be a new concept to you: some animals experience the Taiga in different ways from you. Isn't that wonderful? I'll leave you with time to reflect." They shut off the line.]] (click: "off the line.")[$t["I //hate// that [[stupid beaver!->Forest God Cutscene]]" Tabloid says.]]

Taft calls Fluffy on the private comm channel. "All right, you rambunctious paw-snapper, you ready to do this?"(set: $st to it + (a: "128")) (click: "paw-snapper")[$t["Oh, am I ever, you.. kleptomaniac.. chipmunk!"]] (click: "chipmunk!")[$t[Taft smiles. Together, the two put on their Forest balaclavas.]] (click: "balaclavas.")[$t[Fluffy moves up in the Replica and jumps (print: $c's 1st); Taft moves down and surprises (print: $c's 4th).]] (click: "surprises")[$t["THIS IS A STICKUP! The Eastside Garbage Crew is alive and well, and we're taking this little kid for a joyride!"]] (click: "joyride!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["A mutiny! You vile mutineers!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["A mutiny, is it? And I thought we understood one another," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Mutiny! A mutiny! Oh, you're both scum of the Taiga!" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "mutiny")[$t["Shut up!" Fluffy says. "And now, you're gonna do what [[//we// say..->Fluffy Taft Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Susan, you //gotta// help me," Fluffy says, over the comm channel. "It's //too tight// in here!"(set: $st to it + (a: "129")) (click: "too tight")[$t["What do you expect me to do about it, Fluffy?!" Susan says. "I can't magically //make// more space for you!"]] (click: "make more space")[$t["I know, but, like.. I dunno! Maybe you can leave for a bit so I can stretch my paws? Like, we're not really //doing// anything right now.."]] (click: "right now..")[$t["Fluffy, we're standing in front of //hundreds// of humans! What do you think would happen if Charlie were to suddenly have a squirrel in his possession?"]] (click: "possession?")[$t["I bet they'd think it'd be pretty cool," Fluffy says. "Come onnnnn!"]] (click: "pretty cool,")[$t["No!"]] (click: "No!")[$t["Come ONNNNNNN!"]] (click: "ONNNNNNN!")[$t["NO!"]] (click: "NO!")[$t["COME [[ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!->Fluffy Susan Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

Xylophone calls Fluffy over the comm system. "Can you //please// answer me now?! Why have you acted so weird to me //all// mission?" they say.(set: $st to it + (a: "130")) (click: "so weird")[$t[Fluffy salivates on their control panel.]] (click: "salivates")[$t["So delicious," they say. (if: $gotbenji is true)["And there's //two of them// now!"]]] (click: "So delicious,")[$t["What does that mean?!" Xylophone says.]] (click: "that mean?!")[$t["It means I [[can't take it->Fluffy Xylophone Cutscene Ending II]] any more!" Fluffy says.]]

"Tabloid, are you //hearing this?//" Fluffy says over the comm system. "Hanae just said that foxes and weasels were //predators!// They //have to know!//"(set: $st to it + (a: "131")) (click: "predators!")[$t["What did I say earlier, Fluffy?!" Tabloid says. "Don't talk to me about this over the comm channel! What happens in the Taiga stays in the Taiga!"]] (click: "stays in the Taiga!")[$t["They've got to know! I don't think I can keep doing this, okay?! It was fun at first, being able to sink my teeth into some tasty prey again, but--"]] (click: "but--")[$t["//Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!//" Tabloid says. "Shut the Forest Hell up! You wanna get us both killed?! Just focus on the mission! We don't know each other, remember? We're complete strangers! Now hang up, and forget we ever went [[hunting together!->Fluffy Tabloid Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"You ready?" Fluffy says to Sorghum, over the comm channel.(set: $st to it + (a: "132")) (click: "ready?")[$t["I'm ready. You ready?" Sorghum says.]] (click: "I'm ready.")[$t["Oh ho ho, you better believe I'm ready, my friend," Fluffy says. They put on their Forest goggles, stretch, and [[ready themselves.->Fluffy Sorghum Cutscene Ending II]]]]

"Fluffy!" Paul says over the comm system. "For the last time, quit //fidgeting!//"(set: $st to it + (a: "133")) (click: "fidgeting!")[$t["But I'm so uncomfortable! And I'm claustrophobic, apparently! I didn't tell anyone during the physical, but I am!"]] (click: "but I am!")[$t["I don't care! You're //putting the Replica at risk!//"]] (click: "at risk!")[$t["Hold on - I think I found a position that works for me. Maybe if I tuck my paws [[behind my head..->Fluffy Paul Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Bet you're real //scared,// aren't you, Guillermo?" Taft says, over the comm system.(set: $st to it + (a: "134")) (click: "real scared,")[$t["Y.. yes," Guillermo says. "Aren't you? Look at all those Human children out there!"]] (click: "Human children")[$t["Forest Hell no! Are you kidding me?!" Taft says. "I'm the toughest chipmunk who ever lived! Do you know how many times I've wandered into Human territory?! Do you know how much Human stuff I have in my pad?! Do you know how many Humans I've killed?! Single-pawededly?! You're a coward compared to me! You're a huge wuss! You're nothing! I'm the best chipmunk who [[ever lived--->Guillermo Taft Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Hi, Susan," Guillermo says over the comm channel. "Do you have a moment?"(set: $st to it + (a: "135")) (click: "a moment?")[$t["Of course, Guillermo. What's up?"]] (click: "What's up?")[$t["I'm looking at these kids, and I still feel a little nervous. I'm trying to look for that language you were talking about, and I'm not sure I can see anything."]] (click: "I'm not sure")[$t["Okay, well, let's take a peek," Susan says. "Okay, here's a good example! See that male-identifying child in the fifth row?"]] (click: "fifth row?")[$t["The one who's wiggling? Writhing, almost?"]] (click: "Writhing,")[$t["Yeah. He's trying to dance. Lesson number one: some humans need to always be the center of attention. They can't //bear// when no one is looking at them. This child is trying to get the attention of the children around him, but it's not working."]] (click: "not working.")[$t["Isn't he almost doing us a favour? We're trying to be discreet, aren't we? So having the children look at him is a good thing!"]] (click: "a good thing!")[$t["Aha!" Susan says. "Lesson number two, and something that some animals in the Council would benefit to learn: cooperation is always better than competition. Why fight when you can work together? It doesn't seem like it, because of how destructive they are, but I assure you -- humans are very good at working together when they put their minds to it."]] (click: "their minds to it.")[$t["I think I'm getting it a little bit!" Guillermo says, happily. "Can you keep helping me with this?"]] (click: "helping me with this?")[$t["Nope."]] (click: "Nope.")[$t[".. Oh."]] (click: ".. Oh.")[$t[Susan bursts out laughing. "Of course, dummy! That's what friends do." Guillermo [[grins.->Forest God Cutscene]]]]

"Hello, comrade!" Xylophone says.(set: $st to it + (a: "136")) (click: "comrade!")[$t["Hi.. comrade? Can I just call you friend?" Guillermo says.]] (click: "friend?")[$t["Yeah!" Xylophone says, smiling. "That has a nice ring to it!"]] (click: "ring to it!")[$t["Hey, I just want to thank you for making this mission somewhat bearable. I'm a pretty quiet rabbit, and I was feeling nervous working in such close quarters with others, but you've made the whole process significantly easier!"]] (click: "quiet rabbit")[$t["Yeah, well, I'm glad you were able to, y'know, look past my dad being on the council and everything."]] (click: "my dad")[$t["I don't care about that! I don't care about your dad! I'm just glad you're here and you're who //you// are. Let's just try to [[survive this,->Guillermo Xylophone Cutscene Ending II]] okay?"]]

"GUILLERMO!" Tabloid says over the comm system, blasting Guillermo's ears. "You're just the BEST squad member, don't you know that? Ah. Good. Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's begin session 14 of our 39-part series--"(set: $st to it + (a: "137")) (click: "series--")[$t["Tabloid," Guillermo says politely, "I don't believe your series of workshops is actually helping me."]] (click: "actually helping me.")[$t["But -- wha -- I --"]] (click: "But --")[$t["Yeah, I actually feel fine now. Like, there are all these kids out there, and I'm not really feeling scared by them?"]] (click: "scared by them?")[$t["So you mean... I failed you? I'm a failure?"]] (click: "failure?")[$t["No!" Guillermo says. "I mean, kind of, but not in, y'know.. I mean that not in a malicious way. You're still a great weasel and all, I just.. found a better way?"]] (click: "a better way?")[$t["A better way?!" Tabloid says, erupting in sobs. "There's a better way than the way I've done things?! I've //never// heard that before //ever!//"]] (click: "ever!")[$t["I'm sorry!" Guillermo says. "You're great! I just.. I dunno really how to say this.. I just don't .. need you?"]] (click: "need you?")[$t["But //everyone// needs a fine weasel in their life!" Tabloid says. "I might as well just leap into that crowd of human children and let them EAT me up."]] (click: "EAT me up.")[$t["No, Tabloid, come on! You're great! You're so good! You bring happiness to millions of Taigan animals! You're a great, great.. great weasel," Guillermo says.]] (click: "great weasel,")[$t[//Is this working?// Guillermo thinks to [[themself.->Forest God Cutscene]]]]

"Hey," Guillermo says.(set: $st to it + (a: "138")) (click: "Hey,")[$t["Hey," Sorghum says.]] (click: "Sorghum says.")[$t["You ready to go?"]] (Click: "go?")[$t["Yup. You?"]] (click: "You?")[$t["Yup. [[Let's do it.->Guillermo Sorghum Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Sorry to interrupt, Paul," Guillermo says nervously, "but would you consider this throng of human children to be an excellent research pool?"(set: $st to it + (a: "139")) (click: "research pool?")[$t["Why yes, I would," Paul says, delighted. "What can you tell me about the first row of children?"]] (click: "first row")[$t["Um," Guillermo says, peering at their control panel, "it seems as though the contents of their noses provide them with sustenence."]] (click: "sustenence.")[$t["Good, good! What else?"]] (click: "What else?")[$t["Their hands seem to be covered in dirt and silt and perhaps.. some kind of fruit preserve?"]] (click: "fruit preserve?")[$t["Excellent! Keep going!"]] (click: "Keep going!")[$t["I would postulate that if the Taiga were to invade Human territory, children could be utilised as a cheap an effective labour force."]] (click: "labour force.")[$t[Paul's eyes light up with a flash of evil. "Congratulations, Guillermo. You are now my disciple."]] (click: "disciple.")[$t[Guillermo smiles. //A promotion? And discovering my cold disregard of Human life instead of succumbing to baseless fear?// Guillermo thinks. //What a [[great day!->Forest God Cutscene]]//]]

Tabloid opens their comm channel. "Taft, where's my thing?"(set: $st to it + (a: "140")) (click: "my thing?")[$t["What thing?" Taft says.]] (click: "What thing?")[$t["Listen, don't put a burr in my fur," Tabloid says. "You were gonna grab me something for my pad, and you were gonna grab me something good."]] (click: "something good.")[$t["I know, okay?! It's just.. it's hard, with (print: $c's 1st) watching. I haven't forgotten. I just need.. a little more time."]] (click: "a little more time.")[$t["More time?! There isn't much time left in this sordid little affair! We'll tell the kiddies to stay out of the forest or whatever, and then Charlie will run off and slip on a rock and that's it! Poof! No more Human-Taigan interaction!]] (click: "interaction!")[$t["So listen here, kid," Tabloid says, threateningly, "if you don't get me something good I will //end// you. Do you hear me? You thought you wanted to be in the Taigan elite? You'll be buried in permafrost. You hear me? Now get swiping before I lose more of my Forestgoddamn patience."]] (click: "Forestgoddamn")[$t[Tabloid slams the comm channel shut in a fury. [["Forestgoddamnit,"->Taft Tabloid Cutscene Ending II]] Taft mutters.]]

"Taft, respond," Paul says.(set: $st to it + (a: "142")) (click: "respond,")[$t["Oh, it'd be hard not to, with all the charisma pouring out of you, Paul," Taft says. "What's up?"]] (click: "What's up?")[$t["I have completed the alterations to the Replica as you asked. They should be active.. //now.//"]] (click: "now.")[$t[A distant motor engages from deep within the Replica. A roar rushes through Charlie, as if he had been gifted a great surge of electricity. But as soon as it is sensed, it stops, and Replica business resumes as usual.]] (click: "resumes as usual.")[$t["Amazing!" Taft says, laughing, almost in surprise. "You actually did it?! You gave me my sticky fingers? This is incredible! I'll be able to steal so much cool Human stuff now!"]] (click: "steal so much")[$t["Wait, steal?" Paul says. "You didn't say anything about stealing--"]] (click: "stealing--")[$t[But Taft is too excited to listen. "Thanks //so// much, Paul!" They shut off [[the comm channel.->Taft Paul Cutscene Ending II]]]]

"Taft," Sorghum says, over the comm system.(set: $st to it + (a: "141")) (click: "Taft,")[$t["Ah, my //familial// friend Sorghum," Taft says, like a real prick. "You see what I did there?"]] (click: "what I did there?")[$t["You must think you're pretty funny," Sorghum says.]] (click: "pretty funny,")[$t["Yeah, I do," Taft says. "What's this about?"]] (click: "about?")[$t["A lot of other animals don't think I have a sense of humour," Sorghum says. Their words seem to echo around Taft's control station, slightly distorted.]] (click: "distorted.")[$t["What is happening, Sorghum?! What are you doing?!"]] (click: "doing?!")[$t["Just having a laugh!" Sorghum bursts out laughing, a maniacal cackle that seems to envelop Taft from all sides. The comm channel speaker falls silent.]] (click: "falls silent.")[$t["Stop this! Show yourself!"]] (click: "Show yourself!")[$t["What's the matter, Taft?" The voice continues to bounce around Taft, who whips themselves in every direction in search of its source. "Don't you think that you're working yourself up over something so..]] (click: "so..")[$t[Sorghum appears directly behind Taft.]] (click: "behind Taft.")[$t["//.. [[minor?->Taft Sorghum Cutscene Ending II]]//"]]

"So, Susan," Tabloid says, attempting to pass as nonchalant, "sure are a lot of Humans out there."(set: $st to it + (a: "143")) (click: "Susan,")[$t["Yup," Susan says.]] (click: "Yup,")[$t["You, uh.. recognise any of them?"]] (click: "recognise")[$t[The thought throws Susan off guard. "Uh, maybe.. one or two, I think.. it's been so long.."]] (click: "so long..")[$t["I knew it!" Tabloid says, jubilant. "I knew you craved the spotlight! I knew you loved the attention! I knew you and I weren't so different after all!"]] (click: "weren't so different")[$t["Get lost, Tabloid," Susan says, finally snapping. "I was a celebrity because I begged for crumbs in a park. I did a stupid little dance so that Humans would feed me. It was a means to survive. It was humiliating. And by the time that I wanted to return to the Taiga, Humans loved me and Animalia hated me. So what was I to do but embrace it?"]] (click: "embrace it?")[$t[Tabloid is silent.]] (click: "silent.")[$t["You've been handed literally everything, Tabloid. I've fought for everything. Even my right to be part of this mission. I don't do this for the celebrity, the attention, or the fame. I do this because I'm missing something and I'm trying to find it."]] (click: "trying to find it.")[$t[".. I'm sorry," Tabloid says. [[They shut off->Forest God Cutscene]] the comm channel.]]

"Susan?" Sorghum says, over the comm system.(set: $st to it + (a: "144")) (click: "comm system")[$t["Yes, Sorghum?"]] (click: "Yes,")[$t["These humans are.. okay? Like, I don't actually feel like I .. need to get revenge for my family any longer?"]] (click: "any longer?")[$t["Sorghum, that's great! Do you know what changed?"]] (click: "changed?")[$t["I'm not really sure? I think being around humans in this capacity has made me realise that we're all just scared. I'll never forgive them for it, but the humans who killed my family were just scared that we would ruin their field, that they wouldn't be able to eat the crops they had grown. And even us, here, on this mission, we're scared that the humans will come and destroy the forest and the Taiga and ruin everything we've built.]] (click: "we've built.")[$t["It just seems like we would all benefit by listening and trying to understand one another, which.. you have helped me to do. So thank you, Susan.]] (click: "Susan.")[$t[Susan smiles. "Thank //you,// Sorghum! I just know we'll [[get through this->Susan Sorghum Cutscene Ending II]] okay, now!"]]

"Teach me compassion!" Paul says to Susan, over the private comm system. "I must study these children!"(set: $st to it + (a: "145")) (click: "study these children!")[$t["I remember," Susan says. "I'm here to help you."]] (click: "help you.")[$t["Look at their hideous faces. Ugh! Remind me to bring gloves next time."]] (click: "bring gloves")[$t["Well, there's a good place to start," Susan says. "Their faces aren't hideous. They're weird, for sure - human faces are really pointy and fleshy, and that's hard to get used to. But, tell me, Paul, what do we as animals have in common with these human children?"]] (click: "human children?")[$t["Interspecies contempt?"]] (click: "contempt?")[$t["NO. Well, maybe, but -- no, not what I was getting at. Their //eyes.// Look at their eyes. I know we don't want them learning about the Taiga for whatever reason, but can you seriously look into their eyes and //not// see the wonder, the curiosity, the //joy// in them? It warms my heart every time to see human children in their habitat. Honestly, I wish we as animals shared their sense of wonder."]] (click: "shared their sense of wonder.")[$t[Paul is silent for a moment.]] (click: "silent")[$t["That's really interesting, Susan. Thank you."]] (click: "Thank you.")[$t[The line is shut off. //[[It worked!->Susan Paul Cutscene Ending II]] I got through to them!// thinks Susan.]]

"Hey!" Xylophone says over the comm system. "Tabloid! You were gonna teach me how to be a tough mouse!"(set: $st to it + (a: "146")) (click: "tough mouse!")[$t["Oh, yeah, you!" Tabloid says. "Uh, right! Okay! Beating up bad guys! Where should we start?"]] (click: "we start?")[$t["Punching technique!" Xylophone says, bouncing up and down.]] (click: "Punching technique!")[$t["Uh.. right.. okay. Well! The most important element in a fight is having the element of surprise. Because if you can get the drop on a weasel, they'll be a dead weasel. And the only good weasel is a dead weasel."]] (click: "element of surprise.")[$t["Isn't that a line from your Forest movie?"]] (click: "movie?")[$t["I'll.. have to check. Anyway! Element of surprise, very important for [[being tough--->Xylophone Tabloid Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"Hey," Sorghum says, calling Xylophone over the comm channel. "You fancy yourself a pretty tough mouse, hey?"(set: $st to it + (a: "147")) (click: "fancy yourself")[$t["I'm not fancy! I'm tough! I'm the toughest mouse!" Xylophone says.]] (click: "toughest mouse!")[$t["Right. Okay. You wanna know what happened to me?"]] (click: "happened to me?")[$t["Yeah, you weren't.. that tough. Right?"]] (click: "Right?")[$t["Imagine your entire family -- including your oh-so-important Dad on the Council there -- eating dinner. Imagine you're all eating away. Munch munch munch. Imagine that food is poison, and it starts eating away your insides.]] (click: "your insides.")[$t["Okay, great! Imagine you try to escape, but a human has placed a long, thin, metal nozzle down one of the exits of your burrow. And you hear a little //click//, and suddenly everything in your burrow is on fire. You turn and run the other way. The burrow is filled with heavy smoke, but all you can smell is your family's burning, melting, poisoned flesh.]] (click: "poisoned flesh.")[$t["And now! Look out at the audience of human children. And imagine -- actually, no, don't imagine, because I don't //have// to imagine. //Know// that any one of these children can grow up to be just as cruel as that human was on that day.]] (click: "on that day.")[$t["Think you're pretty tough now?" Sorghum says.]] (click: "pretty tough now?")[$t["N.. no," Xylophone murmurs. They shut off the channel.]] (click: "shut off the channel.")[$t["[[Didn't think so,->Forest God Cutscene]]" Sorghum says.]]

(if: $gotbenji is true)["Hey, Paul - you gonna make fun of my ability now?!" Xylophone says. "Huh?! After I single-handedly rescued Benji?! Huh?!"](else:)["Hey, Paul, you gonna come after me for not rescuing Benji?!" Xylophone says. "After you did nothing to help?] (click: "Xylophone says.")[$t["Xylophone, nothing you did or didn't do will change the fact that you were the worst possible choice for this mission," Paul says.(set: $st to it + (a: "148"))]] (click: "Paul says.")[$t["Hey, SHUT up!"]] (click: "SHUT up!")[$t["I would counter by suggesting that YOU shut up."]] (click: "YOU shut up.")[$t["Don't MAKE me come down there," Xylophone says.]] (click: "come down there,")[$t["Perhaps you should come down here and discover what might happen to you," Paul says.]] (click: "what might happen")[$t["Oh, [[THAT'S it!->Xylophone Paul Cutscene Ending II]]"]]

"And so," Hanae continues, "the Taiga might not //seem// to be ecologically diverse, it actually really is.." (click: "really is..")[$t[Charlie moves away from the podium.]] (click: "moves away")[$t["Where are we going?" (print: $c's 4th) says.]] (click: "we going?")[$t["Just follow my lead," Fluffy says.]] (click: "my lead,")[$t["And, uh," Hanae says, watching Charlie, a stammer in her voice. "The Taiga is.. it's, uh.. actually.."]] (click: "actually..")[$t[Charlie moves closer to the cheezie-bearing child. "What are you doing?! Get back here!" Hanae hisses, away from the microphone.]] (click: "back here!")[$t[Charlie moves within arm's length of the child, who looks up at Charlie absent-mindedly, mouth stuffed with neon cheese puffs.]] (click: "arm's length")[$t["(print: $c's 3rd), take that bag from the kid," Chunks says.]] (click: "take that bag")[$t[(if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")["Okay!" Taft says, with great enthusiasm.](else-if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")["Okay, no," Susan says. "I'm not going to take something from a kid, in front of hundreds of kids. That is a terrible idea and you know it, Chunks." "It's for the presentation. Trust me!" Chunks says.](else-if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")["Okay," Xylophone says, unsure, but unwilling to disobey an order.]]] (click: "Okay")[$t[Charlie grabs the bag. "HEY!!" the kid screams.]] (click: "HEY!!")[$t[The gymnasium erupts. "Charlie!" Mom yells from the back. The teachers try to restrain the children, who bounce with excitement at the display of aggression they just witnessed.]] (click: "display of aggression")[$t["You see this?!" Charlie yells, holding the bag of cheezies aloft. "This is the way the Taiga works! The strong take from the weak! The //animals// take from the //children!// The //animals// take from the //humans!// And that's the way things are going to stay! Keep out of the Forest -- keep out of the Taiga -- if you know what's best for you!"]] (click: "what's best for you!")[$t[A child bursts into tears.]] (click: "tears.")[$t[Charlie leaves out of a side door into the school parking lot, the heavy metal door slamming behind him. "Evacuate the suit. Leave it here. Make your way back to the Taiga for debrief."]] (click: "debrief.")[$t[Fluffy laughs. "That wasn't where I thought you were going with that, but it felt so //good!// What about the Humans, though?"]] (Click: "Humans")[$t["Let them come," Chunks says. The suit is evacuated. Chunks, Fluffy, (print: $c's 3rd) and (print: $c's 4th) scatter to the winds. The Replica crumples to the ground in a heap. Mrs. Hoffmann is the first to discover Charlie's husk. She picks it up, sniffs it, and then throws it back to the ground in disgust.]] (click: "in disgust")[$t["I just //knew// the animals were [[amongst us,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" she says.]]

<center><h1>This story has ended!</h1> (But there's much, much more to see..) Would you like to.. Go to the main menu? Load a game? See what happened this playthrough? Show //all// the playthrough possibilities? (Warning - major spoilers!) (click: "main menu")[(reload:)](click: "See what happened this playthrough")[$t[(display: "See What Happened")]](click: "Show all the playthrough possibilities?")[$t[(goto: "Show All Cutscene")]](click: "Load a game?")[(load-game: "Slot 1")]

A tear opens in Charlie's stomach. (click: "stomach.")[$t[A fox flops out of the tear, and lands on the gym floor with a thud.]] (click: "thud.")[$t["Ow," Fluffy says.]] (click: "Ow,")[$t[The children scream.]] (click: "The children")[$t[The teachers scream.]] (click: "The teachers")[$t[Mom screams.]] (click: "Mom")[$t[Dad faints.]] (click: "Dad")[$t["This sucks," Fluffy says, "but at least I'm free!"]] (click: "I'm free!")[$t[Fluffy sprints around the gym in a wide circle, children screaming and fleeing in their wake. Horseradish tries to move, but without Fluffy, the Replica is unresponsive.]] (click: "unresponsive.")[$t["ABANDON SHIP!" Horseradish says.]] (click: "ABANDON SHIP!")[$t[Horseradish explodes through an escape hatch in Charlie's skull and flies around the gym rafters, trying to find a way out. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft slithers through a tear in Charlie's wrist and climbs the podium, attempting to wrench the microphone from its holder. ](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan scrabbles at the gym door exit, hoping to escape to their city park to regain their human entertainer celebrity status. ](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone finds a quarter-sized hole in the gym wall and escapes to safety. ](if: $gotbenji is true)[Benji follows (print: $c's 3rd). ](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid attempts to charm the sizeable audience in front of them, until a teacher throws their jacket over Tabloid and scoops them up. ](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum starts fighting the children until a terrified teacher punts them across the room. ](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["I'm not leaving him!" Paul says, nesting in Charlie's deflated form. "I can't leave my beloved Replica! I'll die before you eject me from him!"]]] (click: "escape hatch")[$t[In the middle of the chaos, Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes narrow. "[[I knew it,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" she says.]]

"That's right, Hanae," Charlie says, interrupting her line of thought. "And I thought I would illustrate some of the principles of the Taiga by showing you all one of their glorious creatures!" (click: "glorious creatures!")[$t[The children, buzzed, lean forward in excitement. Dad, taking a sip of his steaming liquid, chokes and coughs at this announcement.]] (click: "buzzed,")[$t[Within the Replica, Horseradish pushes the "ARM CONTROL EJECT BUTTON." They open a private comm channel to (print: $c's 2nd). "Can you cover for Taft for a moment?" Horseradish says. (print: $c's 2nd) agrees.]] (click: "cover for Taft")[$t[Like a magic trick, Charlie produces a small chipmunk from his sleeve. "I have spent an inordinate amount of time in the Taiga attempting to humanely capture this little friend. Everyone, meet Taft!"]] (click: "Taft!")[$t[(print: $c's 2nd) holds Taft aloft. "No, what are you doing?! You're blowing my cover!" Taft says.]] (click: "Taft aloft.")[$t[The crowd is awed. Hanae smiles happily. Mom nudges Dad. "That's why he was in the forest so late that night!"]] (click: "so late")[$t["I am happy to donate this fair creature to the students and faculty of Evergreen Elementary for further study!" The children celebrate, and Charlie passes Taft off to a teacher who holds a backpack open. Taft is forced inside and the backpack is shut.]] (click: "forced inside")[$t["How dare you! Let me out!" Taft yells.]] (click: "Let me out!")[$t["As for me, I am off to resume my research in the Taiga, the true home of my heart, and my passion," Charlie says, with flair. Charlie heads for the gym door exit, (print: $c's 2nd) having resumed their original position. No one seems to notice Charlie's arms dangling uselessly amidst the thunderous applause.]] (click: "thunderous applause")[$t["Wait, what did he mean by that?" Dad says, as Charlie leaves.]] (click: "leaves.")[$t[The heavy metal door closes behind Charlie, and once again, the squad is alone. "So what now?" (print: $c's 2nd) asks.]] (click: "what now?")[$t["Schedule [[an accident,->Game Over! Cutscene]] I suppose?" Horseradish says.]]

Charlie's face turns white. He looks down at his stomach. (click: "stomach")[$t[His stomach lurches and swells as the creatures within it fight.]] (click: "fight.")[$t[Dad rushes to the stage. "What is it, Charlie my boy? Gas?"]] (click: "Gas?")[$t[Suddenly, a tear opens in Charlie's stomach. A chipmunk holding a nail file to a beaver's throat pour out and hit the floor with a thud.]] (click: "thud")[$t[The children scream.]] (click: "scream.")[$t[Slim tries to get away, but their claws are useless on the polished gym floor. Taft leaps on Slim and attempts to attack them again, spilling into the seated children. The children run for cover.]] (click: "run for cover.")[$t[The remainder of the Replica collapses. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")[An owl](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")[A magpie](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")[A finch] escapes Charlie's skull and flies around the ceiling fans. (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[A weasel](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[A gopher](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[A stoat] runs for cover.]] (click: "remainder")[$t[Suddenly, the beaver is still. Taft stands up from Slim's motionless body, stunned. "Oh no, what have I done?!" they say. "I.. I'm a predator! They'll never let me back in the Taiga! Never!"]] (click: "Never!")[$t[Taft scrabbles to escape the gym, but succeed only in cornering themself. Teachers with nets, bags and jackets close in on them.]] (click: "on them.")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann's brow furrows. "I knew it," she says. "We must eliminate the forest.. //[[post-haste.->Game Over! Cutscene]]//"]]

"And so, Charlie," Hanae says, "if you'd like to gesture to my supplemental illustration behind us.." (click: "gesture")[$t[Charlie's arm remains at his side.]] (click: "at his side.")[$t["Charlie?"]] (Click: "Charlie?")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["I would certainly like to, Hanae, but my arm seems to be asleep!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Would love to, but my arm isn't working!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh, drag! My arm ain't working! Perhaps I could point with my nose instead?" Charlie says.]]] (click: "Charlie says.")[$t["What are you //doing//?" (print: $c's 1st) says. "Point, Susan! Get to work!"]] (click: "Get to work!")[$t["Actually," Susan says, "you might want to look at Hanae's next presentation slide, squad."]] (click: "next presentation slide")[$t[With dread, the squad turns around to face the screen.]] (click: "face the screen.")[$t[Projected onto the screen are the words "THE TAIGA IS FOR HUMANS."]] (click: "HUMANS.")[$t["Wh.. what is this?!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "this?!")[$t["Sorry to break it to you like this, //squad//," Hanae says.]] (click: "break it to you")[$t[Mom and Dad slowly walk to the front of the gym. "Oh yes," Mom says. "We know what happened to Charlie. To the //real// Charlie."]] (click: "real Charlie.")[$t["What is happening?!" Slim says.]] (click: "happening?!")[$t[Mrs. Hoffmann joins Mom, Dad, and Hanae on the makeshift stage. "Susan, if you'd like to join us?"]] (click: "join us?")[$t[Susan escapes through an emergency exit hatch, scurries across the floor, and climbs onto Mrs. Hoffmann's outstretched hand. The children seem unfazed by this development.]] (click: "unfazed")[$t["Susan, you traitor! You turncoat! You were with the humans all along!" Slim says.]] (click: "all along!")[$t["That's right," Mrs. Hoffmann says. "Susan told us everything. How you "Offered" our sweet, misguided Charlie. We staged this trap after they made contact. And this works well for me - I would love to see that hideous forest knocked down and paved over once and for all!"]] (click: "once and for all")[$t["You'll have to kill me first!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "kill me first!")[$t["Oh, we will. But only after a series of prolonged //ANIMAL TESTING.//" Susan and the humans, adults and children alike, laugh.]] (click: "laugh.")[$t[Charlie charges at Susan, but a net, which had been dangling above the makeshift stage, is triggered, ensnaring the squad.]] (click: "ensnaring")[$t["Sorry it had to be like this, Slim," Susan says, "but //[[humans always win->Game Over! Cutscene]]//."]]

"And that's our presentation on the Taiga!" Hanae says. The children applaud. Hanae bows. Charlie remains stiff. (click: "stiff")[$t["Thank you, Hanae and Charlie," Principal Okorafor says, taking the podium.]] (click: "taking the podium.")[$t[Charlie doesn't move.]] (click: "doesn't move")[$t["You may be seated, Charlie."]] (click: "may be seated")[$t[Charlie opens his mouth, but Human children words do not emerge. Instead, Charlie emits what seems to be the cacophony of a factory floor -- metal clanging, furious shouting, and electrical discharges.]] (click: "cacophony")[$t[Hanae jumps back, startled. "Charlie?! Are you okay?!"]] (click: "startled.")[$t[A voice, as if it were being shouted from one end of a warehouse, calls back to Hanae through Charlie's open mouth. "Yeah, ju.. just a second!" Sprinkles says.]] (click: "just a second!")[$t[Sprinkles forgets to turn the microphone off. "Oh, Forestgoddamn it! Their tail is on fire!"]] (click: "on fire!")[$t[Smoke protrudes from Charlie's mouth. Principal Okorafor pulls the fire alarm. The sprinkler system in the rafters engages. The damp children scream, and file through a gym side door into the parking lot.]] (click: "parking lot.")[$t[Soon, the gymnasium is engulfed in flames. The teachers and students stand and watch, in tears, as the gymnasium collapses. When the fire department eventually extinguishes the conflagration, the investigators are shocked to find the shell of a Human child puppet with a robot beaver inside its belly at the fire's centre.]] (click: "collapses.")[$t[Meanwhile, a finch, (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[a weasel, ](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[a gopher, ](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")[a stoat, ]and a (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[chipmunk](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[squirrel](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[a mouse] scatter into the adjacent school field. (if: $gotbenji is true)[Soon, a second, more confused mouse joins them also.]]] (click: "a finch,")[$t["Split up! Meet me back in the Great Clearing," Sprinkles tells their squad. "And we're gonna stick it to Hank. They've got a //lot// of [[explaining to do.->Game Over! Cutscene]]"]]

Charlie starts to walk to the first row of seated, crosslegged children. (if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["Oh! It seems my presentation is taking me in this direction now!" Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Oh, I guess I'm moving over here now," Charlie says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Oh! There is, clearly, something that will assist my presentation in this direction!"] (click: "crosslegged")[$t["Paul! Take us back to the stage!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "back to the stage!")[$t[Paul finds a small child, attentively looking upwards at Charlie. Charlie stands awkwardly for a moment..]] (click: "for a moment..")[$t[.. and then pokes the child in their eye with his foot.]] (click: "his foot.")[$t["OW!" the child says. The parents and students gasp. Some of them start laughing and pointing at Charlie. Principal Okorafor rushes in and crouches down to attend to the half-blinded child.]] (click: "half-blinded")[$t["What the Forest Hell is the matter with you, Paul?!" Susan climbs down to chastise Paul at their station. "That's //not// what I told you to do!"]] (click: "told you to do!")[$t["Sure it was," Paul says, emotionless. "Look at the child's eyes. That's what I'm doing!"]] (click: "I'm doing!")[$t[Dad rushes up to the stage. "What is the matter with you?!" Dad pulls at Charlie's arm..]] (click: "Charlie's arm..")[$t[.. and, with Susan away from their station, it pops off in Dad's hand.]] (click: "Dad's hand.")[$t[Dad faints. The children scream.]] (click: "scream.")[$t["ABANDON SHIP!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "ABANDON SHIP!")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) explodes through an escape hatch in Charlie's skull and flies around the gym rafters, trying to find a way out. (print: $c's 2nd) bursts through Charlie's chest and makes for the gym door, scrabbling their claws on the waxed gym floor. "No!" Paul says. "I won't let you take my Charlie! If Charlie dies, I die!"]] (click: "I die!")[$t[Susan drags Paul out of their emergency exit, kicking and screaming. "I'm going to take you back to the Taiga //myself//, and you can explain to the Council how you screwed this all up!" The two escape through an open side door exit, which several traumatised parents and students had opened.]] (click: "had opened.")[$t[In the middle of the chaos, Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes narrow. "[[I knew it,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" she says.]]

A bored child in the audience throws a paper airplane. (click: "throws a paper airplane.")[$t[The paper airplane lands next to Charlie's foot.]] (click: "Charlie's foot.")[$t[Sorghum begins to sync Charlie's lower limb movements with (print: $c's 1st)'s presentation.]] (click: "presentation.")[$t[Charlie takes a step to the left.]] (click: "to the left.")[$t[The Replica slips and collapses under the squad's weight. (print: $c's 1st), (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 3rd) collapse onto Charlie's leg, and it snaps like a twig. The children scream.]] (click: "scream.")[$t["Oh Forest God!" Susan says. "Sorghum was in that leg!"]] (click: "leg!")[$t["No!" (print: $c's 1st) says. "Sorghum, respond!"]] (Click: "respond!")[$t["Charlie! Are you okay?!" Mom and Dad say, rushing to the stage.]] (click: "the stage.")[$t[There is no response from Sorghum. Their vital signs are unresponsive. (print: $c's 1st), shocked at the sudden squad member fatality, reluctantly gets on the Charlie loudspeaker. "I .. cannot move my legs," he says.]] (click: "cannot move my legs,")[$t["Call an ambulance!" Principal Okorafor says.]] (click: "ambulance!")[$t["They had just learned to respect humans," Susan says. "They had //learned// that we can get along. And then this happens! What's the point?!"]] (click: "point?!")[$t[Principal Okorafor crouches down to Charlie and clutches his hand. "Help is on the way," he says. "We'll get you some x-rays right away, Charlie."]] (click: "x-rays")[$t["[[X-rays?!->Game Over! Cutscene]]" (print: $c's 1st) says.]]

"And that's our presentation on the Taiga biome!" Hanae says, bouncing on her heels.(set: $st to it + (a: "149")) (click: "our presentation")[$t[Everyone applauds, including Principal Okorafor as he walks to take the podium.]] (click: "take the podium.")[$t["Wasn't that wonderful, everyone?" Everyone agrees. "I figured it might be, so I arranged for a special visitor to join us today.."]] (click: "special visitor")[$t[The children lean forward in excitement.]] (click: "lean forward")[$t["Drumroll, please.."]] (click: "Drumroll")[$t[The children drum the gym floor with their hands.]] (click: "drum")[$t["Here's Evergreen Elementary's mascot: Ron, the Raccoon!"]] (click: "Ron")[$t[The children scream in delight. A figure appears in the gym doorway.]] (click: "A figure")[$t[The squad freezes.]] (click: "freezes.")[$t["It's.. the Forest God!!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Forest God!!")[$t[The Forest God, or "Ron," enters the gymnasium. Their oversized raccoon head, frozen in a formidable and awe-inspiring expression, wobbles from side to side as they high-five the children in the front row. They centre themselves on stage, perform a blasphemous jig, and wave to the enthusiastic spectators.]] (click: "enthusiastic spectators.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["O exalted Forest God, bringer of light, deliverer of smells - how could you appear not to answer my prayers, but instead to these.. humans?!" Horseradish says.](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["How could our God debase themselves in front of these.. humans?!" Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Forest God! You never answered my letters, and then you appear.. for these humans?!" Sprinkles says.]]] (click: "humans?!")[$t[Principal Okorafor hushes the gym. "Hello, kids!" the Forest God says. "Remember to always respect the forest!"]] (click: "respect the forest!")[$t[The squad prostrates Charlie in front of the Forest God.]] (click: "prostrates")[$t["We are here to serve you," Charlie says.]] (click: "serve you,")[$t["Would you like to help me protect the Forest, Charlie?" the Forest God asks.]] (click: "protect the Forest")[$t["I would follow you anywhere, my Forest Lord."]] (click: "Forest Lord.")[$t["Then let us proceed to the Forest."]] (click: "proceed")[$t[The audience's mood changes. What was once quiet mockery turns to something akin to electricity. There is a palpable thrill at the sight of the Forest God, and though their vocabularies might not contain the words, the children sense that they are witnessing something special, something pure, something //divine.//]] (click: "divine.")[$t[The Forest God opens the gym side door exit and leaves, their sights set on the forest. Charlie follows the Forest God in silent procession. Quietly, the children, teachers, staff, and parents follow. Mom, Dad, Mrs. Hoffmann, and Principal Okorafor join them.]] (click: "join them.")[$t[After some time, the group arrives at the Great Taigan Clearing. Quietly, and without a word of protest or surprise, Hank, Deborah, Stumpy, and other Taiga Council officials join the group. Humans stand next to Animals. Animals stand next to Humans, hand in paw.]] (click: "hand in paw.")[$t["Are we all together?" the Forest God says.]] (click: "together?")[$t[Nods of agreement.]] (click: "agreement.")[$t["Then let us [[pray.->Game Over! Cutscene]]"]]

"And that's our presentation on the Taiga biome!" Hanae says, with a nervous flourish. (click: "flourish")[$t[Rapturous applause.]] (click: "applause.")[$t["Thank you, Hanae and Charlie," Principal Okorafor says, taking the podium.]] (click: "taking the podium.")[$t[Charlie doesn't move.]] (click: "doesn't move")[$t["You may be seated, Charlie."]] (click: "may be seated")[$t["Guillermo! Engage, please!" Horseradish says.]] (click: "Guillermo!")[$t[Guillermo is catatonic.]] (click: "catatonic.")[$t["My friend! Guillermo! Snap out of it! We must have motion!" Horseradish says.]] (click: "have motion!")[$t["Charlie, are you okay?" Principal Okorafor asks.]] (click: "are you okay?")[$t["No, Principal Okorafor.. I seem.. to be unable.. to move?" Charlie says.]] (click: "to move?")[$t[Principal Okorafor looks at Dad from across the gymnasium. "HEY TERRY, WE GOT A SPINE INJURY HERE OR SOMETHING," he calls.]] (click: "TERRY,")[$t["Oh, great," Dad says, peeling himself off the back wall.]] (click: "great,")[$t[Mom rushes forward to the stage. Dad drags his heels. "What's wrong, Charlie?!"]] (click: "What's wrong,")[$t["Oh, dear Mother. I seem to have no control over my trunk rotation! I can sense my wrists and ankles, so perhaps all I need to do is, erm.. SNAP OUT OF IT," Charlie says.]] (click: "SNAP OUT OF IT")[$t["No, don't worry about that snapping or whatever," Dad says. "Let's just take you to a hospital and get you checked out." He picks Charlie up gingerly and places him on his back, violating many fundamental first aid principles.]] (click: "places him on his back.")[$t["Don't worry, Charlie -- once we get some x-rays, I'm sure everything will be sorted out!" Mom says.]] (click: "x-rays")[$t["What's an [[x-ray?->Game Over! Cutscene]]" Horseradish says.]]

"Charlie?!" Hanae says. "Can you //please// say something about the Taigan ecosystem?" (click: "say something")[$t[Nothing.]] (click: "Nothing.")[$t[The children laugh.]] (click: "laugh.")[$t["Knew he'd freeze up," Dad says, taking a sip of his steaming liquid.]] (click: "freeze up,")[$t[Hanae starts to tear up. "I knew you were going to do this," she says, quietly.]] (click: "do this")[$t[As the children begin to unsettle, Principal Okorafor steps in. "All right, everyone, just calm down and relax. Charlie can take as much time as he-- Charlie, where are you going?"]] (click: "where are you going?")[$t[With arms dangling uselessly at his sides, and without a single word, Charlie sprints out of a side door exit, with coordinates locked for the Taiga.]] (click: "coordinates")[$t["Charlie!!" Mom calls.]] (click: "Charlie!!")[$t["Ah, let him calm down for a while," Dad says.]] (click: "let him calm down")[$t[Horseradish sniffs a bit of fresh air through their intake vent. "What?! What is this?! What is happening?!"]] (click: "happening?!")[$t["We're going back to the Taiga," (print: $c's 4th) says, (if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")["where you can explain to Hanky baby why you and Xylo decided not to do your damn jobs up there."](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")["because it's the safest thing to do after you idiots shirked your duties in front of hundreds of rabid children."](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["because you let my sweet Replica hang out to dry in front of hundreds of human children! How could you?!"]]] (click: "back to the Taiga")[$t["Thanks a //lot// for the advice, Horseradish," says Xylophone.]] (click: "advice")[$t["Oh, I'll certainly be [[put to death->Game Over! Cutscene]] for this," Horseradish says.]]

Charlie points to one of Hanae's presentation slides. "And that's why the Taiga is characterised by what we call coniferous trees--" (click: "trees--")[$t[Suddenly, Charlie's legs give out from under him. As he collapses, his stomach seems to fold over onto itself, as if his abdominal wall had simply ceased to exist.]] (click: "ceased to exist.")[$t[The children scream.]] (click: "scream.")[$t[Out from the wreckage of the Replica, a rabbit and a gopher sprint for the gym exit in perfect synchronicity. They escape before any human has the opportunity to stop them.]] (click: "synchronicity")[$t[Principal Okorafor approaches Charlie's husk in horror. Mom attempts to reasonably and logically process what she has just seen as a credible explanation for Charlie's recent behaviour, but the sheer horror of witnessing one's only son deflate and transform into forest animals is too much to bear.]] (click: "bear.")[$t["Wait, my boy was [[a balloon?!->Game Over! Cutscene]]" Dad says.]]

Tabloid hits the emergency exit button and slithers out of Charlie's pant leg. (click: "pant leg")[$t["Where are they //going//?" Horseradish hisses.]] (click: "going?")[$t[Somehow, without being detected, Tabloid sneaks over to some gymnastic scaffolding -- climbing apparatus, monkey bars, and other such things -- at the side of the gym. They scurry to the very top of the scaffolding platform and begin dancing and singing in Taigan for the entertainment of the children.]] (click: "children.")[$t["I'm just an animaaaaaal for your looooove," Tabloid croons.]] (click: "croons.")[$t[No one notices.]] (click: "notices.")[$t["Come on, I'm dying up here!" Tab says.]] (click: "up here!")[$t[They stop and cross their paws in exasperation at the apathy of their audience. As they do, their weight shifts, and they nearly fall off the platform.]] (click: "fall off")[$t["Gaaah!" Tabloid says. They cling to the edge of the platform, but manage to scrabble themself back up to a safe position.]] (click: "scrabble themself")[$t[A child in the audience hears the scrabbling. "Look! There's a rat on top of the monkey bars!" they yell.]] (click: "a rat")[$t[The audience erupts. There are many horrified screams from child and adult alike. Principal Okorafor immediately grabs a broom and begins to waggle it at the so-called rat.]] (click: "so-called rat.")[$t["Uh oh," Tabloid says. "But think of the ratings!"]] (click: "ratings!")[$t["Ah," Charlie says, "we come to the interactive portion of the presentation! With much difficulty, I managed to capture this weasel from my research period in the Taiga!"]] (click: "research period")[$t["So that's what he was doing," Mom remarks.]] (click: "remarks.")[$t["Come, Tabloid!" Charlie says. Tabloid climbs down and clambers into Charlie's arms. "This is Tabloid, everybody. Tabloid must have escaped from their cage before it was time to present them. Bad Tabloid!"]] (click: "Bad Tabloid!")[$t[Tabloid, ever the actor, pretends to slink in shame.]] (click: "shame.")[$t["If you'll excuse me, it is only fair that we keep Nature and the Taiga as pristine as possible. Thank you for being my co-presenter, Hanae, and thank you to you all for being such an attentive audience. I am off to the Taiga to return Tabloid to the wild from whence they came!"]] (click: "whence they came!")[$t[Charlie exits through a gym side door to rapturous applause. The squad hustles towards the Taiga. As they move further away from Human territory, the Replica's grip around Tabloid tightens.]] (click: "tightens.")[$t["Get ready for a stern court martial, you bumbling fool," Horseradish says.]] (click: "court martial")[$t["Just more time in the [[spotlight, baby,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" Tabloid says.]]

A hatch opens at the top of Charlie's skull. With a metallic //ping//, Sprinkles is ejected violently into the air. (click: "ejected violently")[$t["Oh no oh no oh no," Sprinkles says, flying in circles searching for a window, and finding none.]] (click: "searching for a window")[$t[The children scream. The teachers scream. The parents scream. Mrs. Hoffmann screams. Hanae screams. Martin screams. Al screams. Principal Okorafor screams.]] (click: "The children scream.")[$t[Charlie, with his face stuck in neutral and his skullflap banging against Charlie's head, sprints through a side door and back towards the Taiga.]] (click: "Taiga.")[$t["Why did you //do// that, Paul?!" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "Paul?!")[$t["They annoyed me," Paul says, with a shrug. "And now the children got to see our technical and engineering expertise. Do you believe they want to set foot in the Taiga now?"]] (click: "Taiga now?")[$t[(print: $c's 2nd) doesn't answer, though they suspect, begrudingly, that Paul might be [[right.->Game Over! Cutscene]]]]

"And so, there are many interesting birds in the Taiga, some of which--" (click: "some of which--")[$t[Charlie looks down with horror at his legs.]] (click: "at his legs.")[$t[In an instant, Xylophone and Paul spill out of Charlie's legs onto the stage, pummeling one another.]] (click: "pummeling")[$t["Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" the children say.]] (click: "say.")[$t["I've got 12/1 odds on the mouse," Dad says. "Anyone want to take that action?"]] (click: "action?")[$t[Principal Okorafor slips Dad a twenty.]] (click: "twenty.")[$t[With the bets placed and the refreshments dispensed, the bell rings to begin round one.]] (click: "round one.")[$t[A cheer from the audience. Xylophone rushes forward and swings wildly, but Paul is able to duck and weave, landing some punches of their own.]] (click: "their own.")[$t["The stoat has such a significant weight advantage," Hanae says. "But the mouse has some fire!"]] (click: "fire!")[$t[Xylophone, after having been stuck with a few of Paul's jabs, lunges forward again, landing a couple of right hooks. But Paul waits for their moment and strikes with a mighty uppercut.]] (click: "mighty uppercut")[$t["Come on, mouse! Get up!" Principal Okorafor says.]] (click: "Get up!")[$t[But Xylophone is unable to answer the count of ten, and Paul is declared the winner. Their paw is raised in triumph, and the crowd applauds.]] (click: "the winner.")["Now," Paul says, climbing back into their control position. "Where were we? (if: $gotbenji is true)[Benji, can you control the arms?](else:)[(print: $c's 2nd), can you control the arms?"]] (click: "Where were we?")[$t[(if: $gotbenji is true)[Benji nods.](else:)[(print: $c's 2nd) nods.] The presentation continues. Xylophone lays unconscious on the stage, completely forgotten.]] (click: "forgotten")[$t["Why did those animals come out of my son?" Mom asks, nonplussed.]] (click: "nonplussed.")[$t["Don't worry about it," Dad says, counting [[his winnings.->Game Over! Cutscene]]]]

"And now, my friend Charlie will discuss the Taiga soil," Hanae says. "Charlie?" (click: "Charlie?")[$t["Oh, I'm sorry, my friend?!" Charlie says. "I don't remember anyone saying I'm your //friend//. Whatever! It's fine! I don't recall you inviting me for Forest milkshakes, but it's okay! It's fine!"]] (click: "it's okay!")[$t[The gymnasium is silent.]] (click: "silent.")[$t["I'd drink a Forest milkshake," Dad says.]] (click: "Dad says.")[$t["Ooookay, Charlie, do you actually want to talk about the soil or not?" Hanae says.]] (click: "or not?")[$t["It's fine! It's totally - just, I dunno, that's what //friends// do, right? They look out for one another and don't, y'know, abandon them? It's totally fine, I'll talk about whatever. Sure!"]] (click: "Sure!")[$t[Another [[pause.->Forest God Cutscene]]]]

"Charlie, would you like to say a few words about evergreen trees?" Hanae says. "They are, after all, the namesake of our school--" (click: "school--")[$t["Yeah okay you shut up seriously because you don't even know what you're talking about you're an overachieving idiot like you probably cheated on the exam I CHEATED are you kidding me the only reason you were even considered for this is because you're a fox and you're fast or something but seriously with the amount of fidgeting you do I'd be able to I dunno like twitch for days or something yeah no kidding I'm fast duh I'm a fox and I'm the best at driving this thing that's why they chose me like obviously they chose me over everyone else yeah it was a stupid choice honestly like I wish the Council chose Slim or Guillermo instead seriously like you are the absolute dirt worst and oh dang is this on?"]] (click: "is this on?")[$t[Silence.]] (click: "Silence.")[$t["Oh!" Charlie says, laughing nervously. "Please excuse the two very different voices that were coming out of my very-not-moving mouth."]] (click: "mouth.")[$t["Charlie.." Principal Okorafor says, with a calm that masks his creeping horror. "Perhaps you'd better come with me for a moment?"]] (click: "for a moment?")[$t["ABANDON SHIP!" Sprinkles says.]] (click: "ABANDON SHIP!")[$t[Sprinkles explodes out of a hatch in Charlie's skull and into the rafters, trying desperately to avoid the ceiling fans. Fluffy bursts out of Charlie's chest and sprints amongst the screaming children, looking for an escape. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft slithers through a tear in Charlie's wrist and climbs the podium, attempting to wrench the microphone from its holder. ](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan scrabbles at the gym door exit, hoping to escape to their city park to regain their human entertainer celebrity status. ](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone finds a quarter-sized hole in the gym wall and escapes to safety. ](if: $gotbenji is true)[Benji follows (print: $c's 3rd). ](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid attempts to charm the sizeable audience in front of them, until a teacher throws their jacket over Tabloid and scoops them up. ](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum starts fighting the children until a terrified teacher punts them across the room. ](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["I'm not leaving him!" Paul says, nesting in Charlie's deflated form. "I can't leave my beloved Replica! I'll die before you eject me from him!"]]] (click: "out of a hatch")[$t[In the middle of the chaos, Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes narrow. "[[I knew it,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" she says.]]

"Charlie, is there smoke coming out of your ears?" (click: "smoke")[$t["What? No. Of course not. Don't be silly," Charlie says.]] (click: "Don't be silly")[$t["No, look!" Hanae says. "There's definitely something gross-smelling coming out of your ears. And look, around your ankles, too! What's going on?"]] (click: "What's going on?")[$t["It smells like Grandpa's shed," a kid in the front row says.]] (click: "Grandpa's shed")[$t["Everyone just.. shut up! Mind your own business!" Charlie says.]] (click: "business!")[$t[Charlie storms out through a gym side door exit.]] (click: "side door exit.")[$t[The door slams shut.]] (click: "slams shut.")[$t[The door opens again.]] (click: "opens again.")[$t["And stay out of the Taiga!" Charlie says, poking his head through the doorframe.]] (click: "stay out")[$t[The door slams shut again.]] (click: "slams shut again.")[$t["Mission's over," Chunks says. "Let's get back to the Taiga."]] (click: "Taiga.")[$t["Hey, can I get another Forest smoke?" Sorghum says.]] (click: "Forest smoke?")[$t[[["NO."->Game Over! Cutscene]]]]

"And so, the Taiga consists of a great variety of animals, including--" (click: "including--")[$t[Charlie disintegrates.]] (click: "disintegrates.")[$t[A magpie flies out of Charlie's deflated head. (if: $c's 2nd is "Slim")[A beaver reluctantly ](if: $c's 2nd is "Fluffy")[A fox happily](if: $c's 2nd is "Guillermo")[A rabbit carefully ]hops out of his chest cavity. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[A chipmunk](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[A squirrel](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[A mouse] hops out of a hatch in Charlie's sunken wrist.(if: $gotbenji is true)[ A second mouse, unsure of where to stand or what to do, follows (print: $c's 3rd).] Finally, a weasel crawls out of Charlie's wrecked husk. The (if: $gotbenji is true)[five](else:)[four] animals stand on stage next to one another.]] (click: "next to one another.")[$t["PEOPLE OF HUMANITY," Chunks says, in inelegant English. "Stay out of the Taiga or else. And to prove we're not bluffing.."]] (click: "not bluffing..")[$t[Chunks takes flight, flies to the front row, and swipes the child named Evan.]] (click: "Evan.")[$t["Wheeeeeeeeeee!" Evan says, happily.]] (click: "Evan says,")[$t["Let's go, squad!"]] (click: "squad!")[$t[(print: $c's 2nd) bumrushes the door, somehow managing to open it. The squad exits the gym, with Chunks holding a gleeful Evan in their talons. They burst towards the Taiga, eventually ending up at the Great Clearing.]] (click: "Great Clearing.")[$t[Hank, Deborah, and Stumpy are waiting for them.]] (click: "Hank,")[$t["Oooh, fuzzy!" Evan says, gently petting Hank.]] (click: "fuzzy!")[$t["Are you sure about this?" Deborah says.]] (Click: "sure about this?")[$t["Yup. Let the humans come. We'll scare them away." Chunks says, nodding at Tabloid. Tabloid grins, knowing their cameras are rolling. //This is gold, [[pure gold.->Game Over! Cutscene]]//]]

"And so, the average temperature of the Taiga biome is--" (click: "is--")[$t[Charlie steals the microphone out of Hanae's hands.]] (click: "Hanae's hands.")[$t["Charlie?! Give that back!" Hanae says, unamplified.]] (click: "unamplified")[$t["What are you //doing,// Taft! I did not authorise that!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "authorise that!")[$t["We'll, uh, need it later," Taft says.]] (click: "need it later,")[$t["Charlie," Principal Okorafor says, "remember the EVERGREEN ELEMENTARY ETHICS code. Give the microphone back, please."]] (click: "please.")[$t["Please! I need you all to trust me! This microphone is super important to the mission!" Taft says.]] (click: "super important")[$t[Principal Okorafor gently wrenches the mic out of Charlie's hands and gives it back to Hanae. "Sorry about that, Hanae. Please continue."]] (click: "Please continue.")[$t["You're in for SUCH A SPANKING when we get home," Dad yells from across the gym. The kids laugh.]] (click: "The kids laugh.")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["You are in for a court martial, Taftery!" Horseradish says. "Commit no further injustices!"](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["Stupid move. You might hang for this," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["Dumb chipmunk! Hope you like Taigan prison!" Sprinkles says.] "Oh, you're a dead chipmunk, Taft," Tabloid says, over the private comm channel. "I'll make sure you're //deader// than dead. You'll never set a paw in the Taiga again, I swear it."]] (click: "set a paw")[$t[Taft swallows hard. "But.. [[my //things//,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" they say.]]

Slim hovers over the "AFTERBURNER" button. Their sights are set on the young child, whose hand idles in his armpit. (click: "armpit")[$t["There are many different types of leaves in the Taiga," Hanae says, "and--"]] (click: "and--")[$t[The child makes a flatulent noise. The kids around him laugh. Hanae stops, irritated, and continues.]] (click: "continues.")[$t["Do it," Chunks whispers in Slim's ear.]] (click: "Slim's ear.")[$t[Slim's claw touches the button.]] (click: "touches the button.")[$t[They think of their mate being skinned, dried, and mutilated into headgear. Their heart rate increases. They become flushed, and the hair on the back of their neck stands on end. They are ready to fight.]] (click: "fight.")[$t[The child farts again.]] (click: "farts again.")[$t[Slim moves to push the button.]] (click: "push the button.")[$t[.. but doesn't. They take a deep breath.]] (click: "breath.")[$t["I'm just not built to be violent," Slim says. "I'm sorry, Chunks. I encourage you to fight your own battles."]] (click: "fight your own battles.")[$t["[[Forestgoddamn it!->Forest God Cutscene]]" Chunks says.]]

Through mechanisms unknown, Horseradish, (print: $c's 2nd), and (print: $c's 3rd) are ejected from the Replica. (click: "ejected")[$t["Hey!" (print: $c's 3rd) says.]] (click: "Hey!")[$t["What is the //meaning// of this?!" Horseradish says.]] (click: "meaning of this?!")[$t[With Charlie's face stuck in uncanny neutral, his trunk unable to rotate, and his arms dangling uselessly at his sides, Paul maneuvers Charlie to the side door exit and leaves the gym.]] (click: "leaves the gym")[$t[As the door shuts behind them, Paul can hear the gym audience explode in an uproar over the discovery of Charlie's animal composition.]] (click: "animal composition")[$t[Soon, Paul is walking alone on the central Taigan path.]] (click: "Taigan path.")[$t["Finally," Paul remarks to themself, "//quiet.//"]] (click: "quiet.")[$t[After some time, Paul arrives at the Great Clearing. Hank, Deborah, and Stumpy are waiting. "What happened to Horseradish?! And (print: $c's 2nd)?! And (print: $c's 3rd)?!"]] (click: "What happened")[$t["I am afraid to report that they did not survive," Paul says. "But I was able to return with the Replica in mostly pristine shape."]] (click: "mostly pristine")[$t[Hank, Deborah, and Stumpy look at one another, concern on their faces. "You did well," Deborah says.]] (click: "did well,")[$t["I know," Paul says. They turn towards their laboratory and walk away, their beloved [[Replica in tow.->Game Over! Cutscene]]]]

A rabbit bursts out of Charlie's chest, slumps to the floor, and sprints through the open gym entrance to safety. (click: "safety.")[$t["My boy, a magician? A true Mindfreak?!" Dad says.]] (click: "Mindfreak?!")[$t[The children protest for the rabbit to come back. "Uh, that was.. my big surprise!" Charlie says. "Let me go retrieve them!"]] (click: "retrieve them!")[$t[Charlie moves to leave through the side door.]] (click: "side door.")[$t["Uh, Charlie," Principal Okorafor says, "aren't you going the wrong way?"]] (click: "wrong way?")[$t["GO GO GO," Charlie says. The squad punches Charlie into high gear and the Replica awkwardly shuffles towards the Taiga, their torso stiff and motionless.]] (click: "GO GO GO")[$t["What about Guillermo?!" (print: $c's 3rd) says.]] (click: "Guillermo?!")[$t["Forget Guillermo. They're useless. Stupid rabbit can't take a joke. They ruined the whole mission."]] (click: "can't take a joke.")[$t["But didn't you--"]] (click: "didn't you--")[$t["YOU WANNA BE NEXT?!" Chunks screams.]] (click: "NEXT?!")[$t["I didn't think so." The journey back to the Taiga continues in [[total, shameful silence.->Game Over! Cutscene]]]]

Charlie's face defaults to neutral. The uncanny, expressionless gaze startles Hanae, who struggles to resume their presentation. (click: "their presentation")[$t[Suddenly, Charlie runs from the gym, into the hallway, and finds the washroom.]] (click: "the washroom.")[$t["Guess it must be an emergency," Principal Okorafor says, under his breath. "Never mind - please continue, Hanae! I'll look after Charlie."]] (click: "look after Charlie.")[$t["Ooookay, well, the Taiga also has a significant amount of animals.. uh.. sorry, this is Charlie's part of the presentation," Hanae says, flipping through index cards. "They fall under the kingdom known as Animalia.."]] (click: "Animalia..")[$t[Charlie strides through the door with a confident stride. "Sorry, everyone, just had to take care of some business," he says.]] (click: "some business,")[$t["What is that in your //hand?//" Principal Okorafor says.]] (click: "in your hand?")[$t["This? Oh, it's just a dead, stuffed magpie. I.. borrowed it from the museum. I was going to use it to show an example of some of the beautiful animals of the forest!"]] (Click: "beautiful animals")[$t["Coooooooool!" the kids say, leaning in.]] (click: "leaning in.")[$t["Charlie, doesn't that blood look slightly fresh?" Mrs. Hoffmann says.]] (click: "fresh?")[$t["No, it doesn't," Charlie responds.]] (click: "responds.")[$t[Charlie and Hanae, together, deliver an informative and enthusiastic presentation. As the assembly adjourns, Mom and Dad walk over to Charlie and give him a big, enthusiastic hug. "That was wonderful," Mom says. "And to get an exhibit from the museum like that! You really are a smart boy."]] (click: "smart boy.")[$t["Thanks, Mom!" Charlie says, reciprocating the hug. "I love being your son! Let me tell you, after that presentation, I'm looking forward to staying out of the forest for a long, long time!"]] (click: "long, long time!")[$t[(print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 4th) look at one another nervously. "Uh, Susan? [[Maybe we better talk->Game Over! Cutscene]] about this.."]]

A tear opens in Charlie's stomach. (click: "stomach.")[$t[A fox flops out of the tear, and lands on the gym floor with a thud.]] (click: "thud.")[$t["Ow," Fluffy says.]] (click: "Ow,")[$t[The children scream.]] (click: "The children")[$t[The teachers scream.]] (click: "The teachers")[$t[Mom screams.]] (click: "Mom")[$t[Dad faints.]] (click: "Dad")[$t["This sucks," Fluffy says, "but at least I'm free!"]] (click: "I'm free!")[$t[Fluffy sprints around the gym in a wide circle, children screaming and fleeing in their wake. (print: $c's 1st) tries to move, but without Fluffy, the Replica is unresponsive.]] (click: "unresponsive.")[$t["ABANDON SHIP!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "ABANDON SHIP!")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) explodes through an escape hatch in Charlie's skull and flies around the gym rafters, trying to find a way out. Susan scrabbles at the gym door exit, hoping to escape to their city park to regain their human entertainer celebrity status. (if: $gotbenji is true)[Benji follows (print: $c's 3rd). ](if: $c's 4th is "Tabloid")[Tabloid attempts to charm the sizeable audience in front of them, until a teacher throws their jacket over Tabloid and scoops them up. ](if: $c's 4th is "Sorghum")[Sorghum starts fighting the children until a terrified teacher punts them across the room. ](if: $c's 4th is "Paul")["I'm not leaving him!" Paul says, nesting in Charlie's deflated form. "I can't leave my beloved Replica! I'll die before you eject me from him!"]]] (click: "escape hatch")[$t[In the middle of the chaos, Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes narrow. "[[I knew it,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" she says.]]

A mouse spills out of Charlie's stomach. (click: "A mouse")[$t[The children scream.]] (click: "scream.")[$t[A much larger tear forms in Charlie's stomach, and a fox lands on the gym floor with a thud.]] (click: "thud.")[$t[The mouse attempts to get away, but is startled by the many adjacent humans.]] (click: "adjacent humans.")[$t[The fox leaps atop the terrified mouse and grabs it in its jaws. They rip the mouse to shreds, splattering blood all over the first row of children. (if: $gotbenji is true)[Another mouse attempts to get away while the fox is distracted, but the fox notices, turns, and pounces. That mouse, too, is shredded.]]] (click: "the mouse to shreds")[$t["I AM A WILD ANIMAL!" Fluffy declares to the wider universe. "THIS IS WHAT WILD ANIMALS DO!"]] (click: "WILD ANIMALS DO!")[$t[Quietly, Principal Okorafor sneaks behind Fluffy and thwacks them with a broom, knocking them out.]] (click: "Principal Okorafor")[$t[The children are stunned.]] (click: "stunned.")[$t["Let's.. go back to [[our classrooms,->Game Over! Cutscene]] now, shall we?"]]

Principal Okorafor creeps up from behind. "Speak a little closer to the microphone, Charlie!" (click: "microphone")[$t["GAAAAAAH!" Tabloid yells.]] (click: "yells.")[$t[They fall back from their control station and lose control of Charlie's legs. Charlie crumbles to the ground.]] (click: "crumbles to the ground.")[$t["HA HA! Charlie got scared!" Al, the bully, says from the audience. The surrounding children join in the mockery.]] (click: "mockery.")[$t["What a kid we've raised," Dad says.]] (click: "raised,")[$t["I'm sorry about that, Charlie. Let's carry on from where we were, shall we?" Principal Okorafor says.]] (click: "shall we?")[$t["Real tough," Xylophone says, with pronounced contempt. "I bet you really didn't charge through an apocalyptic battlefield searching for your stolen weasel child!"]] (click: "weasel child!")[$t["I'm not quite sure how to break this to you," Tabloid says, panting heavily. "So I won't." Charlie gets [[back to his feet.->Forest God Cutscene]]]]

"What do you //mean// you didn't mean for Taft to take the microphone?!" Hank bellows. "It's recorded in the log that //you// authorised that action!" (click: "authorised")[$t[Sprinkles hops in agitation, their wingcuffs rattling against one another. "But - they talked me into it! I swear!" they say, their voice echoing through the Chamber of Judgment.]] (click: "I swear!")[$t[Hank chortles. "And I'm sure you were talked into 'running away' with it, and talked into 'not unplugging it', right?"]] (click: "not unplugging it")[$t["How was I supposed to know what //electricity// is?! Taft was the expert in humans, or human territory or whatever -- they should have known that it would have zapped them!"]] (click: "zapped them")[$t[A porcupine attendant wheels the remains of the Replica into the court. Charlie's frozen expression and upper torso remain mostly in tact, but their arms have been wittled and blackened from the elbow to the wrist, where they each abruptly end in a sad charcoal nub. "Here's the rest of him," the porcupine says, with a gruff rasp.]] (click: "gruff rasp.")[$t["Oh, Forest God, the smell," Sprinkles says.]] (click: "the smell,")[$t["Yes. //The smell.// That's Taft you're smelling. Think about that as we read you your sentence."]] (click: "your sentence.")[$t["But I got A-plus after A-plus in the Academy! This is //grossly// unjust! It was an //accident!//"]] (click: "an accident!")[$t[Hank stands straight. "Sprinkles Finch, we, the Taiga Council, find you guilty of gross negligence and decision-making unfit for an officer of the Council. We sentence you to--"]] (click: "to--")[$t[Stumpy sneaks behind Sprinkles and gobbles them in one bite. They spit out the wingcuffs.]] (click: "wingcuffs.")[$t["To that," Hank continues. "We sentence you [[to that.->Game Over! Cutscene]]"]]

Susan opens a hatch and dangles their paw out of the Replica. (click: "Replica.")[$t["Wait!" Sprinkles says. "You can't leave!"]] (click: "can't leave!")[$t["Why the hell not?" Susan says.]] (click: "hell not?")[$t["Because.."]] (click: "Because..")[$t["Because?"]] (click: "Because?")[$t[Sprinkles' voice drops to a whisper. "becauseiactuallyreallyneedyouonthismission," they say.]] (click: "whisper.")[$t["EXCUSE me? I couldn't quite catch that," Susan says.]] (click: "EXCUSE me?")[$t["BECAUSE I NEED YOU on this mission, okay?!"]] (click: "I NEED YOU")[$t[Susan slowly and deliberately shuts the hatch. "Here's how this is gonna go down. No more badmouthing me. No more badmouthing humans. And when we get back to the Taiga, I'm going to punch you in the face."]] (click: "punch you")[$t["liketoseeyoutry," Sprinkles mutters.]] (click: "mutters.")[$t["Okay, I'm gone," Susan says.]] (click: "I'm gone,")[$t["No, wait, that's fine. I accept. Stay, please."]] (click: "Stay, please.")[$t[Susan sits back at their control panel. "[[I win,->Forest God Cutscene]]" they say.]]

Xylophone quietly shuts off the comm channel. (click: "shuts off")[$t["Ha, that showed them," Sprinkles says, stretching their wings in satisfaction.]] (click: "in satisfaction.")[$t[They lean back and get their wing caught in an intake vent.]] (click: "an intake vent.")[$t["Aaaaagh! How embarrassing! And what an unfortunate time for this to happen, as well!" Sprinkles says.]] (click: "unfortunate time")[$t[Charlie's face begins to slide to neutral, their expression settling into the exact opposite of what one would expect a normal human child to be.]] (click: "exact opposite")[$t["You okay, Charlie?" Hanae whispers. There is no response.]] (click: "no response")[$t["Oh, if only there were some animal within the Replica with small enough paws to reach into the intake vent and free me," Sprinkles says. "Particularly one.. I didn't.. just insult."]] (click: "just insult.")[$t[Xylophone rolls their eyes.]] (click: "rolls their eyes.")[$t[In an instant, they leave their station, leaping from platform to scaffold and back again, past (print: $c's 2nd), until they arrive at Sprinkles' control station. Without a glance in Sprinkles' direction, they climb up to the intake vent, sink a paw in, and free Sprinkles' trapped wing.]] (click: "trapped wing.")[$t["You're welcome," Xylophone says. They return to their station.]] (click: "their station.")[$t[".. [[shut up,->Forest God Cutscene]]" Sprinkles says, almost inaudibly.]]

"I would say that the most interesting part of the Taiga is definitely the trees," Hanae says. "Wouldn't you say, Charlie?" (click: "Charlie?")[$t["It's time to take back what's ours," Charlie says. "It's time to stand up for the Taiga! And it's time to //declare war on Humanity!//"]] (click: "declare war on Humanity!")[$t["Did.. you teach him that?" Dad asks Mom.]] (click: "teach him that?")[$t["Uh, love?" Sprinkles says. "What..cha doing?"]] (click: "doing?")[$t["Taking action," Tabloid says. "This is the way they do it in the pictures."]] (click: "pictures.")[$t["But.. you're just an actor--"]] (click: "actor--")[$t[Before Sprinkles can finish their sentence, Tabloid barrels into Principal Okorafor, headbutting him right in the crawdad. He doubles over.]] (click: "crawdad.")[$t["How do you like me now, cruel oppressor?" Charlie says, moving on to attack another teacher.]] (click: "attack")[$t["Sprinkles! Why don't I have control?!" (print: $c's 2nd) says.]] (click: "have control?!")[$t["My romantic partner and I are just trying out this strategy," Sprinkles says, calmly.]] (click: "romantic partner and I")[$t[Charlie continues his headbutting rampage, offering quips such as "I'm the head of the class" and "Fo-rest in peace, Human scum" with a wink to an invisible camera. Soon, most of the faculty have been headbutted, and they have a clear break for the exit.]] (click: "for the exit.")[$t["You don't have to do this, Sprinkles," (print: $c's 3rd) says. "Whatever you two are up to, we don't want any part of it. You should reconsider. Think how long you've worked for this position! You're really going to throw it away for some weasel?"]] (click: "some weasel?")[$t[Sprinkles thinks about this.]] (click: "about this.")[$t["But this is everything I ever wanted," Sprinkles says.]] (click: "I ever wanted,")[$t["I knew you'd see things my way," Tabloid says, with a sick smile.]] (click: "sick smile.")[$t["Gross," (print: $c's 3rd) says. With the //whoosh// of a vacuum, (print: $c's 2nd) and (print: $c's 3rd) are left at the side of the proverbial road.]] (click: "proverbial road.")[$t["Let's burn child rubber, baby," Tabloid says. (if: $gotbenji is false)[[[Sprinkles grins.->Game Over! Cutscene]]](else-if: $gotbenji is true)[ "Finally, some time to be alone," Sprinkles says. (click: "some time")[$t[Benji pokes their head up from their auxiliary arm control. [["Uh.. hi?"->Game Over! Cutscene]]]]]]]

"And that's our presentation on the Taiga biome!" Hanae says, bouncing on her heels. (click: "her heels.")[$t[Rapturous applause. Taft moves Charlie's hand to swipe the microphone.]] (click: "swipe the microphone.")[$t[The microphone latches to Charlie's hand. "Yes! Incredible!" Taft says.]] (click: "Incredible!")[$t[They attempt to put the microphone in Charlie's pocket..]] (click: "pocket..")[$t[.. but they can't detach the microphone.]] (click: "detach")[$t["What is happening?!" Taft says.]] (click: "What is happening?!")[$t["You said to make Charlie's fingers stickier!" Paul says. "That is what I did! By around.. 4000% stickier!"]] (click: "4000% stickier!")[$t["What?! No! That's //not// what I wanted you to do--"]] (click: "wanted you to do--")[$t[Charlie trips on his own feet at Paul's distraction. They bump into the podium, and that too clings to Charlie's hands. As they drag the podium and the microphone across the gym floor in a sad attempt to escape, two steel chairs attach themselves to Charlie's hands. The children are awed at this delightful magic trick, and its spontaneity.]] (click: "magic trick")[$t["Taft! Paul! Are you responsible for this?!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Taft!")[$t["Not.. directly!" Taft says.]] (click: "directly!")[$t[The gym ceiling fan begins to wobble dangerously above Charlie.]] (click: "wobble")[$t["Eject the hands, Paul! Do it!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "Do it!")[$t["In front of these children? I shall not," Paul says.]] (click: "I shall not,")[$t[The chain holding the ceiling fan above Charlie breaks.]] (click: "breaks.")[$t["ABANDON SHI--"]] (click: "SHI--")[$t[The Replica is crushed. The children are horrified.]] (click: "horrified")[$t[(Though, not as horrified as the coroner who discovered [[four animal corpses->Game Over! Cutscene]] in Charlie's mashed remains.)]]

"Commander!" (print: $c's 3rd) says. "Sorghum's gone!" (click: "gone!")[$t["What?!" Sprinkles says.]] (click: "What?!")[$t["Yeah! I just went down there and they're completely gone!"]] (click: "completely gone!")[$t["How did this happen?! Without anybody seeing?! Were you two not paying attention?!" Sprinkles says.]] (click: "not paying attention?!")[$t["We were paying attention to our stations, which is our //job//," (print: $c's 2nd) says. "Not our responsibility to look after Sorghum."]] (click: "Sorghum.")[$t["Look, they left a note!" (print: $c's 3rd) says.]] (click: "left a note!")[$t[The note is sent up to Sprinkles through the pneumatic feeding system. Their face falls as they read:]] (click: "they read:")[$t[//Sprinkles, Thanks for prying into my personal life all mission. You made it substantially harder for me to do my job. So I quit. I'm sure you're looking for something to learn from all of this. Well, sometimes you should let other animals be. But that's not what the Taiga's all about, is it? Good luck walking home without me.//]] (click: "without me.")[$t["Pfffft, we'll be fine," Sprinkles says. "I've handled worse. So, uh, let me just think up a strategy while we present. Luckily, we won't have to move from this spot for a while!"]] (click: "from this spot")[$t[An obnoxious ringing noise reverberates through the gym.]] (click: "reverberates")[$t["A fire drill! How excellent!" Principal Okorafor says. "This will certainly test our readiness, and test our abilities to move at a normal, human pace!"]] (click: "A fire drill!")[$t["[[Oh no,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" Sprinkles says.]]

At the pull of a lever, Paul opens a hatch in Charlie's chest. A hidden springboard at Slim's seat launches them high into the air, and he lands with a thud in front of the throng of humans. (click: "throng of humans.")[$t["Well, howdy!" Slim says cheerfully, in primitive English.]] (click: "howdy!")[$t["Wow, a real life watercat!" a child says, awed.]] (click: "watercat!")[$t["Ha! Not quite, my human friend! I am, in fact, a beaver, and I've been operating from inside Charlie Stewart there, who is actually operated by several lovely animals from the Taiga!!"]] (click: "Taiga!!")[$t["Checks out," Dad says.]] (click: "Checks out,")[$t["I am working with the Taiga Federation, a coalition of animals in the forest, in order to establish better relations with humans such as yourself. I think we're doing a pretty good job, wouldn't you say?"]] (click: "pretty good job,")[$t[The children and teachers agree enthusiastically.]] (click: "enthusiastically.")[$t["So if you don't mind me, I'm gonna hop back in Charlie, fire him back up, and we're gonna continue telling you all about the Taiga, where I live. That sound okay?"]] (click: "okay?")[$t["Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" the children scream.]] (click: "scream.")[$t[Slim hops back in the Replica. "What were you saying about animals and humans being equally barbaric, Slim?"]] (click: "equally barbaric")[$t[Paul pauses.]] (click: "pauses.")[$t["NONE OF THAT MADE [[ANY SENSE->Game Over! Cutscene]] WHATSOEVER," Paul says.]]

"Look at this garbage!" Charlie says. "EARTH WEEK or ECOLOGY WEEK or whatever you stupid humans are on about You think you're all concerned about saving the planet and respecting the Forest, yet you pick and choose which species are useful to you! (click: "useful to you!")[$t["We have to look after bees, because they pollinate flowers, but Forest God forbid if we have a hornet's nest in one of our human buildings. Squirrels are cute because they traipse around in the trees, but if a mouse gets into a human dwelling, you //better believe// that mouse will be snapped in half.]] (click: "snapped in half.")[$t["And //beavers!// Beavers are great for the wetlands! They help //create// wetlands!" Charlie looks at Hanae. "What did you call them, human girl? A 'keystone' species?]] (click: "keystone")[$t["So you keep beavers because when they build their homes, it helps others. But when a //gopher// builds their home, it's a nuisance. And you //kill the gophers.// Sounds pretty Forestgoddamn hypocritical to me, doesn't it?]] (click: "doesn't it?")[$t["Let me just say this once, and then I'll leave you to your trash presentation here: when the Forest Revolution comes, you'll all be against the wall!]] (click: "against the wall!")[$t["The Forest wall, that is. .. Obviously."]] (click: "Obviously.")[$t[The truly perceptive child, were they looking closely, would be able to perceive a change in Charlie's countenance at this moment. Charlie's face resets, and then snaps back to normal.]] (click: "back to normal.")[$t["Sorry about that, everyone," Charlie says. "I don't know what came over me. But one thing is for sure.."]] (click: "for sure..")[$t[The traumatised humans wait.]] (click: "wait.")[$t["I don't think [[my legs->Game Over! Cutscene]] will be working any longer."]]

Charlie pushes Hanae to the ground. (click: "pushes Hanae")[$t["HEY!" Hanae says. "Charlie, what are you doing?!"]] (click: "doing?!")[$t["That was highly uncalled for," Principal Okorafor says.]] (click: "uncalled for,")[$t["Cram it!" Charlie says. He bustles past a stunned and outraged Principal Okorafor into the hallway leading into the gym.]] (click: "into the hallway")[$t[With an abandoned hallway in front of them, Taft forces (print: $c's 4th) to engage the afterburners.]] (click: "afterburners")[$t[Charlie sprints down the hall with arms outstretched. His fingers rip through the various artwork displayed on either side of the hallway, destroying centuries of priceless child paintings.]] (click: "child paintings.")[$t["Yes!" Fluffy laughs. "This is amazing!!"]] (click: "amazing!!")[$t["You think that's good? Watch //this!//" Taft says.]] (click: "Taft says.")[$t[Charlie picks up a garbage can and throws it through a classroom window, shattering it.]] (click: "shattering it.")[$t["We're gonna live forever!" Taft says. "The EGC will live forever! We're the Kings of the Taiga! We're the Kings of the school! We're the --"]] (click: "the --")[$t[Something slithers up Charlie's pant leg.]] (click: "pant leg.")[$t["Uh, what was that?" Fluffy says.]] (click: "what was that?")[$t[A muffled, stifled noise. Then all is quiet again.]] (click: "again.")[$t["Taft?!"]] (click: "Taft?!")[$t["THINK AGAIN," a familiar voice says.]] (click: "THINK AGAIN,")[$t["What?! Frumpy?! How did you get in here?"]] (click: "get in here?")[$t[Frumpy flicks their tongue. "YOUR FRIEND LET ME IN AFTER YOU BROKE MY CAGE, IDIOT. ALSO YOUR FRIEND WAS DELICIOUS. (if: $gotbenji is true)[SERVES THEM RIGHT FOR DEPRIVING ME EARLIER.](else:)[TWO MEALS IN ONE DAY!]"]] (click: "BROKE MY CAGE,")[$t[Fluffy's eyes widen. "I'm not gonna stick around and get eaten! Screw this!"]] (click: "Screw this!")[$t[Fluffy ejects from Charlie's chest and leaps out of an open window. Frumpy, (print: $c's 1st), and (print: $c's 4th) soon retreat also, their temporary alliance still in place. All that Mom, Dad, Principal Okorafor, and Mrs. Hoffmann find of Charlie is a saggy, confusing husk.]] (click: "confusing husk.")[$t["Didn't he [[seem off->Game Over! Cutscene]] this morning? I knew he seemed off this morning," Dad says.]]

Sorghum activates Charlie's kidjets. (click: "kidjets.")[$t[Charlie starts to sprint around the gym, around the seated children, and alongside the standing audience of teachers, parents, and other adult humans, who appear confused as to the nature and purpose of Charlie's sudden athleticism. Fluffy hunches over their control panel, their paws sodden with sweat. "Come on, kid, don't let me down," they say.]] (click: "don't let me down,")[$t["What are you doing?!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "doing?!")[$t["Trying to break the human child land speed record!" Sorghum yells.]] (click: "yells.")[$t[A pause.]] (click: "pause.")[$t["Very well," (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "well,")[$t[The children, at first unsure of Charlie's intentions, begin to cheer him along as he sprints round and round the gym. Soon the adults, Mom and Dad included, join in the cheer. Principal Okorafor offers a high five as Charlie sprints past. Only Hanae and Mrs. Hoffmann seem displeased by the literal and figurative hijacking.]] (click: "hijacking.")[$t["We're so close! Push, Sorghum!" Fluffy says.]] (click: "Push, Sorghum!")[$t["I can't! We're losing structural coherence! Hull fractures detected! We're breaking up!"]] (click: "breaking up!")[$t[Charlie's feet pop off.]] (click: "pop off.")[$t[Charlie tumbles to the ground, footless.]] (click: "footless.")[$t[The children scream. The adults scream. Everybody screams.]] (click: "screams.")[$t["Oh, dang, dang, dang," Fluffy says. "But did we break the record at least?!"]] (click: "at least?!")[$t[Sorghum checks the records. "Nope. Just a little shy."]] (click: "shy.")[$t["So all of this was for nothing?!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "was for nothing?!")[$t["Giving our lives for something pretty frivolous? Yeah, [[I'd say so,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" Sorghum says.]]

A tear opens in Charlie's stomach. (click: "stomach.")[$t[A fox flops out of the tear, and lands on the gym floor with a thud.]] (click: "thud.")[$t["Ow," Fluffy says.]] (click: "Ow,")[$t[The children scream.]] (click: "The children")[$t[The teachers scream.]] (click: "The teachers")[$t[Mom screams.]] (click: "Mom")[$t[Dad faints.]] (click: "Dad")[$t["This sucks," Fluffy says, "but at least I'm free!"]] (click: "I'm free!")[$t[Fluffy sprints around the gym in a wide circle, children screaming and fleeing in their wake. (print: $c's 1st) tries to move, but without Fluffy, the Replica is unresponsive.]] (click: "unresponsive.")[$t["ABANDON SHIP!" (print: $c's 1st) says.]] (click: "ABANDON SHIP!")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) explodes through an escape hatch in Charlie's skull and flies around the gym rafters, trying to find a way out. (if: $c's 3rd is "Taft")[Taft slithers through a tear in Charlie's wrist and climbs the podium, attempting to wrench the microphone from its holder. ](if: $c's 3rd is "Susan")[Susan scrabbles at the gym door exit, hoping to escape to their city park to regain their human entertainer celebrity status. ](if: $c's 3rd is "Xylophone")[Xylophone finds a quarter-sized hole in the gym wall and escapes to safety. ](if: $gotbenji is true)[Benji follows (print: $c's 3rd). ]"I'm not leaving him!" Paul says, nesting in Charlie's deflated form. "I can't leave my beloved Replica! I'll die before you eject me from him!]] (click: "escape hatch")[$t[In the middle of the chaos, Mrs. Hoffmann's eyes narrow. "[[I knew it,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" she says.]]

Charlie's arms suddenly go limp. (click: "go limp.")[$t["Uh," Hanae says, "everything okay, Charlie?"]] (click: "everything okay,")[$t[A long pause.]] (click: "long pause.")[$t["Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I'm great," Charlie says. "Just please don't ask me to lift my arms, or grab anything, or point, or shake my hand."]] (click: "shake my hand.")[$t[Hanae stares at Charlie with incredulous eyes. And enormous patience.]] (click: "enormous patience.")[$t[Some blood trickles from an unseen vent in Charlie's wrist. Hanae notices this and turns white as a ghost.]] (click: "white as a ghost.")[$t["Also, just ignore that," Charlie says.]] (click: "ignore that,")[$t[Another excruciating pause.]] (click: "excruciating")[$t["Actually, I think I'm.. just gonna go now. If that's okay."]] (click: "If that's okay.")[$t[Charlie leaves through a side door exit, his useless arms smacking into microphone stands and children's faces as he leaves.]] (click: "as he leaves.")[$t[The heavy metal door slams shut behind Charlie. "Set course for the Taiga," (print: $c's 1st) says. "Sorghum, you're under arrest for interspecies murder."]] (click: "under arrest")[$t["[[Worth it,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" Sorghum says.]]

An explosion. Human and Taigan officers burst through the exits of the gym door, screaming and shouting. The humans swarm Charlie with their guns drawn; the animals swarm Charlie with their claws drawn. (click: "claws drawn.")[$t["What's happening?! What is this?!" Fluffy says.]] (click: "What is this?!")[$t[(print: $c's 1st) opens the hatch in Charlie's skull and evacuates the Replica, and lands on Mom's shoulder. (print: $c's 3rd) leaves through a hatch in Charlie's wrist and hops into Principal Okorafor's hands.]] (click: "hands.")[$t["Get out of here //now//," Tabloid says.]] (click: "Get out")[$t[Fluffy and Tabloid attempt to evacuate the Replica and make their way to a side door exit, but are blocked by the sudden appearance of Hank, whose massive frame blocks the doorway.]] (click: "massive frame")[$t["Hank!" Fluffy says.]] (click: "Hank!")[$t["Fluffy Fox, Tabloid Weasel, you two are under arrest for illegal predation."]] (click: "illegal predation.")[$t["No!!" Tabloid says, as pawcuffs are placed on them.]] (click: "pawcuffs")[$t["So concludes nine years of investigation and cooperation with the Human government. Special thanks are in order to Principal Emerson Okorafor, Mrs. Angelica Hoffmann, Terry Stewart, and Janet Stewart for their sizeable contributions to this anti-predation operation," Hank says. The aforementioned humans bow slightly, as the remaining humans and animals around them applaud.]] (click: "applaud.")[$t["But how did you find out?!" Fluffy says.]] (click: "find out?!")[$t[(if: $c's 1st is "Horseradish")["We've known for considerable time," Horseradish says."](if: $c's 1st is "Chunks")["You're idiots, and talked about it way too often," Chunks says.](if: $c's 1st is "Sprinkles")["I.. heard you talk about it over the comm system. And you broke my heart, Tabloid. I so hoped it wasn't true," Sprinkles says, with a sigh.] "Luckily, we were able to invent Charlie Stewart with the cooperation of Mr. and Mrs. Stewart and use that to conclude our investigation. You believe we didn't know about all the missing mice and voles?"]] (click: "missing mice and voles?")[$t["Urrrrghhhhh," Fluffy says.]] (click: "Urrrrghhhhh,")[$t["Take them away, Hank," Mom says.]] (click: "Take them away,")[$t[Hank eats Tabloid and Fluffy in one fell swoop.]] (click: "one fell swoop.")[$t["[[Or that,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" Mom says.]]

Principal Okorafor creeps up behind Charlie. "Charlie, hold the microphone a little closer!" he whispers. (click: "little closer!")[$t["AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Taft yells. They fall into their control console.]] (click: "Taft yells.")[$t[Charlie's arms go haywire. He launches the microphone high into the air and it lands with a smash. Feedback squeals through the sound system, and the children scream.]] (click: "children scream.")[$t["Oh ho, I'm sorry, Charlie! Did I spook you?" Principal Okorafor says.]] (click: "spook you?")[$t["Yeah, Taft," Guillermo says, a mocking lilt in their voice. "Were you spooked?"]] (click: "spooked?")[$t["[[Shut up, okay?!->Forest God Cutscene]] All of you just shut up!"]]

$t[<h1><center>SEVERAL YEARS [[LATER..->Guillermo Xylophone Cutscene Ending III]]</h1></center>]

Guillermo and Xylophone sit down for Forest breakfast in their Forest seniors facility. (click: "Forest seniors facility.")[$t["My dear friend Xylophone," Guillermo says, slurping on their Forest oatmeal, "do you remember how we met?"]] (click: "how we met?")[$t[Xylophone adjusts their Forest bifocals. "Why, yes, weren't we trapped in that dreadful fake Human child?"]] (click: "fake Human child?")[$t["Wasn't it amazing how we were able to facilitate the downfall of Human civilization?" Guillermo says, sipping some Forest tea.]] (click: "downfall of Human civilization?")[$t["And how our little act of subterfuge was the very first piece of the puzzle!"]] (click: "puzzle!")[$t["Really makes you think, doesn't it?"]] (click: "makes you think,")[$t[The two sit in silent contemplation.]] (click: "contemplation.")[$t["You know, we may not have much time left on this Forest planet, but your friendship has been of such value to me o'er these many years. My life would be significantly poorer without you, fair Xylophone."]] (click: "significantly poorer")[$t["And mine without you," Xylophone says. "May we never part."]] (click: "never part.")[$t[A wren sings in the distance.]] (click: "sings")[$t[Guillermo finishes their Forest oatmeal. "What's on the agenda today?"]] (click: "agenda today?")[$t["Forest Bingo," Xylophone says. "Ready to lose again?"]] (click: "again?")[$t["You know it, [[old buddy,->Game Over! Cutscene]]" Guillermo says.]]

//In this playthrough:// (if: $st contains "1")[entered Charlie's house through the front door](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "2")[entered Charlie's house through the back door](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "3")[was stung by bees](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "4")[got stuck on the gate somehow](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "5")[scraped Charlie up](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "6")[burned or damaged Charlie's hands](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "7")[received a lollipop for excellent behaviour](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "8")[was grounded, young man](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "9")[discovered a love of twirling](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "10")[visited by Noodles the bear](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "11")[engaged the secret skunk protocol](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "12")[the squad was exhausted](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "13")[ate something called oatmeal](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "14")[ate something called toast](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "15")[ate something called cereal](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "16")[ah, sweet gorblesnucks](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "17")[lubricated the inner workings of the Replica](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "18")[sentenced to bathe](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "19")[stepped in the child bathtub](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "20")[successfully avoided bathing](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "21")[had a house call from your doctor](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "22")[told to stay home from school](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "220")[leapt from a second story window](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "23")[strolled out of the house](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "24")[snuck out of the house](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "25")[met Janie the dog](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "26")[pet the dog](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "27")[ran from the dog](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "28")[talked to the dog](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "29")[flirted with the dog](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "30")[fed the dog the lollipop](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "31")[took the bus](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "32")[insulted the children on the bus](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "33")[sat next to Martin on the bus](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "34")[sat next to Hanae on the bus](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "35")[beat up Al, the bully](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "36")[was beaten up by Al, the bully](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "37")[entered Mom's workplace](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "38")[discussed childhood masculinities with Al, the bully](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "39")[bribed Al with a rather dated book](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "40")[discovered Al's secret passion](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "41")[encountered Yeats, the blue jay](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "42")[successfully rode a bike](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "43")[crashed a bike](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "44")[somehow navigated to school](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "45")[met the Principal of the school](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "46")[arrived at school in a police car](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "47")[answered a question on the whiteboard](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "48")[was sent to the principal's office](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "49")[shared Taigan vocabulary with the kids](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "50")[succumbed to a peanut butter addiction](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "51")[became the Bird-Whisperer](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "52")[disclosed the mission to the children](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "53")[became a secret agent](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "54")[discovered Mrs. Hoffmann's hobby](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "55")[introduced a physics lesson](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "56")[discussed hydrangea fertilisation](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "57")[xoloitzcuintlis?!](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "58")[told the terrible tale of Mitzy and Larry](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "59")[learned about Charlie's "aunt"](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "60")[incapacitated Mrs. Hoffmann](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "61")[created an unthinkable distraction](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "62")[hurled a rock](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "63")[asked Martin to provide a distraction](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "64")[asked Hanae to provide a distraction](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "65")[Janie the dog came to school](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "66")[Noodles the bear came to school](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "666")[Yeats saved your proverbial bacon again](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "67")[Mrs. Hoffmann fed Benji to the snake](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "68")[got caught fomenting dissent in your classmates](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "69")[Billy the Bloodthirsty fed Benji to the snake](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "70")[asked Hanae to give a primer on the Taiga](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "71")[Al told the class about your bird-whispering](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "72")[Al showed off his new rock collection](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "73")[Al talked about hard times](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "74")[Principal Okorafor gave a lecture](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "740")[saved Benji](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "741")[got caught eating Benji](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "75")[Dad made you dinner](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "76")[returned to Charlie's skull safely](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "77")[Dad discovered your skull is, in fact, hollow](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "78")[played a video game](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "79")[returned to the Taiga](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "790")[Horseradish was told to relax](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "791")[Chunks got their fix](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "792")[Sprinkles was reprimanded](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "793")[Slim was reunited with their mate](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "794")[Fluffy experienced a brief taste of freedom](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "795")[Guillermo embarrassed themself](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "796")[Taft met up with their cohorts in crime](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "797")[Susan was treated poorly by some native Taigans](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "798")[Xylphone fell in love](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "799")[Xylophone was reassured](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "7990")[Tabloid rushed by Taigan reporters](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "7991")[Sorghum let it all out](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "7992")[Paul fixed up the Replica](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "80")[attempted to scare Mom](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "81")[went hunting with Dad](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "82")[(accidentally) killed Nougat the deer](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "83")[Dad was called out on his masculine garbage](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "84")[played baseball with Dad](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "85")[bonded with your father over a sport](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "86")[disappointed your father (..further)](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "87")[knocked the Replica's head clean off](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "88")[fought a bald eagle traitor](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "89")[Horseradish's stats didn't hold up](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "90")[Martin became a Human ambassador](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "91")[Stumpy ate Horseradish](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "92")[Hank killed Brezhnev the traitor](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "93")[Chunks became a turncoat](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "94")[Sprinkles tried to fight a bald eagle](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "95")[Horseradish was blind to diversity](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "96")[Fluffy broke the Replica](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "97")[Guillermo suffered catatonia](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "98")[Taft was donated to the school](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "99")[A bond was forged over jealousy](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "100")[Horseradish spun a yarn](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "101")[Tabloid danced for the children](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "102")[Sorghum told their story](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "103")[Paul kicked the squad out](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "104")[Chunks tried to corrupt a squad member](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "105")[The squad tried to swipe some cheezies](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "106")[Guillermo was tormented](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "107")[Taft was called out for embellishment](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "108")[Chunks was killed by a squad member](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "109")[Chunks forged an unlikely friendship](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "110")[Tabloid revealed their viciousness](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "111")[Chunks shared a Forest cigarette](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "112")[Paul revealed their adoration of Humans](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "113")[The gymnasium burned down](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "114")[Sprinkles left the mic on](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "115")[Sprinkles was spurned](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "116")[A Taigan court martial was held](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "117")[Susan quit] (else:)[...] (if: $st contains "118")[Xylophone came to the rescue](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "119")[Taigan Bonnie and Clyde](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "120")[Sorghum left a note](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "121")[Paul ejected a squad member](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "122")[Taft displayed their knife](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "123")[Susan betrayed the squad](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "124")[Slim attempted to be less fatherly](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "125")[Slim told of his favourite food](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "126")[Sorghum snatched the mic](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "127")[Slim introduced themselves to the children](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "128")[Fluffy hijacked the Replica](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "129")[Susan refused to help a squad member](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "130")[Fluffy ate a squad member](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "131")[A nine-year sting operation was concluded](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "132")[An attempt was made to break a speed record](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "133")[Fluffy just couldn't stop fidgeting](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "134")[Taft was spooked](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "135")[Guillermo learned humans aren't so bad](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "136")[A visit to a Taigan old folks' home](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "137")[Tabloid needs reassurance](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "138")[Two squad members fled](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "139")[Guillermo turned to the dark side](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "140")[Taft was blackmailed](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "141")[Sorghum gets revenge](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "142")[The stickiest fingers](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "143")[Tabloid was lectured](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "144")[Sorghum was relieved](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "145")[A human child was poked in the eye](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "146")[Tabloid ain't so tough](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "147")[Xylophone was scared by a squad member's past](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "148")[Humans placed bets on a Taigan brawl](else:)[...] (if: $st contains "149")[met the Forest God](else:)[...]

<center>//In this playthrough:// (colour: "red")[(if: $st contains "1")[entered Charlie's house through the front door](else:)[(colour: grey)[<s>entered Charlie's house through the front door</s>]] (if: $st contains "2")[entered Charlie's house through the back door](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>entered Charlie's house through the back door</s>]] (if: $st contains "3")[was stung by bees](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>was stung by bees</s>]] (if: $st contains "4")[got stuck on the gate somehow](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>got stuck on the gate somehow</s>]] (if: $st contains "5")[scraped Charlie up](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>scraped Charlie up</s>]] (if: $st contains "6")[burned or damaged Charlie's hands](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>burned or damaged Charlie's hands</s>]] (if: $st contains "7")[received a lollipop for excellent behaviour](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>received a lollipop for excellent behaviour</s>]] (if: $st contains "8")[was grounded, young man](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>was grounded, young man</s>]] (if: $st contains "9")[discovered a love of twirling](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>discovered a love of twirling</s>]] (if: $st contains "10")[visited by Noodles the bear](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>visited by Noodles the bear</s>]] (if: $st contains "11")[engaged the secret skunk protocol](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>engaged the secret skunk protocol</s>]] (if: $st contains "12")[the squad was exhausted](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>the squad was exhausted</s>]] (if: $st contains "13")[ate something called oatmeal](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>ate something called oatmeal</s>]] (if: $st contains "14")[ate something called toast](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>ate something called toast</s>]] (if: $st contains "15")[ate something called cereal](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>ate something called cereal</s>]] (if: $st contains "16")[ah, sweet gorblesnucks](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>ah, sweet gorblesnucks</s>]] (if: $st contains "17")[lubricated the inner workings of the Replica](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>lubricated the inner workings of the Replica</s>]] (if: $st contains "18")[sentenced to bathe](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>sentenced to bathe</s>]] (if: $st contains "19")[stepped in the child bathtub](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>stepped in the child bathtub</s>]] (if: $st contains "20")[successfully avoided bathing](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>successfully avoided bathing</s>]] (if: $st contains "21")[had a house call from your doctor](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>had a house call from your doctor</s>]] (if: $st contains "22")[told to stay home from school](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>told to stay home from school</s>]] (if: $st contains "220")[leapt from a second story window](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>leapt from a second story window</s>]] (if: $st contains "23")[strolled out of the house](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>strolled out of the house</s>]] (if: $st contains "24")[snuck out of the house](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>snuck out of the house</s>]] (if: $st contains "25")[met Janie the dog](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>met Janie the dog</s>]] (if: $st contains "26")[pet the dog](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>pet the dog</s>]] (if: $st contains "27")[ran from the dog](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>ran from the dog</s>]] (if: $st contains "28")[talked to the dog](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>talked to the dog</s>]] (if: $st contains "29")[flirted with the dog](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>flirted with the dog</s>]] (if: $st contains "30")[fed the dog the lollipop](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>fed the dog the lollipop</s>]] (if: $st contains "31")[took the bus](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>took the bus</s>]] (if: $st contains "32")[insulted the children on the bus](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>insulted the children on the bus</s>]] (if: $st contains "33")[sat next to Martin on the bus](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>sat next to Martin on the bus</s>]] (if: $st contains "34")[sat next to Hanae on the bus](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>sat next to Hanae on the bus</s>]] (if: $st contains "35")[beat up Al, the bully](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>beat up Al, the bully</s>]] (if: $st contains "36")[was beaten up by Al, the bully](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>was beaten up by Al, the bully</s>]] (if: $st contains "37")[entered Mom's workplace](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>entered Mom's workplace</s>]] (if: $st contains "38")[discussed childhood masculinities with Al, the bully](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>discussed childhood masculinities with Al, the bully</s>]] (if: $st contains "39")[bribed Al with a rather dated book](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>bribed Al with a rather dated book</s>]] (if: $st contains "40")[discovered Al's secret passion](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>discovered Al's secret passion</s>]] (if: $st contains "41")[encountered Yeats, the blue jay](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>encountered Yeats, the blue jay</s>]] (if: $st contains "42")[successfully rode a bike](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>successfully rode a bike</s>]] (if: $st contains "43")[crashed a bike](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>crashed a bike</s>]] (if: $st contains "44")[somehow navigated to school](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>somehow navigated to school</s>]] (if: $st contains "45")[met the Principal of the school](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>met the Principal of the school</s>]] (if: $st contains "46")[arrived at school in a police car](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>arrived at school in a police car</s>]] (if: $st contains "47")[answered a question on the whiteboard](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>answered a question on the whiteboard</s>]] (if: $st contains "48")[was sent to the principal's office](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>was sent to the principal's office</s>]] (if: $st contains "49")[shared Taigan vocabulary with the kids](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>shared Taigan vocabulary with the kids</s>]] (if: $st contains "50")[succumbed to a peanut butter addiction](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>succumbed to a peanut butter addiction</s>]] (if: $st contains "51")[became the Bird-Whisperer](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>became the Bird-Whisperer</s>]] (if: $st contains "52")[disclosed the mission to the children](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>disclosed the mission to the children</s>]] (if: $st contains "53")[became a secret agent](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>became a secret agent</s>]] (if: $st contains "54")[discovered Mrs. Hoffmann's hobby](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>discovered Mrs. Hoffmann's hobby</s>]] (if: $st contains "55")[introduced a physics lesson](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>introduced a physics lesson</s>]] (if: $st contains "56")[discussed hydrangea fertilisation](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>discussed hydrangea fertilisation</s>]] (if: $st contains "57")[xoloitzcuintlis?!](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>xoloitzcuintlis?!</s>]] (if: $st contains "58")[told the terrible tale of Mitzy and Larry](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>told the terrible tale of Mitzy and Larry</s>]] (if: $st contains "59")[learned about Charlie's "aunt"](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>learned about Charlie's "aunt"</s>]] (if: $st contains "60")[incapacitated Mrs. Hoffmann](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>incapacitated Mrs. Hoffmann</s>]] (if: $st contains "61")[created an unthinkable distraction](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>created an unthinkable distraction</s>]] (if: $st contains "62")[hurled a rock](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>hurled a rock</s>]] (if: $st contains "63")[asked Martin to provide a distraction](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>asked Martin to provide a distraction</s>]] (if: $st contains "64")[asked Hanae to provide a distraction](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>asked Hanae to provide a distraction</s>]] (if: $st contains "65")[Janie the dog came to school](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Janie the dog came to school</s>]] (if: $st contains "66")[Noodles the bear came to school](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Noodles the bear came to school</s>]] (if: $st contains "666")[Yeats saved your proverbial bacon again](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Yeats saved your proverbial bacon again</s>]] (if: $st contains "67")[Mrs. Hoffmann fed Benji to the snake](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Mrs. Hoffmann fed Benji to the snake</s>]] (if: $st contains "68")[got caught fomenting dissent in your classmates](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>got caught fomenting dissent in your classmates</s>]] (if: $st contains "69")[Billy the Bloodthirsty fed Benji to the snake](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Billy the Bloodthirsty fed Benji to the snake</s>]] (if: $st contains "70")[asked Hanae to give a primer on the Taiga](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>asked Hanae to give a primer on the Taiga</s>]] (if: $st contains "71")[Al told the class about your bird-whispering](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Al told the class about your bird-whispering</s>]] (if: $st contains "72")[Al showed off his new rock collection](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Al showed off his new rock collection</s>]] (if: $st contains "73")[Al talked about hard times](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Al talked about hard times</s>]] (if: $st contains "74")[Principal Okorafor gave a lecture](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Principal Okorafor gave a lecture</s>]] (if: $st contains "740")[saved Benji](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>saved Benji</s>]] (if: $st contains "741")[got caught eating Benji](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>got caught eating Benji</s>]] (if: $st contains "75")[Dad made you dinner](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Dad made you dinner</s>]] (if: $st contains "76")[returned to Charlie's skull safely](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>returned to Charlie's skull safely</s>]] (if: $st contains "77")[Dad discovered your skull is, in fact, hollow](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Dad discovered your skull is, in fact, hollow</s>]] (if: $st contains "78")[played a video game](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>played a video game</s>]] (if: $st contains "79")[returned to the Taiga](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>returned to the Taiga</s>]] (if: $st contains "790")[Horseradish was told to relax](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Horseradish is told to relax</s>]] (if: $st contains "791")[Chunks got their fix](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Chunks gets their fix</s>]] (if: $st contains "792")[Sprinkles was reprimanded](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Sprinkles was reprimanded</s>]] (if: $st contains "793")[Slim was reunited with their mate](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Slim was reunited with their mate</s>]] (if: $st contains "794")[Fluffy experienced a brief taste of freedom](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Fluffy experienced a brief taste of freedom</s>]] (if: $st contains "795")[Guillermo embarrassed themself](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Guillermo embarrassed themself</s>]] (if: $st contains "796")[Taft met up with their cohorts in crime](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Taft met up with their cohorts in crime</s>]] (if: $st contains "797")[Susan was treated poorly by some native Taigans](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Susan was treated poorly by some native Taigans</s>]] (if: $st contains "798")[Xylphone fell in love](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Xylophone fell in love</s>]] (if: $st contains "799")[Xylophone was reassured](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Xylophone was reassured</s>]] (if: $st contains "7990")[Tabloid rushed by Taigan reporters](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Tabloid rushed by Taigan reporters</s>]] (if: $st contains "7991")[Sorghum let it all out](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Sorghum let it all out</s>]] (if: $st contains "7992")[Paul fixed up the Replica](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Paul fixed up the replica</s>]] (if: $st contains "80")[attempted to scare Mom](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>attempted to scare Mom</s>]] (if: $st contains "81")[went hunting with Dad](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>went hunting with Dad</s>]] (if: $st contains "82")[(accidentally) killed Nougat the deer](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>(accidentally) killed Nougat the deer</s>]] (if: $st contains "83")[Dad was called out on his masculine garbage](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Dad was called out on his masculine garbage</s>]] (if: $st contains "84")[played baseball with Dad](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>played baseball with Dad</s>]] (if: $st contains "85")[bonded with your father over a sport](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>bonded with your father over a sport</s>]] (if: $st contains "86")[disappointed your father (..further)](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>disappointed your father (.. further)</s>]] (if: $st contains "87")[knocked the Replica's head clean off](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>knocked the Replica's head clean off</s>]] (if: $st contains "88")[fought a bald eagle traitor](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>fought a bald eagle traitor</s>]] (if: $st contains "89")[Horseradish's stats didn't hold up](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Horseradish's stats didn't hold up</s>]] (if: $st contains "90")[Martin became a Human ambassador](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Martin became a human ambassador</s>]] (if: $st contains "91")[Stumpy ate Horseradish](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Stumpy ate Horseradish</s>]] (if: $st contains "92")[Hank killed Brezhnev the traitor](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Hank killed Brezhnev the traitor</s>]] (if: $st contains "93")[Chunks became a turncoat](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Chunks became a turncoat</s>]] (if: $st contains "94")[Sprinkles tried to fight a bald eagle](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Sprinkles tried to fight a bald eagle</s>]] (if: $st contains "95")[Horseradish was blind to diversity](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Horseradish was blind to diversity</s>]] (if: $st contains "96")[Fluffy broke the Replica](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Fluffy broke the Replica</s>]] (if: $st contains "97")[Guillermo suffered catatonia](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Guillermo suffered catatonia</s>]] (if: $st contains "98")[Taft was donated to the school](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Taft was donated to the school</s>]] (if: $st contains "99")[A bond was forged over jealousy](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>A bond was forged over jealousy</s>]] (if: $st contains "100")[Horseradish spun a yarn](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Horseradish spun a yarn</s>]] (if: $st contains "101")[Tabloid danced for the children](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Tabloid danced for the children</s>]] (if: $st contains "102")[Sorghum told their story](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Sorghum told their story</s>]] (if: $st contains "103")[Paul kicked the squad out](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Paul kicked the squad out</s>]] (if: $st contains "104")[Chunks tried to corrupt a squad member](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Chunks tried to corrupt a squad member</s>]] (if: $st contains "105")[The squad tried to swipe some cheezies](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>The squad tried to swipe some cheezies</s>]] (if: $st contains "106")[Guillermo was tormented](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Guillermo was tormented</s>]] (if: $st contains "107")[Taft was called out for embellishment](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Taft was called out for embellishment</s>]] (if: $st contains "108")[Chunks was killed by a squad member](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Chunks was killed by a squad member</s>]] (if: $st contains "109")[Chunks forged an unlikely friendship](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Chunks forged an unlikely friendship</s>]] (if: $st contains "110")[Tabloid revealed their viciousness](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Tabloid revealed their viciousness</s>]] (if: $st contains "111")[Chunks shared a Forest cigarette](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Chunks shared a Forest cigarette</s>]] (if: $st contains "112")[Paul revealed their adoration of Humans](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Paul revealed their adoration of Humans</s>]] (if: $st contains "113")[The gymnasium burned down](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>The gymnasium burned down</s>]] (if: $st contains "114")[Sprinkles left the mic on](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Sprinkles left the mic on</s>]] (if: $st contains "115")[Sprinkles was spurned](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Sprinkles was spurned</s>]] (if: $st contains "116")[A Taigan court martial was held](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>A Taigan court martial was held</s>]] (if: $st contains "117")[Susan quit] (else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Susan quit</s>]] (if: $st contains "118")[Xylophone came to the rescue](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Xylophone came to the rescue</s>]] (if: $st contains "119")[Taigan Bonnie and Clyde](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Taigan Bonnie and Clyde</s>]] (if: $st contains "120")[Sorghum left a note](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Sorghum left a note</s>]] (if: $st contains "121")[Paul ejected a squad member](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Paul ejected a squad member</s>]] (if: $st contains "122")[Taft displayed their knife](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Taft displayed their knife</s>]] (if: $st contains "123")[Susan betrayed the squad](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Susan betrayed the squad</s>]] (if: $st contains "124")[Slim attempted to be less fatherly](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Slim attempted to be less fatherly</s>]] (if: $st contains "125")[Slim told of their favourite food](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Slim told of their favourite food</s>]] (if: $st contains "126")[Sorghum snatched the mic](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Sorghum snatched the mic</s>]] (if: $st contains "127")[Slim introduced themselves to the children](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Slim introduced themselves to the children</s>]] (if: $st contains "128")[Fluffy hijacked the Replica](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Fluffy hijacked the Replica</s>]] (if: $st contains "129")[Susan refused to help a squad member](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Susan refused to help a squad member</s>]] (if: $st contains "130")[Fluffy ate a squad member](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Fluffy ate a squad member</s>]] (if: $st contains "131")[A nine-year sting operation was concluded](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>A nine-year sting operation was concluded</s>]] (if: $st contains "132")[An attempt was made to break a speed record](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>An attempt was made to break a speed record</s>]] (if: $st contains "133")[Fluffy just couldn't stop fidgeting](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Fluffy just couldn't stop fidgeting</s>]] (if: $st contains "134")[Taft was spooked](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Taft was spooked</s>]] (if: $st contains "135")[Guillermo learned humans aren't so bad](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Guillermo learned humans aren't so bad</s>]] (if: $st contains "136")[A visit to a Taigan old folks' home](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>A visit to a Taigan old folks' home</s>]] (if: $st contains "137")[Tabloid needed reassurance](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Tabloid needed reassurance</s>]] (if: $st contains "138")[Two squad members fled](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Two squad members fled</s>]] (if: $st contains "139")[Guillermo turned to the dark side](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Guillermo turned to the dark side</s>]] (if: $st contains "140")[Taft was blackmailed](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Taft was blackmailed</s>]] (if: $st contains "141")[Sorghum gets revenge](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Sorghum gets revenge</s>]] (if: $st contains "142")[The stickiest fingers](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>The stickiest fingers</s>]] (if: $st contains "143")[Tabloid was lectured](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Tabloid was lectured</s>]] (if: $st contains "144")[Sorghum was relieved](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Sorghum was relieved</s>]] (if: $st contains "145")[A human child was poked in the eye](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>A human child was poked in the eye</s>]] (if: $st contains "146")[Tabloid ain't so tough](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Tabloid ain't so tough</s>]] (if: $st contains "147")[Xylophone was scared by a squad member's past](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Xylophone was scared by a squad member's past</s>]] (if: $st contains "148")[Humans placed bets on a Taigan brawl](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>Humans placed bets on a Taigan brawl</s>]] (if: $st contains "149")[met the Forest God](else:)[(colour: "grey")[<s>met the Forest God</s>]]] Go back to the main menu, or load a game? (click: "main menu")[(reload:)](click: "load a game")[(load-game: "Slot 1")]

<center> # (css: "font-size: 144px")[Animalia] was written by ''Ian Michael Waddell'' from June 2017 to September 2018 for the 24th Interactive Fiction Competition. ''Please send comments and questions'' to ianwaddell [at] gmail [dot] com. ''Endless thanks to my testers:'' Matthew, Evan, Elisia, Larissa. ''Thanks to the following for their support:'' Larissa, Matthew, Evan, Elisia, Darren, Nico, Corby, Kevin, Andrew B, Jody, Jon, my family, Highlevel Diner, and Take 5 Donuts. [[Return?->Main Menu Cutscene]]

<center>Here are (most of) the things that can happen in the game. Struggling with how to find a certain path? Make sure you have the right squad members, and don't be afraid to fail! enter Charlie's house through the front door enter Charlie's house through the back door stung by bees get stuck on the gate somehow scrape Charlie up burne or damage Charlie's hands receive a lollipop for excellent behaviour you're grounded, young man discover a love of twirling a visit from Noodles the bear engage the secret skunk protocol exhaust the squad eat something called oatmeal eat something called toast eat something called cereal ah, sweet gorblesnucks lubricate the inner workings of the Replica sentenced to bathe step in the child bathtub successfully avoid bathing have a house call from your doctor told to stay home from school leap from a second story window stroll out of the house sneak out of the house meet Janie the dog pet the dog run from the dog talk to the dog flirt with the dog feed the dog the lollipop take the bus insult the children on the bus sit next to Martin on the bus sit next to Hanae on the bus beat up Al, the bully be beaten up by Al, the bully enter Mom's workplace discuss childhood masculinities with Al, the bully bribe Al with a rather dated book discover Al's secret passion encounter Yeats, the blue jay successfully ride a bike crash a bike somehow navigate to school meet the Principal of the school arrive at school in a police car answer a question on the whiteboard be sent to the principal's office share Taigan vocabulary with the kids succumb to a peanut butter addiction become the Bird-Whisperer disclose the mission to the children become a secret agent discover Mrs. Hoffmann's hobby introduce a physics lesson discuss hydrangea fertilisation xoloitzcuintlis?! tell the terrible tale of Mitzy and Larry learn about Charlie's "aunt" incapacitate Mrs. Hoffmann create an unthinkable distraction hurl a rock ask Martin to provide a distraction ask Hanae to provide a distraction Janie the dog comes to school Noodles the bear comes to school Yeats saves your proverbial bacon again Mrs. Hoffmann feeds Benji to the snake get caught fomenting dissent in your classmates Billy the Bloodthirsty feeds Benji to the snake ask Hanae to give a primer on the Taiga Al tells the class about your bird-whispering Al shows off his new rock collection Al speaks of hard times Principal Okorafor gives a lecture save Benji get caught eating Benji Dad makes you dinner return to Charlie's skull safely Dad discovers your skull is, in fact, hollow play a video game return to the Taiga Horseradish is told to relax Chunks gets their fix Sprinkles is reprimanded Slim is reunited with their mate Fluffy experiences a brief taste of freedom Guillermo embarrasses themself Taft meets up with their cohorts in crime Susan treated poorly by some native Taigans Xylophone falls in love Xylophone is reassured Tabloid is rushed by Taigan reporters Sorghum lets it all out Paul fixes up the replica attempt to scare Mom go hunting with Dad (accidentally) kill Nougat the deer Dad gets called out on his masculine garbage play baseball with Dad bond with your father over a sport disappoint your father (.. further) knock the Replica's head clean off fight a bald eagle traitor Horseradish's stats don't hold up Martin becomes a human ambassador Stumpy eats Horseradish Hank kills Brezhnev the traitor Chunks becomes a turncoat Sprinkles tries to fight a bald eagle Horseradish is blind to diversity Fluffy breaks the Replica Guillermo suffers catatonia Taft is donated to the school A bond is forged over jealousy Horseradish spins a yarn Tabloid dances for the children Sorghum tells their story Paul kicks the squad out Chunks tries to corrupt a squad member The squad tries to swipe some cheezies Guillermo is tormented Taft is called out for embellishment Chunks is killed by a squad member Chunks forges an unlikely friendship Tabloid reveales their viciousness Chunks shares a Forest cigarette Paul reveales their adoration of Humans The gymnasium burns down Sprinkles leaves the mic on Sprinkles is spurned A Taigan court martial is held Susan quits Xylophone comes to the rescue Taigan Bonnie and Clyde Sorghum leaves a note Paul ejects a squad member Taft displays their knife Susan betrayes the squad Slim attempts to be less fatherly Slim tells of their favourite food Sorghum snatches the mic Slim introduces themselves to the children Fluffy hijacks the Replica Susan refuses to help a squad member Fluffy eats a squad member A nine-year sting operation is concluded An attempt is made to break a speed record Fluffy just can't stop fidgeting Taft is spooked Guillermo learns humans aren't so bad A visit to a Taigan old folks' home Tabloid needs reassurance Two squad members flee Guillermo turns to the dark side Taft is blackmailed Sorghum seeks revenge The stickiest fingers Tabloid is lectured Sorghum is relieved A human child is poked in the eye Tabloid ain't so tough Xylophone is scared by a squad member's past Humans place bets on a Taigan brawl meet the Forest God Go back to the main menu, or load a game? (click: "main menu")[(goto: "Main Menu Cutscene")](click: "load a game")[(load-game: "Slot 1")]